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As a GM, I play a lot of the intimidating types, from the sullen, burly town guard to the insane cultist to the raging, flaming 20 ft. tall demon. You know, the ones who try to freak out the PCs before the final battle, or at the very least, rough them up a little for breaking curfew.
Me though? Not intimidating. I'm a physically small, mentally nerdy grad student who only ever beats up on standardized tests. The problem gets worse when I play with guys who, say, are in the military. Their PCs fight back.
So I need some suggestions. When all I can come up with is either a string of expletives or "Your mom," neither of which are that original, what should I say? What are your best intimidating/trash-talking lines? How do you role-play this part of the game?
You could always have the baddies starting quoting passages from Twilight. I would be scared if a Balor started acting like a Tweenager.
In all seriousness, make a list of common words and then string them together in a sentence...
Blood, Hell, Soul, Eternal, Damnation....for example (first five that sprung in my head)...could create:
The damnation of your soul shall bleed for an eternity in hell.
Bloody damnation shall eternally burn your soul with hellfire.
etc etc etc
After your sentence of doom, roll the check, then make them role-play their character's appropriate response (instead of meta-game like many players do. "Oh a Balor, let's kill it" - actual quote from a level 12 (soon to be creamed) rogue.)
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The damnation of your soul shall bleed for an eternity in hell.
Bloody damnation shall eternally burn your soul with hellfire.
etc etc etc
I agree. Terrible emo poetry should have the desired effect.
I kid.
I say kick 'em in the nards (i.e. hit them where it hurts.)
Here are a few places from which your NPCs can draw intimidation inspiration:
Past Failures - This works well if the NPC has spies or the party's exploits are well known. "How can you ever hope to defeat me when you can't even satisfy a woman! Muahaha!"
Obvious Flaws - Easy to use against PCs with dump stats, but also useful for characters who bring a knife to a gunfight. "You're too stupid and ugly to be a hero and your pathetic weapon will never penetrate my defenses!" (followed by the NPC's spy minion chiming in, "That's what she said!" and then all the bad guys laugh.)
Legitimate Threats - Best if the NPC has some leverage over the PCs or is well connected (this could still be a bluff if the NPC doesn't actually have the upper hand.) "At this moment, my minions are prepared to expose the truth of your secret shame to the people of this fair city. Surrender now or get ready for a lifetime of pity from fat, lonely, blind women! Muahahah!"
Hard looks.
Google 'Brock Lesnar' the MMA champ.
Describe to them what he looks like; no words need be uttered :)
That being said, us military types DO tend to be fine with attacking stuff even if it look scary, as our Officers and NCO's are scary people that nmade us into scary people.
Have your players run into an ambush if they are that predictable.
When in doubt, utilize loss. If you want to intimidate them, I would schedule it over a few sessions where the enemy finds ways to slowly dismantle their resources. Maybe hires cutpurses to steal their gold, mishaps that damage their equipment. Hire weak assassins to pick at them, spread lies that make their old allies distrust them. Make them feel on edge and alone.
The best encounter I've had involved a small town with an old legend of the Golden Apple. For the last few sessions, we had dealt with a rogue-type man named the Broker. He would set up shop in a tavern and sell information, which had proven reliable and helpful earlier on. We took on the quest from a mages guild searching for the golden apple, and when we asked the Broker he told us it's resting place. He also informed us that it could be weaponized, so we should be careful of who we give it to. We go through a dungeon, fight a young dragon, get the apple, and go back to town to decide what to do with it.
Whatever the situation was, and foul play is suspected, the town guard were looking for us with weapons drawn. We defended ourselves the best we could, and started making diplomacy checks to try to talk them down. As it turns out, the Broker was actually a high-level mind flayer caster who was trying to mess with our GMPC. The Broker destroys the town in a blazing inferno, takes the apple while we are all downed, and eats it, explaining that it is just an apple with a thin skin of gold. The mages guild wanted to cultivate the apple to grow small amounts of gold.
After this, we were wounded, without most of our supplies and the entire country thought we were responsible for destroying a peaceful town. This resulted in a stint in a dungeon, an escape, and a hasty teleportation to our home country (without our equipment, which we had to leave behind in the prison.)
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Theater seems to be what you're looking for. As Shifty said, folks used to a lot of intimidation tactics are not going to wither under a tongue-lashing. The Drill Sergeant has outperformed you already. So what do you do when you're not the Drill Sergeant and you want the characters to feel a little uncertain?
Kick
Some
Butt
The player is not really scared. He's in a room with a beverage, some snacks, and a wifi or telecommunications device. You want them to role play fear, you need to provide fear by first establishing respect. I strongly advise never using GM fiats to accomplish this. Instead be smarter, use the rules more carefully, and introduce a villain over time. They will play smarter and harder when they realize they cannot steam roll a certain NPC. When they start nearly dying and the bastard still gets away they start to think "Man, if that saving throw had failed, I would have died..." which leads to them taking your NPC much more seriously.
Back up your threats. If they ignore signs of danger and are being too overconfident, cream them. Teach them a lesson. Let them lose. Let them lose something of value. Show them that not every danger is one they can easily defeat, but also show them that you give them a warning before they encounter those bigger dangers. They'll take your intimidations a lot more seriously.
So I need some suggestions. When all I can come up with is either a string of expletives or "Your mom," neither of which are that original, what should I say? What are your best intimidating/trash-talking lines? How do you role-play this part of the game?
Don't take yourself too seriously. Then, two tips to help out:
1) Atmosphere: build the atmosphere around the appearance of the person who is to be scary. For example:
"As you approach the town guard, you notice suddenly that there is a wide berth around him, a localised area in which there is only one person standing: you. Everyone else around is now studiously ignoring you as you approach the guard, who turns slowly to look down you, as if you were some errant rat that is now begging to be trodden on. His cold stare is backed up by the fact that he looks a lot bigger close to, and the scars he bears are testament that he has seen a lot of fights, and probably won most of them."
This sends messages to the player: the guard has a reputation, he is likely to be relatively high level, he has an evil reputation, but you haven't said anything about these things directly - it's all inferred.
2) Ham it Up: when you have to "do" the NPC, don't try and act tough - they have nothing to prove. Indeed, the PCs are almost beneath their notice. If you are going to make a point, do it with ruthless efficiency - kill someone that has displeased you, no matter who they are. Don't bluster or make threats, unless the character of the NPC calls for it. Don't get into arguments, or rise to bait, and back up what you say immediately.