Phenyekashi

[Andrew Judd]

Phenyekashi, Plucker of Wings, Destroyer of Second Chances
Bone Devil Cleric of Irori 7
What if I meet an Enlightened One?
Kill him.
What is an Enlightened One?
Seven chain links, an unused spear, a child.
Years ago, Phenyekashi consumed an ascetic priest of Irori that continued chanting his god's full name and select excerpts from the Unbinding of Fetters. Something remained, and Phenyekashi began to view its own acts of physical and mental evil as fetters.
Description: As fearsome of a bone devil as one would ever see, every bone outlined. The stench of decay that follows its kind remains, but warmer and drier, like not-quite-dry dung. It sits in a lotus position, holding a set of prayer beads that slowly rotate in time with telepathic chanting, filling the minds of any within 100'. The mouth opens rarely, its physical voice short and rasping and always on the subject of enlightenment.
Motivations/Goals: Introspection is its first and primary goal, attaining a greater spiritual purity the likes of which have never been seen amongst its kind. It has eschewed base acts of evil, instead meditating and performing penance, while its spiritual evil grows. Its presence and chanting causes nearby life to slowly corrupt, though it is at best only peripherally aware of this effect, having forsaken desire or pleasure for corruption.
Schemes/Plots: Part of its meditation is watching the world decay, making it reluctant to leave an area that retains innocence. Once an area is sufficiently degraded, it moves again, wherever fate decrees it must go. Those corrupted are influenced by its discarded desire, becoming quicker to anger, more depraved. Many follow Phenyekashi out of an instinctual understanding that it's the source of their power.
Adventure Hooks
* Celestials from Nirvana are sent to watch Phenyekashi, an example of evil changing its ways. Its spiritual corruption has caused their fall. Now believing it to pure and innocent, they purge the land of any traces of evil, so as to remove distraction and temptation.
* During a period of self-flagellation, Phenyekashi saves many people from a burning building, which explains why it sits unmolested in the town square. Does it might explain the tiefling born to a human family, the declining crops, or the ?
* Sufficient research into the Unbinding of Fetters reveals that those who perform sufficient penance and meditation in one lifetime will be granted a boon from Irori himself in the form of a godly miracle, the power of which can cause great devastation if this is Phenyekashi's true goal.

[Ed Greenwood]

Initial Impression: A religious bone devil. That sits in a lotus position, telepathically chanting. Different, yes. Villainous? Hmm . . .

Concept: I’m not a fan of “evil creatures following their natures” being primary villains. It’s like condemning (or praising) Lassie for being a dog. So when confronted with one, I need to be impressed. (Otherwise, the predictability of the villain, by knowing its natgure - - and in this case, its faith, too - - is going to be a DMing problem.) If Phenyekashi “is at best only peripherally aware of” its corruptive effect, how is it villainous (as opposed to being preoccupied, or disinterested)? I’m not seeing evil intent here - - or much action, for that matter.

Execution: How exactly does Phenyekashi do villainous things? How strong is its telepathy? Even if it corrupts living things into evil thoughts when they’re within a hundred feet, how does it make them act on those thoughts when they move farther away? If there’s a lasting effect, I need to be told so. Even better, tell me precisely what effects it can have, and the intent with which it chants . . . or we may have no villain at all here, just an interesting (albeit occasionally mobile) landscape feature.

Tilt: Originality is certainly strong here, but some coherence (and essential detail) is lacking. The last adventure hook includes the words: “if this is Phenyekashi's true goal.” That’s good enough for the NPC murmuring gossip to PCs in the tavern, but in a villain entry I, as DM, want to hear “X is [or is not] Phenyekashi's true goal.” Tell me truths; don’t leave me trying to portray a mystery, or incorporate it into a campaign.
The titles "Plucker of Wings" and "Destroyer of Second Chances" imply some deliberate (and evil) activity, but the entry gives no hint that Phenyekashi ever does anything active except move to a new area to corrupt. And without villainy, we have no villain.
(At worst, we have an object of ridicule, like the ridiculous schoolyard braggart who warns, "I'm BAAAAAD," but never gets up out of a chair to do anything.)

