Chuck Norris Will Bring '1,000 Years Of Darkness'

[Grand Magus]

.

29 years of playing D&D has prepared me for this darkness. This makes me
so... happy! And since Chuck Norris spoke this prophecy it, I know it to
be true.

I'm voting for Obama now, for sure. For sure, for sure, for sure.

.

ALL HAIL 1,000 YEARS OF DARKNESS

Spoiler:

Conan can whup' Chuck Norris easy.

[Irontruth]

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

Once on Hiroshima, the second time on Nagasaki.

[meatrace]

So laughably over the top.

Thousand years of darkness, wasn't that an L5R expansion?

[AnnoyingOrange]

I feel so stupid right now for buying that home training advice he was promoting.. Chucky and Chucky's wife be crazy

[Shadowborn]

I demand fact-checking on all Chuck Norris statements. First there was this, then I saw a photo of him with no beard. There was no third fist, only a normal chin. All other Chuck Norris "facts" must face scrutiny!

[Irontruth]

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

[Shifty]

Must be solar flares or something; first Clint went wonky, now Chuck.

[A Man In Black]

Shifty wrote:

Must be solar flares or something; first Clint went wonky, now Chuck.

Actors get old.

[Bob Evil]

Despite the fact that his years are catching up to him, Clint is, was, and always shall be one of the greatest filmmakers ever to get in front or behind of a camera. He has always been up front about his political affiliation and still made movies with more or less universal appeal.

Chuck, on the other hand, is good at karate, made some truly crappy movies and TV shows, and co-opted an internet meme originally conceived for Vin Diesel as a vehicle for his particular brand of crazy.

They may belong to the same party, but there's a world of difference in terms of quality.

[DM Wellard]

Well we just found the answer to the Question

Chuck Norris CAN be beaten by Senile Dementia

[LazarX]

Bob Evil wrote:

Despite the fact that his years are catching up to him, Clint is, was, and always shall be one of the greatest filmmakers ever to get in front or behind of a camera. He has always been up front about his political affiliation and still made movies with more or less universal appeal.

Eastwood is an example of a man that I can admire for his craft, his intelligence, and his personal sense of ethics and morality, while acknowledging that he's a complete screwball in certain areas. And I'm okay with that, because Eastwood isn't gunning for election to public office with his finger on the Red Button.

[Shadowborn]

Irontruth wrote:

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

Fact check: In 1944 Chuck Norris was only 4 years old. Next.

[thejeff]

Shadowborn wrote:

Irontruth wrote:

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

Fact check: In 1944 Chuck Norris was only 4 years old. Next.

That just proves how awesome Chuck Norris is.

[EntrerisShadow]

Shifty wrote:

Must be solar flares or something; first Clint went wonky, now Chuck.

For the record, you could make the case about Clint Eastwood losing it. I agree with pretty much everything Bob Evil said about the man.

But Chuck Norris has been a crazy deluded fundamentalist a-hole for a long time. You can't blame dementia for it.

And his movies suck.

[Irontruth]

Shadowborn wrote:

Irontruth wrote:

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

Fact check: In 1944 Chuck Norris was only 4 years old. Next.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built himself.

[General Buck Turgidson]

Irontruth wrote:

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

Once on Hiroshima, the second time on Nagasaki.

Bah! Bruce Lee used to break a baker's dozen arches like this with his 1 Inch Punch before breakfast.

Irontruth wrote:

Shadowborn wrote:

Irontruth wrote:

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

Fact check: In 1944 Chuck Norris was only 4 years old. Next.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built himself.

Bah! It was the sun glinting off Bruce Lee's teeth that made those trees grow in the first place.

[Irontruth]

Chuck Norris can stand behind himself.

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'

[Irontruth]

The stock market crashed because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.

[Crimson Jester]

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s$&~ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

[thejeff]

B%+&@@+ insane? Maybe not.

But really, this again? If we don't stop the Democrat in this election, our country will "go the way of socialism or something much worse"?

