I'm sure with the amount of people in this community that there are a lot of great stories to be shared. So what're some of the stupidest and/or funniest things your party or your players have done in a game?
I've got a good one to start off with. Me and my party had a funky rock that, without going into details, a group of dwarves REALLY wanted. They offered us a dragon's hoard for the thing and without missing a beat one of the other guys says "Double it." The rest of us were so in shock trying to get him to take the deal it wasn't until another guy had already dived into the treasure with intentions of taking a "treasure bath" that the guy playing the cleric said "Wait, they never said they killed the dragon." Just in time for us to hear the guy in treasure say "We are sooo sorry," to the highly annoyed and highly alive red dragon.
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To interrogate a goblin prisoner, my party once decided to cut a head off of a dead goblin to scare it. The orc immediately says "I can get head" and runs outside to the scene of the battle. When he returns, he has more than one.
My character once saved another character. The other character said "I owe you two drinks. Saving my life is worth exactly two drinks."
Once, about midway through a 14 hour game session, we had stopped at the local city. While there, the chaotic and more immoral members of the party, ironically, decided to turn in early. The Lawful and Good decide to go out and "make the streets safe for women and children". There were three of us: a massive lizardfolk paladin named Urg, a burly human fighter named Kursch Swordson, and my reformed dark elf fighter mage, Devereaux.
When we were set upon by a local press gang, we mad short work of subduing them and demanded to be taken to the guy who sent them. When we got there, the DM described it as "a heavy metal bard kind of bar with vomit and alcohol an inch or so thick on the floor". Kursch (I believe) demanded that the leader turn himself in to the authorities. As his goons surrounded us, he sensibly refused. Of course, a big fight broke out.
Being a wussy mage/ftr type, I got hurt early and attempted to levitate and tumble my way out of the fray, knocking myself out on my way out the window with a botched roll. Kursch drank his potion of fire breath, since the leader was giving as harshly as he was getting, in a desperate attempt to end things early. Since the whole bar was covered in alcohol, it went up like roman candle. The leader went down, kursch went down, and Urg attempted to carry Kursch out of the door while I lay unconscious in the alley right behind the bar.
Unbeknownst to us, the place was a local smuggler's den where they stored their stolen goods. This included millions of gold worth of stolen artwork, chest of valuables, .... and a multitude of gallons of greek fire. The whole place blew up along with half of the town we were in.
We all died.
We did so much damage that the city felt it was neccessary to have us raised so they could put us on trial for mass murder and destruction of property.
And we were the Lawful and good party members ......
Long story short. When underground and in a narrow tunnel, NEVER throw a fireball into an orc latrine pit.
While running H2: The Mines of Bloodstone, the party rogue snuck ahead and stealthily climbed a ladder up to one of the upper mineshaft areas. This particular mine had a basilisk right at the top. Rogue peeked over the edge....failed gaze attack save, and then a rocky-rogue ( ice cream? ) statue fell from the top of the ladder to the bottom of the vertical shaft, shattering into a huge number of pieces and mixing into the rubble already down there.
oops!
Also..when this was discovered (the player really liked his character) the party wizard's self declared 'brilliant solution!' was to cart the entire rubble pile back to his tower room, and have his apprentices sort through the rubble and use mending spells to reassemble the rogue until stone to flesh would be a viable cure again. Imagine trying to assemble 8 seperate puzzles that had been all mixed together. Talk about apprentice cruelty! As a footnote, the rogue made a reappearance about halfway through H3, much to the players joy ;)
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In a homebrew Ravenloft adventure about 6 years ago, the party (accompanied by the Lich co-denizen of the realm) was on a long journey to meet up with the Vistani. A few days into the journey, the party comes to a stop in a plains area with a few ridges.
My Rogue (masquerading as a Baron): "We should find shelter, these lands are dark and unsafe."
Monk: "Very well, I will help the Baron find shelter."
::Wilderness Lore checks::
DM: You find a large, dark cave deep into a ridge.
Rogue: I enter the cave, carefully searching for danger.
DM: You wander to the back of the cave, torch in hand. As you enter a large chamber, the smell of blood and wet fur assaults your nose. Hunched in the center of the cave is a large bear with glowing red eyes. It rears up as it notices your entry.
Rogue: I run...
::Han Solo-style, Rogue runs out of the cave past the dumbstruck Monk.::
Rogue: "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"
Monk: "Huh?"