Overall: Not enough of a villain, and not enough detailed or suggested villainy centered on this introspective (and therefore, presumably, almost or entirely non-spellcasting) cleric, for me to be inspired to use it in a campaign in the role of a villain.

Recommendation: Not recommended for advancement.

[Sean K Reynolds]

While I think this is an interesting character, I don't see him as a villain. He's not actively evil, he's trying to be good. He's incidentally corrupting others to evil around him (though I don't see how his mere proximity does that, nor its telepathic chanting, presumably of the tenets of Irori, who is not evil). If he's able to corrupt celestials near him, he'd easily corrupt the mortals surrounding him in the town. It doesn't appear that he's an antagonist to the PCs, nor is he proactive, or taking action to thwart the PCs.

My initial response is that this is not a villain, or at least not villainous enough, and should not advance.

Rec: do not advance.

[Clark Peterson]

Not a villain.

It is super-cool. But it is just not a villain.

I DO NOT recommend that this submission advance.

[Wolfgang Baur]

This is a great concept for a character, but a largely passive one, as the other judges have mentioned.

I'm also unhappy with the missing hook, the several small errors in language, and the sense that there's no story arc here. A villain needs to be more than just amazing cool. He also needs to be amazingly dangerous, and this villain just isn't active enough to fill that niche.

Which is a shame, because this would make an ASTOUNDINGLY COOL encounter within a larger adventure.

Recommendation: Alas, I cannot recommend. But he'll make an appearance in my home campaign, oh yes.

[Fern Herold]

I agree with our judges. Neat encounter. Not a good villain. Too passive, and his goals are sort of muddled. I understand the desire to be flexible enough to incorporate into multiple games, but it leaves him feeling sort of empty.

[raincricket]

I like the image. It reminds me of Tibetan paintings of wrathful bodhisattvas, dakinis and the like. I think encountering Phenyekashi as part of a story-arc would be pretty awesome, particularly if the party had to go to him for advice, expecting to find a human mendicant. But yeah, not really a clear villain.

[bitplayr]

Certainly someone that could cause a great deal of misery. Later, when confronted, does he use it to become truly villainous? Then the PC's have their own issues of responsbility.

Lots of possibilities here.

[Steven Helt]

This character is completely not villainous. It has no agenda, and the prose leaves a lot of questions. How does he go about corrupting an area? What are the ramification of leaving his responsibilites as a devil soldier behind? What does it mean that he eschews base acts of evil and focuses his evil internally? Is he evil or not?

I grant, if I wanted to play a bone devil PC, I might play a monk and a story like this might be compelling. But this is not a villain, and does not come close to being something I would insert into a game.

Well...I just thought of one. But I do that. I worked him into a good concept, bt only as a conversational encounter. He is certainly not a villain or a central figure of a game I would run.

[Corrosive Rabbit]

I have to agree with the above comments. Phenyekashi strikes me as more of a plot device than a villain, as you could get a similar in-game effect with an evil artifact as you could with this villain. The concept of reaching for a purer evil through contemplation is interesting, but doesn't really translate well into what happens in-game.

CR

[Heaven's Agent]

This character offers a lot of potential as a villain, but none of the zeal; I love the concept of an evil power seeking self-perfection rather than more materialistic goals. That said, such a character needs to make an active effort to attain such goals if they're to have a true impact in an adventure, especially if that character is the villain.

As written, Phenyekashi is nothing more than an elaborate plot device. He may have his motivations, but his methods are so passive that they go unnoticed. In addition, I have trouble understanding his true intentions; is he attempting to atone for his evil in order to attain enlightenment, maybe neutrality? Or is he attempting to overcome his baser evil tendencies in order to become a pinnacle of spiritual evil?

As far as style and form, the entry itself strikes me as a bit sloppy. The adventure hooks are somewhat disorganized and broken, and in two of the three instances they're simply incomplete; I agree with others that they should be more revealing of Phenyekashi's actions and intentions.

[Winterwalker]

Not catchy enough for me. I didn't see any twists or hooks to make me go "Ooo, neat."

