You’re pretty sure the battle was well above sea level, and should you look up from the deep, you can see a roaring waterfall coming down the west side of the plateau. Your gear is waaay up there! But not to worry. If you swim toward the surface, yes, the magic that changed the water let’s you swim up to the spring where purple flowers obscure the sight and sound of the waterfall. You don’t even feel like you had to go up more than a few feet to get back.
So what’s down there in the actual lagoon? Oh, y’know… fish. And there must have been a shipwreck or something. There’s a broken board with a logo shaped like a T.
”Aha!” Badia laughs as she sees Emi jump over her. She dives down under the surface, then propels herself upward, leaping up high into the air and doing a few somersaults on her way down. ”Yes! Very fine leaping abilities!”
Everyone stops playing and the girls relax. Randy moves closer to Badia. He puts his hand on her arm. It felt like sculpted granite to Randy. "You know that you'll be takin' the lead again. But I'll need your help first." He squeezes her arm familiarly then releases. He points over to the broken ape. "I be needin' a pimp stick. Help me get it's forearm 'bone'.
Emi-na claps in delight as Badia flips in the air and comes down with a splash. She tries to match the leaper's height, but can only get high enough to complete a single somersault before hitting the water again.
When Randy goes to Badia for help, Emi decides to explore deeper and ends up finding herself in the lagoon. She spends some time exploring the shipwreck until Naja comes and gets her, telling her that it's time to move on.
With staggering reluctance, Emi pulls herself out of the pool and wills the magic to fade. Naja similarly returns to being a normal-shaped viper and takes up her position on Emi's shoulders.
Badia nods to Randy as she pulls herself on shore. She flops around a bit until she figures out how to grow her legs back, then obligingly breaks off the ape’s bone and gives it to the pimp.
Once done, she dons her battle bikini again and takes up her axe. ”That was fun! Now, back to our regularly scheduled hunt!”
As Randy partakes in what might have been his most innocent skinny-dipping session ever, he comes of with a crazy idea that just might work. (And why not? His last one did!)
What he ends up with is a sweet melee weapon made from one of the oversized arms that grabbed him.
But the entire party notices something else: Randy’s got a rocket in his pocket. Tied to it is a note from a guy who calls himself El Duderino. Some of us wizards noticed you trying to mess with water and lightning. You were out of your element. But that’s cool… that’s cool. Give fire a try. And that’s the part where he signs that weird name.
Maybe a flashback will tell Randy when this dude found the chance to slip a rocket and a note into the pocket of his technicolor dreamcoat. Maybe not. But it’s a tiny rocket… and the straps, um…???
• Pocket Rocket – you don’t know yet! (Semi-hint: it will do two things; one temporary and one for the rest of the day… which is synonymous with ‘rest of the game.’)
Oh… and despite its being currently pocket-sized, it doesn’t strap on like… oh, you know.
Fanfare echoes over the wilderness! Those are hunting horns! The knights have found the chimera while you were all frolicking!
You can hear a lion’s roar! Pained bleating! Metal clanking! Rapid thumps—and a scream! It all feels eternally long, yet cut short when the sounds fade to ambient disturbance. A whisper. A prayer to not have to face that same foe twice.
Well… you defeated last year’s killer. Surely you’re cut out to finish what’s been started, right?
The peace and happiness Emi-na found splashing and swimming fade quickly as the sounds of battle reach her.
"That is the beast we are to face next?" She shivers, still damp from the water.
"We shall slay it just as we did the ape!" Badia assures Emi, putting a beefy arm over her shoulders. "Glory awaits!"
Damn right it does!
Our heroes waste no time! With the magical spring and all its pink floweriness gone, you run across the plateau. The body of water (which you’re running beside) is now in its natural form: a rushing stream that crashes over the cliffside.
Hell of a view below. The sea seems to have a purplish glow. Trick of the light from dusk drawing near? And the sea is speckled with boards floating from a shipwreck. Flotsam? Isn’t that the name of the chimera?
Right! The chimera! Focus—
The terrain takes on an upward grade. Trees are gnarled and twisted by the elevation, the heat, and maybe just because this is how trees look near a monster’s lair.
You know what else looks gnarled and twisted? That guy!
It’s one of the knights. He’s on his back. One limb is bent the wrong way. Another is bent the right way, but the wrong number of times. Is he even alive?
Randy pokes the knight with his 'Big Bone'. "Hey, Wakey, Wakey."
The knight is a mess… and the sword gripped in his hands is just a hilt with a few inches of broken blade. His helmet turns to face the wake-up call.
