Cosmo Cultist's page

I blame Cosmo for the ignominies I must endure passing through the American Airport System not once but twice tomorrow.

Hail Cosmo! Blame Cosmo! Ia! Ia!!

Jackson: I've been frantically trying to become Cosmo and it has not worked =( The grand illusion, broken

The Great One cannot be so easily duplicated!

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

30 minutes ago Me: must be very careful using this x-acto knife for intricate crafty things.

Cosmo DM: OK, you're fine.

5 minutes ago Me: getting some foil for this baking sheet for baked potatoes.
Cosmo DM: OK, you crit failed. You take bleed damage from aluminum foil papercut.

Cosmo DM is best DM.

Forever and ever, Natural 1.

(I BLAME COSMO THAT THIS COMMENT IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY HEARD IN CHRISTOPHER LEE'S VOICE.)

I read it in the voice of Janice from the YouTube show Sorted. FWIW.

Pontiff Rysky, of Cult of Cosmo wrote:

*pokes Captain Yesterday with holy stick thingy^

I Blame Cosmo that all we have to strike at interlopers like CY are stick-like things full of holes.

I blame Cosmo for MP's lack of knowledge on this subject. Not true! We also have....

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!

THE COMFY CHAIR!!!

Which is full of knives...

It's called hope. I blame Cosmo for the existence of hope.

The Inscrutable Cosmo giveth and the Unfathomable Cosmo taketh away; baned be the name of Cosmo!

Or something along those lines. If Pandora could have read the inscription on her jar before opening it, she would have recognized it and its contents as the work of Cosmo made manifest in this world.

Not improved enough. If you're improving the duck out of something, it should be perma-basted, not perma-hasted.

You can't even be kind enough to give us a consistent improvement.

EDIT: Nobody wants to chase a perma-hasted duck around the kitchen.

Since when is the Great and Ouch-erful Cosmo ever kind?

Praise Cosmo! Blame Cosmo! For even in the shadow of His Fault is wisdom to be imparted!

As you should. As You Should.

Diego Valdez wrote:

Moderation explanation.

This is Cosmo's fault.

What?

Wait, I have to go to one specific place to blame Cosmo now?

WTH, Cosmo?

"Go therefore and make Disciples of all the Forums, Brutalizing them in the Name of the Weeping and of the Gnashing and of the Flailing, Teaching them to Blame all things as I have commanded on Him; and Lo, I will Blame You always, even Unto the Pain." Natural 1.

Master Pugwampi wrote:

I never left...probably 'cuz I have no where to go...

{rocks back and forth} Can't sleep leave. Clown Cosmo will eat me.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cosmo Redmond n'ghft ahlloig wgah'nagl fhtagn!!

Bees. My god.

bishop083 wrote:

Breath of the Wild Addict wrote:

I blame cosmo for my lack of earbuds which will cause me to go to bed before my three hours of zelda tonight.

Thus giving me extra sleep...
...
...
Ok, so it isn't awful, but... But...
It was breath of the wild, ok? So... Still evil!!

I know right?

Along this line, I have 4 shrines left to find, I "know" where one of them is, but I have been scouring the map for those other three, and I refuse to look them up online. I thought I had been EVERYWHERE, and I can't find them. I may have to work with a more fine toothed comb to find them all. Although there are those two stretches of beach I need a check. But they aren't big enough to hide 3 shrines...
I blame cosmo for my inability to find them so far. And because I have no idea how far the shrine detector actually reaches, so I don't know if I've been thorough enough, or just left a bunch of shrine-detection-radius-sized holes in my map.

I blame myself for Eventide Island...

Ugh.

Hail the unholy Ugh!

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Pontiff Rysky, of Cult of Cosmo wrote:

Happy Cosmo Day everyone!

Blame freely! Let the spite flow!

{hooks up fountain soda machine that only serves zesty lemon-lime Spite®}

{drinks a zesty lemon-lime Spite®}

Ooh, that's bitter!

I Blame Cosmo that every day can't be Cosmo Day!

Funny...I Blame Cosmo that every day IS Cosmo Day!

It's a Cosmo Day Miracle!

Spoilsport.

IA! IA!!

Oh go on. What could go wrong?

Lesson 0: Everything is Cosmo's fault. Blame Cosmo.

Tels wrote:

I blame Cosmo for the Star Wars Holiday Special.

That's just low...

I blame Cosmo that I don't know how to feel about this.

I blame Cosmo for Rysky not understanding that "Fanatical" is just a pejorative replacement for "Dedicated"!

I blame Cosmo for people apparently not understanding the concept of worship for placation.

Cosmo Cultist wrote:

Rysky wrote:

Master Pugwampi wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Tels wrote:

I blame Cosmo for idiots on Facebook.

OK, that's not fair. Even Cosmo isn't that all-powerful!