[Reckless]

Reckless Ratings

Concept 1
(Is this villain villainous?)
Content 2
(Grammar, Format,Spelling, Etc.)
Coolness 2
(Would my players be impressed by this? Am I?)
Credibility2
(Does the villain’s motives make sense?)
Clarity 3
(How good a sense of how to stat this villain do we get?)

Scores out of 5 and completely based on my opinion only.
Total Score10

[Golarion Midwife]

It's a pretty scene in my head, but I have a hard time imagining it... you know... doing anything. It seems to lack an intelligence and thus the ability to have plot.

But still... I can hear the chanting now :)

[Sue Flaherty]

Love the description, but this strikes me as something like a hurricane hitting the shore -- it's there, you deal with it, but it didn't pick on you. Not a villain. Sorry.

[Count_Rugen]

Virgil wrote:

Those corrupted are influenced by its discarded desire, becoming quicker to anger, more depraved.

Sounds like my gaming group... And they won't have any issues with taking out that depraved anger on Phenyekashi, plucking his wings, and depriving him of second chances.

Sorry, doesn't do it for me, man.

[Maurice de Mare]

Does it grab me? No
Can I use it? No

End result: no vote from me

[Joel Flank]

I have to agree with the other comments. This doesn't even read like a villain to me, more of an interesting NPC. None of the adventure hooks even suggest to me that Phenyekashi is the villain involved. I can see using him as a red herring interesting NPC that's the initial suspect, when in fact there's some other evil afoot that's causing the trouble in the area, but in the end, you need a more active villain.

I don't want to play in an adventure where the winning strategy is "I'll start meditating good thoughts to beat your evil meditations! Take that mantra!"

[Ragwaine]

HOLY BONE DEVIL BATMAN! This is really surreal and interesting. Kind of clunky, had to be read twice type of writing. Very cool idea I may have to steal it and I don't think I'll forget it. Still might sneak into my top 5 even though it doesn't really seem to fit what was asked for. I just haven't seen a lot of villains that I like so far. (this is #15 for me)

[Russ Taylor]

The repentant bone devil turns out to be a better encounter than a villain. His aura of corruption (I take it this would be a unique ability?) seems to be an effort to make him more villanous, but strays far enough from stock bone devils that I'm left scratching my head.

There's something to this entry, though. He'll at least stick around in my memories - worrying his beads and chanting in my head.

[roguerouge]

Writing error: "Does it might explain the tiefling born to a human family, the declining crops, or the ? " No matter how rushed you are, you always have time to read it out loud once. Where you stop or stumble, revisit your language. In addition, have someone else read it. They'll pick up on errors like this one.

[Jason Nelson]

He's a great terrain feature and a neat curiosity as the source of problems IN an adventure (certainly could be a tool or pawn of a villain making use of his unwitting powers of corruption). But why?

Sorry, cool base concept but no actionable villainy to be found.

[Charles Evans 25]

As far as I can make out, Phenyekashi is currently in some sort of 'chrysalis' state. One day, if and when he emerges for the last time from his meditation to terrorise the world in a 'purified' form, yes he will be a villain, but until then he's just an encounter or troublesome part of the scenerey.

Will this villain cause the PCs grief?
Not until he finishes his 'self improvement' course, unless that 'corruptive aura' is a real problem.

[Ernest Mueller]

3/10

A bone devil that just meditates but leaks corruption into the area. Seems more like a plot device than a villain. Could be an artifact instead of a creature and have the same "corrupt the locals" effect.

[Drakli]

Okay, I'm going to throw this out there. I like this guy. I think he's got my vote.

I'll tell you why:

1) The concept of a bone devil aesetic appeals to me on a deep and abiding level. The gaunt form, clad in the rags or clothes of a seeker of peace... like a serene yogi with a scorpion tail. The rattling of prayer beads, the vaguely unholy rhythm of telepathic chants, it's stirring stuff, as even the Judges noted.

