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Ya plus it would have been good opportunity to establish skeleton PCs in absalom ;D So that we can grind their bones to make our bread? Fie, Fi, Fo, Fum!
This was written in honor of We Be Heroes, where mighty goblins saved some pathetic longshanks led by Lord Ulthun as undead overwhelmed and ran over their land. It's also in honor of the best goblin play ever that commemorated their victory, written by King Zusgut in Flooded King's Court. ♫ Let's get down to business and defeat undead
Flaming like a forest
Fierce Mitzi and her goblin, Siathorn
[Chorus:]
♫ Time is racing toward us till the fiends arrive
[Chorus x2]
If you have been brought up to believe that written words steal your soul, just filling out a sign-up sheet can be a harrowing experience! Hmm
While I have great respect for NWA and Run-DMc, I truly prefer the works of Scott Joplin. Yup, I was also really hoping that this was going to be a music thread. However, if we’re going to talk about how much use Rapping vs Ragtime receives in game, so far for me rap is winning. As a goblin, it’s just a more in character way of doing a bard battle! I’m Twitchy in the place to be
Some folks they want to dis us
♫ The grar grows wild on the forum tonight
The crowd is howling with ev’ry preview Paizo’s tried
Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go
Let it go (go, go, go go, go go, go go, go, go, go go)
It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
Let it go, let it go
The Playtest’s action economy seems rather sound
Let it go
Yeah, I love it too! I’m imagining a bunch of Goblins singing the Oscar’s song, “I love trash!” I was going to filk it, but really, it’s perfect the way it is: ♫ Oh, I love trash!
^ That sounds like a character concept to me! Except promising not to burn anything might be a bit too much! “Maybe we can have small bonfires? Little ones that won’t hurt anything? Only six to seven feet tall?” Even good goblins like setting things on fire — they just try and be more thoughtful about it.
Boost to Charisma ...?! for goblins?!?! They’ve always been charismatic. Why else would We Be Goblins be such a popular module? They sing, they intimidate, they love to show off. ★ --- ★ --- ★ --- ★
After the battle with Vorka came to an end, Twitchy sat up in the Crow’s Nest of Vorka’s ship with Ronk. She put her head on his shoulder. “We did it, Ronk! We got Vorka, we got loot, we got this awesome pirate ship that doesn’t sail stupid places, but stays right here! But you know what the most important thing we got?” Ronk scratches his head. “Ummm, we still alive?” Twitchy hugs him. “Yes, and we gots each other! Forever!” Nuzzling Twitchy’s face, Ronk mumbles into her ear. “Twitchy wants to keep Ronk?” Twitchy looks into his eyes, and strokes his monster hat. “Always!” Darting his face forward Ronk kisses Twitchy quickly. Pulling back he keeps his face inches from hers. “Ronk is keeping you forever!” “Let’s go! Just the two of us... And Fluffer!” His eyes widen at the idea of leaving the of leaving. “Where?” Twitchy leaps on to Fluffer, and raises her voice to the sky. TWITCHY:
We can travel the sky
She offers a hand up to Ronk, inviting him to climb up in the saddle with her. Taking a deep breath Ronk throws himself on Fluffer’s behind Twitchy. Fluffer squawks and shakes his wings, but Twitchy pets the vulture's feathered ruff and he settles. Wrapping his arms around Twitchy’s waist, Ronk looks around as Fluffer takes flight. Having never been off the ground without being thrown Ronk’s face quickly contorts from concern at falling to glee at safely flying. His arms feel nice around her. Leaning into each other they continue in song: TWITCHY:
Ronks slams his mouth shut. Tightening his grip on Twitchy he starts to sing into her ear. RONK:
You’ll make all the bombs fall
TWITCHY
RONK:
TWITCHY:
RONK:
TWITCHY:
RONK:
TWITCHY:
RONK:
BOTH:
TWITCHY:
RONK:
TWITCHY:
RONK:
TWITCHY:
RONK:
BOTH:
_______________________________________________
The scene... a sleepy little village where everyone is waking up. The sun rises, songbirds sing, and a cackling goblin shoots one with a sling. Out of nowhere, an orchestra starts up, but oddly no one sets fire to it. Yet. A skinny female goblin leading a giant vulture walks into the center of town, yawning as she meets her team. ___________________________________ TWITCHY Licktoad town; It's a raucous village.
TOWNSFOLK Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! TWITCHY There goes Magga with her stick, like always
MAGGA Morning, Twitchy! TWITCHY Morning, Magga. MAGGA And where are you off to, today? TWITCHY The contest!
MAGGA That's nice. Hey kids!
