Grafting Clamp*...They had me until the head. Reject.
*...They lost me earlier than that. What happens if you graft a Large or Huge creature's arm to a Small creature? This item is just silly in all sorts of ways. I get the seed of the idea they wanted to explore, but they really need to think through some of the game impacts on this and limit it based on creature size, compatibility, etc.
*...Even so, granting monster abilities like this as a SAK of options probably isn't a good idea either. It's too open-ended and practically impossible to price. Vote to Reject.
*...Rejected.
Thanks for letting me know the judges input.
Though it is odd they would ask "What happens if you graft a Large or Huge creature's arm to a Small creature?" When the description clearly states: "The donor creature and the wearer of a grafting clamp must be within one size category of each other." Was that not clear enough? anybody got suggestion on how to make that clearer?
Plus should have made it clearer that they only get the abilities listed in the description. Oh well live and learn. I reposted the item in the spoiler below and bolded the sections of what the wearer gains and does not gain. Anybody have any suggestions how I can make it clearer so I can do better next year?
Went with my crazy item this year. Maybe next year I go with something clearer and not as weird.
Thanks again judges, keep up the good work. Good luck to everybody who made it this year, and good luck to all those who compete in the years to follow.
Aura strong necromancy; CL 15th
Slot varies; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1lb
Description
This circular clamp has small barbed hooks all around its edges. When activated, a freshly removed limb from one creature can be grafted to another willing creature as a full round action. A limb can only be removed from a creature that is dead and must be attached to the wearer within one minute of the donor creature’s death.
The donor creature and the wearer of a grafting clamp must be within one size category of each other.
If a grafting clamp is successfully dispelled with dispel magic or antimagic field the limb falls off. The limb can be reattached within one minute after which a newly harvested limb must be used.
Different limbs can be attached as follows:
Arm: Body Slot; The wearer gains the reach of the donor creature’s arm when using the grafted arm. If the donor creature had a natural attack with the arm the wearer gains a secondary attack equal to the donor creature’s natural attack with the arm. Use the damage dice and strength modifier from the donor creature. The wearer does not gain any special attacks the donor creature had. The arm cannot wield a weapon.
Head: Shoulder Slot; The wearer gains the ability to hear and speak the languages the donor creature knew. The wearer gains a +2 profane bonus to all knowledge skills in which the donor creature had ranks. The attached head is always awake allowing the wearer to be alert while sleeping.
Wings: Chest Slot; The wearer gains a fly speed equal to half the donor creature’s fly speed with poor maneuverability.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, make whole, animate dead; Cost 16,000 gp
Candle of Detection*...Rough writing and typos throughout this description kills this item dead for me. Mildly interesting concept, though. Vote to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
Sigh. I'm not a native speaker and rejection for my knowledge of English is tough for me. That said, of course I understand that Paizo isn't interested in having their own translator for someone with subpar language knowledge and 'mildly interesting' doesn't sound like Superstar either.
Okay, back to the design board - and back to school for better English. Or is there a wondrous item to improve Linguistics somewhere?Thanks for the insights, Neil. It's appreciated.
Sigh. I'm not a native speaker and rejection for my knowledge of English is tough for me. That said, of course I understand that Paizo isn't interested in having their own translator for someone with subpar language knowledge and 'mildly interesting' doesn't sound like Superstar either.
Okay, back to the design board - and back to school for better English. Or is there a wondrous item to improve Linguistics somewhere?
Thanks for the insights, Neil. It's appreciated.
You're quite welcome. And don't give up hope. Christine Schneider wasn't a native English speaker either and it showed in her early stuff. But she persevered, improved tremendously, and won RPG Superstar 2008. You'd do quite well to follow in her footsteps. So, take inspiration from that. It's certainly possible.
Insightful Eye*...This item was okay for me up until the point about tying it so the eye looks forward and, through studying an opponent, the wearer gets to ignore 5 points of their AC. Why not just say it gives a +5 insight bonus on attack rolls? Hence, the insightful eye...?
*...Aside from that, even the method of tying it backwards to receive all-around vision feels very much like gaining a monster ability in a can. Sometimes that's cool (like the batrachian helm using the pull ability from last year). But in this case, I'm not feeling the cool flavor or mojo to make this stand out.
*...Plus, the concept of a third eye has been portrayed in lots of different ways and magic items in the past. I'm not sure this idea is new or innovative enough. I'm leaning towards Reject, but what do the rest of you think?
*...I'm with you. If this thing were cut down to just a cool way to get all-round vision then it might have been Superstar. Everything after that ability just screams POWER ABUSE to me in all caps.
