Nelle says, “The only thing I’ll surrender are YOUR MINIONS’ HEADS!”
She takes out a disc-saw yo-yo, which is the stupidest idea for a tool ever in the history of movies that take place beyond the Stone Age, when tools might have been perceived as stupid to ignoramuses.
But it’s a great thing to yank off of a tool-belt for the purpose of maiming and decapitation!
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Nelle is covered in fake green blood and also real guacamole from the taco she dropped on her lap during lunch break! She laughs manically as her stunt double tries not to hit herself with the rubber blade. Jump cuts depict rubber masks and sleeves and pant legs from rubber suits being tossed about along with gallons of green liquid!
“General Patton was right! I too love to see the arms and legs fly! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, what’s this? And eyeball?” She plucks an eyeball that landed in her hair, and ad-libs, “Here’s looking at you, kid!” She then yo-yo-saws a very tall alien in half! (Tall so audiences understand she did not just kill a kid.)
Spotting the opening, Tachyon leads the charge with his new seven-shooter in his hand. He leaps between chunks of rubble and shouts to his team.
"Nice work, Nelle! Through the breach!"
Lasers and explosions everywhere make for a perfect backdrop. A beam sizzles past his right shoulder (added by special effects of course), and the image of the space captain diving with his gun in hand, Nelle and Theo fighting to either side and limbs flying off in a messy display, would be used for all kinds of posters for advertisements. Landing on a raised bit of collapsed venting, he extends a hand to Theo to haul him up into an impressive brother duo pose!
As he rushes, he locks eyes dramatically with the opposing Phobe Captain that steps between him and the exit!
"You! You're the bastard from my ship!" Tachyon roars with rage and squeezes off a shot!
He fires off a beam at the captain's chest and scores a hit, but his minions quickly flank on either side and fill the air around Tachyon with deadly beams. He has to dive behind a pillar to avoid being turned into space dust. Will the captain become cut off as he's driven back?!
Theo debates tossing the giant piece of foam furniture but sees his brother surrounded.
"Get to the exit!"
The phrase didn't quite have a great ring to it, he would have to workshop it a little more.
He slams the space-oven into the floor creating a massive shockwave that knocks the Phobes back and gives the captain an opening.
The floor shakes, but that is purely coincidental as the construction happening next door causes some issues. The backlot was being torn down in a few months.
"Don't think this is over, scum." Tachyon growls at the saboteur of his ship. As he passes the stunned Phobe captain he fixes him with a death glare. The camera zooms in when they lock eyes, and he thumbs the unnecessary hammer on his seven-shooter twice to make the chambers click for the audience.
"One's for your boss, but the last one's for you." he promises the captain before hoofing it after his brother through the gap. The rising minions pepper the hallway with special effects laser beams. They rupture a pipe for a controlled steam burst into the hallway for dramatic effect.
The steam cloud fills the screen! When it clears away, we see our stalwart trio stepping into the very heart of the Phobe Lair! The walls are lined with the weird green pods, each holding a new Phobe waiting to be hatched! There's an entire army here!
Standing in the center of the room, watching an array of monitors, is the BOSS PHOBE! As it turns around, our heroes see that the Boss stands over 10 feet tall! It has four rubbery arms, each one holding an oversized ray gun!
"Captain Tachyon!" it bellows in a deep, distorted voice. "We meet at last! You have become quite the thorn in our side. But you will go no further! Once I have destroyed you, I will learn the secrets of your star ship's interstellar engine! Then, the Phobes will take to the stars! We will conquer Mars first, and then, from there, we will take your home planet of Earth!
"You cannot stop us! You can only... DIE!!!"
A kickass metal song begins to play as the Boss Phobe opens fire!
Nelle Yelpir gets an idea from the heavy metal soundtrack—she draws from her tool belt AN ELECTRIC AXE!