DM: Roll initiative, a large bear towers over you.
Monk: Hmm. I can use Leap of the Clouds to Jump up to the ridge.
Wizard: (Predating Episode III) "Don't try it!"
Monk: I Jump!
Bear: RAAWWWR! ::AoO hits, critical drops the Monk::
Now, everytime we see a cave the group yells: "Don't worry, it's nothing like last time. Hah, it's EXACTLY like last time!"
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This happened in a Dungeon adventure whose issue I do not remember. Or maybe this was something I thought up. I really can't remember.
Anyway...
The party is in an old building, looking for the BBEG, it being the end of the adventure. They are carefully and slowly checking every room for loot/fleshy XP bags.
They open a door that had a hell hound in it. I was a new DM at the time, and didn't think about surprise rounds, so they shut the door before I could have it breathe fire on them.
Now, I had neglected to check character sheets for anything fishy, and my friends tell me that they all have bows of some kind, short, long or cross, and that they are going to pull a surprise round on said hell hound. I was in for a treat.
They open the door, and before I can do anything, anything, they open fire. All of them. This thing went into the -40's in less than a round, without blinking an eye, and if I remember right, we were absolutely dying of laughter. That was a fun night.
Current group... Expedition to Castle Ravenloft...
The party is moving toward the church to stop the inevitable zombie apocalypse. The DM tells us we hear hoarse chanting. In response, I made horse noises. Which got the group giggling every time chanting was mentioned.
The DM got me back. We found the priest's diary. When we went to read it...he made horse noises.
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Oh, yes, and then there's this little gem.
I was running Three Faces of Evil for my group, and was improving the Diamond Lake/Balabar Smenk meet up. I basically had the party set up a deal buying controlled substances, and they would then capture said dealer and force him to tell them where to find Smenk.
So the party clown has a fun idea since he's a half-orc and the substances are in vials. He grapples one of my dealers, and forces the entire vial (mind you, they were full) down the poor guy's nose after he's shaken the guy down for information. Suffice it to say, my dealer kicks it on an overdose.
But that's not the end of it. They go to the Headquarters of the drug ring, and my friend here kicks in the door, throwing the now frothing dead guy in and Intimidating them. Meanwhile, the rogue and the rest of the party have come around back (sneakily) and are preparing an ambush.
Yeah, imagination and experience in front and behind the screen tells you the rest.
The rest of the adventure goes off without many problems, though this same friend did take a bit of a dip in the viscous black pool of slime that the Overgod avatar was stewing in.
I think I've got more...Maybe later.
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In d20 Modern, we were supposed to cut the RED wire BEFORE we cut the BLUE wire. We got mixed up and tried to cut the BLUE wire first...and rolled a natural 1, which means we we cut the RED wire by accident, which was the correct thing to do. The City was saved by our ineptitude!
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The party was holed up in an abandoned inn durring an attack by a wave of zombies. Near the end of the assault a party member went down the stairs to clear out the remaining zombies.
Well, the knight coming down the stairs is hacking away at the zombies when he suddenly sees a man in the main room begin to hold a holy symbol up and say some words. To the knight, this guy was apparently a necromancer leading the zombies. He was half right, this was a necromancer, but he was to be a new party member, and was trying to help clear out the zombies.
The spiked plate-clad warrior knocks a zombie off the stairs and charges the Necromancer, they fall to the ground, grappling. Somehow, this small Necromancer picks this seven foot tall armored knight up off of him and tosses him aside.
This is funny and amazing in and of itself; but then the Necro-player's wife pipes up and says: "That's a surprise, normally he can't touch anything on top of him."
And much fun was had that night at his expense.
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Current group... Expedition to Castle Ravenloft...
The party is moving toward the church to stop the inevitable zombie apocalypse. The DM tells us we hear hoarse chanting. In response, I made horse noises. Which got the group giggling every time chanting was mentioned.
The DM got me back. We found the priest's diary. When we went to read it...he made horse noises.
hehe yes yes...I won't say neeeeiiigh to that ;)
How about
Party creeping through the underdark....clearing cave after cave...comes to a side cave. Rogue creeps forward peers into dark...comes back and tells party "Its a room filled with patches of some kind of mold. A chest is at the far end."
Wizard- "I'll take care of this...."
