I love this community. The people here are awesome. But, due to how awesome you all are I'm in a bit of a pickle.
To be able to put all this in perspective . . . I was a charter subscriber to the Pathfinder Adventure Path back two and a half years ago. When WotC canceled the dead tree versions of Dragon and Dungeon I was unemployed and living in Michigan, one of the haqrdest states hit by the economic trouble facing everyone.
Right before the cut off for becoming a charter member, I was able to find gainful employment and was able to provide for an increase in the gaming budget to sign up for the subscription.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. My wife goes in for surgery with her new gynocologist. Somewhat routine biopsy type to figure out the cause for some irregularities in her cycle. He wanted to treat the cause rather than just the symptoms.
We had an appointment with him for this coming Monday for surgery results. We got a call shortly after the surgery asking us to come in early. Last Friday we found out that my wife has Uterine Cancer.
We were told that it is very early stage for this type of cancer, it's been found earlier than is usual. We also have nothing to indicate it's spread beyond just the uterus. For those reason's we were told that it's not considered life-threatening at this point.
The reason it's not life-threatening is because the simple solution is to remove my wife's uterus. This will mean removing also the option of us having children biologically. We have been trying for kids since our marriage in 2002, and our common desire for a family is partially what brought us together around the turn of the millennium.
Because at this point it is uncertain, even with insurance, what expenses we may have in the future. I posted earlier this week in the customer service forums to cancel the charter subscriber status I've had and enjoyed. I indicated I would be re-subscribing once my budget allows.
Today in my e-mail I get notification that someone in this community gave me a gift certificate. Attached was the note, "For the Kingmaker AP - take care and best of fortunes". There's no indication as to which member of this fantastic community provided this gift.
I respect the anonymity that the gift was sent. I do not want or need to know who sent this to me. I can not express how much I appreciate this. The only problem . . . is I'm not sure if I want to set it aside for the Kingmaker Adventure Path.
There are some gaming supplies I have not been able to acquire yet, such as the Pathfinder Core Rule Book, Beastiary, and Campaign Setting and such.
In an effort to not dis-honor the intent behind this gift, I want to ask the community a question. Would using the gift certificate to get the rulebooks for the Pathfinder System instead of the next Adventure Path be considered disrespectful to the intent behind the gift?
Here's my advice; If you don't want to dihonor the thought behind the gift then don't.
Set up a public wishlist with the items you mention I'm sure you have friends here who would be willing to help you out with getting those items. ;)
The only way to make sure you don't dishonor the gift is to either get the Kingmaker AP, or somehow find out who gave you the gift and ask them directly if they would mind you using it for other, to you more important, gaming aids.
That being said, I think TAD's idea is perfect. Heck, I think I can scrounge up something to help you aquire the corebook, as no gamer should EVER be without a corebook for their game of choice.
So here's a call to the community, let's all throw in some cash and use the "aid another" action, whether its a +$2 morale bonus, or a +$20 morale bonus, I'm sure anything would help.
Today in my e-mail I get notification that someone in this community gave me a gift certificate. Attached was the note, "For the Kingmaker AP - take care and best of fortunes". There's no indication as to which member of this fantastic community provided this gift.
I respect the anonymity that the gift was sent. I do not want or need to know who sent this to me. I can not express how much I appreciate this. The only problem . . . is I'm not sure if I want to set it aside for the Kingmaker Adventure Path.
There are some gaming supplies I have not been able to acquire yet, such as the Pathfinder Core Rule Book, Beastiary, and Campaign Setting and such.
In an effort to not dis-honor the intent behind this gift, I want to ask the community a question. Would using the gift certificate to get the rulebooks for the Pathfinder System instead of the next Adventure Path be considered disrespectful to the intent behind the gift?
Are you seriously asking this question?
William: Just wanted to wish your wife (and yourself) the very best. Is harvesting her eggs and doing the surrogate mom thing an option for later?
...
I'm not very good with etiquette, so I can't help you on that point. IMHO, I don't think buying other Paizo products instead would really dishonor the good intentions behind your gift; I'm fairly certain they would be happy with your alternate selection(s).
I think you're in the clear.
This person obviously wants to see you not have to shelve the hobby for the sake of financial uncertainty. We see this all the time on these boards, it's really amazing.
I think the donor will be pleased to see you buy any RPG product with it. Personally I think giving the money to Paizo in any form will be the will strengthen the backbone of the community that attracts such people.
You have my (unsolicited and irrelevant) blessing.
Best wishes to your wife, as well.
Best wishes for your wife and yourself. I hope everything goes ok.