“Let’s rooooooock!!” she yells with such enthusiasm, she’d probably be eternally remembered for coining the line. Alas, she was misheard at a movies-and-pancakes diner in Québec where diners (or fast-breakers) watch a movie while eating a lumberjack style breakfast. The line was misheard as LE SIROP!!, which is French for THE SYRUP!!
But ROCK she did! And the LET part is letting the captain take on the boss, and the apostrophe-S-for-US part is about teamwork. A lot to unpack in the phrase ‘let’s rock.’ Philosophers may have debated this in a certain Québecian diner. But they were all speaking French, so who the f#~! knows?
Anyway…
Nelle hacks and slashes and electric-slides like a girl gone wild! Pods snap, crackle and pop like bubble wrap, except the bubbles are big as men and explode like men!
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"You'll never take Earth, you tyrant. You won't even leave this moon! For Earth! For the Federation!" Tachyon shouts as he strikes a captain-y pose with one boot on a Phobe pod. Nelle rushes forward and carves a gooey path straight toward the foul Boss Phobe! He takes advantage of the pressed attack, signalling Theo to capitalize on their charge for an all out all-star assault! Lasers and lightning fill the air, thunder warbling from the metal sheets shaken by the interns. It really adds to the heavy metal lightning axe sound track!
With Nelle opening the way, Tachyon fires off a blast with the seven shooter that sizzles into the Boss Phobe's chest, a little det-pack popping a gouge into the rubber suit with a spurt of ooze. Another shot ruptures a power cell near the one of the tanks, exploding into a fiery ball! The pressure was on the film crew after the pyrotechnics ruin the suit for any other takes.
The captain hopes it leaves the great monster reeling for Theo to put his muscles to work!
Theo has no more weapons, at least none that the Phobes could see. Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for the audience) he was the weapon.
He didn't charge into the Phobe firing range, he walked while the explosions and sound effects triggered. None of the choreographed shots hitting his sweaty chest.
The cinematographer would look back on this shot and realize that he actually had some chops, and would definitely leave after this movie it looked that damn good.
Without breaking stride he grabbed something from the floor and then picked up speed towards the Phobe leader. The lift was impressive. Doing it one handed without looking or bending over made people think it was movie magic.
But it wasn't.
Pulling the enormous laser axe out of the ground, the charge looked glorious (and definitely gave the director some ideas about possible other castings for the actor).
The swing was massive and timed perfectly with metal music coming down on a power chord.
"Humans. Are. Axeceptional!"
Nelle’s electric axe makes quick work of the incubation pods, causing the Boss Phobe to shriek with rage! He rocks back as Tachyon shoots him in the chest, then Thunder is upon with his newfound LASER AXE! It VREEMS and VROOMS, chopping through the Boss Phobe and the monitors behind him, which EXPLODE in an awesome pyrotechnic display!
Thunder delivers his one-liner, but he drops his guard for a moment, allowing the Boss Phobe to fire back! Lasers burn into Thunder’s chest and gut, leaving him groaning with pain!
"Theo!" Tachyon dashes forward as his brother is brought to his knees from the sizzling blast. Anyone with less strapping muscle would have been incinerated without body armor, but not Theodore Starcrusher! He's given the captain all the time he needs to close the gap and deliver a flying acrobatic kick aimed at the Boss Phobe's chest. Several cuts hide the wires that help his stunt double sail through the air at an impossibly long distance.
The Boss Phobe is sent stumbling back into the exploding consoles and electricity crackles through him for a nasty shock! Tachyon lands in a heroic pose and helps his brother to his feet. Then he casually checks the power cell of his gun. Wouldn't you know it, the readout shows enough juice for two more shots. He takes aim at the Boss Phobe's head as it tries to pull its singed body from the twisted, sparking console.
"Looks like your invasion is already over. Whatever hell you end up in, tell them Tachyon sent you."
The gun crackles and fires a beam aimed directly between the Boss Phobe's eyes!