Party creeps forward and stands behind wizard who casts a fireball into the room of Brown Mold patches (3 of them)....a few seconds later when the Wizards Familiar turned into a popsickle and fell to the floor and I told the party they were all blue in the face and in danger of suffering from frostbite, they backed away from the room far quicker...Wizard to Rogue- "Why didnt you tell me it was Brown Mold"
Rogue to Wizard- "You didnt ask...."
:D
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Long ago - The Night below Campaign.
Party heard about slaves held by your cruel underdark masters of the neighbourhood, party slays cumotn, cleric goes to slave labor group and says: "We come for you!" - not terribly funny unless you know it was a cleric of Kelemvor, the FR god of the dead - this priest of fairly high level wore dark grey ropes, a scythe and a sacred mask that actually let his face look like a skull...
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Back in the early days of 2E, one of our groups had managed to get themselves lost in the Underdark without sufficient provisions.
The party was literally starving and none of them had the survival skills needed to scavenge food in that environment.
Later, the halfling thief (rogue), managed to get himself killed in a hit-and-run encounter with some drow. The party was now a man down, and starving.
Human fighter: What do you need to cast a Ressurection spell?
Human Cleric: Just a part of the body...
Fighter: Good! (cuts off the halfling's finger and puts it in his pouch)
Cleric: (realizing what's about to happen) We can't do that, it's cannibalism!
Fighter: ...I'm not a halfling...
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Then there was the time my my rakishly charming rogue character almost got splatted.
We had managed to bring down the tower of a local cult. The tower was located somewhere withing the same city as a smugglers' guild. We knew where the guild was, but we couldn't get past the defenses of the building. A day earlier, one of our clerics softened the earth under the tower's foundation to bring it crashing down, but we hadn't gone through all the rubble yet. Well, no "materials acquisition specialist" like my character could let that go, so I decided to "see if there were any survivors needing help".
As I was digging through the rubble, I came across a big statue ... and it turned its head to look at me. Unbeknownst to me (a common theme with my characters) the tower was guarded by 2 Stone Golems. Having nothing at all to affect a Stone Golem, I (of course) ran like a little girly man. The Golem gave chase. I thought my goose was finely roasted.
Then the idea came to me: This thing can probably break through the guild's defenses. I made sure it was chasing me (at a safe distance), took out my bow and my stone-biter grapple arrows, and ran for the guild's HQ. As I approached it, I buried the arrow in the wall, scaled my way up, and beat-feet across the roof (much to the surprise of the two guards on the roof). With a quick wave and a "hey, how's it goin" I fired an arrow across to the next building just in time to hear the Golem begin destroying the building and its inhabitants.
I watched from a building over. I love it when a plan comes together.
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Last night. I retired a duskblade PC 2 sessions ago and replaced him with a goliath druid who rides a rhino. Massive charge damage. Session one- mostly roleplay, one minor combat that ended before my initiative came around. No chance to test my dude in combat. The next game session riding through the werewolf infested woods in search of the werewolf lord. We spot some creatures they win initiative and the Werewolf lord charges my goliath with a greatsword. Hit directly to -19 hp.
The party eventually does a reverence and revivify or some such to return me to life. Druid and rhino get their bearings and ride-by-attack a werewolf barbarian (the Lord was already dead) and the rhino crits(DM made a special feat to allow the Rhino to do a 'fly-by' type of attack) while the druid hits....150+ damage from the rhino(he power attacked) and another 50ish from the druid.
Meanwhile the Neanderthal Frenzied Berserker is Freaking and at around -160 hp (gotta love the AC9 of the FB) with one more opponent. We all run like hell, leaving the berserker because we are all terrified to try to heal him. The Summoner drops a bunch of creatures as we run and the ranger entangles the area so he can't follow and we all just ran like hell!
He kills everything in the area, sees nothing left to attack and drops out of his frenzy, dissipating into a fine red mist.
Overall a lovely night of D&D.
Spoiler Alert!!!
Spoiler Alert!!!
Spoiler Alert!!!
We had a player during our Shackled City Campaign, just as he was about to walk down a hallway within the Ruins of Karran-Kural lined with Spell Weaver coffins, say "I take absolutely no precautions and I walk down the hallway." Huh?!
