Drock11's page

Please stop my adventure path subscription.

I have a few things to put on the docket today.

When I take a shower I try to make sure I put a towel right next to the door so it's within easy reach when I'm done. The last few times it seems I forgot to do that, and had to track puddles of water all over my bathroom floor to get to one. Perhaps I just forgot. I thought I put the towel in it's usual place, but now I'm thinking Cosmo sent one of his minions to move it to cause me to clean the water off the floor.

The replacement tubing used to fix the water pipe that burst when it froze over last winter has started to fail. It's now leaking at both ends where I replaced it. I had to shut off the hot water in the house until I can get it fixed, and the way work is right now it's hard to do anything until the week end. Even then Cosmo has found a way to spoil my weekend and has made it known to me well in advanced to make sure I have nothing good to look forward to for a while.

The worst thing he as did lately was yesterday. I have to get up really early in the A.M. to go to work. I got up around midnight to use the bathroom and found a bat flying around inside me house. I have no idea how it got in, other than Cosmo being involved somehow, because they can fit through ridiculously small spaces. It startled the heck out of me. I know that. Worse, it wasn't like I could just go back to bed and leave the matter of having it in my house unattended. When I went to get a spare bed sheet and gloves it stopped flying around and I couldn't find it. I had to wait and hour before it started zooming around again.

I don't know if any of you have ever had to deal with a bat flying around inside your house with no help. Trying to stop them mid-flight, well, it's hard. They are pretty quick, agile, and tend to not want to be captured. Maybe it's just me, but they also seem to have a nasty proclivity of flying it the direction of your face only to turn away at the last moment. As I had little sleep and work the next day it wasn't like I could easily wait it out to land either. Not that I had much of a choice as in the end that's what I had to do. I finally got it back outside relatively unscathed, but it ruined my whole day at work. I guess the bat controlling division of Cosmo's organization finally got envious of his spider controlling division and wanted some of the action it gets at my expense.

I've noticed that there are a lot of garage sales going on around my area this time of year. The signs on the side of the road directing people to them are somewhat annoying, but the biggest problem with them is all the false advertizing that goes on. I mean, I keep going to them, but nobody is ever selling their garages.

For that I blame Cosmo.

I blame Cosmo that spiders have found my workout equipment to be adequate nesting spots. The worst was the ab board when doing crunches where I went from wondering what all those tickling sensations were to screaming in terror.

I would also like to take this time to blame Cosmo for people that like put ketchup on their bratwurst or hot dogs. Those people are sick and need help and it's all your fault Cosmo.

At work coworkers of mine and me have figured out what some of the days of the week really are. See, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday really aren't those days. What we call them instead is Second Monday, Third Monday, and Forth Monday.

We had Friday as that was still not infected with the misery of the other days, and it still had some good aspects to it, until recently that is.

(At this point I can only curl up into a fetal position and cry)

Why Cosmo? Why did you have to turn Friday into Fifth Monday? It was the only thing I had left. Couldn't you have at least let me keep that? (sobs)

I blame Cosmo because I don't have my own theme song.

I blame Cosmo because I went to the dentist today and found I will need some work done on an upcoming appointment. Only Cosmo can come up with a system where somebody has to pay a lot of money to feel pain.

I blame Cosmo because I feel like I'm some lab experiment when I'm almost lying down in one of the dentist chairs and that bright light is right in front of my face and people are looking down at me.

I also blame Cosmo because the dentist tools look as much like Middle Age torture devices than actual medical equipment. It's even worse because of the nature of the work you can't even look away from them. They are right in front of people's faces as they jam the devices into them and they hear the awful sounds they make. All features of the process that Cosmo came up with I'm sure.

I blame Cosmo that I have another large pile of cardboard boxes that are a pain to get rid off. Luckily Cosmo hasn't sent them full of plague or a large swarm of spiders, yet.

I would get laughed at for wearing a cloak in the modern day. I say somebody needs to get them to catch on again and make a comeback. I don't think I'm that brave to pull it off.

I blame Cosmo because of coffee grounds spilled on the carpet. What did it ever do to you to deserve that Cosmo?