The Boss Phobe's head EXPLODES, showering Captain Tachyon (and the camera) with slimy green goo. As his body slumps to the ground, the whole alien lair begins to shake. Warning sirens blare.
The base is going to self-destruct! Our heroes have to get out of there!
Tachyon's communicator crackles with static. It's Lieutenant Silva! "Captain! We've fixed up the Hectariat! We're on our way to your location!"
Nelle looks around for a quick escape route—
Nelle assess the area and finds the best way out.
By yelling and crashing through walls!
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“YAAAAAAARRRRRRR……!!!”
Nelle unladylikily shrieks and does a thing usually reserved for a guy, but the actress won a bet with the set designer that Johnny was too big to fit through the breakaway parts of the wall, and too muscular to notice himself really destroying the set pieces.
So the yarr-and-wall-break scene goes to her. It’s clumsy and silly looking and loud. So it somehow works.
She calls to Lt. Silva, “Yo!”
"Right on time, Lieutenant. This place is gonna blow and we're getting off this rock!" Tachyon says into his communicator as he holsters his gun. He gives a nod to Theo as Nelle takes off toward the surface. The alarms are stirring up pandemonium in her wake as surviving Phobes run or take parting shots as he bolts down the hall!
He passes a series of halls that lead to escape shuttles in an underground bay. The ceiling has fallen in as systems fail and explosions shake the building! Painted styrofoam bay doors are cracked all around the ground like a steel quarry. Then he spots a familiar silhouette in all the chaos.
He takes aim at the Phobe with grim satisfaction when. It was time to settle the score. The dust whirls and clears momentarily as above them Lt. Silva begins to drop down from above to pick them up in the Hectariat, revealing a Phobe goon rather than the captain! A hard punch hits the distracted Tachyon as the real captain leaps from the haze at his side, sending Barry stumbling as he tries to re-orient. Another hard hit is joined by the "Baff!" of post effects and blood trickles from Tachyon's nose. His seven shooter clatters across the floor and both of them dive for it! The Phobe captain reaches it first. He brings it to bear only to have Tachyon smash his wrist with a bar and send it sailing up. He catches it as he kicks the captain to the ground, taking aim with his pistol.
"Didn't I tell you the last one was for you?" Tachyon says as he squeezes the trigger, sending a bolt right into the Phobe Captain's chest and emptying the power cell. It beeps dramatically red and he ejects it onto the now still Phobe. The power cell pops from the hilt, of course, the seven chamber cylinder still entirely superfluous. Then Tachyon rushes after Nelle's "Yo!", loud enough to be heard from even here in all the chaos. As he rushes up the lowered ramp, he looks back to make sure Theo jumps on after him. Once they're all aboard, he puts a finger to his communication bead.
"We're on, Silva! Get us off this blasted rock! We've got a hell of a report to file."
Nelle seems to notice for the very first time in the movie that Lt. Silva is a woman.
She sits next to her, crosses her legs, and says to her, “I got a twenty-four pack of BFF Lites. Let’s drink each other under the table. And while we’re under the table… let’s drink each other, under the table.”
The line is lame because a double entendre doesn’t work when you say it two and a half times.
But Brooke really was flustered by the other actress. She was stalling because in this scene they’re supposed to…
…well… fly The Hectariat off of Phobos before more deadly shit hits the fan. There’s really no time for the kind of love scene that would have been decades ahead of its time in the action movie world.
So the two ladies sit side by side, popping open BFF Lites, and there are hair flips and other flirtatious gestures to show that these two are more than… well… two ladies noticing each other for the first time. Eventually Nelle gives Lt. Silva a shy peck on the cheek.
Lt. Silva seems very focused on the task at hand as Nelle leans on her and the camera cuts away from them to focus on the bros.
Taking a shot back, Theo stands tall as everything starts to go to all hell. "Let's get out of here!" There are many explosions but it seems like Theo is notoriously absent from some of these later scenes. The truth was the actor had a bad case of Mexican food and had to lose a few days of shooting.