I wouldsaid that the person who gave the gift to you, just wanted to help you to continue getting all the PF awesomeness, and the "easiest" way to give it without knowing what you have or not, is to give an AP. I think this person would not mind if you switch to other PF "neccesities", thou that's just my opinion.
Again, best wishes.
Director of Brand Strategy
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I already wished you the best in the cancellation thread, but I thought I'd do so again here. Keeping your spirits high and your hopes alive will be extremely important as you deal with your wife's illness, so I hope you can use the generosity of the community here to help with that. Whether that means to get Kingmaker or something else you need is up to you. I second the recommendation that you put together a wish list. You might find that there are more than one generous person on here willing to help you out in a tough time.
Best of luck to you and your wife man.
I will join in the chorus of well wishes for your wife and you.
I agree that the spirit of the gift was to allow you to continue getting Pathfinder products, and not specifically the next AP.
Set up a public wishlist with the items you mention I'm sure you have friends here who would be willing to help you out with getting those items.
That being said, I think TAD's idea is perfect. Heck, I think I can scrounge up something to help you aquire the corebook, as no gamer should EVER be without a corebook for their game of choice.
So here's a call to the community, let's all throw in some cash and use the "aid another" action, whether its a +$2 morale bonus, or a +$20 morale bonus, I'm sure anything would help.
No no no, please no. I'm not asking for more of a gift than what was already provided. I was trying to determine what to do with that which had been given already.
Please, no wishlists, no more gifts. that which was given already means more than anything.Is harvesting her eggs and doing the surrogate mom thing an option for later?
At this point we don't know. I would expect after we meet with the specialist this Thursday we'll find out more details.
I don't think it's disrespectful at all.
Good luck to you and your wife! And if saving eggs is a possibility, you should consider doing so. And if it isn't, I strongly suggest you consider adopting--my cousin was adopted as an infant after my aunt and uncle struggled with infertility, and he's a great kid, and I am SO glad he is part of the family.
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William, good luck and best wishes to you and your wife in this difficult time.
I certainly can’t speak for the person who sent you the gift certificate, but in my experience that sort of generosity usually doesn’t come with caveats. I don’t know, but I imagine the intent was to give you something the person figured you would want, rather than ‘you must buy this thing!’
I'll echo everything above. These boards are a great group of people. Believe me when I say that if you need support or even a kind voice, these boards deliver. I know, and most everyone who's posted here knows that.
I saw this at work tonight (can't log in at work, but I can read them), and I immediately wanted to comment. We all go through things... that are difficult. Your wife and you can come out stronger on the other side, my friend.
Let us know how it goes, I'm willing to listen, and willing to cheer from the sidelines (and help if I can!) if you feel sad or need to have a kind voice. Let's see you and her take that winner's lap.
As to the gift: The intent is for happiness. Use it for such.
My family will add you & yours to our prayer and "send good karma" list.
ESOM,
Steve
Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games
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Good luck, William! I hope everything works out for you and your wife.
As for the gift certificates, I doubt very much your benefactor would be upset if you used them on something other than the Kingmaker AP. I believe the intent was for you to get something you enjoy to help get you through this tough time, not to make sure you "specifically" get the Kingmaker AP.
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William, first and most important, best wishes to you and your wife, its excellent news that they found it so quickly and that i can be attended. About forming a family... i think i understand how its the situation is sad, so I wish the best in solving it, there are many ways, the most important thing is that your wife and you are well, that would be a good begining for happiness :)
about the ettiquete of the APs. Well its a gift, you can't continue to keep a ssucription so they gave you one so you could keep getting the sourcebooks... but... I do not think the one who gave you the gift would consider it in bad form if you take his gift and get the core Pathfinder RPG... in the end its the basis of everything else... without it it will eb ahrder to play with the AP, after all :P
don't get the campaign setting... yet... they are plannign a revision.. better wait for it to be out and you to be in better economical shape :)
my best wishes.
Seriously guys . . . . I appreciate everything you guys are doing. But I feel slightly bad seeing as how it's my wife with the cancer and I'm the one getting the gaming stuff.
I got another e-mail where someone anonymously gifted me PDF's of the Pathfinder Rules and Beastiary . . . . thank you.
Now, my wife does game with my group and I on occassion, but she's not nearly the gamer that the rest of us are. I guess part of me thinks that if this community is so desirous to provide for our gaming wants . . . it should be comprised of things we can be sure both of us (or her moreso than me), enjoy. granted, this might fall under more board games than specific pathfinder items . . . .
Gah . . . I hate how I tend to ramble.
