Gary Teter Official Paranoia Killfest

[Grimcleaver]

Greetings citizens. A directive has been passed into the Ultraviolet Directive Authorization Queue that citizens be gathered to participate in an authorized display of force for the betterment and security of your home Alpha Complex.

What we need are citizens. Droves of citizens. Happy, obedient, loyal citizens willing to kill one another in droves. These citizens need names. These citizens security clearances (this has been provided, your security clearance is R. If it is other than R please report to your nearest self-termination chamber for prompt disposal. Thank you). These citizens need a three letter sector code. Using this as an opportunity to make cheesy pun names such as Pape-R-KLP or Vund-R-BAR is treason of the highest order--and is punishable by DEATH, as are all lesser orders of treason.

For this police action there will be no limit to players. As many as come will be served. That is because in the words of a prominant citizen this is to be a "kill crazy frenzy of appocalyptic death the likes of which the cosmos has never seen--a frothing, drooling, arterial spray of hot blooded mayhem" (or this may be a half-deleted snippet from a pre-complex Quinton Terrantino movie poster--if you catch this reference, please make your way to the nearest self-termination chamber in a quiet and orderly manner. Thank you.)

All interested citizens please report to CPQ sector. That is all.

[Heathansson]

Do I need a copy of the rules?

[Mothman]

Heathansson wrote:

Do I need a copy of the rules?

Penalty for not having the Rules: make your way to the nearest Self Termination Chamber.

[The Jade]

I'd like to get into Paranoia, but I also don't have the rules. I'd buy 'em though.

[kahoolin]

Citizen Boris-BBQ volunteering for assignmment.

The Jade wrote:

I'd like to get into Paranoia, but I also don't have the rules. I'd buy 'em though.

What he said.

[Mothman]

kahoolin wrote:

Citizen Boris-BBQ volunteering for assignmment

Quick! You forgot your R security clearance code!!

[kahoolin]

Mothman wrote:

kahoolin wrote:

Citizen Boris-BBQ volunteering for assignmment

Quick! You forgot your R security clearance code!!

zzzzzZZZZZZZZAPPP!! Aaargh!

er... citizen Quincy-R-WTF reporting?

[Mothman]

kahoolin wrote:

citizen Quincy-R-WTF

heheh...

[Heathansson]

Heathansson wrote:

Do I need a copy of the rules?

I wanna be Bart Kami Simpson.

[Murd-R-BOY]

Murd-R-BOY reporting, sir!

Grim, I looked at the store and there are many many paranoia products. What books do I need to play? And in what order should I devour them?

Gary, if you see this, I wanted to cap BOY but it said the alias was taken... yes, by me, I believe, but it didn't save correctly and now I can't access it.

[Gary Teter]

I've capped your alias. Might take an hour or so to show up properly.

[Murd-R-BOY]

Gary Teter wrote:

I've capped your alias. Might take an hour or so to show up properly.

Thank you, postmonster!

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

Still Grim here. Just y'know there's only so many "unblinking eye" pics...erhem

So, citizens. Before you are given your Service Group affiliations there is the simple matter of statistic representation. In order to more perfectly model the blissful numerical perfection of your home, Alpha Complex, you will each be assessed based on eight Attribute groups: Strength, Endurance, Agility, Dexterity, Moxie (or Field Savvy), Chutzpah (or Unmitigated Gall), Mechanical Aptitude, and Power (or Mutinogenic Treason).

You are to rate each attribute on a scale from 0-5 such that, if one were to for example roll a molded plastic polyhedron printed with the numbers from 1-20, that the chance that said polyhedron would roll under the number chosen in a roughly proportional frequency to the frequency of which said citizen could accomplish a task requiring that attribute of median complexity. You have 4 3s to allocate, 2 4s, a 2 and a 5. In addition citizens are to reference specific skill training under any of the above skills, alloting up to a +5 to any specific skill. Skills may be chosen freely, but should reflect aptitude for a fairly narrow and specific niche of skill.