TOWNSFOLK Look there she goes that gob is strange, no question
FEMALE GOBLIN 'Cause her bombs are quite loud MALE GOBLIN And her bird's up on some cloud TOWNSFOLK No denying she's a pyro gob as well MALE GOBLIN I Bonfires! FEMALE GOBLIN I They smoke! MALE GOBLIN I How they are burning! FEMALE GOBLIN 2 Bonfires! MALE GOB 1 They smoke! FEMALE GOB 2 Come see the light! FEMALE GOB 3 I need six bombs! FEMALE GOB 4 That's so explosive! TWITCHY There must be more than this combustive life! GRACK Morning, Twitchy. TWITCHY Morning, Grack.
GRACK Finished already? TWITCHY Oh, we couldn't stop ourselves!
GRACK Not since yesterday. TWITCHY (to team): Nothing new?
MEDGE That one?
TWITCHY Well, it's my favorite!
RONK If you like it all that much, let's go! TWITCHY For reals?! GURP Heh, heh. We insist. TWITCHY Thank you.
TOWNSFOLK Look there they go that team is so obsessive
TWITCHY Oh, isn't this amazing?
FEMALE GOB Now it's no wonder that her name means "fireworks"
MEDGE But behind poor Grack's facade
MALE GOB Much more pyro than the rest of us TOWNSFOLK They're pyro like the rest of us
GRACK Your Mighty Girthness!
CHIEF GUTWAD I know. GRACK No gob alive stands a chance against you. ---
CHIEF GUTWAD It's true, Grack.
GRACK The team that killed Squealy? CHIEF GUTWAD That's the one - the lucky team I'll be hiring. GRACK But they're - CHIEF GUTWAD The most pyro team in town. GRACK I know, but - CHIEF GUTWAD That makes them the best.
GRACK They're burning my house! CHIEF GUTWAD Right from the moment when I met them, saw them
GOBLIN PREGENS Look there he goes -- Isn't he obese?
FEMALE GOB 1 Bonfire! CHIEF GUTWAD It smokes! FLAMEFINGER Great day RONK The fires! FEMALE GOB 3 You call this bacon? FEMALE GOB 4 What lovely flames! MEDGE There goes GURP The house! MALE GOB 1 A fire! GRACK 'scuse me! FLAMEFINGER I'll get more fuel GRACK Please let me through! FEMALE GOB 6 Those flames - FEMALE GOB 7 That smoke - GRACK My house! FEMALE GOB Ablaze! MALE GOBS We're not mistaken. FEMALE GOBS Is there more bacon? TOWNSFOLK It's burning!
TWITCHY There must be more than this combustive life! CHIEF GUTWAD Just watch,
TOWNSFOLK Look there they go
FEMALE GOBS It's a pity and a sin MALE GOBS That they fit right in TOWNSFOLK 'Cause they really are a pyro team
"Victory! Doom comes with the written word
So we Goblins came to claw and fight
Ronk that was the most beautiful goodbye song ever. Thank you!!! Hmm
I know. I don't want to leave my beloved Ronk, or even Pompous Talking Cat! You were my first PbP, and my best love. But this isn't working this time. I'm so sorry. Twitchy
I've lost track of initiative. Who gets to move?
"Hey! Stop poking our pompous talking cat!" Well, at least they're still bunched up. Convenient of them.
"Fluffer! Flank Attack" Twitchy points to the lizards currently on her true love, Ronk! Meanwhile, Fluffer comes flying in at Twitchy's call. He provides a flank for Ronk and attempts to bite number four!
Get better!
The scene... a sleepy little village where everyone is waking up. The sun rises, songbirds sing, and a cackling goblin shoots one with a sling. Out of nowhere, an orchestra starts up, but oddly no one sets fire to it. Yet. A skinny female goblin leading a giant vulture walks into the center of town, yawning as she meets her team. ___________________________________ TWITCHY Licktoad town; It's a raucous village.
TOWNSFOLK Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! Bonfires! TWITCHY There goes Magga with her stick, like always
MAGGA Morning, Twitchy! TWITCHY Morning, Magga. MAGGA And where are you off to, today? TWITCHY The contest!
MAGGA That's nice. Hey kids!
TOWNSFOLK Look there she goes that gob is strange, no question
FEMALE GOBLIN 'Cause her bombs are quite loud MALE GOBLIN And her bird's up on some cloud TOWNSFOLK No denying she's a pyro gob as well MALE GOBLIN I Bonfires! FEMALE GOBLIN I They smoke! MALE GOBLIN I How they are burning! FEMALE GOBLIN 2 Bonfires! MALE GOB 1 They smoke! FEMALE GOB 2 Come see the light! FEMALE GOB 3 I need six bombs! FEMALE GOB 4 That's so explosive! TWITCHY There must be more than this combustive life! GRACK Morning, Twitchy. TWITCHY Morning, Grack.
GRACK Finished already? TWITCHY Oh, we couldn't stop ourselves!
GRACK Not since yesterday. TWITCHY (to team): Nothing new?