BLASPHEMER!!!

I Blame Cosmo for NobodysHome's lack of faith! >:P

I Blame Cosmo for how disturbing that it is.

Shun the unbeliever! Shuuuuuunnnnn!!

No, BLAME!

The two are not mutually exclusive!

Master Pugwampi wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Tels wrote:

I blame Cosmo for idiots on Facebook.

OK, that's not fair. Even Cosmo isn't that all-powerful!

BLASPHEMER!!!

I Blame Cosmo for NobodysHome's lack of faith! >:P

I Blame Cosmo for how disturbing that it is.

Shun the unbeliever! Shuuuuuunnnnn!!

When in doubt, assume blame.

This question was answered, a short few years ago. When Cosmo must blame rather than be blamed, Cosmo blames Bulmahn.

So it is written, so it is known. Ia! Ia!! Cosmo blametaghn!

Cosmo Cultist wrote:

Sara Marie wrote:

redacted: But I guess spite isn’t really supposed to be part of our customer service repertoire...

This explains why you removed Cosmo the Great and Powerful from Customer Service....

Correction: This is why I left it.

Ia! Ia!!

redacted: But I guess spite isn’t really supposed to be part of our customer service repertoire...

This explains why you removed Cosmo the Great and Powerful from Customer Service....

DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN

QA Erik (to Cosmo): Why do you have glitterdust? You're like Tingle from The Legend of Zelda.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Drejk wrote:

Sharaya wrote:

Diego: I came here thinking that everyone would look like their their avatars. So, I thought there would be like an eyeball monster and dinosaur...

They are not?!

I do.

I want to know where you shop!

I don't know what's going on in this thread but I heard mention that there will be tears so I came to add to my collection.

*siiiiiiiiiigh*

*gets out the patching cement*

Hahah, sucks to be you, MP.

No, Cosmo is more Insanity Wolf.

*basks in MP's suffering*

HUZZAH!!!

Huzzah!!

Clearly,

Obviously,
Someone
Malicious and
Omnipresent

HUZZAH!!

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Schadenfreudiferousness

...quoting so I can favorite this word a second time.

*adds to collection of blasphemous scripture*

IA!! IA!!!!

LazarX wrote:

Chris Lambertz wrote:

Anyone who had issues originally downloading should try again. One computer was getting all huffy at another for a moment there.

IT WAS POSSESSED!

{stealthily takes off gloves of percussive maintenance and boots of static electricity, sneaks quietly out of server room} Hail Hydra Cosmo!

Ia! Ia!!

What the heck happened?

Time marched on.

Edit: And mind-rendingly tacky holiday sweaters.

Now, which one of these was the perpetrator wearing?

John Kretzer wrote:

Rysky wrote:

John Kretzer wrote:

I Blame Cosmo for my Thursday being canceled due to people not able to show up.

I blame Cosmo for canceling a day I actually like. Can't he cancel Mondays or Tuesdays? I hate Tuesdays.

I Blame Cosmo for Rysky always seeming to find my editing errors.

I mean it should be obvious that I can't type straight because of the horror and despair that Cosmo has wrought into my life.

Nothing personal, I just get paid extra to discredit you.

That reminds me, here's last week's take.

Yes, you just keep thinking that. Yes. Heheheh. Heheheheh.

Muhuhuhuhuahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Or I enjoy The Last Airbender.

*RECOILS*

Tels wrote:

I blame Cosmo for the bad thing I just did.

Cosmo, why you make me watch Dragonball Evolution for the first time (I'd never seen it until now)? Worse, why did I actually enjoy watching it?

*continues flipping Guilty Pleasure switches in Tels's head*

I might know a guy.

Freehold DM wrote:

Lamontius wrote:

MagusJanus wrote:

