I hope it was Major League. I think it was one of Wesley Snipes best performances. But that was back before he took himself too seriously, so that might be affecting my judgment.
Exactly Pat. Thing is, I'm going to ruin their lives one way or another. If I go now, at least one of them would be spared.
I would say that you are definitely going to ruin their lives by suicide. You always have the option to improve your relationship with your family if you are still on this plane of existance.
They will always remember you by what you do. Ask yourself if you want your kids to remember you this way.
Ten years from now, you might be a whole different person. Lord knows I am.
I am ex-military. When I was in Basic, my first wife left me. I didn't find out until I was in AIT. I loved that woman with all my heart. We had a beautiful daughter together, and she ran off with a crack head for no reason I could fathom and sold all our stuff and cleaned out our bank account. For two years I studied Arabic, trying to immerse myself in work, and I felt as if I was dead. At the end of my training I was denied my security clearance. All that work (I thought) for nothing. I also found out my daughter had been abused by some creepy babysitter my ex-wife had left her with. I was ready to lock and load and go ex-wife hunting, going out in a blaze of glory.
I know pain, I know sorrow. I now have a new wife I love and who loves me back. We struggle, and I struggle with my daughter's mental issues that are the legacy of her mistreatment while she was in my ex-wife's custody. But if I had given up when at my darkest, I would never have the many joys that my life brings to me. I would have never fallen in love with my new wife, or made a difference with the many folks I have helped since I got 'Jodied'.
All I'm trying to say man, is you can never find a better way if you are dead. Death is the ending of all options, at least in this incarnation.
You say you're an egoist, and you say you don't want to hurt others, which you say is the main reason for doing it. I see some inconsistency there (which might be explained by the Borderline syndrome). Have you really thought this through?
I don't think you're realy an egoist, or you wouldn't even think about others, and would certainly not consider extreme actions for the sake of others.
I do think you care about others. Which is a big reason against suicide. It may free you from all your problems (or not - but I'll leave the religious considerations to the priests among us), but you'll mess up things for those you care for.
I suspect that part of you doesn't want you to go through with this, and I think you should explore that part. Listen to that part of you, find out what keeps it going. You might find reasons for staying there.
And for the record: I do think there are people that are a waste of resources. I don't think you're among those. You really don't sound like the sort or egoistic, arrogant parasite I think of when I talk about "waste of space". And those guys never think about killing themselves.
Have you considered therapy? Are you getting therapy? It's not quite guaranteed to work, but I think everyone with problems is going to benefit from it one way or the other. If you have had psychotherapy before and it didn't help, try a different flavour: If you had behaviour therapy, try depth psychology, or vice versa. Sometimes, people need to be taught how to deal with problems, and sometimes, they need to find out just what the problems are.
I know from experience that really knowing your problem, and naming your demons, can be of tremendous help.
watching Lorenzo Lamas is pure torture...
Hey! I liked him in Renegade - of course, I was a lot younger when that show was on, but still. Nostalgia and all.
What does borderline personality disorder mean? If it is what I think it might mean, I can't think of anyone I am in regular contact with not having it...
Look it up on wikipedia or google.
Basically, it involves stuff like extreme mood-swings, up to "black/white-personality". People like that can go from euphoria to deep depression and back with nothing in between, or have no middleground (they either really like you or really hate you), or maybe even unable to tell it all apart.
I know/knew someone who was diagnosed with Borderline. It may have been a light case, but still, you never knew what to expect.
Imagine someone going for a walk with you on the first day they meet you , and tell you their life story - which involves being raped several times in their young life and losing a child, which was result of one of those rapes.
And then imagine that same person freely talking about their sex life a couple of minutes later. You just don't know what to think.
Imagine someone comes to the lunch table upbeat but leaves as a crying wreck before you had a chance to touch your dessert.
Yeah, watching Major League. I posted awhile ago.. seems to have eaten my post.
I think it might be a caching issue.
I had to log out and clear my cache to see this post.
Wow, WD, this is something to wake up to.
I'm in China. I work for an American who set up his own company here a few years back and I'm having a blast and making money. My point is that quite some time ago I considered myself a waste of space and resources, too.