2) Phenyekashi is what I'd like to call... an accidental villain. He didn't get up one morning (not that fiends sleep, but work with me here,) and decide, "I want to conquer the world, Buahahahaha-Hah!" (though maybe he used to.) He just wants to find inner peace. The problem is, inner peace for him causes outer dismay for everyone around him. His telepathic abilities, combined with his devotion, and innately evil radiation, turn him into a wandering psychic firestorm that leaves devestation in his wake. For me, it makes him a sympathetic figure. It's kind of a relief from the card carrying Apocalipniks out there. He wants to be good (or at least, free from the fetters of evil,) but he just can't, or at least the way he's trying to accomplish it is pyrric. You kind of feel sorry for the guy, even though he must be stopped.

And you can bet his devotion to his ideal is fanatic enough he won't turn aside from his 'spiritual journey' because a bunch of unenlightened ruffians say so. I can see him as the centerpiece of a module. Since he can provide for the creation of many foes for the heroes, even amongst the ranks of beings good PCs ordinarily never fight (like the angels in the plot hooks,) calling him just good for one encounter feels like selling his potential short. I mean, the guy pretty much carries a cult around with him.

---

That said, there are problems. The grammer is hit or miss and people have already pointed out one rather glaring sentence fragment. It's also true that his passiveness works against him. As much as I enjoy the idea of the wandering psyche-storm, it only works the first couple of times before the PCs start wondering if they're beat cops chasing off vagrants, "Move along sir, you can't meditate here." If he had a devestating goal to actively oppose (which he might not realize the horrid implications of) where the PCs would go, 'Holy Crap, we really gotta stop this!,' things would be a lot sharper. I'm sure I could think of something, but as has been noted, it isn't my job right now.

As it is, I'm rooting for this guy mostly based on concept and imagery, which I think is heads and shoulders above a lot of entries this year round. Also, because I like the idea of a villain who's not trying to be one, who even wants to be good, or at least, pure.

[Montalve]

interesting concept, great background, but lacks villain motivations and actions

he saves people and then he corrupts unknowingly... the problem is the unknowingly... and the fact that people usually is the ungrateful bunch...
most religions would have already put a price on their head just for existing.

[QXL99]

This character seems hard to roleplay. Also, it is hard to see how he would last over a series of encounters--he doesn't organize a heirarchy of thugs under his control, he does not lay out plans for heroes disrupt, and he doesn't seem the type to target annoying PCs as a personal threat to be eliminated.

[Jorrik the Fat]

And now, I am finally down to just four. I'm voting for this one, because I can see great potential in it, and, while it's not truly a villain, it's a great plot hook that I can see being expanded into something I'd like to use. I think this is a well-done entry, and I'd love to see more of it. Here's hoping I get the chance!

[Charles Evans 25]

Phenyekashi made the last eight in the jockeying for my final vote, but did not make the roll-off because of my doubts as to just how much of a current active threat he is. I get the impression from the entry that some day, he will be a super-duper 'mega villain' once he completes his meditation, but I am looking for someone achieving their villainous potential today, not focussing to achieve it tomorrow.
Sorry about this. The entry needed to explain/focus more on any changes/maturations which are occuring now in my opinion.

[Andrew Judd]

*bites knuckles to muffle responses to various posts thus far*

A vote for Phenyekashi is a vote for Andrew Judd, and a vote for Andrew Judd is a vote for *insert home country here*!! :P

[Zombieneighbours]

I like Phenyekashi a lot. Its a great concept, it really is.

He is a villain who never has to actually do anything specific to make evil things happen. He could act as insperation and mentor to the more day-to-day villains that a party face, cause horrible damage to whole regions without even lifting a finger and even sit and perhapes even corrupt the PCs. Its very cool.

[Andrew Judd]

I've got a revision on the concept, but I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to post such.

As for motivation, I've followed the goal of "walks like a duck, talks like a duck". If Phenyekashi's goal was to corrupt the land and convert any who try to speak with him out of arrogance, it would look effectively the same. If the party chooses to not be around, that's the same as any other villain with goals that aren't specifically to kill the party. Throw in the fact that Phen has the design to be a recurring threat, and it provides a foil that follows out of chance (or dharma/fate).

[Charles Evans 25]

Andrew Judd wrote:

I've got a revision on the concept, but I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to post such.

