"Kaako, once I soften it up, run for it and regroup!"
Jadren attacks with his shield bash while it is still flanked.
He takes out a potion of lesser healing and drinks it.
If the boney bastard takes an attack on me I will use reactive shield (+2 AC)
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Lavanna's healing wave washes over everyone, leaving the party much cleaner and healthier while the giant pirate skeleton looks worse for wear, even though it resists much of the positive energy!
Round 4
Jadren — bash
Elsir — sploosh
big f#!%ing skeleton — CRITTING A BRICK
Kaako — GO
Lavanna — moar ◈◈◈ heal
Round 5
Jadren — bash & sip
Elsir — GO
big f$@&ing skeleton — TBD
Kaako — TBD
Lavanna — TBD
Kaako makes a hasty retreat and withdraws from battle.
”Caw! This stupid mace sucks. I think it was invented by somebody with a thick skull!”
Elsir follows up with another Hydraulic Blast!
Kaako retreats -- the giant pirate dicknose skeleton does not react -- and Elsmodeus washes the wall next to the throne with his hydraulic blast!
It maintains the Grab (◈), which twists the gaff hook in Jadren's flesh and deals him from the agonizing wound!
It then focuses its assault on Jadren with its other claw!
As a free action it drops Jadren's lifeless form from the gaff hook!
Round 5
Jadren — bash & sip
Elsir — miss
big f$*!ing skeleton — oof
Kaako — GO
Lavanna — GO
Round 6
Jadren — GO (Dying 2)
Elsir — GO
big f~~&ing skeleton — TBD
Kaako — TBD
Lavanna — TBD
Kaako pulls out his hand crossbow, loads it, and before he gets a chance to aim it, it already fires harmlessly at the wall!
"What?!!" Kaako remarks as he watches his pathetic crossbow bolt miss its target while the skeleton decimates the party.
◈ Draw Crossbow
◈ Load Crossbow
◈ Fire Crossbow
Elsir stays put for now, hoping that a steady diet of magic missiles will finally fell the skeleton:
Jadren attempts to stabilize.
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Lavanna and Elton John What's That Flower You Have On combine their magical efforts to shatter the giant pirate skeleton into dozens of bony shards!
As the quiet settles in, Jadren sleeps quietly on the floor while Lavanna notices the outline of a door now visible on the southeast wall.
Lavanna stabilizes Jadren using Stabilize.
"Good thing I did most of the heavy lifting there.... How's Jadren? He might be a holy roller now, but even I'd feel bad if he missed this part."
Elsir, not really aware of his callous nature goes about looking around the room for something to make this worth while.... especially if he finds a solution.
"Cawww! I'll say you did most of the heavy lifting. That mace I was trying to use couldn't hit the side of a barn if I was inside one with all of the doors closed. I hope I can go back to using my rapier from now on."
The elf finds nothing but some bone shards on the floor. He is disappointed, but remains stoic, and not just in the Marcus Aurelius sort of way.
Cawlo swoops down into the chamber, circles overhead once, then soars out of sight through the door outline on the wall!
”Thank you, Cawlo! I see where we have to go, but are we fit enough to continue? I know that I’m feeling my age after big Skelly dude!”
"I'm mostly out of power, and this is the most exercise I've had in.... years. I could use a rest, but what else is there? We've completely the damned map." Elsir looks around the room for booty.
"I too would prefer to treat my wounds before we venture much further. If there is treasure, it is likely to be trapped."
Turning to look over the unconscious Jadren, Kaako comments to Lavanna. "Well, it looks like you helped keep him alive, even if he is still out. I'm not sure if you are to thank or if his inheritor does indeed keep an eye out on him."
"Do you have any further medical expertise to wake him up, or shall I pull out my spare potion of healing?"
"Groooaaann."
Lavanna breaks out her healer's kit and begins to treat Jadren's wounds.
Lavanna gets to work on Kaako next...
With no observable imminent danger, Lavanna tends to the wounds of Jadren and Kaako. It takes a good 20 minutes, but she patches both up convincingly.
Elmer Fudd Gantry scours the room with the now-re-deceased giant pirate skeleton and finds nothing. For good measure he goes back to the weapons room and plays with the items there awhile, eventually emerging after boredom sets in clutching the +1 rapier that was sequestered there. It cost him the staff he picked up before, but he's pretty sure the trade was worthwhile.
Jadren, finally conscious, tries to sit up frantically. "I'll beat you both apart! I'll take you both together!" However, since he has been mostly dead for a bit now, he takes his time sitting up.
Jadren will thank Lavanna, looking at her with deep tenderness in his eyes.
He then remembers himself and turns away from her. He drops to his knees and begins fervently praying to Iomedae (refocus).
After Lavanna treats Kaako's wounds, the tengu nods in appreciation. "Thanks, my dear. Now, let's see if we can find Renlock's lost treasure."