I hope you stick with us. I hope you can consider that perspective on your own existence will change. You, ten years down the road alive and happy, could be looking back on you now - thinking "it was iffy" and "I'm sure glad my liver still works after all those meds I popped".
We're not shrinks. We're not counsellors. We're not here for the stark youtube footage of someone doing it. But we are into this brotherly and sisterly love thing and everyone who comes in here is a brother and sister and we know you can find a way to ride this through without cutting it short.
Off to work now. Will check in later.
That explains it....I got no HBO.
I almost got it for Rome coz I like that Titus Pollo dude with Cleopatra and all...but I can't scrape together the doucats.
Hell, if you like Rome that much, just wait for a sale and buy the two seasons, Heathy!
I like the vampire show too, I forget what it's called, wit the Anne Paquin or whatever.
My mom's got HBO at her house, so I check it out every once in a while.
True Blood. ~listens closer~ He said True love? It would take a miracle! Quick, call Miracle Max!
That explains it....I got no HBO.
I almost got it for Rome coz I like that Titus Pollo dude with Cleopatra and all...but I can't scrape together the doucats.
Really. As if you have the time for HBO...
Really. As if you have the time for HBO...That explains it....I got no HBO.
I almost got it for Rome coz I like that Titus Pollo dude with Cleopatra and all...but I can't scrape together the doucats.
You are right about that! ~smirks~ Why, with 23,576 posts (32,889 including aliases) and 8 reviews, he has been too busy running his mouth to watch TV. ~WICKED GRIN~
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For non-KC (don't read this KC please):
Sometimes I feel really hollow, and it's just like everything is useless.
You aren't incurable or unchangeable. That's part of human nature; we adapt. Don't deny yourself the chance to change.
About a year ago, I was totally dead-feeling. I dreaded everything, and felt like I was just going through the motions. I've done some bad stuff too.
In February, my mom talked me into going to a shrink. There are people who spend their entire careers learning about the human mind. Find someone who actually has a degree. Sometimes you have to search around, but find someone who doesn't assume anything about you.
Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I thought/think about hurting or killing myself. Sometimes I did both at the same time. But after a bit more than a year, I don't act out suicidal thoughts, and they come less and less often.
The first breakthrough in the shell I didn't know I had around me was crying. Men cry. It's an acknowledgment that things aren't okay. Crying brought me back to the real world. I have real emotions now; anger, sadness, happiness (yes, even that), and everything in between.
I know the idea of punishment by self-flagellation and suicide. You want to hurt yourself for hurting other people. It doesn't really work.
Dude, don't kill yourself. I don't really believe in a heaven or hell either. You beat yourself up too much; nowhere is too far to be beyond being "good." I know the rote "birth, school, work, sex, die" system and how futile it seems. It may seem useless, but at least try 3 shrinks before you give up.
I don't know you except from this thread, but I like you.
You talked about hurting people you care about, but you're talking about helping them too. The measure of a man doesn't lie in never making mistakes, it's how he deals with them.
Consider whether your children might like to keep you around. You don't get a chance to do right by them if you end it now, and you can always think about how it felt to dry fire that pistol if you ever start to mess up.
Anyway, from what you've said you're thinking of your kids. That's what a good father does and whatever happened before, you're trying to be a dad now. I just think you could protect them better alive.
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You are right about that! ~smirks~ Why, with 23,576 posts (32,889 including aliases) and 8 reviews, he has been too busy running his mouth to watch TV. ~WICKED GRIN~Really. As if you have the time for HBO...That explains it....I got no HBO.
I almost got it for Rome coz I like that Titus Pollo dude with Cleopatra and all...but I can't scrape together the doucats.
I kinda like it here, because nobody anywhere else knows what the f$$~ I'm talking about. Here, at least everybody understands 2/3's of the Dungeons and Dragons stuff.
~hops around holding my right foot~ Ow. Ow. Ow. Damn it! You must have fans here. The door snuck out and sneak attacked my foot!