It's been the same speil for as long as I can remember.

Well, he's had 4 years? Where the hell is my socialism!!

And what's the "something much worse"? Given that he's appealing to evangelicals is that a dogwhistle for "antichrist" or am I reading too much into it? What is he suggesting? What is his audience hearing?

[A Man In Black]

Crimson Jester wrote:

So they quoted Reagan,

"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

Because the original quote is b%#*#%# insane.

[thejeff]

Also, Reagan made that speech in 1964. After 30 years of expansion of liberal dominance, on the eve of Medicare and the Civil Rights Act.

It was vaguely plausible to see a pattern that led towards socialism. The Cold War was still raging. Third world countries were still turning to communism for support. The Cuban revolution was less than a decade past.

Today, the Soviet Union is long gone. Communist revolutions are a thing of the past. The US has been on a 40 year swing towards conservatism.* Suggesting we're still only one election away from the horrors of socialism is nonsense.

*:

Well, either that or you have to assume that the modern conservative standard bearers in the GOP are socialists, in which case why rally for Romney?

[thejeff]

A Man In Black wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

So they quoted Reagan,

"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

Because the original quote is b$~$*+# insane.

Well, that too.

[Kryzbyn]

Shadowborn wrote:

Irontruth wrote:

In 1944, the nuns of the Convent of Santa Chiara were impregnated by Chuck Norris. Today, we call the progeny of this union "The 1972 Dolphins".

Fact check: In 1944 Chuck Norris was only 4 years old. Next.

It's accepted fact that when Lance Armstrong lost a testicle to cancer, Chuck gave him one of his, but he still has 2. I posit that he was born with a testicle, and impregnated those women to bring about the coming of the 72 dolphins. Then, later he got the other 2 as normal, and gave the vestigial, but functional 3rd testicle to Lance. Chuck's prepubescent toddler teses was useless to him, but more than enough testosterone to even out Lance, who is a mere mortal.

Addendum: And yes, Bruce Lee did defeat Chuck Norris. But Bruce's awesomeness was discovered to be too much for a human to contain, and he died early from awesome overdose. Even the small bit he got from his father claimed Brandon. Chuck has just enough to be awesome and live, but is less than Bruce's. It was a cosmic twist of fate that Bruce would be given so much awesome, and yet no beard to contain it with.

[A Man In Black]

Grand Magus wrote:

Conan can whup' Chuck Norris easily.

Conan is a Republican too.

[Freehold DM]

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s&*! insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

Norris has said some other crazy things over the years...I can't get into details now, but while I agree with you that this thousand years of darkness thing isn't *as* crazy as some of the other things he has said(although I take exception to it...*sigh* Charlie Murphy), he has said some interesting things over the years, especially regarding Mexicans.

[Evil Lincoln]

Well, the Conan of fiction is almost certainly an anarchist.

Given the chance, he would topple Obama (who is a fan) and probably get tender with the first lady.

[thejeff]

Evil Lincoln wrote:

Well, the Conan of fiction is almost certainly an anarchist.

Given the chance, he would topple Obama (who is a fan) and probably get tender with the first lady.

Conan? King of Aquilonia? An anarchist?

If he toppled Obama, he'd seize the throne(?), cut the heads off of half of Congress and then try to reign as a tyrant. While he wasn't disappearing for months at a time to hunt down his enemies.

[FallenValkyrja]

Freehold DM wrote:

Norris has said some other crazy things over the years...

Yes, electrosmog from stealth smart meters will kill us all. Oh Noes!

[meatrace]

Conan was a wise king. No tyrant.

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

[thejeff]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

Biden is known for his gaffes and a certain lack of tact. He's not a smooth talker. He's probably the closest thing to plainspoken we've had in a leadership position in decades.

He's not dumb. He can policy wonk with the best of them. I look forward to the VP debates.