MEDGE That one?
TWITCHY Well, it's my favorite!
RONK If you like it all that much, let's go! TWITCHY For reals?! GURP Heh, heh. We insist. TWITCHY Thank you.
TOWNSFOLK Look there they go that team is so obsessive
TWITCHY Oh, isn't this amazing?
FEMALE GOB Now it's no wonder that her name means "fireworks"
MEDGE But behind poor Grack's facade
MALE GOB Much more pyro than the rest of us TOWNSFOLK They're pyro like the rest of us
GRACK Your Mighty Girthness!
CHIEF GUTWAD I know. GRACK No gob alive stands a chance against you. ---
CHIEF GUTWAD It's true, Grack.
GRACK The team that killed Squealy? CHIEF GUTWAD That's the one - the lucky team I'll be hiring. GRACK But they're - CHIEF GUTWAD The most pyro team in town. GRACK I know, but - CHIEF GUTWAD That makes them the best.
GRACK They're burning my house! CHIEF GUTWAD Right from the moment when I met them, saw them
GOBLIN PREGENS Look there he goes -- Isn't he obese?
FEMALE GOB 1 Bonfire! CHIEF GUTWAD It smokes! FLAMEFINGER Great day RONK The fires! FEMALE GOB 3 You call this bacon? FEMALE GOB 4 What lovely flames! MEDGE There goes GURP The house! MALE GOB 1 A fire! GRACK 'scuse me! FLAMEFINGER I'll get more fuel GRACK Please let me through! FEMALE GOB 6 Those flames - FEMALE GOB 7 That smoke - GRACK My house! FEMALE GOB Ablaze! MALE GOBS We're not mistaken. FEMALE GOBS Is there more bacon? TOWNSFOLK It's burning!
TWITCHY There must be more than this combustive life! CHIEF GUTWAD Just watch,
TOWNSFOLK Look there they go
FEMALE GOBS It's a pity and a sin MALE GOBS That they fit right in TOWNSFOLK 'Cause they really are a pyro team
___________________________ "Ow!" Twitchy wakes up as Fluffer, her vulture birdie, pecks her.
You're not the only one with insane relatives who steal stuff. I narc'ed on my crazy crackhead cousin recently because I got tired of him stealing from my mom and uncle. Sigh. I hope you get it straightened out soon. Hmm
Glad to have you both back! Sorry it's been so rough.
Twitchy ducks the javelins that were thrown at her and Mort. "Hey, no one spears our pompous talking cat!" She holds her action until Mortimer gets her closer to lizards eight and nine, and then she bombs them.
Eight takes 6 damage, and his buddy nine takes 5.
"Heh. A better rider, too. But I'm not stealing Ronk's mount, Talky-Cat! Just borrowing it!"
Twitchy looks up at the towers. "The lizards have the high ground. We need to neutralize their advantage!" She opens up a batch of bottled lightning up at the lizard in Tower 1.
She then runs and leaps on Mort's back.
"Take me to them!" She calls out, "Fluffer!" When the buzzard appears, she'll point him to attacking the lizards in the towers.
Three lizards, clustered together? At first, Twitchy considered taking them out quietly but one was already shouting. Besides, she remembered that she was traveling with Medge and Ronk. Was quiet even going to be an option? She grabs one of her prepared bombs, shakes it and tosses it at the center lizard.
The center lizard takes 13 damage and his buddies each take 5 splash damage. Twitchy now pauses for her team to go so they can have a chance to kill lizards too. She has precise bombs, so can ignore buddies in melee with her bomb targets. If her team fails to kill these lizards, she bombs again on her round:
"Excellent!" Twitchy slips under the fence, as quietly and stealthily as possible.
Twitchy puts the bandage on her hubby. "You need to get better." Then she turns to the group. "I just figured out what's bothering me about this mission. We're goblins. We're the sneakiest of the sneakiest, except for camouflage lizards, and who cares about camouflage lizards?" "You know what bothers me about this mission? The Queen already has STEALTH minions, those camo-lizard guys! So why is she sending US? Because we're expendable, that's why!" Twitchy looks over the potions and says, "This is good loot, so maybe we're not totally expendable to her, but still... I think that there may be options we're overlooking here. The lizards are big. They won't see options to get in that we will. This is a town, right? They'll have deliveries. We can sneak into a cart going in and the guards will never know. Or there'll be a hole in the wall that's so small that the guards haven't bothered to repair it. My point is, we aren't limited to just the options that Shadow's given us, right? So what do you think? Shall we find our own way in? Then let's complete the mission and get out from UNDER Vorka's sister. We're the Dread Pirates! We can have allies, but let's not buckle to an Overlord, no matter how pretty or powerful!"
I can also help do a couple posts to make the story transition easier... And I'll be still reading this gameplay.
