Chief Technical Officer
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I love the names in your proposal, so much so that I may steal them and put them in my name bank! I'd change 'Leng' though as it sounds Asian which doesn't fit well.
Leng is from Lovecraft, and has been officially referenced in our campaign setting before.
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Creative Director
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I don't see any Starstone elements in this proposal.
The third word of the proposal's Adventure Background is "Starstone." It doesn't need to be ALL ABOUT the Starstone to raise my red flag. Just mentioning the name is enough. It's THAT important a part of Golarion. And my final comment about that section DOES say that "Fortunately the Starstone elements in this proposal are very muted."
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Creative Director
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The Starstone Exaltation meeting is the name Owen K. C. Stephens gives on page 60 of the Guide to Absalom to the annual meeting where holders of high seats are required to produce their cornucopias. That Starstone mention/usage is already in the canon (unless Guide to Absalom has been disavowed by Paizo?) and was devised by a Paizo contributer, not this contestant.
I don't want to derail the thread too much more obsessing over this. It doesn't matter if it's something new or something canon. The Starstone is VERY potent flavor, and using that word in a proposal immediately sets me on edge. So let's just leave this as it stands and move on.
It's come down to Doom of the Dream Thieves or Cult of the Ebon Destroyers for my final vote and I'm leaning towards DotDT.
I love the ideas in your proposal, Jim. It's got a kind of extraplanar Thomas Crown Affair vibe to it. I can just imagine the PCs attempting a sneaky Ocean's Eleven style theft of Silvermeade from Molah Tor, matching or topping Inva's original theft. Of course, it's far more likely the PCs just kill everything in Molah Tor dungeon-crawl style.
I think many of the previous commenters may be right. You might have been too ambitious. It's possible there are only twenty encounters in this proposal, but if so then the PCs are just passing through Shadow Absolom, barely seeing it at all. I think Shadow Absolom probably deserves more screen time than that.
There are plenty of other areas that could use more development and more explanation, so trimming it to 32 pages is going to be tough. But the ideas in here are so great and would be so much fun to play through.
I would much prefer to see Doom of the Dream Thieves fleshed out into two or three adventures rather than pared down to fit in a single 32-page adventure module. But I would rather see it squeezed into 32 pages than not published at all.
I think you've got my vote.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka AWizardInDallas
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I love the names in your proposal, so much so that I may steal them and put them in my name bank! I'd change 'Leng' though as it sounds Asian which doesn't fit well.Leng is from Lovecraft, and has been officially referenced in our campaign setting before.
Okay, looked it up... I can dig it. :)
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Jim, I've liked your entries throughout this year's contest, and you didn't dissapoint in the final round either. I'm a big fan of planar adventures, as well as higher level stuff, so right away you've got my interest.
Beyond that, I'm not sure I have a lot to say that others haven't already - lots of great stuff in here, but way too much for a 32 page adventure. Too much time spend in Absalom before the main plot of the stolen cornucopia comes up, too much in shadow absolom - that whole section can be cut and just let the PCs get to the dream fortress and the night hags. Also wasn't a fan of the dragon as the guild enforcer (guild leader, perhaps, enforcer, doesn't work for me.)
The biggest issue I have though is there wasn't enough about the demiplane of dreams and the fortress, in terms of how it's different from a fortress on a hill somewhere in the prime. Can the PCs shape things there too? What happens if the sleep for the night to recover spells nearby, do their dreams come to life? Do they try to kill them? What other weird funky stuff happens there?
Also, while the prsion encounter with the phase spiders sounds fun, the lead to the stolen cornucopia leads the PCs to the adventure in the more mundane way of recovering something stolen (admittedly a minor relic, but still just recovering something stolen.) It would put a whole different spin on things for the PCs to be contacted by an interested party to recover the cornucopia for his benefit. Esepcially if the PCs are asked/hired by multiple parties to recover it. That could lead to an interesting endgame as part of the advenutre - playing the different parties against each other. A GM could certainly go this route on their own based on the conclusion of the adventure, but having competing patrons at the beginning could lead the PCs to spend the whole rest of the adventure figuring out what to do once they recover the cornucopia.
Well, aside from my thoughts on changes, tweaks, etc. you've got a great submission, and now are the 'entry to beat' as I read the remaining top 4 entries.
I would much prefer to see Doom of the Dream Thieves fleshed out into two or three adventures rather than pared down to fit in a single 32-page adventure module. But I would rather see it squeezed into 32 pages than not published at all.
This sums up my feelings too. Of course I'm the kind of GM that really likes to take published material and build upon it to make it my own, so a 32 page adventure that can easily grow into something much more is just my cup of tea. :)
I don't think this proposal is too ambitious. I think that it's great as is for groups that want something off the shelf - and absolutely fabulous for GMs who enjoy expanding and customizing adventures to fit their story and characters. It's rare to see an adventure that fits both bills so well.
Jim,
Again I am impressed by the depths of your ploting.Strong and identifiable characters. Intrigue. Extraplanar travel gives it all a strong edge. However,with all the great ideas rattling around in your head, any publisher would be hard pressed to edit you into 32 pages. Still I would like to see it done.