Failure to be sufficiently specific will constitute treason. Skills considered sufficiently narrow are for example "Laser Weapons" under Dex or "Bootlicking" under Chutzpah. Citizens will be considered to have 15 "points" of special training to be considered sufficiently self-motivated and loyal.

Results may be encrypted using the "Spoiler" tag designation.

That is all. Thank you for your cooperation.

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

Murd-R-BOY wrote:

Grim, I looked at the store and there are many many paranoia products. What books do I need to play? And in what order should I devour them?

Yes Friend Citizen. You may find the requested documents HERE . Remember the possession of unauthorized documents is punishable by death! Happiness is mandatory. Ignorance and fear are advisable. Keep your laser handy.

A friendly reminder to all citizens--while the possession and reading of documentation materials is considered Ultraviolet Clearance this exercise will be conducted with the assumption that no such treasonous materials are possessed.

On the other hand, there is never to be found any roleplaying book that is so fun to read, nor with better art. It is really worth owning--really. Even if it means shedding a little blood.

[Murd-R-BOY]

Question for Computer:

Diverging ever so slightly from your recommended path I discovered this alternative possibility and this other alternative possiblity .

Are they treason or should I pay attention to them, perhaps at the cost of ignoring the first recommendation? Will follow all further instructions without question. Awaiting orders...

[Heathansson]

I grok to the second alternate possibility, o great computer!
But if you don't, oh computational one, Jade put me up to it.

[QUINCY-R-WTF]

Computer, at the risk of asking a possibly dangerous question, "play-by-post" means message board post, not traditional post? I am not required to reside in the same earth sector as my fellow volunteers?

[Arnold-R-IMR]

Mister Computer Sir! Citizen Arnold-R-IMR reporting for active duty Sir! (Waves off snappy salute).

Mister Computer Sir, I can absolutely certify that I have no treasonous material in my possession. I have no knowledge of any treasonous documents, I have never seen any treasonous documents, I would not know any treasonous documents if I was clobbered hard over the head with them Mister Computer Sir.

While this citizen would never (ever, ever, ever) question the wisdom and omnipotence of the mighty computer, I humbly submit that the specifications for self ranking of personal attributes, and the regulations for skill training are contained in said treasonous materials.

As such, most wise and omnipresent Computer, please allow your databanks to re-schedule any minor, minor errors which may be found in the following encrypted aptitude results.

Citizen Arnold-R-IMR awaiting (much anticipated) forced re-education and further instructions.

Spoiler:

Citizen Arnold-R-IMR. Strength:3 ; Endurance:4 (skill: Run +1) ; Agility:3 (skill: Hide +2) ; Dexterity:4 (skill: Laser Weapons +2); Moxie:2 ; Chutzpah:6 (skills: Bootlicking+3, Knowledge - Regulations +1, Saluting +1, Astronavigational Theory +1) ; Mechanical Aptitude:5 (skills: Machine Repair +2, Computer Use +2); Power:0

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

Murd-R-BOY wrote:

Are they treason or should I pay attention to them, perhaps at the cost of ignoring the first recommendation? Will follow all further instructions without question. Awaiting orders...

If you have to ask, it's treason. Everything is treason.

That said, apparently from what I've seen the books mentioned are fair approximations of the original with revamped rules and an updated timeline. That said, there's no art or humor like the original box set. It really is great. It can cause paralytic fits of laughter and nose reguritation of fluids. Really. On the other hand, it's the same game pretty much. Besides I plan to run the game in such a way that people need never have even seen any of the original books so long as they're familiar with the concepts.

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

QUINCY-R-WTF wrote:

Computer, at the risk of asking a possibly dangerous question, "play-by-post" means message board post, not traditional post? I am not required to reside in the same earth sector as my fellow volunteers?

Systems error friend citizen. Would you like to fail, retry or abort?

I'm not sure what "traditional post" is but yeah, by post means the GM posts a turn on the boards here, then the players take turns posting and generally betraying and looking for reasons to burn holes in each other, then the GM posts again. It's all done here on Paizo reguardless of what sector of the Complex you currently reside.

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

Arnold-R-IMR

Following is your assignments to service group and starting issue gear.