Twitchy almost quivers with excitement as she identifies the potions by touch. "This is exceptional work! Is your alchemist with you? I must meet her. Maybe we can exchange formulae!" Or I could just steal her book. No, wait. These are allies. She frowns as Shadow describes the situation. "How well do you lizards see in the dark? How's your sense of smell? We goblins are pretty good at stealth, given shadows. We're not the chameleons you are, but we do alright." After Shadow leaves: "I'm carrying ant haul now. I can make three of these a day, given a minute." Twitchy looks around. "Maybe I can create a diversion while you guys... Wait a minute. Gurp, you have powerful swamp mojo. How good are you at summoning? Can you summon in a diversion that might distract the guards, or give them something else to worry about? Or would it not last long enough to matter?"
Twitchy has ant haul prepared, and can give it to both you and Fluffer. I can fly other goblins in too.
"We go back to Queen and she fix you," Twitchy says, "but first we have these lizards give us the information we need so we can finish our job and go home." Home is where our ship is
But now we've got a Liz
We'll somehow get past this
Home is where our ship is
Twitchy whispers in Ronk's ear. "You not sluggish where it counts." She gooses him.
I should say that I've been feeling kind of lost lately. I've lost touch with who Twitchy is... She's a goal-oriented goblin, and right now there doesn't seem to be a goal to go for. She's not excited about us doing this job for Vorka's sister, and she isn't really sure what we're supposed to do on this job anyway. Is this an awful thing to admit? I'm thinking of going on hiatus because I cannot figure out what to do with her anymore. :( Hmm
Twitchy, who had been silent all this time, watching and thinking, finally speaks up. "I'm Twitchy. Yeah, we realize we're in Underbelly territory. That's why it's hard to tell friend from foe. Gurp's paranoia and wisdom has kept us alive. If you don't think he's worth talking to..." Twitchy shrugs. "...I guess it's your choice. Your speech to Medge about allies? Very clever and wise, but it applies to you as well as us." Point made, the alchemist in Twitchy takes over. "How do you do that camouflage effect? Is it natural to you, or do you use a potion or something? If you use a potion, can you teach me? That is the cleverest bit of hiding I've seen."
Sarah, Percy and Bill! (from Jane Yolen's Owl Babies)
"Agreed. Also, these tracks are only a day old, aren't they?" She looks at Ronk. "Keep your eyes out for anything to bonk!"
Welcome back, Plotbunny!
I think she would like the silly song anyway.
I spat out the beginning of a song for all of you. Typed it in five minutes! New record!
While Gurp is having his fling with the creepy voices of the Swamp, Twitchy starts to sing: Well, we spent three days lookin’ for lizards
We was lookin’ for lizards in all the wrong places
Hopin’ Fuff can find a trail to hover
‘Cause...
Me unlucky? No not really. I'm insanely healthy for a 50 year old, I have two adult men who love me and are willing to share me, two great teenagers and a job I love. I just had a bad run of luck recently. Hmm
Oh dear. Plot Bunny, put the game on hiatus. Your grandfather comes first. I had to put the game that I was GMing on hiatus this week because: 1) I broke my fridge
The first two are dealt with, but the third is really hampering my ability to do stuff, and has shot my ability to GM coherently. Family comes first. Forget about us. Pick us up again when you are ready. Twitchy
What, roleplay? I think we need to SING.
Twitchy looks over the side of the ship. "I think I see which way the lizards went, but I'm hungry. Do you want to get me some fish, Ronk and Pompous Talking Cat? Meanwhile, I'll see if we can fly higher and see which way they went!" She mounts Fluffer.
She is only able to follow the trail partway before she loses it, coming back for the others, to see if they can see what she missed.
Yeah, we're goblins. No one's taking watch. Sometimes we forget to do the sensible thing, and remember both Twitchy and Mort were amongst the first to fall asleep.
Twitchy grabs Ronk, hugging the sobbing barbarian, and then nods to Medge. "Sounds like we have plan. We rest. Ronk goes to sleep and doesn't bonk Medge. Medge goes to sleep and doesn't eat hubby's eyeballs. Then we go out, track lizards, and kill them and get loot back." Putting her arms around Ronk, and leaning up on poumpous talking cat, she falls asleep.
Twitchy looks up as Fluffer thumps on the mast, and then looks down. "Wait a minute, there was a lizard tied down there!" Using her cool boots and her bounciness, she leaps down from the mast to the deck.
Landing lighly on her feet, adrenaline surging through her now, she wails as she looks below deck. "They took our stuff, but I'm not sure we're in shape to chase them right now!"
Twitchy falls asleep on Fluffer as well. Fluffer lands on the Crow's Nest of the Dread Pirate boat and conks out himself.
Hey... I got to expand my library of Pathfinder books by an enormous amount. I'm also waiting for Medge's wrench.
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