“The other seven… not like me. Flotsam… it’s gotta be sto—”
The word ‘stopped’ is cut off as blood is coughed through the air holes in his helmet.
With no words to focus on, you can hear muffled thumps from above. There is a cave above a rather steep fifty foot climb. You have no doubt something large is in there. The mountain road that twists and turns (and probably goes down before it goes up again) would take a few minutes.
For Badia the Leaper, Randy with his earth magic, and Emi with her ability to form the surrounding dirt into sand stairs, the fifty foot climb might as well be a fifty foot walk.
"He must be referring to the boat. We should go back down to investigate."
”No, he speaks of the chimera! We should go up to face it!” Badia counters.
"Must we?" Emi-na asks. "Face it, I mean. Is it hurting anything living up here? Well, except for those who go to it to do battle."
"We must! That is what we have come to do, after all! Do not chicken out now. Let us fight!" Badia says eagerly.
From the cave, two large feline eyes can be seen, glowing in the light.
Given Badia’s orcish heritage, she can see what the others cannot.
It is clearly the chimera. You can make out the lion’s head. There seems to be another head looking down to one side. It’s hard to see in the darkness from where you now stand, but the head protrudes from the back. It could peer over the lionshead’s bushy mane you suspect.
About the lion. His eyes are more curious cat than predator. He is not about to pounce to kill you. His paws are badly cut.
The goatshead continues to look down to one side. Its antlers are strange.
Emi sighs and starts weaving a spell that has her sands swirling softly around her, ready in case violence erupts.
"Urgent need to make a sand sculpture?"
”The Beast is here!” Badia shouts, unlimbering her axe. But the half-orc hesitates. ”He is injured, but he does not look aggressive. Very curious!”
The lion’s head pokes out to peer over the ledge at our reluctant hunting team. He can barely walk on his bloodied front paws. Protruding from his back is a goat’s head, handing to one side bleeding from its ear, eye and snout. And the hole in its head. Planted between the antlers is the broken half of the now-dead knight’s blade. The goat is dead too.
A female voice calls out, “Y…y-you’re not gonna k-kill us?”
It is not the lion who speaks. The voice is from within the shadows of the cave. Badia can make out a tail in the darkness. The saw the shape of it expand a little as the female voice called out…
Emi-na frowns sadly at the injured creature. Naja perks up, however, her head rising to get a better view from Emi's shoulders.
"No, not right now," she says. Her sands keep swirling around her, but gently and with a light, purplish hue.
The lion steps out of the cave. He has wings, like a giant eagle, but one is cleaved—not by a sword, Badia is certain. His rear legs (talons!) have blood (not all his) and burn marks. As for his serpentine tail, it looks like a diamondback snake except for the head where a rattle should be.
It is not the head of a snake either. Some might say she looks like…
…a goddess?!?
"No, not right now" Says Randy in agreement. "But we reserve the right to beat you to death should it be necessary."
“Oh, please… allow me to explain. It’s true that I fought the knight, but in self-defense… and I didn’t mean to kill him.”
Sir Willis’ armor took blows from tooth, claw and talon. But there are burns too, and his broken limbs suggest another kind of trauma.
“He was ordered to prove his worth in single combat. When he killed poor Tom, I begged for mercy. He dropped his crossbow and… I think he didn’t want to fight me anymore. But his men turned on him with blade and fire. I tried to carry him here, but something struck my wing! And I…”
The lion’s eyes glance to the sky, and follow the path which the knight had apparently fallen when dropped from the burnt and bloodied talons.
“It was an accident.” The frog’s voice is thick with remorse.
”Bangoo!” Badia breathes, in awe of the froggy spirit that is part of the chimera. The big woman takes a knee, sticking her tongue out in a symbol of batrachian respect.
”King Yo-shua believes you to be a vile monster! But could it be he does not know your true nature? I am so confused!”
"You're not buying it's story are you?" Randy shakes his head. "Ask yourself, where are the other knights?"
Emi-na spares an irritated glace at Randy. "I am willing to wait until I have all available information before choosing my course of action."
She turns back to the chimera. "It is a legitimate question. Where are the other knights?"
Flo awkwardly returns a “Bangoo” to Badia, along with a tongue gesture of respect as understanding dawns. “I am Flo and this is Sam and…” She says to Randy and Emi, “The knights are surely taking the mountain road. I cannot fly from them, nor climb down to you.”
Backing up her words, now that you’re thinking about it, is a distant metallic tromping. It should take another minute for the knights to get here.