Bandit of LV
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Back in one of the very first games I ran, I had all the players going underground. noone had torches, noone knew the rules for seeing, so I just put glowing moss on the walls so everyone can see. It's a cop-out, I know, but I was inexperianced. Anyway, the rogue in the party decided that if the moss makes the walls glow then maybe ingesting some would make him glow. He honestly used the line "I lick it." all serious like. It was hilarious, and has since become a running joke (both the moss and the licking of things).
(Incidently, I decided to look up the rules for poisons and I think the rogue almost died from some fever or another)
On another occasion, I had put a wand in a treasure horde, but forgot to specify the type in my notes. feeling really tired, and pressured by the wizard who found it, I just finally called it the "wand of blue". All it did was change things blue when it touched them and he said the magic word (the word was "Blue", in case you couldn't guess). Needless to say the rogue immediataly licked it, got a blue tongue and it soon became the favorite item of the wizard.
(It also found uses when the party had to dress for a party. the monk set out to seduce/distract a nobleman and his favorite colour was, you guessed it, blue. and because of that wand, so was her gown. one of the few times my players took a positive approach to roleplaying.)
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Cleric: (realizing what's about to happen) We can't do that, it's cannibalism!
Fighter: ...I'm not a halfling...
My brother had a gnome warlock name Luthor - always a bit sketchy as he wanted to turn himself into a slaad, as he was convinced it was the source of his warlock powers.
Anyway, Luthor went to the Twilight Tomb (a demi-plane of an abandoned glass-castle). Long story short, the party could not figure out how to escape the demi-plane, so Luthor ends up eating the entire party, as they succomb to starvation, to stay alive.
Oh, did I mention that Luthor chose to fire his Eldritch Blast out of his mouth, Godzilla-style? And that he had a cockney accent?
I've got a couple from an evil campaign I was in a few years ago. So we've got this guy who was playing a hex-blade at the time and I'm was playing an assassin. We, for some reason I'm kind of hazy on at the moment, decided that we needed to go to this giant Tree of Light style thing and kill the gold dragon who lived there. Well we came to this big door at the entrance, only way through without being able to fly apparently. And as our Ninja of the crescent moon was checking the door for traps I got a little impatient and just kicked him through the door. Fortunately for him , there weren't any traps. But what I didn't know was that he and the hex-blade had some kind of deal to help each other. So as we're all standing there staring goggle-eyed at the treasure the hex-blade casts suggestion on me and says "You should go get some of the treasure before anyone else," I quite naturally failed the save. SO I ran up to the treasure and started grabbing stuff and got hit by the trap on the treasure, Ironic isn't it? So I'm paralyzed when the gold dragon that had polymorphed himself into a monkey to hide then jumped the party, ignoring me.
Later in the same game the former hex-blade was now playing half-fiend ranger. We're in the middle of a fight, and I had gotten trapped in some web and taken out of the fight, which happened a lot, the ranger got hurt badly, so he decided to try to bring me to negative hit points so he could cast Death Knell on me to get like 1d8 HP back. Only half-way through doing it he forgot why, so he just decided to keep killing me, brought me to like -50 HP before he remembered what he was originally doing. The whole time he's telling the rest of the party "Don't worry, I'm helping him out of the webs." They being the evil people that they were, didn't really care.
Just yesterday...
We had a fight with a bunch of orcs in league with some somewhat tippsy gnomes, wich were brewing something in three big cauldrons, which we suspected to have something to do with the plague in a nearby human city. The orcs got mashed up fast by our fighting machines (a Klingon and a Wookie, our DM has some funny races to use in his campaign). So, the orcs died fast, the gnomes tried to escape in a boat at the lakeshore, and my invisible human bard beat them to the boat (a fumbled jump check meant he landed in the boat prone), next round he stands up und yells "Surrender! Or suffer the consequences!". Still invisible. The gnomes surrender totally without me even having to do an intimitadion roll. Everybodys happy. But the CN wookie, armed with his greatsword, and in bloodlust (NOT a racial feature...) kills the first gnome in reach and cries "And this is what will happen to you if you trie to flee". Now, to keep wookies close to the feel of Chewbacca in the movies, the DM ruled to them to have vocal chords that can't pronounce other languages than wookie. Of course, the gnomes scatter and flee...
My CG bard, enraged by this totally unprovoked attack, tried to suggest to the wookie to "Go and drink from one of the cauldrons!". And the wookie botched his saving throw, but not his sr-check. The rest of the evening there was much laughter and a little bit of tension and in-fighting and gnome grappling...
Stupid spell resistance. I really was curious about the effects of the strange brew that they were cooking...