You have my vote.
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Well, aside from my thoughts on changes, tweaks, etc. you've got a great submission, and now are the 'entry to beat' as I read the remaining top 4 entries.
Jim, as much as your proposal is awesome, I felt that Cult of the Ebon Destroyers was just more awesome (even if the name wasn't). If I could have voted for both of you, I would have. Either way, I fully expect to enjoy reading and using your future publications, regardless of if you win or not.
Last-minute thoughts:
I'll echo the consensus on this one: great proposal, but too big.
It's clear you made a real effort to reign this in to size - as others have noted, there are only a few encounters that make up the adventure. But you coped with that by making each encounter a whole different world, and you didn't anticipate how much wordspace that'd eat up.
You've got a great flair for the dramatic - the setup here is awesome, and you've put interesting characters in play. This looks like a really fun setting to play around in. In my eyes, this is a great followup to the masked seer concept last round, which wowed me. I'm sure that flair will be informing future Paizo products, and that will be great to see. And if you're the winner this round, I bet you can rework the plot into something more tightly focused on a single location, that retains and magnifies the awesomeness of this piece.
I'm swinging back and forth between this entry and the McGee - I think that's the one I found most enticing, but this is the one I think has the most potential if afforded a rework, combined with the clear direction of where such a rework might go. Decisions, decisions... tick-tick-tick...
So, now that the gagging order is lifted (I think?) any last minute comments, Watcher, whilst we wait for the votes to be counted and approved?
I think saying anything now would just be begging fate to bite you. :)
Good luck Watcher!
I think Majuba is being wise here.
Charles,
I'm delighted and grateful (more than you can know) with all the support I've received. God bless everybody who voted for me (and bless the ones that didn't too).
But I'm a little emotionally fatigued this evening.
When the judge's comments came out last Tuesday I was ready to just make my concession speech to Matt Goodall. And yet, this has been something of a roller coaster week. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't watching the exit polls, but I'm wise enough to know there could be any number of votes that we're just not seeing.
All I wanted was a chance to prove myself; and to a large extent prove myself to myself- if that makes sense? If Paizo is generous enough to let me write anything, and learn to be a great designer as described by Lisa Stevens in this post, then I will have won. That’s all I want.
So.. I'm ready for the contest to be over, but that isn't today. It's tomorrow. Paizo has invested a lot of time and money in this contest, and I think it's best if I show my appreciation to them by waiting for the final curtain call.
But I'm sooooooo flattered that you want to hear what I have to say. :)
EDIT:
It seems we cross-posted Charles.
Oh, the exit poll's too close to predict who came out on top going by what's been said there. The point is we don't know who won at the moment, so there exists a brief period of uncertainty where a contestant can post without either the awful crushing sensation of not having got through to 'the next round' (as it were) or without the worse still rush of crazy euphoria and other stuff if they have.
I understand. However, I can't speak for the other contestants, but I will not between these two polar extremes are you define them tomorrow. I think I'm experiencing the "awful crush" and the "crazy euphoria" right now. When Tuesday comes there will be a release of emotional tension. Closure. Either I'll have lost, and I'll be looking forward to doing some other freelancing. Or I'll have an evening to celebrate and then I'm be getting right to work. I don't plan on disappointing Mr. Reynolds (or anybody else I might be working with, like Rite Publishing).
But right now? This is Limbo.
Having said that, I don't want to whine about my own success. I'm happy to have come this far. I promise I'll post something tomorrow. :D
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
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Jim
I'm sorry you didn't win. You got my vote. I thought yours was strong and engaging and almost as important you were a gracious and supportive competitor throughout, which is worth its weight in Platinum Pieces in my book.
I'm sure Paizo knows what it's got in you and will help you make the most of it.
My best for all you've done so far and you will always have a spot at my and "La Femme's" gaming table should you ever choose to drop in.
Fair warning...my perception based checks are exceedingly high due to my "spot superstar" feat so you will mostl likely not get a surprise round.
You've been warned, sir!
Best regards Jim.
-Jesse
Thanks man!
My best to you and your lovely wife!
Ditto, same here - you had my vote. But I agree with Jesse. I suspect you'll be doing something for Paizo (and others) very soon.
If we beg and plead enough, will you still publish Doom of the Dream Thieves in some form?
Pleeeaasse!
Frankly I think all the top 4 finalists deserve contracts, but I especially want to see Doom of the Dream Thieves in print.
Or the skintaker adventure...
...or the one with the Harbingers killing Priadoc Oberyl to make failed prophecies come true.
Really all of Watcher's adventure ideas have been excellent. You should hire him.
Pleeeaasse!
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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Jim, best of luck!
You earned my vote with Doom of the Dream Thieves, and I have to confess I'm a little disappointed I won't be able to see your module.
I really hope to see what you DO end up designing in the next months and years though, since I'm certain you'll get plenty of opportunities from your great work in this contest. Like Neil said, everyone who makes it to the top 4 demonstrates that they're a good designer, and I think that's especially true with the quality level of DotDT.
I hope you're proud of the great work you did and excited about your future prospects in RPG design.