Some of the cuts were of a person that looked kind of like Johnny Hollywood, but many of his die hard fans down the road would be able to tell the difference just by comparing the shoulder muscles.
"I thought we'd be seeing red on this planet but once we're done we will be seeing green!" He jumps into the ship with his brother and gives a massive hug and shake. "The report can wait. Let's party."
And thus, the Hectariat rises up from the surface of Phobos, the evil alien base a smoking ruin below! Our heroes have prevailed, and their starship turns towards Mars, the red planet looming large in the background!
ROLL CREDITS! PLAY MUSIC TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO BE A RIP OFF OF THE "STAR WARS" THEME SONG!
...
...
***
The Second Reel
An Amazon Princess. A legendary warrior. A badass in a chainmail bikini!
HANNA THE BARBARIAN
Starring Brooke Babylon as Hanna
Christopher Samwell as Ur'Gak Thwack
Johnny Hollywood as Gorak the Mountain
And Introducing... GLITCH as HIMSELF!
Triumphant music plays as we see the foreboding tower of the Dark Amazon Queen, GISELA! The shot lingers on the exterior, but we can hear sounds of COMBAT coming from within! The clang of steel on steel, the shouts and screams of the wounded. The Queen's voice rings out: "No! Give me back my monkey!"
The gates of the tower fling wide as our trio of heroes rides out on horses! As they ride towards the camera, we get out first good look at Hanna and her bodyguards...
Close-up of Hanna’s pelvis bouncing on the saddle, clad only in a belt and a square dangling from it to cover exactly enough.
Pan-zoom back to display toned abs and defined thighs. Back even more to reveal fuzzy leg warmers and a fur bikini top. Arms bare but for amazonian bracers work the reins!
Wild hair flits from bare, bronze shoulder to anyway the wind blows. And finally we the face—streaks of woad on each cheek and equally blue lips! Mouth open for a yell!
”YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”
Hanna’s horse leaps across a cliff! It is too great a distance for any horse to leap, so Hanna leaps off her horse!
The monkey clinging to Hanna’s back screams at her as they soar through the air!
“GLI-GLI-GLITCH, GLI-GLITCH!!”
As Hanna’s fingers cling to the opposing cliff’s edge, Glitch scampers up her head and arms, leaving the princess dangling as he diddles about the bottom of a Giant Bluewood tree. He knows of the Mushbooms that grow her, so he plucks a red mushboom, a yellow mushboom, and not one but two blue mushbooms. It is just the right amount to blow shit up!
Musssssssssshhhhhhhhhh…
B-B-
The bluewood topples, forming a bridge for others to ride across!
Hanna climbs up the cliffside, giving the audience time to ponder whether her ass is in fact covered by a string. Her bottom cheeks have the exact same double-streak of warpaint as the cheeks on her face.
Jump cut to face. “Well done, glitch. The men can cross.”
The camera now shows a dozen men—many of whom are bare-chested but for a leather strap or two bearing oversized blades! Two men scream and fall from their horses, one with several arrows feathering his back, the other writhing as dark flames envelop his perfectly waxed pecs!
The amazon princess rolls her eyes. “Men.” But men are all she has to lead at the moment, so she calls out more encouragingly, “MEN! I am your princess! I will make you come!”
The princess (or really, the actress) winces at the stupid line. She alters the expression to look stern and leaderly as the first of her men leads his horse to the toppled tree. His face hits a branch and he tumbles, breaking through two more branches before he plummets into the chasm.
“Duck the branches,” she orders the remaining men.
Glitch mounts the riderless horse and has it trot toward the princess. He seems oblivious to the danger and death happening as the camera is on him.
The remaining men manage to make it across the toppled tree, safely crossing to the other side. But the bridge is still in place as the Dark Amazon Queen's forces draw near, shirtless men with glistening pecs and black masks concealing their faces! Their black horses begin to thunder across the tree. They will catch up to our heroes soon if they don't KEEP GOING!