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Years back I ran a group through a 2nd ed. module called Baltron's Beacon. A new player decided to bring in what he called a "priest of evil". Now the group was mostly neutral in bent so it was possibly feasible until on the very first night in the dungeon with the party he got annoyed at them moving to slow for him. Now the party has just encountered a doorway that leads into a magically dark area and is being cautious when the priest threatens to "kill them all in thier sleep" if they don't get moving (lapse in wisdom?). Well all the other players look at each other right away and come to a swift silent agreement. The entire group tackles and trusses up the priest and throw him into the darkness since he so graciously volunteered to be thier scout. They all look at each other and say, "did you hear a thump of him landing? I didn't hear a thump." Unbeknownst to them the room had a floor (which they had checked for) everywhere except the very center of the room (where they threw him). So the poor priest is thrown down this pit into an underground lake where the low level (compared to them) undead tear him apart as he drowns (which he can't do anything about since he's tied up). That's the last time any one player ever gave warning that they were planning on messing with or attacking the group as a whole.
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In 2E Greyhawk Ruins was a room with a total vacuum. The PC's wrapped one of themselves up in a bag so he would have air to breathe, with holes for his hands so he could work.
The moment he stepped into the room - PAP - the bag expands outward like a balloon, and he's forced to waddle around like that blueberry girl in Willy Wonka :)
That's all I could think of.
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I'm sure I've told this story before, but I still think it's funny.
We were playing a Dungeon adventure from the 2e days, and the party was walking through a desert when they came to a pair of merchants tugging on a rope that went down into a pit. The characters went to see what was up, and found that the merchants were trying to save their colleague, who had fallen into the pit and was being eaten by a giant ant lion. The party took too long to decide what to do, so I ruled that the guy died and the rope went slack.
At that point, the party ranger, who had a Ring of Animal Friendship, decided to use it on the monster, but she mistakenly thought she still needed the spell's material component - a piece of food the creature would enjoy. The party's fighter, an orc, shrugged and shoved one of the other two merchants into the pit. The final merchant screamed in rage and drew his sword, so the fighter ran him through. The party left, with the merchants worse off than if they'd simply passed by. Also, the ranger decided not to bother using the ring.
I'm sure I've told this story before, but I still think it's funny.
We were playing a Dungeon adventure from the 2e days, and the party was walking through a desert when they came to a pair of merchants tugging on a rope that went down into a pit. The characters went to see what was up, and found that the merchants were trying to save their colleague, who had fallen into the pit and was being eaten by a giant ant lion. The party took too long to decide what to do, so I ruled that the guy died and the rope went slack.
At that point, the party ranger, who had a Ring of Animal Friendship, decided to use it on the monster, but she mistakenly thought she still needed the spell's material component - a piece of food the creature would enjoy. The party's fighter, an orc, shrugged and shoved one of the other two merchants into the pit. The final merchant screamed in rage and drew his sword, so the fighter ran him through. The party left, with the merchants worse off than if they'd simply passed by. Also, the ranger decided not to bother using the ring.
Classic and hilarious!
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Was playing "Age of Worms", and we were in one combat or another, I forget which, but we were all on our last leg. We get it down to the last bad guy and we know if anyone takes a hit that persons toast. The fighter comes up in inititive, big bads up next. (Whos large size btw)
If he falls, the rest will surely as well.
He rolls..
He misses..
He recounts all the current spell bonus's..
He sighs..
Then everyone all at the same time yell out loud and clear..
"HE'S FLANKING!!"
We win.
That one moment has stuck with me, though the rest of the campaign unfortunatly did not.
Heres looking at you BanditofLV and Stabbity :)
The Ultimate Weapon – A “Quall’s Feather Token – Tree”
The first time this was used on me as DM – I was running the PC’s through “The Standing Stones” 3.0 adventure. The final battle had the baddies (a tielfing sorcerer and his cleric ally) on top of a tower casting spells down on the OCs and their allies.
The crazy fighter/rouge in my party who excels at doing the most off-the-wall stunts, rushes to the locked front door of the tower and announces “I shove my Quall’s Feather Token – Tree” into the key hole and say the command word……”
OK, DM takes deep breath and pauses to go - “How the Hell am I going to regulate this…???”