You've consistently been a stand-out designer and all-around great guy.
Best of luck in everything you do. I'm excited to see what you come up with in the future!
RPG Superstar 2013 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
aka primemover003
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Gah! It's always a long shot jumping out into the planes so early into Golarions history, but Dream Thieves had such evocative themes and imagery! I voted for ya Watcher cause I loved the whole ethereal/dream plane feel. Ethereal skiffs, ships from leng, daemons, night hags.
This old Planescape DM hopes the Dream Thieves see some kind of love from Paizo, but if not I might just run this adventure for my group in the future anyway!
--Vrock the Vote!
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16, 2011 Top 32
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
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Jim, you did good. Even though you didn't get the gold ring, you got the golden ticket, man. Paizo has seen what you're capable of and I suspect you'll be getting contacted soon to begin your life as a RPG slave/writer. Best of wishes and congratulations for flying your AWESOME flag in the contest!
Thanks guys! I really appreciate all the kind words. I'd really love to write for Paizo, and having said that.. we'll see what happens in the future! They have my e-mail address and contact information.
As for my previous entries.. Who knows? They belong to Paizo. Realistically folks I have my doubts. Then again, fans have a lot of power. At this particular junction I don't want the press them just because I don't want to put them in the embarrassing position of saying they didn't think the ideas were worth of further development- and then I feel crushed. What you don't know doesn't make you feel sad. If they're interested, they'll let me know, but please feel free to lobby them on your own.
My personal goal was to make it to the Top 4 and have some chance of writing some freelance stuff... and I've achieved that goal. As soon as I catch my breath (tomorrow), I'll be looking over Coliseum Morpheuon and getting back in the saddle. I just want to write.
I realize like to read the comprehensive debriefings and have asked for them. I'm going to say a few things, but I don't see the point in going over it in exhaustive detail. This is Matt Goodall's moment and we should respect that.
Personally, if I had to say my greatest strength was, it would be synthesis. I love to take to all the little puzzle pieces that someone else has thrown down and make them fit in new and interesting patterns. That is what I'm good at (though I may have other skills yet undiscovered).
I look at the Intellect Devourers, and in the absence of a lot of information, I try to make them interesting and cool.
I look at the Harbingers and the Harrowers, and I see something that haven't been used much that could be turned towards a really cool story.
Let's talk about the final round:
I look at Absalom, and I see all these amazing elements, like the cornucopias, the varlokkur, the Brine and Black Whale, the Starwatch, the Houses, the spell lords, the Primarch.. and I ask myself, "These things are part of the setting but are still somehow outside of the world of the PCs. And yet, this is all awesomely cool stuff! So how do I bring the PCs into this world of politics?" The reason I ask that question is because that sort of adventure is the kind that can really make the PCs feel special and important; and those are important values to have in an adventure. I was specifically aiming towards putting the PCs in the center of something important, and I wasn't going to run away from canonical material- I embraced it to the best of my ability.
Now that carried with it some risks. It certainly made most of the judges uncomfortable, so I'm not sure it was the best decision if I wanted a contest winning proposal. Then again, I never read where I made a canonical error either. The logic of the divination naming Inva instead of Suszora was questioned, but no one specifically said I goofed up the canonical references. I studied the puzzle pieces that Owen K.C. Stephens and Todd Stewart left me very carefully, and when I used them- I used them with reasonable self-confidence. Nevertheless, I didn't win the contest. Draw from that your own conclusions.
As for going over the content of 32 pages.. I have to shrug. I didn’t think I had that many encounters, but I might have been looking at them purely in the context of combat encounters. I’m sort of kicking myself because originally I had the Starwatch arrest Londaro, and the encounter at the docks never existed. Likewise, the scenes in Shadow Absalom actually grew because I didn’t think I had enough encounters- that too was going to be much shorter. It was a rookie mistake, because that is what I am.. a rookie.
I came here to learn and to audition.
Okay.. there are other little things I could say, but my goal here is not to annoy Paizo, who has been very generous with their time. My adventure proposal was flawed, and that’s all there is to it. End of story.
To Mr. Jacobs and company: thank you. If I have a future opportunity to work under your direction, I pledge to set aside my opinions and write what I’m told.
Thank you again to all the fans who voted for me.
Congratulations Jim. I said right that the start of this that it felt like a group of gentlemen and ladies nobly competing for the prize and Jim, you certainly are a gentleman.
I too hope that DoDT gets published in a form that gives it the glory it deserves.
Not Explosive Runes:I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a small daydream that Todd Stewart and I could write this thing as a two-part module series. Especially after Bestiary 2 is out, and maybe we’d have a few pre-published stat blocks to reference in order to keep the word count down. But again.. Paizo has my number if they’re interested.
Ah, well. I may have jinxed you- I never seem to cast my vote for the ultimate winner at the end. Oops. I'm sorry to see your adventure not make it, but that's okay; I look forward to anything else Paizo throws your way. (And I have no doubt that they will.) Congrats, Jim, for proving yourself _a_ Superstar, even if you didn't wind up with _the_ Superstar title.