General Buck Turgidson's page

Whelp, I want to burn the forums down again. :/

Indiscriminate aerial bombardment, daisy cutters, or a nuke is unnecessarily wasteful and harmful. Far better to accomplish the same goal with just a few sniper rifles.

Edit: Wow. Nope, not going to delete it. Revel in your imaginings of a nekkid George C. Scott.

Presence of General around suggest that you are army captain, not navy captain and you wield less authority anyway...

I dunno, that just means he's closer to being a Hawkeye Pierce or BJ Hunnicutt.

Limeylongears wrote:

BEST. FILM. EVER.

I suspect you may not be entirely accurate.

Drink water, it'll help clarify your mind!

Just make certain it isn't fluoridated water. You don't want to introduce such a Commie foreign substance into your precious bodily fluids.*

* Edit: Yeah, I know this is a Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper reference/line, but I'm trying to avoid creating a third Strangelove alias.

Summons aren't real creatures, as detailed in the religion rules for summoning divine servitors. They're a copy of one. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Maybe for the players and GMs of divine casters' using the info in Inner Sea Gods. For everyone else:

Summoning: A summoning spell instantly brings a creature or object to a place you designate. When the spell ends or is dispelled, a summoned creature is instantly sent back to where it came from, but a summoned object is not sent back unless the spell description specifically indicates this. A summoned creature also goes away if it is killed or if its hit points drop to 0 or lower, but it is not really dead. It takes 24 hours for the creature to reform, during which time it can't be summoned again.

When the spell that summoned a creature ends and the creature disappears, all the spells it has cast expire. A summoned creature cannot use any innate summoning abilities it may have.

They sound pretty real to me, even if they awaken alive again on their home plane. And really, even if they're "just" a copy, that makes it OK to treat them inhumanely? (And if continuing this derail is necessary, a different thread is a better choice for it.)

100. "Oh yes, we are the goodest of the good champions of Truth, Justice, and the [Campaign Setting] way. We rescue puppies and kittens, save farmers and commonfolk from ravenous hordes and vile monarchies, and distribute economy-destroying levels of wealth amongst the orphans and beggars without recompense. Yep, saintly are we." {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Hello slave! I command you to run ahead of us in this deathtrap dungeon and trigger all the harmful traps. Don't worry if you don't get them all; we'll just summon another of your kin once you drop dead. And chop chop too--if we wanted to wait, we'd have the rouge rogue do it."

Corollary A to 100. {casts spell dragging innocent critter from the Outer Planes} "Yes, goodie goodies r us, yada yada yada... Hello slave! I command you to act as a distraction/cannon fodder and get horrifically slaughtered in 12 seconds or less by the BBEG while we strategically wear it down and kill it. And don't you dare 5-ft step away to catch your breath--the melee-ers need the flanking bonus."

Corollary B to 100. "Look, I spent about literally a ton worth of non-platinum pieces (that I needed to ditch anyway) to involuntarily drag this powerful outsider to our plane and bind it to do our will... and the f*+#er dare tries to twist the wish(es) we are due?! How is that fair? What do you mean we have a bad reputation on the Outer Planes?!?! BUT WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS!!!!"

I blame Cosmo for being the fluoridation in our nation's drinking water.

I also blame Cosmo for the mineshaft gap.

John Kretzer wrote:

Tels wrote:

John Kretzer wrote:

Praise Sara Maria for Thanksgiving in general and for the fact that my birthday falls on that day this year.

We are praising Sara Marie for the exploitation, death and forced relocation of an entire people?

0.o

Since when does my birthday has anything to do with exploitation, death, and forced relocation of a entire people? I am not Cosmo after all.

Slacker.

{begins typing email to Alex Jones about Kretzer's forced detainment and fluoridation camps for 4e players}

The Greys are running new mexico

{sips fluoridated tapwater, eyes glaze over, answers monotonically:} This is clearly pro-Grey propaganda. Sure, they are in charge of the Executive branch of New Mexican government (and doing a fine job), per the Treaty of Devil's Tower 1977, government here is trilateral (though we prefer the term "Icke-ian"). Thus, the Reptilians run the Judicial branch, and the Illuminati run the Legislative.

And before you ask, no, Governor Brewer is one of you humans.

You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.

Consider yourself under permanent surveillance from now on, citizen.

Those silent, smiling, never-blinking "decorative" gnomes showing up every night in your garden? Yes, we know, oh yes we do.

<Walks away while pointing at his eyes>

{sputters:} I am a lawful upstanding citizen patriot of this fair nation! How dare you insinuate otherwise!

{hurriedly reformats computer, shreds autographed theatrical poster of "Lars and the Real Gnome", and burns stack of RealGnome-related porn DVDs}

Suuuure, you would say that... typical Commie gnome propaganda.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

Once on Hiroshima, the second time on Nagasaki.

Bah! Bruce Lee used to break a baker's dozen arches like this with his 1 Inch Punch before breakfast.

Shadowborn wrote:

Irontruth wrote:

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

Fact check: In 1944 Chuck Norris was only 4 years old. Next.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built himself.

Bah! It was the sun glinting off Bruce Lee's teeth that made those trees grow in the first place.

Charles Scholz is banned because Better Dead Than Red!

Halitosis Linnorm