Among the faces in frame as the camera pans across several of the barbarians looking back at the approaching horde is none other than Ur'Gak. His personalized war paint makes him stand out from the rest of the generic entourage with black shadow that starts at the bridge of his nose and sweeps around his eyes to trail away toward long brown hair that's pulled back into a ponytail that hangs down between his shoulders to keep it from his eyes. The makeup gives him an almost hawkish appearance that always looks like he's glaring or squinting at something. A small silver circlet on his head was added on just because Christopher had insisted it made him look "extra sexy" and took it from the costume designers.
The camera zooms in on him as he pulls his longbow from his back so that they can get a close-up as he squints toward the oncoming riders.
He looses a hail of arrows on the approaching minions in a matter of seconds, all of them falling with over dramatic "Aagh!" sounds to be trampled by their companions. One even takes out another horse, scattering their ranks momentarily. Yet the Dark Queen Gisela emerges unscathed!
"Escape while the eagle protects us from above!" He says in a mystic, smooth voice while the enemy is in disarray. The shot zooms out to show his leather and fur vest tied together with thick leather cords, a fur loin cloth, and fuzzy black boots. He's thinner than his counterpart that also stands out in the crowd, looking agile and swift as he begins to cross the makeshift bridge!
As the enemy ranks scatter, the Dark Amazon Queen Gisela levitates behind them. (You can’t really see the wires holding her up unless you look really closely.) The brooding bombshell is clad in a black leather bikini, and she grips a staff of gnarled wood. Her chestnut hair whips about in the wind, part of it gathered into a topknot. With her full lips, large eyes, and high cheekbones, it would be easy to mistake her for a supermodel instead of an evil sorceress!
”Princess Hanna, you are making a grave mistake!” she calls out in a sultry voice. ”That simian is the key to my plans! Return him at once or I will ensure that you suffer!”
“Never!” Hanna says without having a good reason not to, other than that it would be a really short movie if she did. “No matter how many of my men you kill, we will NEVER give up the monkey! And don’t think your magic scares me! I got tricks of my own!”
Hanna the Barbarian unleashes her princess power: incoherently yelling!
“YAAAAAA—SPELLAH I-YELLAH COMPELLAH GISELA THE-HELLAH UMBRELLA!”
Hanna isn’t magic, but her nonsensical shrieking is so incredibly annoying that the Dark Amazon Queen can’t get a word in, and she kinda needs to to cast a spell on the princess. So there’s no point in staying.
Her brutes on the other hand know exactly where their target is…!
You are suffering a grave mistake!
Johnny Hollywood clearly missed his cue, as Goran the Mountain was being exactly that... Stone underfoot. He was supposed to burst free from the nearby cliff face but missed his opportunity.
"No... YOU!"
Goran the Mountain ended up bursting free but the actors were all out of position and some scenery fell down in the wrong spot. With his massive body, Goran was one of the last of the stone giant tribe, and had the budget grey paint all over him.
Pulling out his flail, he shouts "I summon thee! Stone Flailer!" The name was intentionally generic, enough so that they could ADR a better name in post and match it to his mouth movements.
“Gli-GLI-glitch?” Glitch asks Hanna as he pulls up a horse for her to mount.
As Hanna mounts, she replies to the monkey, “I did not say ‘umbrella,’ I said…”
She looks around and notices Goran.
“‘Stonefella.’ See? I summoned him with the chanting. And I don’t see any umbrellas ’round here, so…”
“. . . .”
Gisela shrieks in frustration and fear at Hanna's yelling. She raises a hand, and black smoke engulfs her. When it fades away, she is gone!
The rest of her horde descends upon Hanna and her men, even as Goran the Mountain makes his (belated) debut! The delay is costly, as not only does the scenery rain down on some unfortunate barbarians, but Gisela's goons get some good hits in on Hanna!