Kaako looks around the room in search of all that glitters and more.
"If you are all done praying and such, do you folks want to help me search the room? There has to be some treasure or secret portal nearby."
Elsir skips the small talk after his own piece and goes about looking, both with his keen elven eyes and a spell of detection.
"There's an outline of a door over there," Lavanna notes as she packs up her healer's kit. "Cawlo flew through it."
Jadren helps to search the room and then gets ready to go through the secret door.
The door outline turns out to be a well-placed tapestry with an outline of a door on it, beyond which is a long, meandering passage.
The way is winding and treacherous, and on more than one occasion Jadren's armor nearly gets him stuck in a narrow defile, which Elsir is quick to inform everyone isn't the right word for an underground passage and expounds at length on the etymology of the term.
The path continues, leading roughly downward though with the many twists and turns it's difficult to tell which way it's going. Lavanna swears she can hear the ocean a few times, though she ultimately concludes it's Kaako's heavy mouth breathing since tengu don't really have noses.
After nearly an hour of walking, everyone's feet are sore and tempers are raw as the passage empties into a dimly lit chamber. Thin shafts of light peek out from behind a curtain that hangs on the opposite wall.
In the center of the chamber is a massive wooden chest!
Lavanna, suspicious, taps Kaako with her wand of heal (◈◈).
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"At last, we are here my friends. Look at this chest! At last the treasure will be ours!"
Kaako scans the area for traps and slowly makes his way over to the chest exercising great caution.
"So far, so good." Kaako exclaims.
Lavanna taps Jadren (giggity) while Kaako declares the area leading up to the chest to be trap free.
Just before letting the more intrepid open it, Elsir pings the area for magical auras. Barring any, he steps back, WAY back.
In the immediate vicinity, Elsie does not detect the presence of magic.
"I have full faith in your judgement Kaako. Open it up and let's see what we have here.
Kaako carefully plays with the lock mechanism, looking for any traps specifically in the lock.
Next, he tries to open the chest or if it is locked, he will try to pick the lock.
Kaako looks over inspects the chest at length. He is satisfied nothing is trapped on it. He spends a full minute working on the lock, only to sheepishly (or fowly, depending, I suppose) discover that the lock isn't functional -- it falls off in his hand as he carefully tries to move it aside.
His hands steady as a rock, he slowly and silently lifts the lid of the chest...
Unfortunately, all that is inside is a handful of corroded copper coins and four silver pieces.
From out of nowhere, not unlike Feleena in Marty Robbins' "El Paso", Cawlo hops precariously across the lid of the nearly empty treasure chest as the voice of Captain Renlock echoes from its metal beak once more.
My friends. You truly were the finest crew I ever had the pleasure of sailing with and I am sorry to say that the promised treasure was but a ruse. I hope you will forgive me, but I turned it over to the Andoran captain in exchange for his promise to be lenient on all of you. That treasure bought your freedom, and I can't think of a finer purchase.
The bird grows silent for a moment, before leaping off the chest to perch atop the moldering drapery on the far side of the chamber. The voice continues.
But fear not, my friends, because an old pirate like me always has one more secret, and this one is for you.
With that, the parrot tugs at the curtain, which falls away to reveal a short passage.
Kaako looks at Jadren.
Jadren looks at Lavanna.
Lavanna looks at Elsir.
Elsir looks bored.
The party follows Cawlo.
The passage leads to a small cove hidden on the far side of the island. There, sitting above the waves in a dry dock, is a glorious sailing sloop in near-perfect condition! The parrot continues.
I had a few enchantments cast to make sure it was ready for you when the time was right. The ship is yours. Take it and see the world that I never did.
"Ah to sail the seas again, but this time to right the wrongs of the world. I bless this ship with the name Iomedae's Redemption!"
Elsir looks at the others, and the ship. "Well that's a kick in the f~$&ing nuts. I'm still wasting away, what does it matter if I dissolve on land or sea?" He then grumbles as he climbs aboard.
On opening the chest:
"Craaaaaaaaw! What in all hells! What was Renlock thinking?! Doesn't he know that I want more than a few coppers and four silver pieces. We haven't even divided the plunder yet!
At the sight of the glorious new sloop:
"Well, this is a little better, especially if we have a clean wrap sheet. So I guess we just board her and set sail for glory."
Lavanna smiles, her eyes tearing up. "I guess there's worse fates than being stuck on a ship with you idiots. Come on, let's see how she sails."
Cawlo flaps over and perches on the main wheel. A quick check determines that the enchantments preserving the ship have it in great condition to sail, minus a few provisions. Unfastening the moorings and gliding the boat down into the water, you're ready to sail for your next adventure. Will it be exploration? A return to pirating, thumbing your nose at the Andoran navy and Captain Renlock's sacrifice for your freedom?
The quartet discover that the best treasure was, in fact, the friends they made along the way!