"I'm pretty attached to all of my teeth," Silvia says, stepping over the tripwire to stand on Garret's flank. "I'm sure you would hate to give up any of yours. Maybe we could talk to Prince Uspid about making a different deal?" Silvia smiles, though it's very conspicuously closed-mouth.
In the meantime, she counts the visible fairies, wondering how many others might be hiding. They outnumber us, but by how much? I could probably knock one of these things out with a solid punch.
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"I'm pretty attached to all of my teeth,"
"That is what se pliehrs ahr for," the tooth fairy responds, giving its pair a little shake to underscore the point.
I knew it was going to be like this. I just knew it.
The druid makes a pitch based on the natural circle of life. “Pliers? People’s teeth fall out naturally all the time - children lose teeth when their adult teeth come in, and adults lose teeth as they age - or get into fights. Why would immortal, umm, gendarmes like you need to use anything so crude as pliers to get teeth when you could practically catch them out of the air?”
“I’ll tell you what: if you have a Harrow deck, I will do a reading for you - or for your Prince - to help you find any big, ahhh, groupings of teeth nearby - teeth that people aren’t using anymore, I mean.”
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Deciding to leave the teeth she stole for a last ditch effort, Ketra adds to Silvia's approach by saying "Surely there's some teeth around here that you'd just love to have. Teeth that don't belong to us, but that we can get for you? Our friends earlier said that you sometimes get new teeth from undead that wander nearby. Think there's any of those we can help grab for you?"
"If not, maybe your prince would like something else that's nice." She points to Sanduro "I've heard Harrowings are all the rage these days in the Boneyard. Very hip. Very trendy. Any faerie that gets one is bound to be lucky in love, in money and of course in teeth collecting."
"That is what se pliehrs ahr for," the tooth fairy responds, giving its pair a little shake to underscore the point.
Silvia's smile grows just a tad tighter, and she glances back at Ketra before refocusing on the closest of the creatures. They can't really extract teeth from every psychopomp heading through. Are they just trying to tilt us before the ambush?
For the first time the tooth fairy looks uncertain, seemingly caught off guard by the offer of fortune-tellings and tempted by even the vague promise of fresh caches of teeth. Its eyes flicker from Sanduro to Ketra and back, the cruelty in its expression replaced by curiosity and calculation.
"Hmm...you ahr an oracle? One who cahn see se without sight? Pehrhaps Prince Uspid should decihde your fates aftehr all. Follow us!" With a buzz of scintillating wings, the tooth fairy flutters deeper into the castle.
The tooth fairies strike you as cruel and opportunistic, completely willing to take as much as they believe someone can be convinced or bullied into giving. While small, they handle their pliers with a deft ease that gives the uncomfortable sense that they could use them effectively in a fight.
None of them register as evil, however.
The fairy leads you through an ornate room spans the entire width of the palace. The north end consists of a floor-to-ceiling stained glass mural of skeletal knights with halos surrounding an angelic figure. Globs of metal and bits of teeth affixed to the stained-glass angel give it a repulsive appearance, with a mouth far too wide and teeth attached to its fingertips. On either side of the stained-glass mural are two delicate archways. From the room beyond comes the faint sound of flowing water. The southern wall of the room contains two alcoves and a double door
Ketra isn't all that confident that these fey are going to end up trustworthy, but she follows along anyway. Seeing the stained glass angel, she murmurs "Love what you did to redecorate this place... Who was here before, anyway?"
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Wallace sticks to Garret's side, a thumb casually looped through his belt and curiously close to the pommel of his sword. Gods, this is sick. How can this be in the Boneyard? It is no Heaven, but how is this not a place fit for Hell?
"Keep it up everyone, this seems to be, uh, working for now," he tries to encourage.
I did it again! Forgot to give you information about the tooth fairies--a successful ID gives you one question, but your roll wasn't high enough to get a second question.
Tooth Fairies are nasty opponents; their bites don't deal much damage on their own but secrete a paralytic venom, allowing them to steal teeth from their immobile victims. They have a handful of innate magical abilities, and when killed they explode in a burst of foul-smelling glitter than often nauseates their killers.