Then Goran falls upon the goons, swinging his flail! The violence is brutal and messy, with lots of close ups of bones being broken and skulls being crushed! One of the goons stabs Goran with a spear, though the stone giant's spray-painted hide blunts the wound. Then Goran turns and SMASHES the offending foe!
The camera cuts to a wide shot showing all of Gisela's underlings dead or dying! Our heroes are victorious, and can make good their escape!
There is a man towering over Hanna with his axe resting against the circlet on her head. The tall man drops to his knees, revealing a mashed unrecognizable mess where his head should be. (Also, his torso is disproportionately large due to the amount of fake body needed to make a 5’11” actor look like a headless seven-footer.) The man tips over and off-screen as both halves of Hanna’s circlet fall off-screen as well.
Her hair is suddenly a mess. There are minor scratches, one of which is not make-up. Brooke was playing with her cat, which inspired the make-up artist! Somehow, the scratches on her exposed skin are sexy, and one writer says it makes her look like less a jerk after the I-don’t-care-how-many line if she also takes some hits.
“They can hurt us. But we do not wince.”
Cut to two barbarians. The one with bandages covering a presumably missing eye is dressing another’s extremely bloody torso. The men nod as if the princess having three scratches is relatable.
“They can fight us. But we do not yield!”
She holds up her sword. Cut to a few men, but especially to Ur'Gak and Goran, camera focusing on the deadly bow and the bloodied flail with bits of brain and intestine on it.
The camera also shows the dead and dying. Some of the dead are Hanna’s men.
”They can take our lives. But they can never .. TAKE ..
As Hanna holds Glitch overhead, there is a roar of approval from the men, including some of the surviving enemies and one guy who’s supposed to be dead. (Those actors just got caught up in the moment.) The monkey yells, “GLI-GLI-GLI-GLI-GLI-GLI-GLI-GLI!!” And the men cheer with marginally increased enthusiasm!
Close-up of Hanna’s butt on the saddle! She yells with the crowd!
“YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA!”
Her horse rears! She somehow stands—one foot on the saddle, the other on the horse’s head! Glitch is in a similar pose with one foot on her shoulder and the other on her head!
Jump cut to Hanna now riding in slow motion, through fire, even though nothing was burning before.
She points her sword to the way her men should ride, even though it’s completely obvious they’re supposed to just follow her. (Though a plausible interpretation is that she’s pointing the sword to direct her men around the fire.)
Hanna's warband follows after her to the sounds of cheers in their victory. Her speech makes for good foreground as Ur'Gak kneels down in the background and winces as he pulls a stray arrow from his leg, snapping it in one hand as though crushing the opposition.
Then the cut to Hanna leading the charge with her sword in hand, riding in slow motion through the flames. She points ahead, and her entourage follows. Her archer companion takes the sword point a little bit more literally.
The camera zooms in on several of the faces, showing their steely determination as they ride toward the next challenge with their monkey prize. The flames flicker and paint them all in orange glow and etch deep shadows, made all the more dramatic on the archer by his black warpaint along his eyes. He raises his bow and lets loose a wild cry as he and his steed leap through the fire, kicking up sparks in a low angle shot that is filled with the thunder of hooves!
(Later interviews would reveal that Christopher couldn't handle his horse at all, and the stunt was actually just careful editing between regular shots and his horse riding out of control while he flailed for help on its back.)
"We have the... magic monkey." He says to Hanna, eyeing Glitch suspiciously. "How will we use it to defeat Gisela?"
“Mmmmag-ic-’ly?”
Glitch gives Hanna an earful. “GLIGLIGLI-GLGLGLITCH, GL-GLIGLIT, GLI GLITCH!!”
Hanna revises her answer, “I mean, well done, Ur’Gak. And…” She turns to the men, especially Goran, and adds, “And you, too, men. Especially Goran.” The unnamed men are obviously jealous.