Service Group Assignment: Housing Preservation & Development and Mind Control--overseeing the housing and welfare of the citizens of alpha complex on a daily basis, basic nutrition and biochemical therapy as well as the production of approved media entertainment

Starting Gear:
1 Red laser pistol,
5 Detachable red laser barrels
1 Red duty jumpsuit, unisex, large
1 Reflek vest
1 Utility belt, neutral tan
1 Multitool
1 Happytimes yo-yo
1 Personal comset
1 Inspirational booklet, 50 Reasons to Love the Computer
Personal credits 50

There is absolutely not any forbidden information below this point. Transmission ends!

Spoiler:

You are also a mutant and a traitorous member of a secret society!

Your mutant power is Matter Eater--basically you have the ability to consume anything you can fit in your mouth, whether it be spoiled, laced with drugs or poisons, or made of polyester.

Your secret society is the Romantics. You and your kin are in love with pre-Oops civilization and culture and all it's vestages as inherantly superior than the oppressive and insane regime of the Computer and its mindless drone supporters. Batman, Star Trek, Dr. Phil, any relics of the true age of humanity are your beacons toward the rediscovery of the lost golden age!

[Murd-R-BOY]

Arnold-R-IMR... why you're... you could be my tw--

Sorry... must be the little red dwarfs dancing in my head.

[Lisa Stevens]

Gary Teter must be pleased at what this thread has become today.

[Mothman]

Talk about paranioa...

[Arnold-R-IMR]

Murd-R-BOY wrote:

Arnold-R-IMR... why you're... you could be my tw--

Sorry... must be the little red dwarfs dancing in my head.

Er... I'm sorry citizen, you must be confusing me for someone else. Perhaps my cousin Ace?

(heheh, messin' with heads....)

[QUINCY-R-WTF]

Citizen Quincy-R-WTF er... also reporting, O logical one. I am genuinely elated that you've called on me for this mission, and nothing would make me happier than to accomplish whatever task you have decided I should perform.

Spoiler:

OK I hope I get the idea, as I haven't got the rules. Here's the stats for Quincy. Let me know if something needs changing...

Quincy-R-WTF
Strength: 3
Endurance: 3
(Flee +3)
Agility: 4
(Take Cover +3)
Dexterity: 3
(Place explosive +3)
Moxie: 4
(Suspect untruth +3)
Chutzpah: 5
(Feign Ignorance: +3)
Mechanical Aptitude: 3
Power: 2

[Arnold-R-IMR]

This humble citizen thanks you for your eneffable wisdom and generosity oh mighty computer sir.

I already have some approved (oh, very, very approved) media in mind Sir.

Only 50 reasons to love the computer? I would have thought at least 56.3…

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

Quincy-R-WTF

Following is your assignments to service group and starting issue gear.

Service Group Assignment: Power Services--In charge of the many safe and efficient nuclear reactors providing power to the happy citizens of Alpha Complex as well as providing leadership over the many infrared citizens who tend them and watch the various dials and meters throughout the many service substations and conduits including the many twisting "Jeffory's Tubes", claustrophobic maintenance crawlways throughout Alpha Complex. Power Services also attends to the powering and maintenance of the various robots and vehicles of their individual sectors.

Starting Gear:
1 Red laser pistol,
5 Detachable red laser barrels
1 Red duty jumpsuit, unisex, large
1 Reflek vest
1 Utility belt, neutral tan
1 Hottorch combination cutting torch & firestarter
1 Q@&%@uddy pocket-sized cuddly petbot/keychain
1 Personal comset
1 Hygene kit
Personal credits 50

There is absolutely not any forbidden information below this point. Transmission ends!

Spoiler:

You are also a mutant and a traitorous member of a secret society!

Your mutant power is Electroshock--you produce a powerful natural electromagnetic field. With precise control it can give you an uncanny way to sense your environment even in total darkness. By putting more umph into it you can blast Jacob's Ladder style strokes of lightning from your hands. Also handy for making people's hair stand up and making balloons stick to walls.