I also blame Cosmo because for a spit second I actually thought of reducing myself to trying to salvage and use it. That's not right.

I blame Cosmo that my car broke down today, maybe permanently.

I blame Cosmo I will have to beg for rides to work for the near future.

I blame Cosmo for any used car salesmen that I might have to deal with in the future. Cosmo did after all invent the profession.

I blame Cosmo for rust and the oxygen that causes it. Why must you make something we need to live also our enemy?

I also blame Cosmo for my sister pushing her dog on me to watch while she's in the Florida Keys for three weeks while I'm in the cold. She has sent pictures of it down there to rub it in to the people she knows here. I'm now assuming she's either a fan of Cosmo, or worse, was one of his secret agents all along. I do get the benefit of having a bunch of crap in my yard for when spring comes. The first lawn mowing this year is going to be so much fun.

It ends up I wasn't able to change all my clocks, and I blame Cosmo. My car was bought used and has an aftermarket radio in it. Of course there is no instruction booklet. Trying to figure it out I might as well be randomly pushing buttons on an alien spaceship control panel for all good it does. I can only hope my car's battery never goes out as my only recourse for setting the time correctly after that is to wait until exactly midnight to reattach the terminals.

I blame Cosmo that he stole that hour of sleep from me yesterday. Daylight Savings Time sounds like a concept he would come up with. Congratulations Cosmo. You managed to mess with a whole country's worth of people's circadian rhythms at one time.

To start and blame Cosmo early I also blame him that when it switches back to Standard Time I will have to press the buttons on my alarm clock twenty three times as there is no backward moving function on it. Why won't you let them put a backwards button on digital clocks? I think Cosmo does it because he knows it's one of those little things that drive me a little closer to rage and insanity.

I blame Cosmo that I have to now try and go to sleep when it light outside.

I'm starting to see my first grey hairs, and I blame Cosmo. I'm reasonably confident it's Cosmo's way of always reminding me he's winning every time I look closely in the mirror.

For some reason I think the hairs in my nose are growing faster and thicker which is making them more unmanageable. I often wonder how you pull of your feats of deviousness Cosmo.

Drock11 wrote:

Cosmo wrote:

Ashley: I WAS JUST TOLD NOT TO RUN AND SCREAM

They had to stop her. They are making sure Ashley has scissors in her hands before they let her do that.

I DUAL WIELD TWO-HANDED AXES OR I WIELD NOTHING!

I bet watching you cut some paper or a birthday cake brought into the office is worth coming to work all on it own if that's the case. A high base attack bonus would also be needed to butter one's toast in that manner. I speculate that would put you somewhere above level 12ish.

I blame Cosmo for for having light trigger finger in two of my fingers for the last week. Considering it can take weeks to go away on it's own with rest, I'm kind of worried about how long it will take if I keep abusing them. Of course even if I somehow could afford it, which I can't, I can just imagine the looks on my employer's faces if I walk in ask for a few weeks off.

On the bright side I did get my Bones. Everything seems to be here. I think out of principle Cosmo must have ended up with something of mine as a trophy before he had his people expertly repackage everything so it looked like nothing was tampered with. Maybe he's using one of my bases as a coaster. Now it's off cement up some demons. I've had a package of superglue stored up for months just for this day.

I didn't get my Reaper Bones package that was due to arrive today, and I blame Cosmo for it. It was even listed as out for delivery earlier today. This is the first time in my life, from any carrier, I've ever had a package listed as late due to a weather situation, and while it's not good outside I've had much worse weather than I have now in my life and packages have always made it.

I know you or one of your minions are playing with them right now Cosmo.

I blame Cosmo that I now have a permanent patch of ice on the drivers side part of my car's floor. It seems due to the length of my trips and how cold it is outside the snow on my boots can melt just enough to flow off, but then it keeps refreezing into an ever greater sheet of ice as times goes on. My foot that doesn't operate anything keeps wanting to slip around, and frankly it's very annoying. I'm resigned to it being there until spring at this point. While I can appreciate the effort and drive Cosmo has to keep delivering small irritations like this to me I must ask, "Why Cosmo, why must you torment me so?"

I blame cosmo for being undead.