The worst part is that every comments the judges made, I had also thought. I need to work a lot on my focus and my flavor. That's what I get. I had a cool idea and couldn't stick a cool flavor to it.
Next year, I'll give it a another shot. :)
|
Canary Cage Delver*...A 40 lb. cage on wheels to act as a remote sensor and help you detect deadly hazards?! I don't even like the idea, much less the execution of it. Who's going to lug this thing around? Who's going to waste 10,000 gp on it? Why would anyone view this as innovative? And when is the need for using it going to come up all that often? To me, that's a knock against the creativity.
*...the very first sentence has some subject-verb problems. So that's a knock on the writing skill.
*...Mechanically, the item makes reference to being able to travel 15 feet per round over "coarse terrain" which apparently excludes "difficult terrain"...or just any terrain that requires (A)crobatics checks or (C)limb checks (both of which should be capitalized when referencing the skill names. Meanwhile, the item name itself and the spells in the construction requirements should be lowercase (and the spells need to be alphabetized and italicized). So, that's a knock against the mechanics of the item and another knock against the presentation.
*...Finally, we learn that the canary is also sold separately. Vote to Reject.
*...I agree....Also, why's this a cigar-shaped mirror? It seems like a much smaller item could be made to serve as a mining canary (which I'd have preferred to remain the item's theme and not it's literal use) and one that's much cheaper. Reject.
*...Summoned monsters aren't even killed when you kill them, so this item is pointless.
*...Rejected.
Thank you for having a look. As I said before your work done here is fantastic. I clearly have some mechanical and sentence structure issues to work out. I thought the item could be found within an abandoned mine ( along with a few corpses ). However, in reality it is just an expensive plot device. The item was intended for miners and not adventurers. Finally the death of a summoned creature might not kill it but I'm pretty sure not many creatures enjoy the experience of being bloodied by spell or blade. Not a great item of the contest and not top quality... I see that now (and once the 32 were named)
Cheers..Good luck to the remaining 32 and to all next year.
|
The worst part is that every comments the judges made, I had also thought. I need to work a lot on my focus and my flavor. That's what I get. I had a cool idea and couldn't stick a cool flavor to it.
Next year, I'll give it a another shot. :)
Actually that happened to me too. I think the best way to look at it is that your own self criticism is obviously well developed. If you spotted the flaws in your own item then it means that next year you should trust that nagging feeling at the back of your mind that says your item needs changing or looking at.
Take it as a positive learning experience. I know I am.
For my first contest entry, I submitted a crazy home-brew campaign item that would have required thousands of words to properly explain. Massive failure.
For my second contest entry, I submitted an item called the Peace Bond of Deception. It was a boring idea. I even added a SIAC for the dreaded 'greater' version to spice it up. Slightly less than massive failure.
This year I submitted an item called the Mannequin of Misdirection. I'll try to post it when I get home from work. I'm convinced I know nothing about how to make the top 32 in this contest. And that is okay.
Here's the point. Don't get down on yourselves if the judges didn't like your item for whatever reason. Their goal is to find a Superstar for the Pathfinder game. They think in terms of rules/power creep. They think about whether or not you are hitting a niche they haven't explored. They think about SKRs auto reject rules. They think about how the item would fit in Golarion. When it comes right down to it, they are looking for something really specific.
Awesome is an opinion. Each us plays the game differently. Keep posting your version of awesome. Maybe Paizo won't use it, but there may be someone out there who has a home-brew that can use your version of awesome.
Phylactery of the Gray Master*...Vote to reject. I view this as a Cursed Item which is not a Wondrous Item.
*...I agree, it's cursed. It even calls it out as removable like a cursed item.
*...I'm not really sure what "awareness granted through the item corresponds to a Neutral Evil alignment" means... is it presenting actions from a NE point of view? Vote to Reject.
Thanks for looking it over, Neil, I really appreciate it. Perhaps I missed it somewhere, but I had no idea that Cursed Items were not Wondrous Items. I will probably find it somewhere in the Auto-Reject threads and kick myself, but thank you for pointing it out.
The original phylactery of faithfulness states, "The wearer of a phylactery of faithfulness is aware of any action or item that could adversely affect his alignment and his standing with his deity, including magical effects." That is why I put, "...awareness granted through the item corresponds to a Neutral Evil alignment, regardless of the alignment of the wearer or his patron deity." Question If I am referring to another item in my description that mentions, but does not explain, an effect, do I need to explain the effect in mine?
Protective Perambulator of the Paranoid
*...Really? A transforming throne? And the triple-P alliteration for the name is annoying. Just not a Superstar concept or execution. Vote to Reject.