As for motivation, I've followed the goal of "walks like a duck, talks like a duck". If Phenyekashi's goal was to corrupt the land and convert any who try to speak with him out of arrogance, it would look effectively the same. If the party chooses to not be around, that's the same as any other villain with goals that aren't specifically to kill the party. Throw in the fact that Phen has the design to be a recurring threat, and it provides a foil that follows out of chance (or dharma/fate).

Even though you didn't make the top 16, I'll try to come back to comment if you post a revised version.

[Andrew Judd]

Revision!

Phenyekashi, Plucker of Wings, Destroyer of Second Chances
Bone Devil Cleric of Irori 7
What if I meet an Enlightened One?
Kill him.
What is an Enlightened One?
Seven chain links, an unused spear, a child.
Years ago, Phenyekashi consumed an ascetic priest of Irori that continued chanting his god's full name and select excerpts from the Unbinding of Fetters. Something remained, and Phenyekashi began to view its own acts of physical and mental evil as fetters.
Description: As fearsome of a bone devil as one would ever see, every bone outlined. The stench of decay remains, but warmer and drier, as half-dry dung. It sits in a lotus position, holding prayer beads that slowly rotate in time with telepathic chanting, filling the minds of any within 100'. The mouth opens rarely, its physical voice short and rasping and always on the subject of enlightenment.
Motivations/Goals: Meditation & purification is its means towards enlightenment, spiritual purity. Base acts of evil known by its kind left behind, leaving only chanting. Its essence grows in power, corrupting the land around it. Even its entoned mantra actualizes into dark energies, wantonly corrupting any nearby. Phenyekashi is too devoted to notice, let alone care or derive pleasure from the damage.
Schemes/Plots: Watching, listening to the ebb and flow of corruption is part of Phenyekashi's meditation, making it reluctant to leave an area that retains innocence. Once corrupted, it moves on. Those who discuss enlightenment are told insights that strip away of the need for material possession, or morality. This insight is almost universally twisted into something evil, due to the wrong frame of reference (no fiend has sought enlightenment from Phenyekashi) and the aura of corruption. Those with the will to survive and grow strong in Phenyekashi's presence become monastic followers, misguided into active corruption.
Adventure Hooks
* Celestials from Nirvana are sent to watch Phenyekashi, an example of evil changing its ways. Its spiritual corruption has caused their fall. Now believing it to pure and innocent, they purge the land of any traces of evil, so as to remove distraction and temptation.
* During a period of self-flagellation, Phenyekashi saves many people from a burning building, which explains why it sits unmolested in the town square. Does it explain the tiefling born to a human family, the declining crops, or the random assaults by wandering monks?
* The Unbinding of Fetters states that with sufficient penance, Irori himself will grant a boon in the form of a godly miracle. Pilgrims that have spoken to Phenyekashi have begun to construct altars, and Phenyekashi himself is beginning to mention that the dharma of a fiend includes obtaining immense power so as to devastate as much mortal life as possible.

[Charles Evans 25]

The alterations seem to indicate slightly more clearly (although I had to check the definition of Dharma) that Phenyekashi has an agenda of becoming a walking beacon of pure spiritual Lawful-Evilness, and give the spin now that he has 'disciples' who go out and do Lawful Evil acts for him.
This mentoring aspect could be developed a bit more.

Some of the sentences do not seem to make sense when I read them. In particular:

Andrew Judd wrote:

....Now believing it to pure and innocent, they purge the land of any traces of evil, so as to remove distraction and temptation.

Now believing what pure and innocent? Did you mean 'Now believing Phenyekashi to be pure and innocent...'? If they do and they are purging the land of evil, why is that a problem? Or is it 'perceived evil' that they are purging from the land?

[Andrew Judd]

Phenyekashi's genderless, and I'm not very fond of the use of 'hir/xer' style pronouns. So I default to using 'it' when referring to the ascetic osyluth.

I'll work on making it more clear that the celestials are supposed to be more extreme in their purging than seems to be considered.

Part of my original design was that it was to be inferred that the corrupted followed Phen meant there would be 'disciples'.