Fun fact: Cosmo invented undeath as a means to circumvent the only way people could prevent experiencing the anguish he gives to everybody for all eternity. That's why the undead are always so grumpy at everything instead of being happy they are immortal.

I blame Cosmo because it got so cold with high driving winds where I live a pipe burst in my basement when there was no way to keep it warm enough with the freezing winds finding a way into it. Although I don't discount Cosmo somehow sneaking a gremlin into my basement to accomplish the task and have me blame it on the cold. I didn't see any evidence of gremlins. I checked, but they are crafty and cover their tracks well. Either way is well within Cosmo's abilities to pull off.

In any case I've been without hot water for days until I could get it fixed today a few hours ago. It seems the only shut off for the hot water system was right at the water heater so I had to cut it off for the whole house. It's something else I'm sure Cosmo had planned out all along to go along with me not being able to notice the burst pipe until I started trying the thaw it out with a blow dryer thus making water spray everywhere unexpectedly.

I wasn't able to even take a cold shower. It might have been different if the cold water I could use was just room temperature cold or even cool lake on a summer day cold, but no. It was more like falling off a ship into the Bering Sea in the winter cold so it wasn't going to happen. Trying to wash dishes hasn't exactly been a pleasant experience either, even relative to the horribleness of normal dish washing.

I would like to take this time to state that Cosmo is pure concentrated evil. No, that's not right. It's more accurate to say that all other evil is just a diluted form of Cosmo.

I blame Cosmo that I had to do my taxes yesterday. At least it's over for this year.

I blame Cosmo because I acquire books at a faster rate than I can read them. Why do you let that backlog sit there in a pile and stare back at me so I feel sad I'm neglecting them?

I'd also like to take this time to blame Cosmo because I can't read even faster than I already do.

I'd also like to take this time to blame Cosmo for me needing to work taking time away from reading. He also gives me the knowledge that if I didn't work I wouldn't have been able to afford the books anyhow thus creating a vicious cycle where I have nice shiny Paizo books, but have to struggle to keep up on them. He's very cruel indeed.

I also blame Cosmo for me needing to sleep taking time away from reading my books. Except for the times I need to or want to sleep that is. Then he turns me into an insomniac.

I blame Cosmo because I'm sitting here listening to a bunch of classic disco songs. It's not so much listening to the songs I'm blaming Cosmo for as much as I now look back and realize I actually like a large portion of them. Why must you corrupt my mind Cosmo?

I blame Cosmo that sharp objects keep finding a way to cut my fingers at work.

Agreed. My 9 yro nephew is a huge Green Bay fan, and he was devastated by the loss.

I blame Cosmo for thinking of the children... and crushing their hopes too.

That part is pretty understandable. After all Cosmo's favorite drink is tea made from steeping it in the tears of little children and lost puppies. It's pretty hard to get. That's why he limits himself to only drinking two liters of it a day.

I blame Cosmo for being involved in the Green Bay Packer's late game management and play calling, and I'm not even a huge fan of the team. It was very cruel in a Cosmo like way, at last for everybody that wasn't a fan of the Seahawks.

I got some of the leftover boxes of chocolate candies that were at the holiday feast my family had yesterday as people were taking the leftovers home. When I opened them I found that both of them had one piece missing out of each box. That was despite both boxes being sealed, being different types of candy, and being made at a different place. What are the chances of that? I feel pretty confident I know whom to blame.

How you manage to pull off your epic feats of chicanery Cosmo I will never know.

I blame Cosmo for having much less holiday time off this year.

I blame Cosmo for the Magnum P.I. theme music being stuck in my head.

On a related topic that has also made me ponder how much destruction would occur and what would be the extent of the collateral damage if Tom Selleck's and Cosmo's mustaches had a fight.

I blame Cosmo for my kidney stone, and for missing my first day of work in my entire life because of it. Why must you even turn my own body against me?