Your secret society is Death Leopard. You and those you associate with revel in the complete dismantlement of orderly society. Rules create stagnation and chaos and brainless violence are a virtue in themselves. Nothing is more fun than switching the biomeds of various citizens and watching a breakout of riots and mass halucinations result, smashing a hoverscooter into a fizzjoy dispenser, and beating back the hordes of security goons with fists and feet and any nearby furnature until they stunwand you into the blissful drooly sleep. Unfortunately too much of this can get one terminated, and that's no fun, so as often as your buddies crash the gates of their cage they go around busting their buddies from detention areas, sabotaging various cameras and observation gear, or charting escape paths for partiers who want to get out quick before they're left paying their tab in pain.

[Mothman]

Hey Grim, the Computer seems to have made the last post to Quincy twice ... the first time with spoiler showing (but illegible thanks to April Fools day...)

[TRINITY:Na Verdade Das Mentiras]

As soon as we hear from Murd-R-BOY to get his stats it would appear that we will have all clones accounted for and we shall be able to commense. If there are other troubleshooters about who have not yet enlisted themselves for the assessment process it will be an ongoing procedure, so don't worry. Worrying is treason and is punishable by DEATH. Thank you.

[Valegrim]

lol, I am so enjoying this; reminds me of home sweet home.

[Murd-R-BOY]

If only the mail worked as brilliantly as you, computer. My sincere apologies for the hold up.

[Murd-R-BOY]

I'll have my Little Red Book by next Wednesday or Thursday. One week to go, gents. I'll swallow that book whole and burp out Murd-R-BOY's statistics right quick.

[Murd-R-BOY]

Murd-R-BOY wrote:

I'll have my Little Red Book by next Wednesday or Thursday. One week to go, gents. I'll swallow that book whole and burp out Murd-R-BOY's statistics right quick.

Latest email from Paizo says it wasn't shipped until today. Sorry for the delay, gents.

[Vote for Pett or be eaten]

Sorry, I thought this was the Infrared Lavatories.

Spoiler:

Strength 2
Endurance 3
Agility 3
Dexterity 4
Laser Weapons 3
Moxie 5
Stealth 3
Surveillance 3
Chutzpah 3
Bootlicking 3
Mechanical Aptitude 4
Autocar 3
Power 3

[Kruelaid]

Murd-R-BOY wrote:

Murd-R-BOY wrote:

I'll have my Little Red Book by next Wednesday or Thursday. One week to go, gents. I'll swallow that book whole and burp out Murd-R-BOY's statistics right quick.

Latest email from Paizo says it wasn't shipped until today. Sorry for the delay, gents.

You can find a character sheet online. It will show you which stats are modified by which skill, give you an idea of what you can select, and get Murd-R-BOY started nicely without a rulebook.

Still, owning a copy of Paranoia for the reading alone is worth it.

[The Jade]

Kruelaid wrote:

You can find a character sheet online. It will show you which stats are modified by which skill, give you an idea of what you can select, and get Murd-R-BOY started nicely without a rulebook.

Still, owning a copy of Paranoia for the reading alone is worth it.

I DLed the character sheet, and some sample characters, but I still don't know what 'bootlicking' is and whether I should give put points toward it. The Little Red Book should be here any day. :\ I guess I can at least figure out a decent Tic for my guy.

[Murd-R-BOY]

Got it in the mail today! The UPS lady fell down my hill when one of the wooden planks in my walkway came up. She was rugged and unlikely to sue, but I'm gonna have to do something about that quick.

It's a great read thus far. I'll have my character sheet up post haste.

[Vote for Pett or be eaten]

Oh, I see, nobody is in here.
<nervously sparks up his banned cancerless cigarette>

[Vote for Pett or be eaten]

The computer sucks.

[QUINCY-R-WTF]

Shh! He'll hear you!

We're all over here... under the table...

[Vote for Pett or be eaten]

Come on, the camera in here is busted, let's get some girls in here and get naked.

[Vote for Pett or be eaten]

I haven't taken my blue pills for a month and I wanna get it on!