[PFS2e] GM Dinketry and Balancing the Scales (02-05) (Inactive)

Game Master dinketry

Why, hello there! I’m GM Dinketry. Welcome to my corner of the Paizo boards. I’m recruiting for a Level 1-4 scenario. Consider yourself invited!

I expect common courtesy, a posting rate of around a post a day (with some leeway during the holidays), and a go-getter spirit. This will be an urban investigation, so consider your dunewalker druid to be a second-tier choice for this game.

I’d like to highlight that kobold characters are VERY WELCOME to this game.

I’m going to be picky with this recruitment. Bake me a Christmas or Chanukah (or non-holiday) virtual cookie of your choice. I don’t care to know what character you’re bringing. DON’T tell me about your character; tell me about my virtual cookie. I’ll recruit until I’m satisfied (or I have a tummy-ache, whichever is first).

Good luck and get (virtually) baking!!!

-GM Dink

A novel method of recruiting, to be sure.

Virtual cookie recipe
1. Preheat CPU to 350ºF. In a large database, mix together butter and sugars, and add eggs and vanilla. Cover dough, and let it compile for 2 hours.
2. Divide dough into small data clusters. Wrap and encrypt each piece and refrigerate for another 1 hour. Roll them out into a 1/4 inch thick spreadsheet, and cut out shapes using cookie manager.
3. Bake cookies for 10 minutes. When prompted "By continuing using this website you agree to share your cookies", click OK.
4. Decorate with CSS frosting.

OK, I'll bite. This should be fun.

While flipping through a copy of Nab Isco's "draconis cibus et potum" in his usual haunt deep in the Grand Lodge's library, a loose rectangle of heavy parchment flies out and falls to the ground. "What's all this then," he says, apparently to no one.

A previously unnoticed creature sitting on one of his shoulders shifts uncomfortably and makes a barely audible comment.

Ignoring his friend's suggestion, he bends down to pick up the small piece of thick parchment. "Let's see now..." He examines the now well-foxed document and reacts in surprise. "I thought this would merely be a bookmark, but it appears to have a recipe on one side. How exciting."

It is written in a particularly ancient version of Draconic, but it is a matter of a few moments for him to translate it into the modern.

---
Red Dragon Biscuits

When feeding dragons, it is best to throw the biscuits into their open mouths and then proceed to put as much distance as possible between you and the creature. If you can find some solid cover to hide behind, even better.
---

Not being much of an alchemist, he decides to take the recipe to the Lodge's laboratories to see if they'll make him a batch of the biscuits to experiment with. His friend sitting on his shoulder mumbles something that sounds like,

"Welcome to Sweetest Dreams, Xin-Edasseril's premiere erotic bakery."

A young man points at items inside a glass case.

"We've got a wide selection of baked goods. The cookie? Oh, yes, that's one of our most popular items. Whether you want to celebrate Edasseril Day, or Belimarius's birthday, or just want to poison a rival, we can make the cookie that suits your needs."

The young man listens to your order and writes it down carefully.

"An excellent choice. A few clarifying questions: is this for a medium or large creature? And how much poison would you like in that: just enough to send a polite message, or enough to keep him away from your wife for a few days?"

He rips the bottom of the ticket and hands it to you.

"You can pick it up tomorrow morning. That will be 65 silver."

---

The young man passes the order to the surly baker in the back. "Can I watch?" The baker shrugs.

The baker whips 60 drams of unrefined sugar and 30 drams of refined sugar into 30 drams of butter. When fluffy, he adds two eggs, puts on a mask, and weighs in 2 drams of toad tears, and whips again. Then, the baker weighs out 120 drams of flour and grinds out 3 drams of nahcolite. He stirs the flour into the butter until a sticky dough has formed.

"It's gotta sit in the ice box for a few hours, the baker says.

When chilled, the baker shapes the dough and bakes in the oven for 15 minutes. It's a little overdone, but the cookies can't be chewy when the final shape is being constructed.

We are doing elvish formbread today.

We need
- 1 recipe for lembas bread (follow my newsletter)
- cookie cutters

1.- Take the dough for lembas bread and roll it to a 1 centimeter thickness.
2.- Use the cookie cutter to cut into preferred shapes.
3.- Bake as you would bake lembas bread.

I personally enjoy wolf shaped lembas with lingonberry jam. Or an elephant lembas with mushroom stew! Delicious.

