I grew up in the 70's with world weary hippies and tended to live in poor areas. I never heard the N word until grades 2-4 when I attended a school (populated by mostly black and chicano kids) in Boston. It was there that, at age 8, a black classmate by the name of James Kelton (whose father was actually in jail for trying to rob a bank with a plastic gun) took the time to explain to me that the N word referred to an inconsiderate person. Needless to say, when I later shouted it at an old Irish looking fellow after his car cut off my mother's in traffic, the adults were not pleased and I got a firm lesson in the improperly proper meaning of the word. I refused to feel guilt as I'd been misled, though I never made that mistake again.
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...
I hate to say this but....
I always try to picture the worst-case scenario and what the newspapers would print. "10 yr. old kills 4 yr. old over racial slur" popped in my head when reading this.The world is a pretty vicious place lately and I wouldn't put it past anyone to do anything. People getting killed for a few bucks, a perceived slight, clothing, etc..
I have read in the last year dozens of news articles where a kid has killed another kid over something so unbelievable that it is mind-boggling.
I say err on the side of safety and either remove your kid from the situation or make sure he doesn't say stuff like that. One mistake could be the last.
Sorry to be a doomsayer and all but I am always overly fearful of my kid's safety.
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One of the coolest thing about kids is the innocence they have about things.
I took my son to the library and there was an old lady there, and by old I mean "Holy S*$% she is OLD!". My son saw her and rather loudly proclaimed "Look at the old lady!"
I tried explaining to him that he shouldn't say that. As innocent as could be he told me, "But Daddy, she *is* old."
I then explained to him that to point that out however was rude. Then, to my horror he nodded, proceeded over to her and said. "Mam, I'm sorry you are so old." and returned with a wide smile, proud that he had set things right again.
Kids.
Oh, man. When kids see my long hair...
One ugly four year old (sorry, they're not all pretty) in a shoe store kept telling me to get a haircut. I leaned down and said in baby talk, before his mother, "Well aren't you just a little Archie Bunker? Yes you are."
Kids are smart. I don't know a single kid with a full time job and kids.
Man, I once knew this five year old that sold insurance. I've never seen a kid age so fast; I swear to God he was getting acne and his voice was squeaking after the first two months. I can't really blame him; mortgages on PlaySkool houses were ridiculous that year and couple that with an "accident" while playing doctor and he had a few good reasons to look crestfallen. The first week, I thought he would do great; he really knew how to make sales and he was always taping little drawings on the desks of his female coworkers and giggling. Then came the sexual harrassment suit and all those other problems and he was in over his head. He had to do a presentation once, and (swear to God) the powerpoint came up with a drawing of the CEO with stink lines. Genuine Stink Lines. He just completely forgot it was still in there after he blew off some steam. You better believe he got a time out.
After that, he started hitting the sippy cups pretty hard. That's when I lost track of him.
Kids are smart. I don't know a single kid with a full time job and kids.
(Russian accent) "Please to check your email."
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One of the coolest thing about kids is the innocence they have about things.
I took my son to the library and there was an old lady there, and by old I mean "Holy s~@# she is OLD!". My son saw her and rather loudly proclaimed "Look at the old lady!"
I tried explaining to him that he shouldn't say that. As innocent as could be he told me, "But Daddy, she *is* old."
I then explained to him that to point that out however was rude. Then, to my horror he nodded, proceeded over to her and said. "Mam, I'm sorry you are so old." and returned with a wide smile, proud that he had set things right again.
Kids.
My wife is ROFLing right now.
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...I hate to say this but....
I always try to picture the worst-case scenario and what the newspapers would print. "10 yr. old kills 4 yr. old over racial slur" popped in my head when reading this.
The world is a pretty vicious place lately and I wouldn't put it past anyone to do anything. People getting killed for a few bucks, a perceived slight, clothing, etc..
I have read in the last year dozens of news articles where a kid has killed another kid over something so unbelievable that it is mind-boggling.
I say err on the side of safety and either remove your kid from the situation or make sure he doesn't say stuff like that. One mistake could be the last.
Sorry to be a doomsayer and all but I am always overly fearful of my kid's safety.
I'm pretty sure this situation is copacetic; I'm just worried about going to kindergarten....
He's right - get a haircut, you hippie.