Palin was and is a grifter and an idiot. She could barely figure out which scripted response fit which question. She was great at giving a speech and firing up the base, but little else. Perhaps she's not such an idiot. She was able to turn a losing VP run into a fortune and a career as a celebrity.

[Freehold DM]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

He's already said some racist stuff, or stuff that could be seen as racist regarding Mexicans. I can't get into details now, but this is stuff that's already happened.

[thejeff]

meatrace wrote:

Conan was a wise king. No tyrant.

Fair enough I suppose. I doubt he'd take well to democracy.

[Bob Evil]

thejeff wrote:

meatrace wrote:

Conan was a wise king. No tyrant.

Fair enough I suppose. I doubt he'd take well to democracy.

I'd still vote for the man over Romney or Obama.

"Conan the Cimmerian 2012-- 'He knows what is best in life.'"

He'd win the Primary by forgoing the acceptance speech; he'd just decapitate his strongest opponent and toss the head off the stage, then silently wait for the delegates to disperse.

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

Freehold DM wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

He's already said some racist stuff, or stuff that could be seen as racist regarding Mexicans. I can't get into details now, but this is stuff that's already happened.

Oh, and I was just being snide, but apparently Keith Olberman has called the "1000 years of darkness" a republican racism dog whistle comment.

It's like the "backwards masking" phenomenon of the 21st century.

Way to go, dem's.

[Bob Evil]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

He's already said some racist stuff, or stuff that could be seen as racist regarding Mexicans. I can't get into details now, but this is stuff that's already happened.

Oh, and I was just being snide, but apparently Keith Olberman has called the "1000 years of darkness" a republican racism dog whistle comment.

It's like the "backwards masking" phenomenon of the 21st century.

Way to go, dem's.

Olberman is and always has been an ass. He speaks for all Democrats the same way that O'Reilly speaks for all Republicans. Having a cable news show should always be a red flag.

[Freehold DM]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

He's already said some racist stuff, or stuff that could be seen as racist regarding Mexicans. I can't get into details now, but this is stuff that's already happened.

Oh, and I was just being snide, but apparently Keith Olberman has called the "1000 years of darkness" a republican racism dog whistle comment.

It's like the "backwards masking" phenomenon of the 21st century.

Way to go, dem's.

I've experienced racist people using the darkness bit as a racist joke. I've also experienced people using it as a joke. Not sure how it's being used here, but if he used it in front of me, I would tell him that he wasn't being particularly funny.

[Spanky the Leprechaun]

thejeff wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

Biden is known for his gaffes and a certain lack of tact. He's not a smooth talker. He's probably the closest thing to plainspoken we've had in a leadership position in decades.

He's not dumb. He can policy wonk with the best of them. I look forward to the VP debates.

Palin was and is a grifter and an idiot. She could barely figure out which scripted response fit which question. She was great at giving a speech and firing up the base, but little else. Perhaps she's not such an idiot. She was able to turn a losing VP run into a fortune and a career as a celebrity.

Krishna in the Opulence of the Absolute could have said "among gaffe machines, I am Joe Biden."

He makes Dan Quayle look like Bill Buckley.

[thejeff]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Oh, and I was just being snide, but apparently Keith Olberman has called the "1000 years of darkness" a republican racism dog whistle comment.
It's like the "backwards masking" phenomenon of the 21st century.

Way to go, dem's.

Nah. That wasn't a racist dog whistle comment. At least when Reagan said it. That was 1964. They weren't bothering with the dog whistles then. Back then, if they wanted to appeal to racists, they said "n@!+$!".

I still want to know what Chuck was implying with his ominous "socialism or something much worse".

[A Man In Black]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Oh, and I was just being snide, but apparently Keith Olberman has called the "1000 years of darkness" a republican racism dog whistle comment.

Yeah, that's been getting a little play, although I think it's more a Obama-is-communist dogwhistle than a racist one. Both are insane, but one is less reprehensible, I guess.