*...I'd swear I saw the throne somewhere before but can't remember where well enough to make a snark. Reject.
Pipe of Pleasant Palaver
*...Kind of a cute idea for an item. Fits well with the pipesmoking wizard archetype.
*...I'm really annoyed by the lack of attention to detail in the description and use of the template, though. Skill names should always be capitalized. When indicating areas or distances, you should spell out "feet" rather than rely on hash marks.
*...I don't really care for the name all that much with all the alliteration.
*...even after you look past those inconsistencies, this is mostly a SIAC item with an annoying escalating mechanic based on how well your Diplomacy skill can shift a target's starting attitude. And, for the purposes of mass suggestion, how do you know you can use that if say some of the people are made Friendly, but others stay Indifferent?
*...Given all that, I'm going to vote Reject.
*...It's just a SAK. And not a real good one either. Pipe smoking wizards are so 1937. Reject.
Stone of Banishment
*...Amazing format fail. Pasting the whole name, aura, CL, slot, price, and weight info in the title of the post is certainly unique. Not the best way to set off your item, though. I'm guessing this is a new user to the nuances of messageboard posting.
*...There are other grammar problems with the writing itself. So this thing goes down on presentation regardless. I think the mechanics are a little whacked, too. Vote to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
Maybe waiting a few days for things to quieten down wasn't the best idea... :)
And yet, here we are... :-)
The Low Templar’s Squire
*...This was kind of headed somewhere cool. But I'm not sure I like the idea of that many actions becoming swift actions rather than standard or move actions, but they are attempting to play around and bend the rules a little. I'm also not seeing how an unseen servant is going to have the means of making any of these actions go all that faster for you. It should be taking the same amount of time to load your crossbow for you...or draw a weapon as you would. And that interpretation kind of outstrips unseen servant's built-in limitations.
*...I'm also put off by the pricing notes at the end. I think people usually include that stuff when they're desperate to convince the judges they shouldn't be eliminated based on pricing...because the pricing was hard to do. But pricing usually isn't nearly as big a deal as these paranoid designers perceive it to be...unless they really mess it up. Regardless, I'm not sure this one is priced correctly. Converting all that stuff into swift actions is the equivalent of at least a free feat or two. And that makes this a potential Feat-in-a-Can.
*...Bottom line, I'm leaning Reject on it. What say the rest of you?
*...This is really just a SIAC with more benefits than the spell actually provides. I'm not really feeling it, and the pricing note at the end seals the deal as far as I'm concerned. Reject.
Fetish of Souls
*...Some real language problems here. Maybe a non-native speaker? The misused word "bounded" just leaps out over and over again. Setting that aside, a project image item for witch hexes might have a place in the game...but NOT at this price. Vote to Reject.
*...I think it's certainly a non-native speaker, given the period in place of a comma in the item price. I like the concept of this one, but the execution is really lackaing. No spells required in construction? Only 1k? No effective range? Reject.
Glimwicket's Instant Stone
*...So it's like instant concrete? Or temporary plaster? Isn't this pretty much a tanglefoot bag with a few extra uses? Don't care for this one. Vote to Reject.
*...Yeah, kinda cartoonishly pointless. Reject.
Miniature Token of Second Chance
*...sloppy English, lack of proofreading kill this one. It's a cool single use, low cost item, but it's just a SIAC that's far too convenient. At higher level, I'd just buy up a hundred of these and use them to negate the whole battle with the BBEG without even needing to take them out of my pocket. Reject.
*...Agreed on all counts. Vote to Reject.
Circlet of Mind Speech
*...Wow. 102,680 gp for what amounts to a continuous mind blank and telepathy. Meh.
*...The template also wasn't followed very well. It's not all that interesting. And certainly not innovative. Vote to Reject.
*...Ditto. Reject.
Pendant of the Stalwart Warrior
*...The contingency spell really ought to be a part of this...but even then, this is mostly a heal SIAC effect with a CMD enhancement tacked on. The item itself is concepted well. And they used the provided template pretty flawlessly. I even like the name. This is one of the better SIAC items. Just not exceptionally Superstar in what it accomplishes. Inclined to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
*..."I feel so confident, it's like my CMD has improved! Nobody better try to grapple, trip, disarm, bull rush, or overrun me, mister!"
*...I'm envisioning a new bard spell...overconfidence...it makes you think your CMD has improved when it really hasn't.
*...Rejected.
*...the stats for the four gnomes seem a little low for the level at which you'd need to be to buy this item (i.e., they wouldn't last long against anything).*...It's kind of an interesting idea, but it isn't really breaking any new ground. The mechanics of it seem a bit off. The wording isn't as tight as I'd wish it to be. And I didn't care for the uniqueness of the backstory all that much. Vote to Reject.