Some day, I will figure out how people write text in Eldritch,

I̷̡̡̱̜̲̯͉̜͙͔͉̰̤͈̿͋̔͌̇̈́̎̄̍ͩ͐ͬͪ͗ͮ̆̊ͅt̷̡̧̩̥͖̼̘̽ͦͯͯ̍ͤͧͫ'̶̷̢̹͙̯̥̦͎ͪ̈́͒ͥ͟ ̞̖͍̟̞̝͕͓ͅs̶̡̰̻̖̠̥̫̯̯͈͕͖̖̦ͥ͐ͨ͋̆̐͗͌̋̂͌̿ͫ͒̊ͥ̚ͅͅͅͅ ̧̦̭̖͕̯͔̒̋̈̈ͫͤ͋̏ͭͨ̀r̷̛͙̗̠̠͚̙̣̻̯̪̥̝̰̼̓ͭ̔̊ͣ̂̐̇̋̽̾ͯ̿͑̇̃̅̚̕ͅẽ͑͌͐ͮ̔̓̋̓̎̈̇ͣ̒͊͏҉̨͢ ̵̭̪̪̪̥̺̬̩̼̭̼͙͔̙̮͚͕ͅä̵̶̝̠̠͖̟̪̠͈͕̖̝̮̼́̂͆ͧ͆ͣ͗ͨ̆͞l̴̴̮̹̤̠̙̩͕͚̈́ͧͩ̌̆ͣͭ̓ͭ̈ͥͮͨ̿͂̍ͧ̀̚ ̠̫̲̞͎͚l͓̰͉̗͎̺͍͇̟̘͔̲͙̻̻͐ͫ͒̎̉̑̅ͤͥͤͪ͛ͧ͡ͅͅy̛̺̝̻͖̠̥̩͉̻͕̫̩̤̘̜̹ͬͨ̂ͯͫ̈́ͨ̅̽̐̑͐ͯͩͯ̐͟ ̫̜̭̺̹̤͎̣͉͙̟̹͇̬̻̼̠͕͎ͪ͂ͮͤ͐̀͞͞͠E̡̧̟̳̪͚̰ͬ͛̅͌̌͋͂̃ͤ́ͯ͡Ą̡̟͚̲̯̱͙̣͉̺͕͇̱̙̅͆͋̈͗͢͡Sͨͪ͌ ̸̧̡̟͖͎̹͖̳̦͈̲̯̬͓̠̰̘̼̫͎ͯͯ̄̊̒ͭ̅ͭ̂ͭ̒̓̎́͞Ỷ̀ͣ̏ͭ̆̋ͩ̈́ͭͨ̾̚͘͝͏̰̜̬͝͝,̷̛̤̘̪̜ͤͩ̋͛ͥ̓͟ ̛͒ͫ̋ͬ͒ͬ͋ͣ̎̋̀͌̅ͮͥ͂̑ͩ̿͏͇̯͙̻̘̦̟̼͕͘͝j̧̛̲̟̲̯̪͖̫͈̮͉͎̘̻͔̫̜̙́̓̎ͭͧů̸̩̞̍̿͗ͭ̅ͩ̽͐̽ͦ̔͞ͅ ̮͕͓͉̭s̔ͫ͛̄̑̒ͦ̿̃͌̈́̋̿͌ͧͧ҉̸̹̞̳̖̖̜̖͍̩͎͖͇͎̰͖̗̲ͅt̽ͬ̌̏͌̂̔҉̣̪͔̘̰̖͕̜͟ͅ ̶͉̰̯̱̬̩̟͖̩̜͚͎̤̹̤͚͔͌ͨ̀͟͡l̵̸͑̀͐͛̇ͪͥ͗̈̂ͤͤ͑ͪͧ́ͪ͝͏͎̯̞̝̞̱̀i̘̻͉͔ͪ̊͛̓̉͑ͣͧͦ̓̓̅̕͞k͊̈́ ̵̴̧̡͚͚̯̗̘͍̖͓͔͙͕̘͚̖ͦ̂͛ͦ͘ę̸̢͚̺͙̼ͬͪͨ̊ͥ̽̔́ ̷̡̹̞̦͉͍͉̮̪̤̥̻̣̫͔̙̮ͬ̓̓̓̀͢t̷̡̮͎͇̪͇͙̤̯̞͓̗͍͕͎ͬͯ̉ͧ̒̅͑͂ͧͯ͗͛ͣ͐̽ͯ̊̇̌͟h͑͐͂̉̈ͤ̾͛͒̆̓̌̽ ̸̷̧̡̼̭̦͉͍͔̜̻̼́ȉ̸̸̢̫̤͙̻̯̼͈̜̫͚̖̫̿̂̽̑̀̕s̡̟̥͍͓͔̜̪̺̩̫̘̩͑̐͐͐ͪ̍̌͌͆̌ͭ̌͐̄͂̈́͊̅̕͢͟͢!ͤ ͇͇̝̲͈ͬ̽ͧ̒ͬ̎̿̒̋̍̍̂ͪ̌̋͐͋͝͠ͅ

...Is this sorcery?!?!?

Nah, you get this language free when you take a level in the Cosmo Cultist prestige class.

Ḥ̢͈͔͇̪̬̫͂͂̀u͇̲̣̮̲̖̠̪͂̌̍̒͞z̘̟͓ͭ̑̓̓̕z̆̀̅͌̄͆ͯ͏̠̝͍̗͕͚̞̕ͅa̞̳̱͇̣̺͒́̎̅̀́͞ͅrͣͭͫ͒̿͘ ̫̣̭g̵̦̬̅̍̀h̵̬̤̟͕͓͕ͬ̇͐͑ͭͦͧͅ!̖͇͔̳̗̑͆̒̈́ͩ̏̄͞͠