Fizzban, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Whatever you do, whatever you decide, you're always welcome here.
I'm sorry for your loss. Yours was one of the first names I came to recognize on the boards. There's not much more I can say, so I'll just smile for you, for now. Remember that you don't have to ever stop being sad - if you're feeling it, then just feel it. It'll be alright, but it doesn't have to be right now.
:)
tfad
Fizz, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, because losing your partner-in-life can be nothing but a tragedy. I can't add to the good advice already posted - get help, professional and personal, before you do anything and never ever give up on yourself. That level of devestation is gonna take a long time to heal - just go ahead and own up to that fact right now because it makes dealing with it less stressful when you think "I should be over this and moving on." I took a GriefShare course last year after losing my mom and it helped, so I'm telling ya - reach out and don;t stop reaching until you find something to hang onto.
We're here for you. Just holler.
Truly sorry for your loss, Fizzban. Sending you karma and good thoughts.
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I am so very sad to hear about what happened Fizzban. I have little advice or consolation to offer, but you will be in my thoughts.
I don't know what the best thing to do is ... but I would echo the sentiment that it might be really helpful to talk to someone about this, and not to distance yourself too long term from people who care about you.
I was positive in the gap following the last post you had gone beyond the pale and we’d not be hearing from you again, but I didn’t want to violate your privacy by having Gary dispatch a rig to your place (sounds as if it would have missed you regardless). I sympathize, as I can’t say I would be in a different place if my wife passed, except now I have a greater responsibility to my son.
I am very pleased you made the decision to remain among the living. I can’t speak for your wife, not having known her, but I doubt she would want you to be anything except happy.
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Fizzban,
I'm sorry to hear about your recent experiences, but it sounds like you've got some support close to home (especially your employer and friend) and things are more manageable. Listen to your docs and don't lose sight of those who care about you. Just focus on putting one foot in front of the other for the time being -- once you're on more stable footing, things should become a little clearer. We'll all be sending positive vibes your way.
Hi Fizz,
I cant even comprehend what you must be going through emotionally so I will just say that my thoughts are wth you.
What follows is not meant to be me telling you what to do as I suspect that when you think about it you know what advice is right its just difficult to see the point in following any of it right now.
What I can tell you, for what its worth, is this....
I spent several years working for a pharma company promoting an antidepressant (which one is not important, neither is the fact I promoted it, what is is that it gave me access to various psychiatrists with various oppinions). From conversations I have had what your experiencing happens often. For some Drugs are the right answer to help rebalance neurotransmitter levels. For some talking therapy is the answer. The best clinical results are from both together. Either way there is a difference between the usual reaction to a major life trauma and a longer term depression. The key points of depression are that you feel down more days than not over the last week and that you have no interest or pleasure from the things you used to enjoy (assuming this is not accounted for by the close life trauma you have had and you are not going through an entirely natural grieving process).
From what you have said you are on the rigt track, please stick with it and keep talking to people.
The other thing to say is that this will not be a quick recovery so dont get down when you dont feel great in a month or two. I know that doesn't help but from what I've been told its true. Also, if you stay with the drugs, keep with them for a while after you feel fine if you stop too soon or too suddenly you will feel worse again.
All that said, you can get through this (I agree with Lilith though, its always going to hurt) and enjoy things again.
All the best Fizz..
Elcian
Thank you everyone at Paizo, thank you Paizo community, and thank you Paizo staff. Thank you for listening and thank you for caring.
It's been a really rough time. I love her so much, and honestly I think she was what was holding me together. Family, meds, life in general, half asleep and reaching for her at night.
I have a good friend to talk to and I'm slowly trying to get things back on track. I'm wanting to just find a routine to help deal.
Thank you for the card Paizo staff it meant alot to know you really cared.
Fizz
Thanks for stopping in and letting us know you're still going, Fizzban. Be strong!
Yeah... it's good to see you, Fizzban!
My dad died 12 years ago, and though my relationship with him isn't the same (obviously) as what I have with my wife and children, his death really got to me.
12 years later, I can say that I miss him as much today as I did the day after he died. But it doesn't hurt anymore.
Keep on keepin' on, Fizz.
Thank you everyone at Paizo, thank you Paizo community, and thank you Paizo staff. Thank you for listening and thank you for caring.
It's been a really rough time. I love her so much, and honestly I think she was what was holding me together. Family, meds, life in general, half asleep and reaching for her at night.
I have a good friend to talk to and I'm slowly trying to get things back on track. I'm wanting to just find a routine to help deal.
Thank you for the card Paizo staff it meant alot to know you really cared.
Fizz
My sympathies for your loss, Fizz. One thing to consider is this: What would the dearly departed have you do? Would she have you be depressed by her passing, or would she rather you rise up and continue living with her memory as a source of joy rather than sadness?
While I am not one to believe in spirits, I do know something of memory. She gave you her part of herself to keep in earnest. In a very real sense, she lives in you.
A teacher of mine once told me that anyone would be lucky indeed to have in their life one true friend, and however briefly so, they should feel humble and privileged to have been granted such a boon. So, when someone near me passes (as it has a few times), I thank them for their presence in my life and honor their memory by recalling not what I miss, but what I was so blessed to be given by them.
As a result (and even my wife doesn't quite get this), I never miss anyone. Everyone I've ever known, living or passed, travels with me every day. I'm certain the last thing any of them would want was for me to radically alter my life on account of their passing, but would rather I continue living with even greater ambition, passion, urgency and sense of purpose.
Do not rush headlong away from your pain - which you cannot outrun. Smile at that which reminds you of her. Laugh when something happens that she would have thought humorous. Be as proud of your accomplishments as she was.
Fall not into the frowning shadows of sadness. Do her memory the honor of standing strong and proud in the light of day.
Good to hear you are well Fizz, Anything we can do just say!
Take care
Elcian
How sad and terrible.
I say go where you feel like going.
Getting back on that pony, and all that stuff, isn't necessarily the most healing of paths. Sometimes the mind just blocks things off, and often for a good reason. Healing takes time, so don't worry about anyone's expectations. Find some measure of peace any way you can, if that is even possible. The consquence of failing to do so may be petrifaction.
You don't have to feel. You don't have to play. You're here because it's familiar. I come here to talk in ways that have nothing to do with NPCs and modifiers. We're a good group of people who have formed an undeniable bond... so come around to talk anytime, because frankly, we're as good as 'real people to talk to' any day.
Yeah, what Jade said.
Elcian
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Thank you everyone at Paizo, thank you Paizo community, and thank you Paizo staff. Thank you for listening and thank you for caring.
It's been a really rough time. I love her so much, and honestly I think she was what was holding me together. Family, meds, life in general, half asleep and reaching for her at night.
I have a good friend to talk to and I'm slowly trying to get things back on track. I'm wanting to just find a routine to help deal.
Thank you for the card Paizo staff it meant alot to know you really cared.
Fizz
Onya Fizz! I know when I lost my dad, I didnt go half a mile to look at the ocean for seven years...but once ya get over that first hurdle, you can come back.