You are right about that! ~smirks~ Why, with 23,576 posts (32,889 including aliases) and 8 reviews, he has been too busy running his mouth to watch TV. ~WICKED GRIN~Really. As if you have the time for HBO...That explains it....I got no HBO.
I almost got it for Rome coz I like that Titus Pollo dude with Cleopatra and all...but I can't scrape together the doucats.I kinda like it here, because nobody anywhere else knows what the f&&% I'm talking about. Here, at least everybody understands 2/3's of the Dungeons and Dragons stuff.
Heathy. I was just messing with your head. Besides, I must like you a bit to keep this "feud" up. OTOH, Were-Mutt pelts ARE going for a nice price this time of the year.
If you're afraid that your kids are going to be just like you, consider this: If you stick around, you'll have ample opportunity to tell them not to do what you have done and help/kick them in the right direction. If you think that you are a lost cause, at least stick up for your kids and their future.
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Hi WD. My name’s Luke but you can call me Mothman if you like. Hope you’re enjoying the movie, haven’t seen it myself.
Just got to work and saw this thread. I’ve only skimmed to be honest, and I don’t know how often I’ll get to reply during the day (I was on Paizo all day yesterday at work, so may need to take it easier today) but I’ll talk when I can, if you want to.
You wanted to discuss the philosophy of death, or of suicide? Has it all been covered up thread, or did you want to go into it some more?
Hi Welcoming Death,
I'm a young man, I'm only turning 21, but I've been affected by suicide. I've had to stop a friend of mine from hurting himself before, he thought there was nothing to live for, that the world was better off without him, but me and a few of his friends helped him, and he's feeling better. He told me that the best thing he ever did was stay alive, because then he had to face his problems, his guilt. He said its left him without regrets in case he does die now.
I'm not sure if that has any impact, or is just more diatripe, and I hear ya about helplines, there not exactly difficult to trick, etc. Their not trained to be.
But consider this, in Ireland at least, which has a massive upsurge in young male suicide in the last ten years, 60% of suicides are considered to be clusters. That's only where links are obvious and given credence. In my area recently a string of young girls have killed themselves, between the ages of 12 and 18, one of them was my friends sister and she wasnt even in secondary school (high school). I think you care at least a little, whatever you dont want to pass on, however bad it can be, it can't be worse than suicide. Death is final, irrevocable.
All the Best, a chára.
Exactly Pat. Thing is, I'm going to ruin their lives one way or another. If I go now, at least one of them would be spared.
I would say that you are definitely going to ruin their lives by suicide. You always have the option to improve your relationship with your family if you are still on this plane of existance.
They will always remember you by what you do. Ask yourself if you want your kids to remember you this way.
Ten years from now, you might be a whole different person. Lord knows I am.
I am ex-military. When I was in Basic, my first wife left me. I didn't find out until I was in AIT. I loved that woman with all my heart. We had a beautiful daughter together, and she ran off with a crack head for no reason I could fathom and sold all our stuff and cleaned out our bank account. For two years I studied Arabic, trying to immerse myself in work, and I felt as if I was dead. At the end of my training I was denied my security clearance. All that work (I thought) for nothing. I also found out my daughter had been abused by some creepy babysitter my ex-wife had left her with. I was ready to lock and load and go ex-wife hunting, going out in a blaze of glory.
I know pain, I know sorrow. I now have a new wife I love and who loves me back. We struggle, and I struggle with my daughter's mental issues that are the legacy of her mistreatment while she was in my ex-wife's custody. But if I had given up when at my darkest, I would never have the many joys that my life brings to me. I would have never fallen in love with my new wife, or made a difference with the many folks I have helped since I got 'Jodied'.
All I'm trying to say man, is you can never find a better way if you are dead. Death is the ending of all options, at least in this incarnation.
It's difficult to know what to say in a situation like this. Like many here, my first reaction to your post is rather visceral. My personal feeling is that you shouldn't take your life, and my hope is that you will change your mind before you make the decision to do so.