As with the rest of the feedback on this thread, this was very helpful. I already had an idea what this would say, but confirmation is nice. The price to power ratio was a big stumbling block for me, since by the chart it would be 10,080 but by it's effects it should be much less. I know a host of areas that I made mistakes on. It will serve me well next year. Thank you to Neil and to the rest of the judges.
Adamantine Flask
*...DR 5/- in a can. How innovative... /sarcasm
*...Vote to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
*...Don't be too hasty to condemn this, I mean, you do have to refill it with WATER to recharge the item....
*...Let's put this in Athas and see how many people love it...
Alabaster Moth
*...Did someone not read the auto-reject advice about not duplicating the figurine of wondrous power? And this one isn't even all that innovative. It's just scrying-in-a-Can...which really ought to be arcane eye-in-a-Can given what this moth does. Vote to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
Seer’s Hands
*...I specifically cautioned against items like this in the auto-reject threads.
*...This is only once per day, so it's not so bad, but I don't think this sort of thing is very Superstar. Reject.
*...Yeah, this is still too open to abuse. It makes the GM's job harder. Not really a fan. Vote to Reject.
Infiltrator's Hand
*...Meh. I've seen this concept plenty of times before. The detachable hand thing opens up a whole host of mechanical game effects that need to be properly tied off and this one doesn't really do it that well for me.
*...The 4 hp or 1/10th of your hit points, whichever is higher thing, is annoying. It has your DEX, but what about its STR? It has your ranks in Stealth, but what about Perception? It gets improved evasion whether you actually have it or not. And a continuous spider climb effect that seemingly has no basis in the construction requirements.
*...I think it's overpriced for these things. It also takes up the hands slot, and seemingly indicates you could wear more than one of them...but the text doesn't specify. Not really feeling it. Weak Reject.
*...Requires record keeping to track minutes used.
*...References something by page number.
*...Makes adventuring easy.
*...No harm comes to you if someone disintegrates your hand.
*...As soon as someone figures out how to make this hand deadly (poison, etc.) it becomes a fearsome weapon.
*...You can't cast spells with it but what if you cast a touch spell? Can the hand deliver the charge? Reject.
*...You guys read my mind. Or at least read the same item I did. Buh bye.
*...dimension door 2/day all by itself is 20k gp. And I don't really have a benchmark for how to price the other stuff it does. This item is underpriced. Plenty of formatting errors, too.
*...Rejected.
Key of thought’s thread
*...Poorly written. Not proofread. What's a "-4 malus"...? Failure to properly execute the provided template. And an all-around bad idea. Vote to Reject.
*...Poorly written--I suspect by someone who's native language isn't English, as "malus" sounds a lot like a romance language version of the word "penalty." Reject.
Diplomat's Shakers
*...SAK. SIAC. Poorly written. Weak presentation with template. Fringe idea. How often do you dine with the enemy? This is probably a home campaign item that sees rare use. Vote to Reject.
*...Salt shakers aren't Superstar. Especially for 3500 gp. Reject.
Mannequin of Misdirection
Aura moderate transmutation and illusion; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 15,000gp; Weight 35 lbs.
Description
This item appears to be a standard oaken dress dummy commonly seen in the window displays of clothing boutiques. The mannequin is the size of an average human and its head, arms, and legs are detachable for easy storage. Close examination of the chest reveals a catch which opens a small chamber containing a wooden heart.
Once per day, if the mannequin is fully assembled and a medium-sized humanoid places fresh blood in the heart chamber, the heart begins to beat. Over the next minute, the mannequin transforms in shape and takes on the physical appearance of the user. Upon completion of the transformation, the mannequin animates as an object under the control of the user. Treat it as a medium animated object with following additional construction points: Additional Attack, Grab. The user can place up to 12 hit points of blood in the heart chamber and every hit point of blood animates the mannequin for 10 minutes. The mannequin is able to follow simple instructions but is incapable of speaking, running, or wielding weapons. It can wear armor but it cannot effectively use a shield.
The true power of the mannequin of misdirection is its ability to confuse divination spells. While activated, attempts to scry or locate the user will be redirected to the mannequin of misdirection. Detection spells such as detect evil function as if the mannequin is the user. Anyone interacting with the mannequin of misdirection can make a DC 15 Will save to determine its true nature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, silent image; Cost 7,500gp
*...Interesting concept. Really ought to have simulacrum as a spell requirement. Maybe even seeming for added flavor. I actually like the idea. And the author executed the template very well. It's not an item I'd see adventurers bringing along with them (except via a big bag of holding or portable hole), but certainly an item a high-level wizard or noble aristocrat might keep around to fool those attempting to keep tabs on them. Inclined to Keep.