Ultimately, I decided that the tree erupted up through the side of the tower. I came up with a fair assessment of how much damage it would do to those on top of the tower as the upper branches exploded outward…and basically had fun telling everyone how the two baddies failed their saves, took damage from the branches (worse for the cleric as she had Protect Other or whatever the spell is called that allows a cleric to absorb half the damage of another), failed their skill checks to remain dangling on a branch and eventually fall 50 feet or so to take more damage. The cleric was killed, the sorcerer was knocked out. (He later managed to DD out of being tied up naked – but as he was running down a forest path to escape, his little devil tail twitching above his bare behind, the local wood elves peppered him with arrows to finish the job.)
Could it get sillier? YES.
Just weeks ago, the Party was finally facing the final encounter in Nightfang Spire to face off the Vampire Lord Gulthias. I knew they planned to use a tree token again – and even had a defense ready - a Forest Haunt from MM5 was allied with the Vamp and waited in the area I thought for sure they would summon the tree, ready to animate it. As expected, the Players were not prepared to face a flying vampire in a cylindrical shaft, so this threw them a bit – but to my surprise, instead of using the tree token to climb up – the same crazy fighter/rouge announces he is firing his bow at the huge heart of the Dragon Ashardalon from whence Gulthias draws his power and which hovers at the top of the shaft. Amazingly, he manages to overcome the Heart’s hardness by 1 point of damage and then announces – I activate the command word for my “Quall’s feather token…” Here we go again….
I had the tree do significant damage to the heart – spilling its contents, which included necromantic sludge, over the party (everyone made saves to avoid in some way- so no fun there). The tree then crashed down on the upper catwalks. Gulthias failed his save to avoid and took some damage. The tree then became a staging platform for some of the PCs to fly up to and attack. As for the Tree Haunt – it went down in two rounds from the other rouge in the party with a ghost touch dagger. Never got to use its animate tree ability. And Gulthias - after taking some damage from the cleric’s maximized “soundlance”, then rolled a natural 1 to save vs. “The obligatory lucky disintegrate beam” from the party wizard – he took 85 points of damage in 1 hit, went gaseous and retreated to the remains of the Heart (his coffin) from where it was an easy for the Party to tear it apart and destroy him for good.
So be warned – those Tree Tokens are nasty. Imagine what a “Token – Boat” can do….
1st-level adventure, 3 characters: human fighter, cowardly wizard (great NPC concept, but he eventually had to retire early because he never did anything in combat but run), and my halfling barbarian, a tiny, borderline-psychotic, barely-contained ball of violence. She was inadvertantly shamed before her tribe by a paladin who wouldn't hit a girl, especially not a Small one, and embarked on her adventuring career to gain enough glory to return to her people.
We come to this embryonic town on a frontier, just trying to survive long enough to make it onto the map, and they tell us they have a goblin problem. So we PCs manage to track the goblins to a cave outside town.
The wizard refuses to go in, although he does cast a Light for us to carry in with us. Fighter and barbarian go in and find a grand total of 3 goblins. I'm rolling horribly and can't hit at all, which just infuriates my character. The fighter, on the other hand, hits the main goblin. Barbarian yells at him to stop hitting her goblin. She misses again. The fighter hits, crits, and drops the main goblin. At which point, the barbarian turns on him, screams, "I told you to stop hitting my goblin!" and swings at him. (Him, I think, I actually hit.)
The other two goblins are watching us fight amongst ourselves and decide to make a run for it. So they dash out of the cave and right past the wizard. He immediately assumes that the two PCs in the cave are dead and the goblins are coming out to take care of him, too. So he casts Expeditious Retreat and goes screaming through town that a huge horde of goblins is approaching to devour everyone. The townsfolk panic, start grabbing their treasured possessions, saying prayers, etc.
The upside, of course, is that when my barbarian arrived back in town after chasing down the other 2 goblins, she is hailed as a hero who has conquered slavering hordes of goblins. They even named the town after her!
Edited to add that, ironically, she never actually killed a single goblin. She did manage to catch the running goblins, but they surrendered and there's no glory in killing an defenseless enemy so she had to let them go, cursing all the while.
When I was DMing with my High School group, the sorcerer was disabled by some sort of strength-sapping poison. Not long later, the rogue finds a trap, but repeatedly fails at disabling it. Impatient, the fighter uses the immobile (but conscious) sorcerer's body to set off the trap.
The trap rolled a 1. It managed to miss the poor sorcerer.