That said, I don't know if such a reaction is helpful. After all, if I were in your situation, I would not find such a thought comforting or helpful in the slightest. So instead, I would like to ask you some questions. Please note that you don't need to provide answers to these questions here. In fact, I would almost prefer that you don't answer them here. Nevertheless, I would hope that you give them the once over that I think they deserve before you make a decision that may ultimately prove to be the last decision you ever make.
My first question is this: Would you feel still feel compelled to commit suicide if someone important to you objected to your decision? If someone close to you said that you are important to them, and that they want you in their lives, would it make you feel different about committing suicide?
If the answer to this question is yes, then I think you should ask the people closest to you whether they want you in their lives, and base your decision on that.
My second question is this: Have you thought about the potential repurcussions of attempted suicide? I'm not talking about death, but rather surviving death. Your attempts so far have left no permanent marks or scars on your body or mental abilities, but imagine if you were left physically disabled, or scarred as a result of one of your attempts. Would it affect the way you look at yourself, or at life? Would it change your mind about committing suicide.
Before you answer that question, perhaps you should listen to a story on This American Life, called "Didn't Ask to be Born." In Act II, a guy tells a story about how he tries to commit suicide by lighting himself on fire.
My final question is this: Is there anything you still want to do that you haven't done? For example, do you want to travel somewhere, or experience something you haven't experienced yet? If so, maybe now's the time to do it. The worst that can happen is you might die from the experience, and if that's the worst that can happen, then what's stopping you? How is dying while living any worse than what you've decided to do?
On the other hand, if you kill yourself now, then that's that. No road trip across the country, no skydiving, no skinny dipping in Cancun. You are at a pivotal moment right now where you can do anything you want without worrying about the consequences. Maybe you should take advantage of that. My only advice is that, whatever you decide to do, please try not to hurt anyone. After all, the people you hurt are the people who have to live with the consequences of your decisions, not you. Think about that before you make any final plans.
I absolutely agree with this.
I would say that you are definitely going to ruin their lives by suicide. You always have the option to improve your relationship with your family if you are still on this plane of existance.
I agree too. Suicide is a legacy, like a cancer among your loved ones. But you can always fight the good fight this side of the fence, everyone changes, and a part of you wants to. I'm a science guy, and this choice has all the maths on its side, your choices alive, infinite, otherwise. Zero.
Director of Narrative
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I've been reading this thread and checking back on it since I woke up this morning. I haven't thrown in because I really didn't know what to say that hasn't already been said.
My brother cashed out early after coming home from the first Gulf War. All I know is that it caused far more pain for everyone that knew him than if he would have stuck it out and reached out to someone. At least you made that effort. I hope your situation improves and I love all the people (strangers probably for the most part) that have extended their arms out to you.
So I work in an office on the side of a mountain (my office window looks out over a fishing village and the yellow sea - from way up). The guys repairing the road are on strike and now I have to park at the bottom and walk up every day.
I climb through this village that's got open sewage and garbage everywhere because the city opened up construction projects all around their cluster of revolutionary era houses and they have no public services left except electricity.
Now they've moved the piles of garbage and rubble just enough to plant some gardens between them, but the garbage is closing in.
...nowhere else to post that.
Welcoming Death, it seems you aren't up for more conversation right now.
Know that my offer of emailing me still stands.
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[Thinking out loud]Stopping yourself from committing suicide is very, very messy. Do it anyways. Even if people see you out in the street and think you're insane, do it. Call the hot line, even though it's embarrassing. Hell, call up your kids or your ex-wife. Don't go boozing.
If all else fails, shoot yourself in the hand. That oughta convince people that you mean it. Then they won't let you near a gun, or pills. People will hear the shot. Go ahead and faint from the blood loss. But don't kill yourself yet. Go skydiving. Go bungee-jumping. Go wrassle alligators. Go hiking in bear country. Do all the crazy stuff that people do. But don't intentionally kill yourself. If you do, all the people that cared about you are gonna think they failed you. Get the adrenaline rush from doing something scary. Just don't get all calm and methodical. That's when you're in real danger.[/thinking out loud]
Wow, WD, this is something to wake up to.
I'm in China. I work for an American who set up his own company here a few years back and I'm having a blast and making money...
Any chance you could put me on good word for a job? I need one... ;)