They are the books that turned me off of post Return of the Jedi Star Wars EU material and almost Star Wars as a whole. It wasn't just the Vong even if I thought they were a terrible concept. There was also needless character deaths for mostly shock value alone or to send a message that "nobody was safe", major character personality derailments by a large amount of characters, added concepts that either don't go well with the Star Wars universe or totally derailed the basic essence of what the setting is about like Potentium or the Unifying Force, trying to add too much moral relativism and shades of grey in a setting that's supposed to be a black and white bad guys against good guys place, destruction of much of the galaxy to try to make things worse than during the times of the Empire, too many cooks in the kitchen as far as authors of the series went, and you could tell they either very poorly coordinated with each other or actively fought with each other behind the scenes for creative direction or both because neither Lucasfilm or Del Rey had a handle that situation.

Overall it was just a completely horrible series of books, and the few series that came after it weren't much better.

The New Jedi Order series and what it lead to is almost single handedly the reason I don't feel bad about the acquisition of Star Wars by Disney and the wholesale wiping away of EU continuity when I would otherwise be extremely upset by it. As much of the EU I loved like most of Zahn's work, many of the early books by others, and many of the video games and comics, if getting rid of the worst stuff goes along with that it might be worth it.

I blame Cosmo that a little less coffee comes out of coffee makers than the water that's put into them. Why are you skimming a little off all our coffee Cosmo? I can only guess that you use it as some sort of vile currency at Paizo to buy favors when supplies run out and everybody else is desperate over there, which I'm sure you plan out.

Stealing our socks out of our dryers is bad enough, but messing with people's coffee is pure evil.

I am also curious as to how you managed to get those little extra dimensional portals into the makers to teleport all that coffee to you.

But was it any good?

As it looked and tasted more of sugary goop with some coloring in it than something fruity that was sweetened up a bit I would have to say no.

Perhaps Cosmo invested heavily in the stock of a sugary goop making plant recently, but I don't know. It hard keeping up with all his schemes and plots. It's also possible he just wanted to ruin my pie. For some overarching super evil power he does seem to have the dedication to still come and put his own touch on messing up things for people personally. You have to respect that he hasn't lost the ability to care about and pay attention to the little guys after all this time.

I recently picked up a blueberry pie. On the labeling it said "lightly sweetened". Lets just say that turned out to most definitely not to be the case. Oh good people of the bakery section of my local box store, why must you let Cosmo come and bake things for you no matter how good his credentials and pie making ability seem? Don't you know that's only going to lead to trouble and overly sweetened pies?

Drock11 wrote:

What the heck happened?

Time marched on.

Do we get to blame Cosmo for that too?

Makes sense I guess. I now blame Cosmo for time.

Recently the place I worked at had my go for screenings as part of pre-employment health exams to get hired in full time and off temp status. While that is good while I was sitting in the hospital waiting room that was relatively full I looked around and saw a scary sight. I was the only person in the room that wasn't totally engrossed with a smart phone. All around me where people staring like zombies into them or doing their tappity taps and clickity clicks. It kind of put me at unease. I was hoping one of them would lift there head to at least look out the window or something so I wouldn't be the only one but nope. It was like I was in The Twilight Zone or Bizzaro World or maybe even Bizzaro world's version of the Twilight Zone. Am I the only person left that doesn't mess with those things all the time let alone not even own one?

The worst part about it is after getting home and thinking about it I realized that, no, those people were no longer the weird ones. I am the weird one now. Thanks a lot Cosmo. You somehow managed to turn us into the abnormal outcast now.

What the heck happened? I'm now terrified to pay attention to other people for fear of finding other ways the world has passed me by and probably not for the better if Cosmo is at work.

I cut myself three times at work today. One of them was on top of my thumb's knuckle and made work a pain. It didn't help that things wanted to get into it and rub against it all day in addition to that.

What is it with you Cosmo and your love of having sharp industrial staples sticking out of things I need to work with in places I don't expect. I blame you Cosmo.

I was cleaning out the fireplace and found the husk of a dead naturally mummified bird. I don't know how long its been there, but I'm guessing a long while. I blame Cosmo. I can only assume you sent one of your minions to spy on me and something went wrong. How many minions of yours must fall prey to your insane schemes? Won't somebody think of the minions?