*...Plot device. Reject.
*...Ehh... feels like a SIAC with an added "I confuse divination spells on me, not that it's really an issue for most campaigns." Not a bad item for a book of items, but not Superstar. Reject.
And...
That should be everything up to this point. If I missed anything, call it out for me or repost it. In the meantime, polish up your ideas for next year and continue supporting the Top 32, some of whom could really use your votes right now.
My two cents,
--Neil
P.S. I shall now celebrate this momentous achievement by dining upon an orange-cranberry muffin for lunch. Woo-hoo!
And...
That should be everything up to this point. If I missed anything, call it out for me or repost it. In the meantime, polish up your ideas for next year and continue supporting the Top 32, some of whom could really use your votes right now.
My two cents,
--NeilP.S. I shall now celebrate this momentous achievement by dining upon an orange-cranberry muffin for lunch. Woo-hoo!
I just spent my lunch going through your entire list of posts and making sure my item wasn't in the mix.
:P
Absalom Amulet of Distinction.
Mike tore it to shreds, and I still wonder how he got the context of it all wrong (I made it with the idea of Wanna-be godlings all being 'unique' and having a following), and I was wondering if that sentiment carried over to the other judges. If so, what exactly was wrong with my wording that didn't convey what I was trying to do? I mean, he called it a homebrew item, and I specifically designed it to all the 'gods' running around Absalom. Heck, it was inspired by the Rakshasa story (a true 'god' couldn't be duplicated by some other person or a mere shape-changer, but would still have masses of ardent followers and always seem to know what was going on...) from the Fiction pages...
===Aelryinth
Cheers for the Judges!
Having official feedback on all the items posted is a really great thing and shows that the judges are really willing to go the extra mile to help making this contest and the entries the best they could possibly be.
Now we have to go that mile too, take the feedback and advice to heart and bring the contest to a whole new level with awesome submissions.
I just spent my lunch going through your entire list of posts and making sure my item wasn't in the mix.
Oh well. At least I got to enjoy my orange-cranberry muffin first.
Absalom Amulet of Distinction
*...Intro quote addressing the character. Boo.
*...If you pass the Test of the Starstone, you don't need to recruit followers in the city, you'll actually be a god.
*...It uses "distinct" as if it were a game term.
*...For the most part, I don't see anyone actually trying to use this item. The only things really valuable are the skill bonuses, and you can get those much more cheaply elsewhere. Reject.
*...Blah. This is messed up. Low marks on presentation.
*...Feels very much like a home campaign item. Just a bunch of skill bonuses. I don't even particularly care for the Golarion fluff that was thrown in. Feels very tacked on...like someone tried to take their favorite home campaign item and trade out their own background fluff with something out of Golarion. Vote to Reject.
ah, so Mike was recycling the commentary already. gotcha.
==Aelryinth
And...
That should be everything up to this point. If I missed anything, call it out for me or repost it. In the meantime, polish up your ideas for next year and continue supporting the Top 32, some of whom could really use your votes right now.
My two cents,
--NeilP.S. I shall now celebrate this momentous achievement by dining upon an orange-cranberry muffin for lunch. Woo-hoo!
I noticed that you gave a detailed analysis for the first few posters, but then switched to one-line comments for the rest. Can we expect more detailed analysis, or was that reserved for first page posters?
In either case, thank you for all your work!
Does that mean that everyone that didn't get a detailed analysis like you did for the first ~20 posters is out of luck?
It was for the first 33 (or 36?) posters, actually. And how much feedback do you honestly need? I'll never make it back over 200+ items to give that kind of detailed feedback. I already stated as much elsewhere in this very thread.
It's not about getting individual feedback anyway (yet we've just finished doing so). Instead, this thread is meant to give you examples and lessons to learn from...across the board...not just for your item. And, it's up to you to seek out and absorb these lessons to improve yourself. An RPG Superstar doesn't require handholding through every element of their wondrous item's design.
That said, we may just do a seminar at this year's PaizoCon where we workshop wondrous items together in a more holistic manner. And, along with some group participation, we may just collectively design a Superstar item that's worthy of making the Top 32. And, for those who can't make it, maybe we'll film it and post that as extra "advice" for next year...
As for going back and doing more in-depth, in-stream reviews...I may. But, if I do, I'll probably just pick and choose those that I think make the best examples to highlight an important lesson. Or, maybe those that made the Keep pile or alternate status to give someone that little bit of extra advice to carry them through to the Top 32.