“There’s little time—this knight, Sir Willis told me to pass his message to the wizards. You must be them. He said the other seven went to investigate the flotsam, whatever that is, and when they returned, they were different. Jack the Nimble was slow, John the Good frequented brothers or brothels or barrels or something, and Alexander the Even Better quit gambling.
“I do not know these men. Just they’re different, and their leader lied to this king of yours. He said I am the flotsam—me!—Flo T. Sam.—T for Thomas! I’m not vile. I don’t even eat dogs unless they attack us in packs. I am just a distraction to be killed to pretend-solve your human problems, and these knights killed their own guy because… I don’t know why.”
Flo swivels her head about nervously, checking her back. The bright red band around her serpentine neck/tail flaps in an updraft.
She turns to Badia, and says, “I think this king Yo-shua is more confused than you are.”
Badia gets to her feet. ”Do not worry, Flo T. Sam. We will protect you from these mixed-up knights. Then we can sort out exactly what is going on.”
Flo says to Badia, “Take this red band from me. It was given to me by a young nun who treated my wounds many years ago. Her name was Isotta. She was green like you, but her face was more like mine.”
You can all get up to the chimera easily. Sam and Flo do not attempt to harm you, and you can hear the knights drawing near…
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Badia solemnly accepts the sash from Flo. She ties it around her head before bowing to the chimera. ”Cowabunga,” she intones reverently.
A look of determination crosses her face as she slaps the haft of her axe into her opposite hand. ”Come, friends. We meet the knights in the open, with plenty of overhead clearance!!”
You step out of the cave onto the mountain road. As you round the westward bend, the sun, reddened by Southtopian humidity, sinks toward the horizon. The metallic tromping draws closer… and then you see the weapon tips, silhouetted by sea and sky. And you see the shapes of the men brandishing them.
• Robert the Strong, sword and shield.
• Jack the Nimble, dual blades.
• Johnny the Good, great sword.
• Alexander the Even Better, flaming great sword.
• Randy the Savage, switch axe.
• Andre the Dwarf, gun lance.
• Floyd the Pink, war horn.
You don’t know these men by name. They don’t know you. And from the looks of things, they’re not here to make introductions.
The one with the flaming sword steps up. “By talking to the monster, you have chosen a side.” He tosses three coins…
"Yes, the side of justice! Now, yours are the butts that will be kicked!" Badia declares. She crouches low, then JUMPS into the air, coming down with her axe swinging at Flaming Sword Guy!
Emi pauses, concerned that the knights seem out to kill them.
When you decide to light it, you do that instead of attacking. The difficulty to light the rocket is “1.” There is no need to roll, nor is there a benefit to rolling a 20 (when you light it). So you CAN roll… but the die roll will not change that what the item secretly does will automatically work perfectly.
I’m not encouraging you to use the rocket on this turn. (There’s a 50% chance you’ll lose initiative and can’t anyway.) Just posting this now so you know what to do when you become curious enough to use the rocket. I’ll narrate exactly what it does after the fact. (Nothing porno aside from blatant word-plays.)
Randy rubs his wick really fast until his little rocket explodes.
Like many of his biologically-male clients, Randy’s rocket enlarges considerably and goes off prematurely. Luckily, Randy managed to strap it on in time.
No, not ‘strapped on’ in the way the marshal bellowed in mixed company this morning. Randy has the rocket strapped to his back like that famous bird hunting gnoll, Wile E. Coyote.
Randy soars about the mountain road. He’ll need to stay close enough to the battle for his earth magic to do any good—but as long as he stays out of melee, only ranged attacks can hit him.
You can choose to be in flight or on land at the end of your turn. (You’re in flight now.)
If you use your bone, you end your turn on the ground (or close enough for a melee weapon to hit you).
If you use earth magic, I will assume you are flying unless you tell me otherwise. Benefit of flying: only two knights have powerful ranged attacks. (Others have crossbows, but they are easy to dodge in flight.)
All reflex saves are d20 in flight. Flight ends after this battle or if you lose your ♥️s.
Rolling >10 (the number on the counter) with any defensive dice will charge the rocket (10, 9, 8…)
The rocket will explode at zero… or it MIGHT go off prematurely when you fail to defend! (I’ll manage this.)
• Jack the Nimble, dual blades.
• Johnny the Good, great sword.
• Alexander the Even Better, flaming great sword.
• Randy the Savage, switch axe.
• Andre the Dwarf, gun lance.
• Floyd the Pink, war horn.
Sir Alexander is surprised by Badia’s will! Her leap is predictable, but Sir Alexander is no Jack the Nimble. He almost dodges, but almost isn’t good enough to prevent an axe cleaving your shoulder blade.