Now, my wife does game with my group and I on occassion, but she's not nearly the gamer that the rest of us are. I guess part of me thinks that if this community is so desirous to provide for our gaming wants . . . it should be comprised of things we can be sure both of us (or her moreso than me), enjoy.
What's more theraputic than roleplaying with friends?
(See, there are still good folks in the world... And most of them hang out here, on the Paizo messageboards.)
Best of luck dude.
Ultradan
Well, the wife went to the specialist yesterday. I say she went because of the fact that I could not join her.
I am considered "home-bound" by doctors due to being in recovery from surgery on Wednesday. I had an Abscess removed from my left butt cheek. I am stuck home, not able to go to work, not able to leave the house this weekend for gaming.
Because the specialist was an hour away, my wife's father went with her. But, good news.
Apparently the cancer is in the lining of the uterus, not the uterus itself. the specialist said that it's very common, and prescribed three months of hormone therapy. Afterward, another surgery to see if the cancer's gone.
At that point, either it will be gone, we continue with the hormones, or if it's worse, take out the uterus. But, the specialist said that the hormones fix problem nine times out of ten.
At that point, either it will be gone, we continue with the hormones, or if it's worse, take out the uterus. But, the specialist said that the hormones fix problem nine times out of ten.
Ah... In that case... We'll be wanting our gift certificates back...
LOL!!
Just kidding dude!! Just MERE NEWS of something like that is well enough to get folks rallied up behind you!
Great news Will!! Keep us updated!!
Ultradan
Out-frickin standing!
Prayers and well wishes will continue for your wife.
Cheers!
Good news, William!
It sounds like you're both going to need some recovery time. What better way than reading Paizo books? :)
That's some great news!
*continues sending best wishes*
I apologize for the thread necromancy. But, I need someplace to . . . vent? No, not the right word . . . I need to . . . I'm not sure, just bear with me.
The last year has been very rough. My wife had surgery in January, then again in May, September, and then finally once again a few weeks ago to check on the status of the hormone treatments they put her on for the cancer . . .
To make a long story short . . . the hysterectomy is scheduled for the 28th. The hormones worked, kinda. just not well enough. they were reducing the cancer just in a very minuscule amount. after the last surgery, the doctor said that after a hear of being on the hormone treatments, it's just not effective enough to remain a viable plan.
We have no kids. Now, we will have no kids biologically. people mention surrogacy, and egg harvesting, and such, but we honestly don't know what type of cost there would be . . . and our finances are tapped from a year of medical bills.
Other's have also said adoption. I'm not saying that adoption is out of the question, but just not something the wife wants to think about right now . . .
I'm sorry to hear it has been so rough.
Hopefully the hysterectomy will be the end to your problems.
I think adoption is wonderful, and in many ways a nobler choice than having one's own child. I seriously hope the two of you consider it, once things have stabilized for you a bit.
Stay in touch, it doesn't need to be venting or anything, let us know how you're doing!
William, sorry to hear it did not went too well for your wife and you. I hope that everything goes as well as it possibly can from now on. My best wishes for your family.
Like Evil Lincoln wrote, just stay in touch if you want to, even if it is only a virtual heads-up from total strangers on a messageboard.
Stefan
I wish you and your wife the best man. There really was no choice here, my wife went though the same kind of thing. Best wishes to you both.
I'm sorry to hear it has been so rough.
Hopefully the hysterectomy will be the end to your problems.
I think adoption is wonderful, and in many ways a nobler choice than having one's own child. I seriously hope the two of you consider it, once things have stabilized for you a bit.
Stay in touch, it doesn't need to be venting or anything, let us know how you're doing!
+1
I pray that you both will experience relief and healing soon,
M.
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+1I'm sorry to hear it has been so rough.
Hopefully the hysterectomy will be the end to your problems.
I think adoption is wonderful, and in many ways a nobler choice than having one's own child. I seriously hope the two of you consider it, once things have stabilized for you a bit.
Stay in touch, it doesn't need to be venting or anything, let us know how you're doing!
+2.
I wish there was something we could do to make it easier for you and your wife. Just know that both you and your wife have my prayers, my sympathies, and my respect for being strong enough to get through this together.
Please don't overlook the adoption choice, if/when it's feasible, some of my dearest friends were raised by parents who didn't have to be.
God Bless you William.
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Sorry you're in this craptastic situation, sir.
True story, I'm not religious, but my wife is, and as I vowed to raise my child Catholic, I am honoring my word. We say prayers before his bedtime every night. I don't know why, but when that little boy prays, SOMEBODY listens. I'll make sure we mention you and your wife from now on.