Does that mean that everyone that didn't get a detailed analysis like you did for the first ~20 posters is out of luck?It was for the first 33 (or 36?) posters, actually. And how much feedback do you honestly need? I'll never make it back over 200+ items to give that kind of detailed feedback. I already stated as much elsewhere in this very thread.
It's not about getting individual feedback anyway (yet we've just finished doing so). Instead, this thread is meant to give you examples and lessons to learn from...across the board...not just for your item. And, it's up to you to seek out and absorb these lessons to improve yourself. An RPG Superstar doesn't require handholding through every element of their wondrous item's design.
That said, we may just do a seminar at this year's PaizoCon where we workshop wondrous items together in a more holistic manner. And, along with some group participation, we may just collectively design a Superstar item that's worthy of making the Top 32. And, for those who can't make it, maybe we'll film it and post that as extra "advice" for next year...
As for going back and doing more in-depth, in-stream reviews...I may. But, if I do, I'll probably just pick and choose those that I think make the best examples to highlight an important lesson. Or, maybe those that made the Keep pile or alternate status to give someone that little bit of extra advice to carry them through to the Top 32.
Okay, thanks for the update. I edited my post above right after posting since I realized it came off more snappy than I meant it to. We all appreciate the work you do and understand that you can't get to everyone.
I'll just take this as a lesson to set an alarm to be one of the first posters for the judge feedback thread next year. It would be infinitely more helpful to get full-page personalized feedback on my item from both you and clark peterson rather than just a 3-line snippet. It may be a generic "here's what faults people are making" exercise, but nothing beats addressing individual problems.
On a side note, I think that giving additional feedback to "those that made the Keep pile or alternate status to give someone that little bit of extra advice to carry them through to the Top 32." is a terribly unfair idea. I feel that would be like telling us that those of us who didn't do well enough to make it into the keep pile aren't worth your time. That seems to go against the very populist spirit of the competition. That's just my opinion though.
I'll just take this as a lesson to set an alarm to be one of the first posters for the judge feedback thread next year. It would be infinitely more helpful to get full-page personalized feedback on my item from both you and Clark Peterson rather than just a 3-line snippet.
You need to understand something. If all you got was a 3-line snippet, that in itself tells you the kind of reaction your wondrous item elicited from the judges. If it didn't require much discussion to reject, that's a larger issue than any of us can spend time going into detail on. Instead, you need to look to the examples provided in all of these other items...and the auto-reject advice...and the advice of your fellow competitors...and the online community to assess your own item independently of anyone else.
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
Fetish of Souls*...Some real language problems here. Maybe a non-native speaker? The misused word "bounded" just leaps out over and over again. Setting that aside, a project image item for witch hexes might have a place in the game...but NOT at this price. Vote to Reject.
*...I think it's certainly a non-native speaker, given the period in place of a comma in the item price. I like the concept of this one, but the execution is really lackaing. No spells required in construction? Only 1k? No effective range? Reject.
Indeed I am a non-native speaker :)
Though I confess I thought I got better since my (our :D) last Superstar, when the same issue came up :P
Price was indeed an issue. I moved way up then way down and decided for something low because it didn't look like it made sense been expensive. I didn't think of the project image spell. Just re-looked it and it makes sense.
Well, at least you guys liked the concept :D
Thanks for posting your comments about the item, Neil! I really appreciate it!
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
Disclaimer: I may be biased because I posted in this thread in the first 20 minutes or so and thus got some of the super-detailed feedback.
I think the detailed feedback you did was super cool. It gives a different and also-helpful angle on the judging process than Sean's auto-rejects epic. Lots of people are in the boat of being able to craft an item that avoids the auto-reject pitfalls, yet, isn't good enough to place. The detailed feedback helps with that. I think people would be excited to have you do it again next year, if you're willing.
The only change I'd recommend is: don't do the first N items in the thread in depth, and ignore posters asking for the in-depth commentary. Instead, pick N items (however many you're willing to do) that you think you have something good (interesting, broadly useful/instructive/etc.) to say about, and just post detailed feedback for those.
Maybe always include the alternates in that list as a mini consolation prize, and alternate-level items probably have something interesting to talk about anyway.
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
A shame, really. I never expected my item to get an in-depth treatment like that since it was way down on the list, but still, even a half-dozen of them were really useful.
In any case I really appreciate all the effort - both in the initial in-depth reviews and in getting all the comments out there.
Now finish that muffin :)
You need to understand something. If all you got was a 3-line snippet, that in itself tells you the kind of reaction your wondrous item elicited from the judges. If it didn't require much discussion to reject, that's a larger issue than any of us can spend time going into detail on. Instead, you need to look to the examples provided in all of these other items...and the auto-reject advice...and the advice of your fellow competitors...and the online community to assess your own item independently of anyone else.