Tante Esther’s Chanucookies

Two shpeckels of oatmeal
Butter the size of a walnut
Half a glass of water
Enough with the sugar
Sprinkles (if you want to kill your grandmother)

Wake up at 5am to preheat the oven. In a very large bowl, mix the oatmeal, butter and water until it feels right. Add a little sugar. Not so much! Your teeth’ll rot out of your head! Grease a baking sheet, and put spoonfuls of dough onto it. Your grandmother never put sprinkles on her cookies, but if you want to, that’s fine. It’s your decision. Put the baking sheet in the oven. Call your uncle Moishe, and ask him how he’s feeling. When he’s done telling you, take out the cookies. Turn the oven off! Do you want to burn the house down?

Today, for your very much culinary enjoyment I offer the recipe for the anisey of all anise cookies, the New Mexico state cookie, the bischocito:

5 to 6 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
1 pound lard, at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
3 large eggs
1½ tablespoons ground anise seeds
½ cup orange juice, fresh or from concentrate (optional)
1 ounce (2 tablespoons) whiskey (optional)

Topping

¼ cup granulated sugar
¾ teaspoon ground cinnamon
For the cookies

Preheat oven to 425° F.

Sift together 5 cups flour, baking powder, and salt.

Beat lard in electric mixer, gradually adding sugar until extremely light
and fluffy; about 8 minutes. Stop mixer every couple minutes to scrape down
sides of mixing bowl. Add eggs singly, beating in each one before adding
the next. Mix in dry ingredients, beating only until incorporated. Add
anise seeds, whiskey, and orange juice. A stiff, pie-crust–like dough is
what you’re after. Add some or all of remaining flour, as needed, to get
proper consistency.

Spoon dough into cookie press, if you wish. Push out dough into shaped
cookies on ungreased cookie sheets. If you don’t have a cookie press or
prefer to make them with cookie cutters, the dough can be rolled out ¼
inch thick on floured work surface and cut into favorite shapes, then
arranged on cookie sheets. In either case, avoid handling the dough more
than necessary.

Bake cookies 12 to 15 minutes.

For the topping

While cookies bake, stir together topping ingredients.

Assembly

Transfer cookies to baking racks to cool.

Gently roll cookies in topping mixture. If not eaten sooner, cookies will
keep a week.

2020 Hanukkah Latkes Recipe
Ingredients:

There's no way I can rival any of the above. They're all very good! So here's mine:

Kobold Kookies

4 handfuls of dirt.
1 handful rabbit poop.
Put in bowl.
Add some water.
Mix with stick.
Form into patties.
Cook on rock over fire until hard.
Give to friends.

Seriously, though, if any of you are fans of gingerbread give these a try. I like them the most with glazed frosting.

Pfeffernüsse Cookies!

INGREDIENTS
½ c brown sugar
½ c molasses
¼ c salted butter
2 tsp fresh orange zest, (roughly ½ of a large orange)
2 eggs
3 c unbleached all purpose flour
½ tsp cinnamon
½ tsp ground black pepper
½ tsp ground anise
¼ tsp baking soda
½ - 1 c powdered sugar, (for coating)

In a large bowl, cream together the brown sugar, molasses, butter, zest and eggs. Beat until light and creamy.
Add the flour and spices to the wet ingredients. Mix by hand until well combined.
Shape the dough into a ball. (It will be slightly sticky.) Wrap it in plastic wrap and refrigerate it overnight. (While not a 100% necessary step, resting allows the flavors to come together and the peppery-ness of the dough to mellow.)
When you are ready to bake your cookies, preheat your oven to 350F.
Remove the dough from the refrigerator and shape into 1” balls (roughly 1 Tbsp of dough). (If the dough is too sticky, slightly grease your hands.) Place the dough balls 2” apart on a greased baking sheet.
Bake the cookies for 12-15 minutes, until puffy and firm to the touch.
Remove the cookies immediately from the baking sheet and let them cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack.

Place the powdered sugar in a paper bag. Add the cookies 2-3 at a time and toss them in the powdered sugar. (The cookies should be cool enough that the powdered sugar doesn't melt, but warm enough that it slightly sticks.) If necessary, toss the cookies twice in powdered sugar, to get a nice coating.
Return the coated cookies to the wire rack to finish cooling.
Store the pfeffernusse an air-tight container for up to a week.

Bunny poop, lol!

Thank you all so much for making my absurd job really very difficult. Also, I need to loosen a notch on my belt because I am now stuffed like a turducken.

Would the following baker's sextet please follow me into the Cookie Jar?(i.e. the Discussion page; I'll drop the metaphor now)