..and a real job!
Val, regardless of claims to the contrary of dubious veracity you may have seen on this thread, we gamers are not known for our expertise with “the ladies.” Just wing it and do what makes you happy.
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It sounds like you've got a complex position and for me to ask questions about any part of it is to chance denying the legitimacy of your entire view. I trust the good intentions in all you say.
What hasn't been mentioned is that generally and very much go for a guy with a good sense of humour (or GSOH, to use the correct jargon). My main schtick is to be amusing, and it helps a great deal (and can make you look brainy too). It breaks the ice and relaxes people, and you don't have to do the aloof stuff so much. I suspect that, based on the posts, that that is part of your schtick too, so you can be yourself more. Jade, dude, you are the alpha male. I want to be you, man - but with shorter hair.
I think my problem with the ladies is that I'm the Omega Man. Nothing but mutants and damn dirty apes.
Oh man, I loathe that one. As if I have control over the way their eyes rove across me longingly.
(my wife burst out laughing downstairs at this)
My older sister's in the hospital with pneumonia. That kinda sucks.
possibly not playing tonight after all
not nearly enough work got done over the weekend leaving me a huge pile of stuff for the ever so short work week. ugh.
Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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Hey Valegrim,
I see a lot of advice here, so I thought I'd contribute mine. I had HORRIBLE luck with dating. Most relationships were fast and furious, and burned out within a month or two. Plus, I was very gullible, and eager to please and forgive. I was cheated on a few times. The last time, she got pregnant by the other guy, broke up with me, and got engaged to him. I never saw it coming. And that made me VERY bitter.
So, how in Hades name did I end up married, with 2 boys, coming up on 10 years this May?
I minded my own business. I never LOOKED for a relationship...I just got comfortable with being ME and doing my thing. When I met my wife, I was pretty oblivious to her flirting (my friend had to tell me she was). What she saw when she met me was natural, and truly who I was. And I think that is what is generally missing in the dating scene. Everyone is playing the meat market game...no one is genuine. The simple fact is that you will find THE ONE when you aren't even looking. Sort of like a Sneak Attack +5. ;)
When we started seeing each other, we both put honesty up front. When she pulled something early on that really went against my values, I told her that I would not accept that and that she had to leave, NOW! Thus, I gained her respect. That she complied to keep our relationship helped her to gain my respect.
Of course, everything changes when she gives birth, though. NOTHING a man can do will every trump childbirth!
My older sister's in the hospital with pneumonia. That kinda sucks.
That does suck. Did your grandmother recover ok?
What hasn't been mentioned is that generally and very much go for a guy with a good sense of humour (or GSOH, to use the correct jargon). My main schtick is to be amusing, and it helps a great deal (and can make you look brainy too). It breaks the ice and relaxes people, and you don't have to do the aloof stuff so much. I suspect that, based on the posts, that that is part of your schtick too, so you can be yourself more. Jade, dude, you are the alpha male. I want to be you, man - but with shorter hair.
Sense of humor, the ability to express complicated thoughts simply and a knack for entertaining the bored goes a long way in dating. Actress Joanne Woodward said that after decades with Paul Newman, it wasn't his good looks that kept her with him or adoring him, it was his sense of humor.
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words, Aubrey. Perhaps what I perceive to be my natural state is but a honed social tool designed to basically get me what I want, but I recall I was always like this, even when it did me no good whatsoever. Even when it literally got rocks thrown at me.
Has anyone else here ever been stoned?
NOTHING a man can do will every trump childbirth!
You haven't tasted my cooking.
Has anyone else here ever been stoned?
Dude, I spent 3 months straight in 1989 stoned from the time I woke up til I went to sleep......Oh wait..... you mean like the Biblical type of stoned. Ummm... nevermind. Nothin' to see here.
I set him up and he knocks 'em out of the park. ;)
Oh wait..... you mean like the Biblical type of stoned.I've never been so stoned that I wanted to read the bible or be biblical.
Then you just haven't tried the right strain.
My older sister's in the hospital with pneumonia. That kinda sucks.That does suck. Did your grandmother recover ok?
Yeah, they're both okay now. Little scary, but for the time being things are back to normal. Thanks.
Glad to hear it, James.