They also use their trademark pliers as weapons in combat, and are quick and dextrous enough to snatch teeth from a victim's mouth even in the chaos of combat.
"Yeah, I'm flying by the seat of my pants here, Wallace," replies Garret, moving forward to follow the grisly little flying goblin.
Adding to her previous question, Ketra asks "Who are the skeleton knights and angel?" She sticks a thumb at the stained glass. Then, after the little faeries hopefully answer, she continues on into the room with the fountain.
Your fairy guide gives you a strange smile and shrugs. "Ah do not know, on both counts. Pehrhaps se Prince knows," it says before zipping away into the next room and up the stairs. Several more fairies poke their heads up from lantern sconces or from behind loose bricks to peer at your curiously.
After a minute or so, a tooth fairy comes flying back down and alights on the staircase railing. "It is an honehr and a pleasehr to announce Prince Uspid, Master of Molahrs and lord of se castle!" The fairy turns to face back up the stairway and boys as a second, larger fairy slowly descends. Nearly as tall as Garret, this new arrival sports a crown and earring decorated with teeth, their roots forming the spines of the crown. With an arrogant and officious sweep of its hand Prince Uspid acknowledges his subjects who all bow and shout obeisant phrases in Sylvan.
No ordinary tooth fairy, Prince Uspid is a larger and more powerful specimen that arises when an ordinary fairy eats a massive number of teeth--or, according to tooth fairy lore, a much smaller number of somehow "special" teeth.
Eyeing you all with a cunning interest, Prince Uspid asks the fairy acting as his herald a question in Sylvan. The two converse for a moment before the prince scowls and speaks angrily. Flinching, the herald turns back to address you. "Ah have infohrmed se Prince of your offehr of untapped riches of," it hesitates, eyeing the assembled fairies before finishing, "...teef."
"TEEF!" the crowd shouts back with another clack of their pliers.
"Oui. Ahr wise and discehrning prince says he does not believe you, that he would have found such a treasehr were it here. But in his mehrcy, His Majestic Mastication will ovehrlook se slight you have given him, and he inquiehrs as to why several mortahls have come to his domain?"
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Stepping forward, Garret takes a shot at opening negotiations, saying, "Greetings, Prince Uspid, Master of Molars, and Lord of the Castle. We intended no slight, as my offer was to tell great stories of unusual and unique dental formations from the mortal world."
Pausing a moment to let that sink in, he continues, "However, I must compliment Your Majesty on his INCISIVE insight and share our story first to answer your question directly, perhaps giving you something new and interesting to CHEW on."
Gesturing to the others and himself, Garret narrates, "We were in Roslar's Coffer, a town in the mortal realm, when a great necromantic explosion shook our world, killing most of the people in the town, transforming others into ectoplasmic forms, yet somehow sparing those of us before you. We were transported to the Boneyard but yet we live, and the Psychopomps say our hearts are unusually bright in some divine way."
"Though this mystery is indeed great, Your Majestic Mastication, what we seek today is a simpler matter--transport back to our realm, where the living belong. We need passage along the Dead Roads to get there, so we humbly request your permission to travel through your lands," he finishes.
"Hmm...you ahr an oracle? One who cahn see se without sight? Pehrhaps Prince Uspid should decihde your fates aftehr all. Follow us!" With a buzz of scintillating wings, the tooth fairy flutters deeper into the castle.
Sanduro casts a nervous glance at Ketra as the disquieting fey flies off. "Umm, yes? Am I? I mean, I am. Of course." I don't think it heard me. Probably for the best.
"Oui. Ahr wise and discehrning prince says he does not believe you, that he would have found such a treasehr were it here. But in his mehrcy, His Majestic Mastication will ovehrlook se slight you have given him, and he inquiehrs as to why several mortahls have come to his domain?"
Sanduro starts forward to object to being called a liar, then remembers that he was totally lying, and settles back to see if Garret and Ketra can talk their way through this.
Silvia's eyes roam around the room, gauging the situation. Five, make that six goons, plus the big guy. Interpreter first, then the boss. A plan set in her mind, Silvia's posture relaxes a bit, but she keeps watch while Garret works his magic.
Not cute.