Addressing Ur’Gak again as they ride side-by-side, the princess goes on, “I believe Glitch knows the truth behind this false queen. We will expose her for who she truly is.” Looking back way too smugly for a heroine in a male-dominated genre only fifteen minutes into a movie, she snarks, “Or not. Gisela was wise to back away. Without her monkey, her magic is no match for our might. The Queen Mother will be proud, and our Sisters will bear your children should this reward please you, Sir Thwack.”
Calling a breeder by his last name and with the sir part is a true sign of respect from an amazon royal, says a writer who didn’t know the archer’s last name would be a sound effect.
The stone giant was quiet, mostly due to a lack of knowledge about the plot line. He seemed to be a late write in and this fantasy stuff was too confusing for the most part.
"So. This monkey... What does it. Do?" The language was stilted, but it wasn't due to the dialogue. They had to cut around a lot of his dialogue due to the large amount of background noise and of course because of the stone paint issue.
"Teacher. I am sorry for my. Late coming."
That too would eventually become a small internet clip. All these weird lines of dialogue would bother him in the early 2000's but he would grow to like them in time.
"You honor me, Princess." Ur'Gak sits tall in his saddle and gives a chest thumping salute as a writer off camera buries his face in his hands.
"Your cunning plan to steal from the witch has weakened her. She was desperate to reclaim her pet and she will be on our heels with more of her foul minions soon. Are we to return to the Queen Mother and report? Is our purpose fulfilled?"
“Our cunning plan,” she replies. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
She looks as if about to kiss…
“♥️Mm-wah!♥️”
…but it’s the monkey that kisses her.
“Isn’t he the most adorable thing?” She ruffles the monkey’s muppetty fuzz. Some loose blue hairs statically cling to her hand, then get caught in the wind and blow away. The camera follows them, centering on Goran.
Hanna replies to him. “The monkey has combined magic and technology, to create Magitechnology!” It’s a stupid word, so the actress ad libs, “Or Magitech for short.”
The stone-giant looks confused towards the monkey and the barbarian queen.
"This normal?"
He walks up to try to kiss the monkey. Such a scene was the actor's idea of impromptu, to try to break out of his musclebound roles... It was an experiment, and probably not one that was going to be loved by many.
The not-Muppet puppet got up his nose and he let off a terrible sneeze.
The sneeze blows a few more loose blue hairs off of Glitch.
Goran continues to sneeze and sniffle as the troop rides off!
***
There is a MONTAGE of scenes showing the barbarians riding across the plains. Then, the SCENE CHANGES, and we see our heroes returning triumphantly to their home kingdom.
But all is not well in Amazonia! Indeed, the streets seem empty as they approach the palace. It's quiet. A little... TOO quiet. Where have all the Amazons gone?!?
Hanna enters the gate. It has no guards, which half the audience might think strange. The princess calls out, “Ma-MAH… Ma-MAH?” as if saying Mama with an accent to sound Foreign.
The monkey tries to help call to the Queen Mother.
“Gli-GLIH… Gli-GLIH?”
Foreboding music plays as Hanna leads her entourage into the castle and to her mother's throne room. The music reaches a dramatic stinger as the camera snap-zooms in to the throne, where the Queen Mother's SEVERED HEAD rests on the blood-stained seat, expression frozen in a mask of agony!!!
“Ma… mah?”
Close up of Hanna’s eye welling. Cut to Queen Mother’s wide eyes. Hanna’s brow twitches. Cut to blood dripping off the throne’s edge. Hanna’s tear trickles through the woad on her cheek. Queen Mother’s mouth is agape. As is Hanna’s.
She unleashes a deafening shriek!
The camera sharply zooms back, depicting a canopy of trees and distant mountains. The shriek remains audible! Flocks of birds rise above the tree line by the thousands. They scatter.
Close-up of Hanna’s uvula. The shriek is sustained—
—until it isn’t.
Hanna is seated on the throne holding the decapitated head against her breast. Her legs are doused with the Queen Mother’s blood. She appears to be torn between sobbing and being strong for the men.