Who could whup Conan?

[Heathansson]

Hell yeah! Judge Crom!!!

[Heathansson]

Sandra Bullock's gotta do it!

[Taliesin Hoyle]

A beholder with 13 levels of wizard, and five rounds to buff.

stoneskin
mirror image
prot missiles
displacement
blink.

Or any party of adventurers of his challenge rating -2

[DangerDwarf]

The opening sequence needs to be a fight between Conan and Uma Thurman in her Kill Bill outfit inside of the Thunderdome. When he wins, he cuts off her head and things go all electric Highlander style.

Close-up on Conan as he says, "There can be only one!"

Oh yeah. Pure movie gold.

[Heathansson]

And we can make it politically correct: "Thunderdome.....two men, or a woman and a man, or two women enter, either one man or one woman leaves!" We gotta come up with something more catchier though.

[DangerDwarf]

Brilliant!

You sir, are pure genius.

[Heathansson]

Finally...somebody appreciates me with more than offerings of hurled rotten produce.

[DangerDwarf]

Still need to find a way to mix in some robot-dinosaur riding Jedi though.

And to be classy about it, they should be female Jedi in slave Princess Leah attire though.

Perhaps as Conan's harem?

[Heathansson]

The robot dinosaur part will be easy. The Jedi harem girls....that'll take some thought.

[DangerDwarf]

Conan could give off some wicked midi-chlorian phermones, thus making them his love slaves.

[Heathansson]

This whole conjecture reminds me of a Star Wars marvel comic I had in the 80's. It was a set of (IIRC) Infantino storyboards for a John Carter comic that never got published; the retconned it into a Star Wars comic; erased two arms off the tharks whatnot...
I remember getting it when I was a teenager and thinking, "hmmm....this looks a looooot like Barsoom. What a rip."

[Tensor]

DangerDwarf wrote:

The opening sequence needs to be a fight between Conan and Uma Thurman in her Kill Bill outfit inside of the Thunderdome. When he wins, he cuts off her head and things go all electric Highlander style.

Close-up on Conan as he says, "There can be only one!"

Oh yeah. Pure movie gold.

I just felt like adding that Uma Thurman's Kill Bill outfit was originally one of Bruce Lee's outfits...

[Heathansson]

What about the "(Blank) Wagon?" ;)

[DangerDwarf]

Tensor wrote:

I just felt like adding that Uma Thurman's Kill Bill outfit was originally one of Bruce Lee's outfits...

See? Its that sort of thing that makes this whole project scream, "Mega-Hit!"

[Heathansson]

DangerDwarf wrote:

Tensor wrote:

I just felt like adding that Uma Thurman's Kill Bill outfit was originally one of Bruce Lee's outfits...

See? Its that sort of thing that makes this whole project scream, "Mega-Hit!"

Until it's vocal cords feel like it's been gargling Jagermeister, Poprocks, and ceiling insulation.

[Tobus Neth]

Kanye West!

[Tensor]

the mightiest warrior ever

a game trailer

[Heathansson]

Wasn't that cruel wizard on the G.I. Joe cartoon?

[Heathansson]

Oh,....and I really don't consider that cartoon to be canon. ;)

[DangerDwarf]

Heathansson wrote:

Oh,....and I really don't consider that cartoon to be canon. ;)

Yeah. No Chuck Norris in it.

Suckage.

[Heathansson]

Man, I wished Chuck Norris could've played Wolverine in an X-Men t.v. show in the 80's.

[DangerDwarf]

Glenn Danzig should have played Wolverine in the recent movies.

[DangerDwarf]

A Glenn Danzig Wolverine could definitely whoop Conan. And steal his soul.

[Heathansson]

Glenn Danzig is the great great great.........great great great great grandson of Conan and a Nemedian beer wench.

[Heathansson]

But, so is everybody, I reckon.

[DangerDwarf]

Ayup. I reckon yer right.

[Tensor]

They say Alexander the Great is the number one general of all time, but even Alexander has to bow his head to Conan. The historians of his age had ancient scrolls that recorded Conan's deeds and travels. As a youngling, Alexander spent a lot of time studying those writings, and learned to apply the ways of Conan's warcraft.

[Kathulos]

Just came across this thread so if any of the names I mention have been used before, sorry.