Ketra watches the pompous seeming faerie "prince" carefully, knowing that he could be saying something very different in his fae language than was being translated for the group. And honestly, the faeries didn't exactly inspire confidence regarding how even keeled they might or might not be.
When Garret offers some diplomatic overtures she nearly begins clapping. Instead she settles for a quick thumbs up and whispered "Nice one Garret!" She waits to see if the more sensible request will be listened to before she breaks out what she does best.
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If I could speak half as well as Garret... Wallace looks intently at the Prince, hoping the Halfling's smooth words are enough to get them through this next phase of their waking nightmare. If this goes south, I'll keep Garret safe while the others deal with their own skirmishes. Then we can work together to take the remaining Fairies. Doesn't sit right with me to fight people in their own home, but neither does attacking people in your home.
The fairies listen to Garret's oratory with rapt attention, though whether it is his words--or the glimpses of his teeth--that has arrested their attention.
When he concludes speaking, Prince Uspid taps his chin thoughtfully and then speaks with his herald in Sylvan for a time. "His Majesty se Prince says this is a strehnge and curious tale, much more intehresting than the fehrst story you spun for him. He is sympathetic to your plight, but alas is powerless to help you. For while he is lord of se castle and protector of se Road, he does not hold se seal needed to grant you passahge." Prince Uspid nods along impatiently as his interpreter speaks, and starts up again when the smaller fairy pauses.
"Prince Uspid's poor dowagehr mothehr holds it, upstairs. Hehr time has passed, along with hehr mind. Vehry sad," Prince Uspid and his subjects all make unconvincing expressions of woe. "Howevehr, se dowagehr is still of se royal line, and thus none of hehr subjects may give hehr se peace she desehrves. Prince Uspid asks this delicate task of you, that he may ascend to his rightful place as King--and obtain se seal. Once out of his mad mothehr's hands he will grant you passahge along se Roads."
The story makes sense, but you're not convinced. This smells like the Prince trying to get you to do his dirty work for him.
“I’m sorry, but did you say that the Prince wants us to kill his mother, the queen?”
Sanduro blinks as the meaning of the Prince's request sinks in, then takes a small step forward to whisper to Wallace (the nearest member of the party who isn’t already dead).
“I haven't had much experience with palace intrigues, but isn't this kind of thing usually handled more privately? I don't doubt the Prince's motives, but I for one would have grave concerns about being known as the assassins of a fey queen, especially when he and his... subjects are too squeamish to do it.”
"You say she's gone mad. What has she done?" Silvia asks, hackles raised.
Ketra narrows her eyes at the faeries, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. After Silvia speaks, she adds "Does the Queen have any subjects that are still loyal to her? Because I can imagine that her friends aren't going to be all that happy to see her getting... pacified."
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Wallace blanches when Sanduro asks his question, cutting through the facade the translator had created.
"I share your concerns. Nothing stops the Prince, who would be King, from apprehending us lawfully for the assassination of his mother. Especially with us being outsiders, I think a summary execution or simply alerting our personal huntress is what we can expect after doing the deed. Double the personal benefit and none of the work," he responds. "Not to mention the myriad personal disagreements I have with committing such an act."
He taps Garret on the shoulder. "Maybe we can meet with the Queen ourselves? The Prince did just conspire to assassinate her. Maybe we could get her blessing to pass through protecting her from the Prince?"
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"Not to mention the myriad personal disagreements I have with committing such an act."
Sanduro nods quickly in embarrassed agreement. "Yes, of course."
I probably should have led with that. There has to be a better way to deal with a mad, immortal, fairy queen in a castle on the borderlands of the Boneyard.
The druid feels a nervous giggle begin to bubble up inside him, but manages to stifle it.
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Zsofia rolls her eyes at all of the chest-beating and moralizing.
"Yes, of course, that would be a terrible thing to do and we never ever would. But just in case we might, which way is the old dear's room?"
Speaking quietly to Wallace, Garret responds, "Indeed, we may be speaking to the wrong being if we want to get the seal allowing us to continue our journey. I have no desire to assassinate fey royalty, but we should at least figure out what is going on here."
Louder, Garret responds to the prince, saying "Let us then go to the Queen's chambers and deal with the situation, Prince Uspid--or perhaps if you are busy ruling here, perhaps Your Majesty could send a trusted servant to guide us?"