[thejeff]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Krishna in the Opulence of the Absolute could have said "among gaffe machines, I am Joe Biden."
He makes Dan Quayle look like Bill Buckley.

There's a big difference between being gaffe prone and being dumb.

There's a big difference between being a smooth talker and being smart.

[thejeff]

A Man In Black wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Oh, and I was just being snide, but apparently Keith Olberman has called the "1000 years of darkness" a republican racism dog whistle comment.

Yeah, that's been getting a little play, although I think it's more a Obama-is-communist dogwhistle than a racist one. Both are insane, but one is less reprehensible, I guess.

I guess they could be using "socialist" as a dog whistle for "communist", but that seems a little silly.

They don't seem to need to hide that. Chuck warns of socialism directly.

The more I think about it, the more I think it's a Christian end-times thing. 1000 years of darkness. Much worse than socialism. The call out to evangelicals.
It's an Obama is the anti-Christ dogwhistle, if it's anything.

[Freehold DM]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

thejeff wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

I don't get it. Nothing was controversial in that vid. Yet some posters are acting like Chuck has gone bat s@~$ insane.

So they quoted Reagan,
"President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.'"
so what?

What cracks me up is the armflailing that occurred when Sarah Palin might've been a breath away from the Presidency, but......

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

Biden is known for his gaffes and a certain lack of tact. He's not a smooth talker. He's probably the closest thing to plainspoken we've had in a leadership position in decades.

He's not dumb. He can policy wonk with the best of them. I look forward to the VP debates.

Palin was and is a grifter and an idiot. She could barely figure out which scripted response fit which question. She was great at giving a speech and firing up the base, but little else. Perhaps she's not such an idiot. She was able to turn a losing VP run into a fortune and a career as a celebrity.

Krishna in the Opulence of the Absolute could have said "among gaffe machines, I am Joe Biden."

He makes Dan Quayle look like Bill Buckley.

I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree here. I don't think he's the best public speaker by far, but he's not quite as dumb as Quayle.

[A Man In Black]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

He makes Dan Quayle look like Bill Buckley.

So if he were elected, he'd say silly things. Contrast this with Palin, who didn't (and doesn't) know anything about anything. This isn't some sort of left-right false equivalence. I'd rather have Cheney, Ryan, Kemp, or Quayle as president before Palin.

Palin was the worst VP nominee since Eagleton.

[thejeff]

A Man In Black wrote:

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

He makes Dan Quayle look like Bill Buckley.

So if he were elected, he'd say silly things. Contrast this with Palin, who didn't (and doesn't) know anything about anything. This isn't some sort of left-right false equivalence. I'd rather have Cheney, Ryan, Kemp, or Quayle as president before Palin.

Palin was the worst VP nominee since Eagleton.

Cheney's a hard call. But we're contrasting evil with stupid and that's not always an easy choice.

[Shadowborn]

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

Joe Biden's dumb ass being V.P. is absolutely no concern.
But then some actor dude is concerning for some reason.
I bet Chuck Norris is going to be called racist next.

Biden's not dumb, he's just got all the social graces of a bull rhino with diarrhea.

Chuck's not crazy, but he sounds like it using a Reagan quotation with apocalyptic overtones to rally the religious right to the polls. Makes it sound like a second term for Obama will usher in the age of the Antichrist.

[Freehold DM]

Bob Evil wrote:

thejeff wrote:

meatrace wrote:

Conan was a wise king. No tyrant.

Fair enough I suppose. I doubt he'd take well to democracy.

I'd still vote for the man over Romney or Obama.

"Conan the Cimmerian 2012-- 'He knows what is best in life.'"

He'd win the Primary by forgoing the acceptance speech; he'd just decapitate his strongest opponent and toss the head off the stage, then silently wait for the delegates to disperse.

That...would be pretty awesome.

[Shifty]

Shadowborn wrote:

Makes it sound like a second term for Obama will usher in the age of the Antichrist.

Or Mohammed.