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What hasn't been mentioned is that generally and very much go for a guy with a good sense of humour (or GSOH, to use the correct jargon). My main schtick is to be amusing, and it helps a great deal (and can make you look brainy too). It breaks the ice and relaxes people, and you don't have to do the aloof stuff so much. I suspect that, based on the posts, that that is part of your schtick too, so you can be yourself more. Jade, dude, you are the alpha male. I want to be you, man - but with shorter hair.Sense of humor, the ability to express complicated thoughts simply and a knack for entertaining the bored goes a long way in dating. Actress Joanne Woodward said that after decades with Paul Newman, it wasn't his good looks that kept her with him or adoring him, it was his sense of humor.
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words, Aubrey. Perhaps what I perceive to be my natural state is but a honed social tool designed to basically get me what I want, but I recall I was always like this, even when it did me no good whatsoever. Even when it literally got rocks thrown at me.
Has anyone else here ever been stoned?
Everybody must get stoned.
Don't feel so all alone. ;)
Being green... why wonder why?
More on the advice line.
Roan, I can’t always tell if you’re being serious or jokey. Sadly, due to depression for much of my life, I’m not really that good at telling jokes or being humourous. Still, one thing in my favour is that I am bigger than average in a certain department (not “monstrous”, if you’re telling the truth, Roan), but I’m not sure if you can mention that in a (first) date; wouldn’t mentioning it imply you’re just after one thing?
LOL. I wasn't joking. I'm well endowed and for some reason just mentioning that fact creates endless opportunities for entertainment. And as for your own curse... congrats, my man. ;) You wear it well.
It's a matter of approach. Women have always allowed me to go on about any such risque subject because I'm comical, but also confident. I'm not always a clown. I have a habit of acting appropriately for the given moment. I think getting a handle on when to joke and when to be real is critical in gaining the trust of an unsure heart.
If you have a first date with someone and you stare them in the face intently and insist somberly that you could satisfy a full grown female elephant with your natural gifts, you'll give off a warning sign that shouts serial killer. It's insecurity and vanity smashing together to form the perfect storm of weirdness.
One reason I've probably gotten away with as much as I have is because I've never actually been after sex. I'm emotionally sensitive and "getting wet" too early on ranks right up there with slapping myself in the temple with a flowerpot. That's always forced women to forego the whole "protector of the holy treasure" behavior and outright admit they want some to get the ball rolling. I'm not oblivious to making a first move, I've just always waited until there was ample evidence supporting such a move.
A bad one:
I just had a chat with my oldest pal. He told me that a former school friend of ours, who’s 37, has two kids, and is a really nice guy, went into hospital just before Christmas. Apparently, he’s got some form of cancer that just sprung out of nowhere, and is so bad the doctors deem surgery a waste of time. He’s only got a few months to live. :-(
So sad.
I always wonder how I'd spend such precious time if there was so little left. I think I'd just say in my home and exist day to day until the end. No trips to Tuscany to bankrupt those I leave behind.
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...
I'll try to trump that one with a funny one Heathy. A family friend has a "mixed" son. So when my 4 yr old little girl found out that our friend is pregnant again the first words out of her mouth were. "So what color will her baby be mommy?"
Kids are the BEST!
The whole 'the good guys always win' thing sucks. And it's mean.
*Vampire Lord sobs*
There, there, don't listen to a word those meanie cliche novelists say.
*Pats little Vampire lord*
What the... on the forums, it says that there are '599 posts'. What is going on?
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It's a matter of approach. Women have always allowed me to go on about any such risque subject because I'm comical, but also confident. I'm not always a clown. I have a habit of acting appropriately for the given moment. I think getting a handle on when to joke and when to be real is critical in gaining the trust of an unsure heart.If you have a first date with someone and you stare them in the face intently and insist somberly that you could satisfy a full grown female elephant with your natural gifts, you'll give off a warning sign that shouts serial killer. It's insecurity and vanity smashing together to form the perfect storm of weirdness.
One reason I've probably gotten away with as much as I have is because I've never actually been after sex. I'm emotionally sensitive and "getting wet" too early on ranks right up there with slapping myself in the temple with a flowerpot. That's always forced women to forego the whole "protector of the holy treasure" behavior and outright admit they want some to get the ball rolling. I'm not oblivious to making a first move, I've just always waited until there was ample evidence supporting such a move.