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Silvia looks over at her comrades deliberating on the other side of the room, and decides to stop undermining the good work Garret is doing. A closed mouth gathers no feet, after all.
Silvia looks over at her comrades deliberating on the other side of the room, and decides to stop undermining the good work Garret is doing. A closed mouth gathers no feet, after all.
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“I’m sorry, but did you say that the Prince wants us to kill his mother, the queen?”
The interpreter-fairy blinks a few times, evidently flummoxed by the druid's directness. "We vehry specifically did not say zis, only that se Queen desehrves to be given peace. It is not so good to dwell upon se details, no?"
"You say she's gone mad. What has she done?"
"Ye gods, what hasn't she done! She speaks to the fehrnature in her chambehrs, and to se imahgined spirit of hehr husband, se late King Cisor! She tried to decree zat we should raid se tombs of se Boneyard for se teef--"
"TEEF!" the assembled fairies shout with another clack of their pliers. The herald and Prince Uspid look annoyed at the interruption.
"--er, just so, oui. To raid se tombs of se Boneyard is a sure way to be driven from ahr homes by se Psychopomps!"
The story is reasonably convincing--the part about the Queen speaking to her furniture seems to be true, with many of the smaller fairies rolling their eyes and nodding in agreement. However, the evident confusion of the from his subjects when Prince Uspid and his herald spoke of a decree to raid tombs suggests that this is brand new information to them.
"Does the Queen have any subjects that are still loyal to her? Because I can imagine that her friends aren't going to be all that happy to see her getting... pacified."
"Se Queen has hehr loyal hound, Skritcher, with whom she would nevehr be pahrted. She is also attended by se 'old guard', zose who do not accept se rightful ascehndancy of Prince Uspid--but they are foolish and few."
Garret & Zsofia's mention of directions are met with a flamboyant gesture in the direction of the stairs.
Once the conversations are done, Garret looks to those who have been speaking and says, "Shall we go and speak with the Queen now? We can at least hope she will be...reasonable."
Silvia frowns. The tooth fairies certainly seemed to believe the Queen's actions to be those of a madwoman, and a week ago she'd have agreed. But her life had been thrown into so much chaos recently it was hard to tell anymore.
Quietly, Ketra comments "Well, talking to furniture and ghosts isn't going to be the weirdest thing we've seen here so far. And she might end up friendly, who knows?" She nods to Garret "Sure, lets go bring peace and so on."
She eyes the Prince as she starts ascending toward the Queen's floor/chambers, trying to rack her brain for any more she could squeeze out of him that might be revelatory. At the last moment, she asks "How many teeth does she have? The Queen, that is?"
"Ye gods, what hasn't she done! She speaks to the fehrnature in her chambehrs, and to se imahgined spirit of hehr husband, se late King Cisor! She tried to decree zat we should raid se tombs of se Boneyard for se teef--"
Sanduro raises an eyebrow and looks pointedly at Zsofia. "She talks to the spirit of her dead husband? Yes, she certainly sounds mad to me." The druid frowns at the mention of raiding the tombs of the Boneyard, though. "That doesn't make sense, does it? Is anyone actually buried in the Boneyard?"
He shakes his head. Don't get distracted. Our job is to get past this place and keep moving towards home.
Zsofia grins. "Nah, it's talking to the living that shows your off your rocker. Let's go pay our respects to the Queen."
While Prince Uspid does not strike you as a particularly likeable or even trustworthy person, he doesn't seem to be lying about his mother's behavior. The somewhat shocking request for matricide seems to be in earnest as well, though you've little basis for comparison.
As the party expresses reluctance with their assigned task, the tooth fairy monarch frowns down at you all and issues another pronouncement in Sylvan. "Se Prince says if you ahr not cehrtain you ahr up to se task, he can provide some assistahnce," the herald translates before Prince Uspid lets out a high, shrill whistle. From the previous room comes the sound of breaking glass, and then a series of grinding crunches like shards of glass under boots. Stepping through the doorway is the tooth-studded angel from the stained-glass mosaic you saw before. It stomps its way up behind Ketra and sketches a shallow bow to Prince Uspid, who issues more imperious-sounding pronouncements.