It seems as if every time I come to a four way stop I'm the only person that understands the rules about who is supposed to go in what order. Don't even get me started on what happens when more than one person arrives at the stop at once. Really, I'm I the only one that paid attention to this stuff in those driver training classes? I can only assume everybody around me at that time is under some order from Cosmo to make it a hassle. You already have found a way to conspire and make me get stopped at almost every traffic light I come to. Did you really have to go there with this too Cosmo?

On top of the whole shorter weekend problem I blame Cosmo because my car blew a break line. Luckily I was nowhere dangerous and very close to home. You're really upping the ante a little much here aren't you Cosmo?

I blame Cosmo for small cuts right under fingernails and the tips of fingers.

I also blame Cosmo for the realization that I didn't realize how much I use a certain parts of my body until there is pain involved with them.

I thought putting in a new graphics card was bad. Today I put in a new power supply for my computer. What a nightmare! I blame Cosmo for making me get a computer without a large case all those years ago. I ended up having to take half the thing apart just to pull out and plug in a few wires. It's probably why he makes gremlins so small so they never have problems operating in such environments.

I blame Cosmo for Orthos changing his Avatar.

I blame Cosmo for making my avatar invisible so everybody but me thinks I don't have one.

I'm just surprised that John didn't have a Feather Token (Boeing 747) on him.

I'm sure he did. It was not having the Feather Token (Boeing 747 Pilot) that was the problem.

I blame Cosmo for it taking four tries to get the driver for my new video card to save correctly on my computer and work. I was getting worried there. Luckily Sara Marie must have sent one of her minions to foil the gremlin Cosmo had hanging around near me and chase him off. I'm sure it ended up chasing it back to Cosmo and Cosmo is eating Sara's poor minion as a snack as I type, and maybe that was his ultimate plan is this whole ordeal all along, but at least I got it working.

I blame Cosmo for buying a pack of socks that have bad seams on the inside that dig into my toes. It usually starts getting bad in a situation where it's very impractical to take them off to adjust them. All a part of Cosmo's plan I'm sure.

I blame Cosmo for working with what must be one of the most dysfunctional, but also one of the most penny wise pound foolish corporations on the planet. They aren't even really good at the penny wise part either.

This one I would also have to assume is Cosmo's doing in a indirect fashion. Like a poster has said before Cosmo might be evil, but he doesn't like to have his name thought of along side incompetence.

I blame Cosmo because a new pair of boots I bought last Friday lasted literally five hours before the soles crumbled and almost disintegrated completely off of them.

I am impressed however that Cosmo has such accurate aim with disintegration rays.

Damn Slaadi just made my skin crawl something awful. I blame Cosmo!

Are you sure it was slaadi? All those spiders Cosmo feeds people in their sleep have to go somewhere. I'm sure they end up under the skin somehow.

I blame Cosmo that my can opener always leaves that last little sliver of metal at the end of the cutting that can't be cut so I have to twist the top to get it completely off.

Out of all the things about Golarion's life and death cycle (and a few other settings) this might be the one thing I most absolutely loath from them. It just stinks on so many levels. It doesn't seem to be any kind of reward for a good life lived at all. It's more like the forces of the multiverse are using mortals as sort of playthings or as tools to fuel their own agendas. In a lot of ways it can be downright cruel.

In any game I run I change it so that at most non-evil petitioner that lose their memories do so as a temporary coping mechanism for dying and to ease the process of going to the afterlife, and even then they retain some important memories of their past lives, and they will always be able to know they have and recognize their past loved ones and friend on an instinctual level if nothing else.

I also have all the good outsiders and planes are under a agreed on pact that allows any non-evil petitioner to live in their realms with other friends and loved ones from that plane as long as they are reasonable well behaved, and they get more leeway than other outsiders. That way nobody is kicked out and forever barred from being with their loved one in the afterlife because one was NG while the other was LG or similar situation.

Any good petitioner is also never forced to become another outsider or be absorbed into their plane or be used in another way for fuel the ethos they represent, unless they choose to do so. They are allowed to retain their identities. They also retain a form that closely resembles what they had in life, so they aren't turned into birds or anything like that.

Of course none of this applies to evil petitioners. That is part of the price of living a life of evil, as things like demons and devils are supposed to be cruel and use others as tools on the most profound levels.