As Randy flies into the air, Sir Andre aims his Gun Lance and fires. John the Good mutters something about Randy to which Randy the Savage shouts, “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!” He whips out his crossbow, named Slim Jim.
Badia finds herself being attacked by two greatswords and two regular sized swords!
Because Emi is stunned by the coin, Robert the Strong is able to rush her with a shield bash!
Like many of his biologically-male clients, Randy’s rocket enlarges considerably and goes off prematurely
Sir Floyd the Pink’s war horn is an odd relic. Before blowing into it, he whispers “Careful with that axe, Eugene.” The horn’s sound is not music, but the death-cry of victims.
This imbues the axe-wielder’s weapon with dark magic. Sir Randy the Savage’s weapon drips inky blackness.
Buuuuut, much to Sir Floyd’s frustration, Sir Randy the Savage is not using his axe so he can shoot the flying person.
Emi-na sidesteps the shield barely, the heavy plank of wood and steel fanning her hair as it whistles by.
Rather than trying to batter through Robert the Strong's bulwark, she causes her enchanted sand to rise up behind him so that it attacks his unprotected flank.
Obviously the jetpack is complete Sh!t. F#cking wizards. thinks Randy.
He lands and tosses the jetpack away.
Battered by multiple foes, Badia howls in pain, swinging her axe wildly.
• Jack the Nimble, dual blades.
• Johnny the Good, great sword.
• Alexander the Even Better, flaming great sword.
• Randy the Savage, switch axe.
• Andre the Dwarf, gun lance.
• Floyd the Pink, war horn.
Sir Robert’s armor is clearly the strongest. Luckily her attack is powerful. The sand seems to throw him off his game, and as he turns to see what struck his back, more sand blasts him in the face, through his visor!
He drops his sword and whips out a crossbow! He shoots!
As Randy lands his self-appointed rival of the same name watches the rocket fly over the cliff’s edge. He shouts. “GOOD IDEA! OHHH YEAHHH!” He whips the axe that Sir Floyd enchanted right at Randy!
Poor Badia takes a beating! But Alexander the Even Better didn’t get a hit in. He leaps, blade white-hot ablaze, prompting Sirs Jack and John to take defensive stances!
The knights with gun lance and war horn begin to recharge their magic weapons. Those with nonmagic swords stay the hell outta the way.
Somewhere far below are the sounds of a fireworks display.
Emi-na keeps weaving fluidly to stay out of harm's way. This time the crossbow bolt grazes past her arm but Naja is there to keep her safe from the poison.
She keeps the sand in Sir Robert's face, and with a clenching motion of her hand makes it harden until it is like sandstone. She sends more sand underneath the knight's armor to coalesce around his joints and tries to harden them as well.
"Call on your knights. Have them surrender," she demands.
Undeterred by her wounds, Badia shouts, ”Bangoo!” as she leaps high into the air to meet the enemy knight!
Randy Dives into the earth, narrowly avoiding the spinning Axe. Randy pops up next to the other Randy. He tries to bury his 'Big Bone' into him.
• Jack the Nimble, dual blades.
• Johnny the Good, great sword.
• Randy the Savage, switch axe.
• Andre the Dwarf, gun lance.
• Floyd the Pink, war horn.
The damage from Emi’s successive attacks have blown the visor off of Sir Robert’s helmet. As the sandy air clears, she can plainly see a metal skeletal face and a bright red glow in one eye. The other eye flickers and sizzles.
“SuRrEnDeR izzzzz fFoOrR th-th-th wEaK.”
Robert the Strong, who some call ‘the Mountain,’ now moves about as quickly as one. He attempts to rush Emi, but she has danced too far for him to attack her before she can finish him off.
(Emi, see next post for the attack against you.)
Badia meets her foe in midair. She strikes, strikes again, and a-GAIN!, and slams Sir Alexander down from the sky—head, torso, and sufficiently-kicked butt flopping on the ground in three different places. Jagged bolts of purple lightning try in vain to fuse the pieces together. As for the flaming sword. It explodes… on the ground where Sirs Jack and John stand with their blades raised in vain. The blast strips off some of their armor, and at this point it’s apparent that all seven are more machine than man.
Randy is an earth mage. Rid of the unwanted gift, he swims through the mountain road like a Turk-Irish mermaid! When he pops up by the Savage, the knight is nearly toppled over the cliff. His arms flail. “OHHH NNNO!”
Sir Andre backs up to line up a lance charge. The singed swordsmen attack!