"His Highness has decided that his herald--ahem, moi--shall accompany you, alongside one of se Prince's favorite enforcehrs, haugh haugh!" The herald, Prince Uspid, and his court all laugh at this, though it isn't clear what the joke is. "Once se mattehr of succession has been dehcided, King Uspid shall supply you ahll with food and then send you on your way!"
Ketra gives the rest of the team a quick sidelong glance, flabbergasted by the appearance of the "herald". "Uhh, that sure is a wonderful herald you have there mister Prince. But we've got this handled with just the five... six... uh, seven of us." She blinks at the rest of her team, hoping they'll back her up before they end up saddled with some kind of glass abomination "Right? No need for overkill, right?"
Zsofia puts an ectoplasmic hand over Sanduro's mouth and gives Ketra her broadest smile. "Of course we do! No need to risk this ... work of art being smashed into a zillion million pieces! Or the Prince's - no, the King's - interpreter here being caught in the crossfire! Our little squad here, we work together like a well-oiled pair of pliers, and adding new parts to a working pair of pliers just doesn't work!"
Turning directly to the Prince, she adds, "Also, have I mentioned how impressive your mustache is? Unlike some people I could mention, you seem to know how to grow something more than peach fuzz from your upper lip!"
A well-oiled pair of--ohhhhh. Silvia gives Zsofia an appraising look, clearly impressed.
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"As a knight, I can vouch for the validity of her argument. Just enough of the right parts to work well," Wallace chimes in. If not for the motive behind it. Whatever discomfort he likely has in supporting this line of conversation is clearly outweighed by the tactical importance of not having an "angel" made of teeth at their backs...
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"Also, have I mentioned how impressive your mustache is? Unlike some people I could mention, you seem to know how to grow something more than peach fuzz from your upper lip!"
Garmid scowls and harumphs to himself, but knows better than to argue and ruin the gambit. He gives his mustache a reassuring stroke nevertheless. The Prince listens to Ketra and Zsofia with a small, sly smile on his face, shaking his canine-crowned head as his herald interprets. Lifting his chin in an imperious gesture despite his small stature, Prince Uspid issues yet another Sylvan proclamation.
"Prince Uspid says he could not in good conscience allow you to wandehr se castle without a guide. If se queen is not willing to relinquish powehr you will no doubt be happy to have se aid. As your host, it is se vehry least he can do."
Prince Uspid appears to have gotten the sense that the party is not fully on board with his suggestion, and he intends the stained-glass construct to serve as insurance against a possible betrayal.
You also get a feeling that the Prince would not lose any sleep over it if some or all of you were to perish during this assignment.
Stunned to actually catch the real meaning of someone's statement (for once), Sanduro cannot fully hide the dawning understanding from his expression. "Oh, er, of course. I'm sure they are both very impressive warriors in their own rights."
Leaning over to Wallace and Garret, he whispers, "We need to make sure they aren't behind us all. The Prince wants them to go along to make sure we do the job, and he isn't going to be sorry if we don't all make it back."
Ketra stuffs her hands in her jacket pockets "Well, if that's what suits you, lets get going." She looks at the herald and does her best not to see the "enforcer" in all its creepy glory "Lead the way."
Nodding at Sanduro, Garret moves to the front, ready to attempt to negotiate with whomever they run across next. "Taking sides in a family dispute is never wise, but doubly so when they are rulers of their realm!" he thinks, trying to suppress his panic and make the best of the situation.
As they move along, Garret asks the herald, "You seem to be quite knowledgeable about courtly matters, respected herald. Can you help me understand the schism that has formed between the royal mother and son? Could they not come to terms and rule in harmony instead of seeking each other's death?"
In contrast to Ketra, Silvia seems focused on the angel to the exclusion of most else. She clearly hates the thing, everything about it set her hairs standing on end: the way it looked, the sounds made by its stomping footsteps, even the way the thing moved. If she could help it, she was never going to turn her back on it.
Like Silvia, Sanduro lags behind the agents of the tooth fairy Prince, and keeps an arrow on his bowstring as the proceed through the palace. Zsofia moves forward to the front, allowing Garret to take point of that's what he wants but staying as close to the front line as possible.