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
I agree. I'm not demanding that you write a full page for everyone. I'm just asking why those that posted early got special consideration, and what I can do to be part of "the chosen few".
Whether my item gets chosen is as much luck (in terms of aligning what I think is cool with what you guys think is cool) as it is item mechanics, and I have garnered those details for next year. Thank you again for your work here!
EDIT: I like Dire Mongoose's suggestion above. Perhaps picking example items like ones with an obvious (and common) flaw that you want to exemplify or ones that you thought were almost there and had particularly good ideas about getting them to the top.
Thanks in advance!
Knight's Sigil
Aura faint conjuration and enchantment; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 8,000 gp; Weight --
Description
A knight's sigil is a token crafted for the champion of a noble. Many of these medallions have been bestowed upon tournament fighters, leading to it’s common name, a lord’s (or lady’s) favor. Fastened by a simple chain, each medallion is emblazoned with the noble’s crest at it’s center. An inscription on it’s outer edge bears a line from a poem or a holy text, the content always describing one of the four knightly virtues: courage, justice, prudence, or temperance.
Three times per day, the wearer may call upon the sigil’s magic. Depending on the virtue the medallion is aligned with, she may spend a use for the following:
- Courage: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Perform check; or a +2 morale bonus on a Fortitude save.
- Justice: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Perception check; or as a swift action gain a +2 morale bonus on attack rolls for 1 round.
- Prudence: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Sense Motive check; or as a swift action gain a +2 morale bonus to AC for 1 round.
- Temperance: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Diplomacy check; or a +2 morale bonus on a Will Save.
Additionally, as a standard action, the wearer may spend a use of the sigil’s magic to cure herself of 1d4 points of temporary ability damage to one of her ability scores. Because all the knight's sigils share this ability, scholars suspect their creation originated when sabotage by poison was common at tournaments.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, heroism, lesser restoration, creator must have 8 ranks in Knowledge (nobility); Cost 4,000 gp
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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I'll just take this as a lesson to set an alarm to be one of the first posters for the judge feedback thread next year. It would be infinitely more helpful to get full-page personalized feedback on my item from both you and Clark Peterson rather than just a 3-line snippet.You need to understand something. If all you got was a 3-line snippet, that in itself tells you the kind of reaction your wondrous item elicited from the judges. If it didn't require much discussion to reject, that's a larger issue than any of us can spend time going into detail on. Instead, you need to look to the examples provided in all of these other items...and the auto-reject advice...and the advice of your fellow competitors...and the online community to assess your own item independently of anyone else.
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
I'm sorry you feel that way. Your in depth feed back was extremely helpful. I found the feed back on the ones that were in the keep pile for awhile or nearly made the keep file especially illuminating. They were good enough that they gave samples of what to do. It's hard to do that with an item that didn't come as close (like mine). So, while I understand how some comments could make it seem like a mistake, it was appreciated. Thanks, Neil, and thanks to the other judges as well.
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Thanks in advance!
Knight's Sigil
Aura faint conjuration and enchantment; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 8,000 gp; Weight --Description
A knight's sigil is a token crafted for the champion of a noble. Many of these medallions have been bestowed upon tournament fighters, leading to it’s common name, a lord’s (or lady’s) favor. Fastened by a simple chain, each medallion is emblazoned with the noble’s crest at it’s center. An inscription on it’s outer edge bears a line from a poem or a holy text, the content always describing one of the four knightly virtues: courage, justice, prudence, or temperance.
Three times per day, the wearer may call upon the sigil’s magic. Depending on the virtue the medallion is aligned with, she may spend a use for the following:
- Courage: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Perform check; or a +2 morale bonus on a Fortitude save.
- Justice: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Perception check; or as a swift action gain a +2 morale bonus on attack rolls for 1 round.
- Prudence: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Sense Motive check; or as a swift action gain a +2 morale bonus to AC for 1 round.
- Temperance: She may gain a +5 competence bonus on a Diplomacy check; or a +2 morale bonus on a Will Save.
Additionally, as a standard action, the wearer may spend a use of the sigil’s magic to cure herself of 1d4 points of temporary ability damage to one of her ability scores. Because all the knight's sigils share this ability, scholars suspect their creation originated when sabotage by poison was common at tournaments.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, heroism, lesser restoration, creator must have 8 ranks in Knowledge (nobility); Cost 4,000 gp
I gotta say this looks cool, though I do have to ask:
On the saves how long does the morale bonus last? The AC and Attack roll bonus states only 1 round, but what about the saves. Is it just one round or until used?