I decided this mean that the trap just wasn't built to aim at a target lying flat in a pile on the floor.
This is a story I've been told about a Star Wars game before I joined the group. Apparently the DM wasn't too good about building dungeons so he decided to use some pre-made dungeon. So the group was trying to sneak through some Sith base or something and in order to get to the elevator they have to go through a bedroom. Now after their incredulity wore off they decided as most players would, to loot the place while they were at it. One guy opens the closet door and gets hit by a falling rock trap of all things. After a few moments of stunned silence much making fun of the DM ensued.
So, I was DMing a group about 10 or so years ago. The primary speaker/leader for the group was Lorg, a dwarven sharpshooter. As the group (which consisted of approximately 5 others) saw an approaching group of travellers, Lorg decided to step forward, as he always did, and cordially greet the newcomers and introduce his companions. Well, while Lorg had his back to them and was taking his best "well-groomed, teeth glistening in the setting sunlight" stance, the rest of the party, unbeknownst to him, quaffed potions, cast spells, put on rings, et al. and turned themselves invisible, including Lorg's war elephant mount (Stampy) from which he had dismounted.
My NPCs rounded the bend and came into view. Lorg delivered his now most infamous (and the player's favorite to this day) line:
"Greetings! I am Lorg, Son of Gorg, and this is my .... (turns and gestures to where he thinks the party is) ... air."
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I had the good luck to play for years in a long running Rolemaster campaign set in a world heavily influenced by Gene Wolfe and early steam punk writings. Our party were not heroes, but relatively self serving mercenaries. After years of playing, we had managed to gain some degree of political power is some of the "3rd world countries" of the game world. What we needed, though, was the secret of gunpowder. The Dwarves had jealously guarded that technology for over a century. Word eventually came to us that a renegade dwarf was selling the secret in an auction that would be attended by many of the subcontinent's movers and shakers. By this point, our fame and strong interest was enough to merit an invitation.
When we got to the meeting we role-played it to the hilt. the intrigue and backstabbing was fun. We managed to eliminate our 2 richest (and most dangerous) rival groups through intrigue without shedding a drop of blood. We were feeling confident that through our ridiculous wealth and renowned penchant for bloodshed, we could steer the auction our way. And we did, at least until the Reaver arrived.
For those who didn't play RM, a reaver is like a CR25 death machine. Its an armored construct used by the Gods to punish those that displease them. Evidently, the dwarf god was angry and sent the reaver to kill the informant before he could actually transfer the secret to anyone. It waded into the crowd with twin vorpal axes. Limbs and heads were flying everywhere. Our party was actually panicked, as we knew there was no possible way we could kill this thing, but we didn't want to surrender the dude with the secret.
After a hasty inventory of our goods, we came up with a ridiculous plan. We had a vial of sovereign glue that "could glue a dragon to the floor", according to its description. We glued the reaver to the stone floor of the basement, evacuated the inn, and set it on fire on our way out. After dragging our informant through several ambushes by the now desperate bidders, we managed to pry the secret from him. We left him wounded, with his payment as a strange 'chunk chunk' sound came from the direction of the inn. The Reaver had cut its own legs off and was using its axes to pull it along the road after us. The guy begged us to help him escape. We agreed... for the price we had paid for the gunpowder secret.
I though our GM would crap himself in shock.
This is an incident from way back (1st edition). One of the PCs, a female rogue, got to know a rich NPC fighter who was wearing a magical belt. Of course she wanted to steal the belt. So she seduced the not so very clever fighter, managed to sleep with him, and when they were both lying in bed naked, she suddenly stood up, picked up the belt and put it on and ran out of the house and through the streets naked.
The NPC fighter later was so impressed by her daring action that she got to keep it...
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My brother had a gnome warlock name Luthor - always a bit sketchy as he wanted to turn himself into a slaad, as he was convinced it was the source of his warlock powers.
Anyway, Luthor went to the Twilight Tomb (a demi-plane of an abandoned glass-castle). Long story short, the party could not figure out how to escape the demi-plane, so Luthor ends up eating the entire party, as they succomb to starvation, to stay alive.
Oh, did I mention that Luthor chose to fire his Eldritch Blast out of his mouth, Godzilla-style? And that he had a cockney accent?
That... is so... COOL!