Good policies, all. I kinda have to subscribe to them because of my having the Straight Edge. A friend of mine has described the Straight Edge movement as "Catholicism without all that pesky religion getting in the way".
On the internets, we’re all Greek gods. ;)
(maybe that should have been "geek")
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...I'll try to trump that one with a funny one Heathy. A family friend has a "mixed" son. So when my 4 yr old little girl found out that our friend is pregnant again the first words out of her mouth were. "So what color will her baby be mommy?"
Kids are the BEST!
I'm starting to feel less all alone now...;)
What the... on the forums, it says that there are '599 posts'. What is going on?
When a thread gets past about 150 posts it sometimes shows the wrong number of posts in the general forum listing.
If anyone has something that sucks more, bring it, otherwise, let this thread rest in peace, brothers and sisters.Give it time. Sucky things pop up all the time. They're just doing their part. If there is no sucky then there is no good. Remember, even happiness makes you cry sometimes.
I'm over it.
F*~& is it ever scary having a kid.
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My son is 4 1/2. He's been playing street hockey with the neighbors' kids who look 9 or 10. My wife says he keeps calling this African American kid "that brown kid."
I don't talk like that at my house. He just says it as a description; he's 4 1/2 and doesn't understand any of that stuff. I have no idea what to do. It bothers me tremendously. He's kinda too young to explain a lot of stuff to. I don't know if I should go apologize, or let it lie--good intentions-->hell and what not...
Yeah, this isn't uncommon at all, Heathy. Kids classify the world to understand it better. My dauther has asked me if brown people and black people are the same thing. And how do people like our friends Ms. Jay (who is Korean) and Ms. Yoko (who is Japanese) get grouped into the same 'Asian-American' group as Mr. Larry (who is American born with Tiwanese parents)...Ms. Jay and Ms. Yoko talk with funny accents, Mr. Larry doesn't. These are hard questions for a someone with only 4 years or so under their belts to digest.
Hell, race and ethnicity are not cut and dried for grown-ups. One of my African-American friends describes himself as a 'Brown Man' because Avery Brooks described himself a 'Brown Man' in an interview. When the interviewer asked him why he chose that, he looked at her like she was very, very dense and said simply "That's the color of the spectrum I occupy." He figures if that's a good enough explanation for Ben Sisqo, that's a good enough explanation for him.
It's sad, but I agree with some of Fakey's aprehension, just because we do live in such an unbalanced, hyper-reactive world. I look forward to the day when my kids are old enough to watch and understand Blazing Saddles. It is the best explantion of what race is and isn't, why it matters and why it doesn't.
well, life sucks now and again; just wanted to give knuckles up heyas to all you out there that this thread and site have been cool just to vent and get some perspective. Life comes around for each of us good and bad at times; threads like this help you not get stuck with the blinders on in your own little world. So, that said; as long as you have a friend or better yet a few that would buy you a beer or tea or whatnot and help you laugh it all off; suckage in life is easier to handle.
as for making moves; well, I am neither aggressive or passive; I just want to know that we both want it and are not going to regret it; I never give anything I would not be comfortable giving tomorrow; or next week or next year; has been a good policy for me; never go into anything guessing; trust yourself; and do or do not do and make sure you are good with it no matter what happens. I dont live my life with regrets so i dont do anything I would regret; just sucks when the person that told you basic intimant stuff and shared stuff with just wakes up one day and says they dont want that anymore; I just dont understand that sort of thing at all; really, not at all. But then, in the Army there was an old addage; after you have "done the deed" if you feel the same way about that other; its probably love; if you dont; it was infatuation; I know that probably doest help; but it does explain a few things; the icky part with much suckage is how various peeps either try to hang or or end it badly after they know that answer; which is why I do they whole no regrets thing cause i am sure before i do it; regardless of what it is or I do not do it.
What really sucks which i can never understand is why some people want to complicate the really simple things in life; most bizarre. I always thought it should be: I like you, you like me; lets run with that and endear ourselves to each other;but, peeps have a tendancy for some wierd reason to: I like you, you like me; lets dump on each other and see how much you can take before you shout enough.
hehe guess I have my soapbox out today :)
life sucks, but life is good; got this juxtaposition dichatomy thing going on as a I imagine most of us do if you look around enough