And healing 1d4 Ability score damage and only a 4,000gp cost seems a bit low. I may be wrong as my book isn't in front of me, but initially it seems low. :D
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
I found the short three liners FAR better.
Reading a wall of text for a bajillion items (to me) is offputting, whereas a few descriptions followed up with a few lines about what was wrong was much easier to digest.
It avoids my TLDR reflex.
Similarly, that we got three lines is pretty much a gift - a full page is just overgenerous (imo)
I gotta say this looks cool, though I do have to ask:
On the saves how long does the morale bonus last? The AC and Attack roll bonus states only 1 round, but what about...
Thanks! I meant the bonus to only last for that particular save (tried to get that across with the singular language but I was having difficulty wording it just right).
Cost-wise, it's 8k to purchase (4k is for the item creation price), which was around the same amount as a Cloak of Resistance +3 IIRC. That still might be too cheap, though. Since it had an unusual requirement of Knowledge (Nobility) ranks to create, I was hoping it would be the sort of item PCs got as a gift from an NPC instead of one they would try to make themselves.
I'll just take this as a lesson to set an alarm to be one of the first posters for the judge feedback thread next year. It would be infinitely more helpful to get full-page personalized feedback on my item from both you and Clark Peterson rather than just a 3-line snippet.You need to understand something. If all you got was a 3-line snippet, that in itself tells you the kind of reaction your wondrous item elicited from the judges. If it didn't require much discussion to reject, that's a larger issue than any of us can spend time going into detail on. Instead, you need to look to the examples provided in all of these other items...and the auto-reject advice...and the advice of your fellow competitors...and the online community to assess your own item independently of anyone else.
I can see now it was a mistake to do this much in-depth feedback and item critiques. That's not how this thread originally came to be. Clark never went this in-depth either. He always trimmed down and summarized what they said about items in the judging forums. I'm just too verbose for my own good. And now it's set an unrealistic expectation.
Unfortunate..I was hoping for more feedback, or at least something more detailed than "don't like it". I'm not exactly in love with my item, but the comment given was something I just didn't see, even when others looked over it and gave their thoughts. Ah well.
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I gotta say this looks cool, though I do have to ask:
On the saves how long does the morale bonus last? The AC and Attack roll bonus states only 1 round, but what about...
Thanks! I meant the bonus to only last for that particular save (tried to get that across with the singular language but I was having difficulty wording it just right).
So then he would get the +2 Bonus to save until it was used? Even if it's after that combat when he activated the item? Like for example: hours later in game and another fight later?
I still really like this, I can see it being used by pretty much all the classes and it's that versatility I like in it. I myself try to stay away from items that corner the item to say...one class.
ah, so Mike was recycling the commentary already. gotcha.Who's Mike?
Your shadow self, perhaps?
I completely get that Neil is kind of done with this project - I went through the thread and was unable to find his comments - though having read many of the others I can kind of see myself why this item didn't make the cut as "Superstar."
I still think it is neat but maybe not innovative enough.
Even if Neil shies away from this thread going forward I would appreciate any comments on execution.
Thanks.
Hell Brand Tattoo
Aura: strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot: --; Price: 92,000 gp; Weight: --
Description
Mages claim the eldritch power of these bizarre markings comes from a demon bound to service and trapped within the darkness of the ink. When discovered as treasure, hell brand tattoos are found as pots of liquid pigment (equal to a potion vial). If unstoppered the spirit in the vial reveals its purpose and power, and if welcomed, flows onto the bearer of the vial to form an intricate arcane design. It takes 2d4 hours for a hell brand tattoo to settle into its initial design and become active. Once bonding is complete the tattoo comes alive, shifting with the moods of the wearer and whispering into his mind.Once bonding is complete a hell brand tattoo confers the following abilities:
* +4 insight bonus to AC
* Darkvision 90'
* Inkshift: The tattoos shift and roil allowing the wearer to change form as with an alter self spell.* Inkforms: Hell brand tattoos can flow off the wearer's body to create simple tools or weapons (claws, swords, (though nothing with moving parts) lock picks, tools, or articles of clothing. These items are non magical (though they are considered masterwork). Inkform items are part of the character's body and cannot be thrown, shared, or separated from the character.
The process of bonding a hell brand tattoo permanently consumes 4 of the wearer's hit points. The spirit in the pigment also imbues the wearer with an unmistakable taint of darkness:
* Constantly radiates evil
* -4 to diplomacy checks
* Hell brand tattoos once applied cannot be removedOnly one hell brand tattoo may be worn at a time.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, darkvision, minor creation; Cost: 46,000 gp