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One of the few times I've had to DM a group, I was running a homebrew dungeon for two newbie players (a 4th-level human rogue and a 4th-level elv paladin). Since this was only their third or fourth time playing, I was throwing them bones right and left.
Both characters entered a 10x10 room, and I informed the rogue that he noticed an inch-high crack running around the room's perimeter. However, rather than CHECKING FOR TRAPS, the rogue utters this gaming gem:
"I poke the crack with my dagger."
The room proceeds to collapse, but the rogue makes his reflex save and only ends up taking 2 damage. However, the paladin isn't able to escape and gets knocked down to -4. Ow.
Now, the really sad thing is that most of my *stupid player tricks* are from *me*. I'm "that guy".
- Using live paladins as projectile weapons seems to be a recurring theme. During Age of Worms, my paladin of Wee Jas was able to climb a tree and jump on top of a harpy, thus allowing the rest of the party to beat it to death with sticks. Also, in a homebrew campaign, an ambush strategy was to winch my paladin up to the ceiling in order to drop him on top of a bone devil. The DM ruled that a falling paladin would bypass the fiend's DR.
More later...
I'll give it a go.
I'm running Shadowrun for two friends a while back, just something to keep myself occupied and familiarize them with the rules a little more. Well, my two players, decide to rob a bank.
A bank. In the 2060s. I know that there isn't a snowball's chance of them pulling this off, so I just let them set up their plan to see just what they'll come up with.
A couple of botched rolls not relevant to their plan, and some setup later, the two have bribed someone to stand in the payphone booth on the street just outside of the bank, while they have stolen a car, tossed a handful of grenades in it and placed it at the top of the hill. They pull the pins, send the car on its way down the hill -- which, incidentally led straight to where the guy that they planned to frame stood in the phonebooth, waiting.
The car hits the reinforced wall of the bank building, the grenades go off and detonate the car, causing minor structural damage, but not enough to breach the wall, while the explosion radius encompasses the patsy they had set up, and a good fifteen feet around it.
One player looks for the other (which had beat feet once he saw the explosion did not manage to break the wall), and then decides to flee back to his apartment.
Three blocks away.
Needless to say, I was laughing so hard, I let them both slide, just to see what they would come up with in the next game.
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I'm sure with the amount of people in this community that there are a lot of great stories to be shared.
1) Son #2 (aged 15) creates this Darkity DarkDark character, and is reading me his background. I wince, and ask him what the character's name is. Son #1 (aged 16) sitting on the couch in the livingroom, without even a moment's pause pipes out "Emo McGee." I sprayed soda.
2) Sons 1,2 and 3 are trudging through Darkmoon Vale and the massive forest. It's time to make camp. Son #2 pipes up "...and I've got all this firewood I've been carrying." Everyone pauses to look at him ... "What?" "Dude, we're in a forest. There's firewood EVERYWHERE." "Oh. Yeah."
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NOt my story per say, but one of my players shared it with me. The characters were trying to hunt down a litch that had terrorized the local town for many years. A few months ago it had disappeared and the party had been hired to find out what happened. As they explored the litch's tower they ran across an old man in the library. He explained that the litch had been run off and he had taken over the tower. He invited to help themselves to anything and then leave. One of the players found a gem that looked interesting and held it up to look at it. It was a gem of true sight and he saw the old man through it, and blurted out "hey, you're a litch!" The old man though for a second and said, "you're right" and attacked. He had charmed himself into thinking he was an ordinary old man and then subconciously cast an illusion to fit his delusion.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Battle Sorcerer with a pseudodragon familiar, in a gladiator fight against another caster.
Pseudo dragon wins initative, flies across the field and stings the wizard. He fails his save and drops from the poison.
The pseudo-dragon dances on his body.
Another one:
DMing Wizard's Amulet and it's the big zombie fight. The rogue, bard, and cleric of Loviatar dive for cover, while the barbarian and ranger stay and fight.
The Barbarian is dropping zombies with each cleave, while the ranger is missing, often just barely.
I say "Great, we have Xena and Gabrielle fighting outside, while the rest of the party is inside hiding."
After they win, we start associating the characters.
Ergo the Barbarian = Xena
Alihandra the Ranger = Gabrielle
Elspbeth the cleric = Calisto
Li Kwon the rogue = Autoclease
The bard, named Torvald is left out. The player goes "Then who am I?"
We start singing 'Torvald the Mighty, he's a mighty fighter..."
"I am not Joxer, Damnit!"