In a straight up fist fight I think that there are only three who could hold their own against Conan,

Kull, King of Valusia
Tarzan
Clark Savage Jr. aka, Doc Savage.

Using swords I'd add;
John Carter, Warlord of Barsoom
Kane, The Immortal
Solomon Kane

[Tensor]

Kathulos wrote:

Just came across this thread so if any of the names I mention have been used before, sorry.

In a straight up fist fight I think that there are only three who could hold their own against Conan,

Kull, King of Valusia
Tarzan
Clark Savage Jr. aka, Doc Savage.

Using swords I'd add;
John Carter, Warlord of Barsoom
Kane, The Immortal
Solomon Kane

Nope, you are wrong. Conan would cut off all these guy's heads, and put them on a spike so birds could feast on their brains.

[Tensor]

Fighting it out to be Conan's number one body guard:

bruce lee x chuck norris

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

Lucius Lavin

-- He's invincible. He can't be vinced.

[Bill Lumberg]

Tensor wrote:

Fighting it out to be Conan's number one body guard:

bruce lee x chuck norris

Bruce Lee would win. For reference see "Return of the Dragon".

Trivia: Chuck Norris spoke three words in the entire film.

[Heathansson]

Bill Lumberg wrote:

Tensor wrote:

Fighting it out to be Conan's number one body guard:

bruce lee x chuck norris

Bruce Lee would win. For reference see "Return of the Dragon".

Trivia: Chuck Norris spoke three words in the entire film.

"Conan teh roxx0rs."

[Heathansson]

Conan vs. Glen Danzig?

Naah....Danzig couldn't fight him.

[DangerDwarf]

Sweet. I was just coming to rescue this thread.

Danzig would sacrifice Conan's soul to the dark gawds of rawk!

[Heathansson]

No Freakin Way, dude!!! He wrote the Death Dealer comic. He would, like, be totally in awe of the Frazetta subject given life.
He would be like, Bucky to Conan's Captain Cimmeria. Robin to Conan's Batnan.
He would carry Conan's golf clubs.

[DangerDwarf]

Damn. I forgot all about the comic.

Ok, what if Danzig was playing the wolverine in a bad X-men rip-off and fell througha dimensional portal.

I bet Wolverine Danzig would at least give him a work out.

[Heathansson]

I don't like talking about real folks on this thread, cos I could conceivably get my ass kicked, like that Chuck Norris commercial.
I don't want to mess with the wrong guy.

[DangerDwarf]

Ok, what about a triple threat match between Elminster, Raistlin and Conan. With Drizzt as the special ref?

[Kruelaid]

What if Conan was split into a good Conan and evil Conan in a transporter accident, and he fought himself?

[Heathansson]

DangerDwarf wrote:

Damn. I forgot all about the comic.

Ok, what if Danzig was playing the wolverine in a bad X-men rip-off and fell througha dimensional portal.

I bet Wolverine Danzig would at least give him a work out.

Maybe a Wolverine/Batman/Glen Danzig comic crossover, drawn by Simon Bisley, with the guys from Kiss.

[DangerDwarf]

Self flagellation.

[Heathansson]

DangerDwarf wrote:

Ok, what about a triple threat match between Elminster, Raistlin and Conan. With Drizzt as the special ref?

Come on.

Conan whupped Thoth Amon.
He might feel a little put-upon.

p.s.--Glen Danzig could whup them.

[Heathansson]

Kruelaid wrote:

What if Conan was split into a good Conan and evil Conan in a transporter accident, and he fought himself?

It happened, in the Star Trek/Conan crossover. Neal Adams did the art.

Or maybe I dreamed the whole thing.

[Heathansson]

Glad to see this old thing getting some love.

[DangerDwarf]

What about a clan of ninja mind flayers?

[DangerDwarf]

I jut don't know how they'd fit the ninja mask over their tentacles.

[DangerDwarf]

Oh! and the ilithid ninja master is a LICH!

A HALF-DRAGON, mind flayer, ninja, lich.

Conan is toast.

[DangerDwarf]

With jam.

[Heathansson]

Conan whup Ninja C'thulhu. I saw it on Power Rangers: Hyborian SteelStorm of Doom. Ninja.