The ladle falls smack into Verity's sauce again. She sighs, sniffs at it and says, "Cinnamon sugar? Really?" She sighs, and pours out the sauce onto the ground. "Right. No sauce. Rafelo, we need you to chop some garnish!"
"But I've just done my nails!"
Moxie snarls. "Hand me that knife. I feel like chopping something, alright!"
Meanwhile, Shonyzam slams a fist against the campstove as the range that she'd just fixed goes out... Again. She glares at Tyus. "This is insult, against me and all of my clan. We not forget!"
★ --- ★ --- ★ --- ★
Cooking each of the pieces of meat takes place over a short phase, during which each of you can perform a single action. The options include cooking or sabotaging the other team.
Prepare Meal (Dexterity, Survival, Profession [artist, cook, herbalist]): These skill checks represent cutting and preparing ingredients.
Disable Cooking Range (Engineering): A person who succeeds at an Engineering check can disable the other team's cooking range and force them to find another heat source, magical or otherwise, or prepare food without applying heat.
Knife Toss: You can make a ranged attack roll to throw a kitchen utensil at an opposing team member.
Swap Ingredients: A person who succeeds at a hard Sleight of Hand check can swap one of the other team's ingredients for something unappealing such as R2E protein rations.
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Tyus is still laughing at Shonyzam's frustration as she turns her attention to some prep work for the final meal.
I've watched every season of Diced!: Castrovel Edition—how hard could this be?
Tyus looks at the perfect slice she just cut from her sleeve.
Hmm, maybe a little more difficult than I thought.
Organized Play Line Developer
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tilts her head at Spinning Falcon, then the pahtra. The little drone zips right at the sneaky pahtra's feet, trying to trip him up. Meanwhile, Rose-5 places herself right between the meat-thief and their prime cut of akata. "Do you often steal the possessions of others? Were your own hunting efforts so inadequate you cannot proceed?" She picks up some of the offcuts and akata guts and shoves it right in the pahtra's face. "Here. Enjoy."
continues trying to cook up a storm, chatting and posturing for the cameras the entire time.
growls in shock as Rose-5 reveals a meat-thief among them. "Oi! Mind yer hands or you'll lose 'em!" He slams a cooking knife onto the table for emphasis. "Go on, git!" With the other hand he casually plucks another serving spoon off the table and tosses it at the other team's chefs, never taking his eyes of the pahtra....
...which misses horribly and lands in the underbrush of the jungle.
"Put down your spoons and step away from your stoves!" Lethea calls out, when all the cooking is done.
The perpetually grinning hosts direct their hovering discs to land near the field kitchen in a coordinated motion. The two approach a table set with the contestants' various meals and take a seat.
Quell inhales deeply and speaks into his microphone. “Mmmmm, I smell— Who am I kidding, I can't smell anything.”
“Of course you can't,” Lethea quips, giving him a ghostly dope-slap on the back of the head. “You're dead.”
Quell turns to her in mock surprise. “You can't even hold a fork!” He counters, miming grasping for his utensils. “How do you plan to judge this challenge?”
“This wasn't in the script,” Lethea giggles and considers the steaming plates of food before her. “We'll have to do our best. It's not every day we get to sample cuisine cooked by the living.” She turns to the contestants. “Why don't you describe these delectable dishes?”
Each team nominates a representative to describe their creations. Rafelo presents Verity-5's uncooked dromaeosaurid ribs with tashtari and necropede tempura. Lethea dramatically mimes “tasting” a dish while Quell grimaces as he enthusiastically compliments each meal through a mouthful of food that's inedible to him. "Er... That's indescribable, isn't it?"
Your representative can attempt a Bluff, Diplomacy, Intimidate, or Profession (cook) check to present your dishes. I'll reward excellent descriptions and roleplay. Others can aid as well!
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Noticing the distinct lack of anyone stepping forward to describe the dish, Rose-5 awkwardly steps forward and clears her throat. This kind of promotional speaking is *way* outside of her comfort zone. If anyone else wants to chip in, I'm more than happy for this to be an attempt to aid.
"Ahem. Ah. I would say as you can taste, but you're undead so you can't taste anyway, so I'm not sure what you're looking for here. My teammate Deger cooked this meat in the "old fashioned way", which is probably good or it wouldn't have stuck around for so long. And Zez'ha added some unusual things to the mix too. And Tyus added some sleeve-leather, which is also unusual. And there's Smek's dish too. It BOOMED, and that was interesting. I fixed our stove, which means that our food is safe to eat and won't poison you. But actually you're undead, so you wouldn't be poisoned anyway? Yeah, that's it. I hope you enjoy our food."
Rose-5 looks for all the world like a child relieved to be finished with an oral presentation in school as she slinks back to the rest of the party.
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Zez'ka adjusts her hair and steps forward, antennae wiggling in a frenzy, and mandibles clacking in excitement. "Oh, greetings future-friends! I desire to entice you with our delicious, ingenious, inventive meals! Excited!" She claps her hands in glee, then gestures at the food. "As Friend-Rose-5 has said, this food is cooked, seasoned, and displayed with enthusiasm! Akata steaks cooked to medium rare with traditional dwarven charcoal grill, seasoned with quiminy berries, crushed treehopper beetles, and puji juice! It is an exciting combination I devised myself! Proud!" She half covers her mouth and adds loudly, "Although, my dwarf friends here did not approve of my creative palate! Sad!" She gestures back at the food. "Verimu chili pancakes with an added side of mysterious-herd-animal-slurry! YUM!"
She gestures grandly. "ENJOY! HOPEFUL!"
"OH! I have just realized you cannot consume food! Hahaha! How strange for you to judge this! CONFUSED! But, do not worry, future-friends. I will taste the food as well, then send you impressions of its flavours! Yes? It will be 'the fun!'" She claps, clearly excited about this prospect.
After her totally eloquent speech, Zez'ka attempts to snag a bite of each of the meals, then then sends telepathic impressions of the flavours to the hosts, using imagery coupled with obnoxiously optimistic and pleasant emotions.
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Smek waits as his colleagues describe the each of the platings, stepping once they finished. He walks through several dinners at posh restaurants where he courted corporate partners...
As they conclude, "An intriguing challenge Zo!, food tasting and judging through flavor text!" Once the plates are in front of the judges and the team has finished their descriptions, "So, if the judge's would indulge us. You've heard the descriptions of each item, if you'd be so kind as to try each item I would happily walk you through the experience," he takes a fork and motions for the judges to follow his lead as he takes a bit of the first item.
He begins as the judge's take their first bite. "Akata steaks... The marbling makes for a succulent and silk texture, deep earthly tones begin to form at the front of the palate as a more subtle apple and pear flavor creeps to the rear. The beetles add a sharp texture contrast in each crunchy pop, while deepening the earthiness. The crushed berry sauces draws out the natural juiciness and adds a bounty of fresh orchard flavors to the rear palate. Now if you'll try another bite with some of the roasted root vegetable and Castrovelian brandy right after, see how the smokiness and charring pairs to richness of the sauce without being coy or heavy?" Smek continues with each plating, tasting along with the judges and painting a picture of farm fields, grazing animals, along side rolling vineyards doing his best to re-awake a nostalgia for life in the judges.
The accurate descriptions of the meals fail to move the judges, but Smek's lie and reenactment work magic on Quell and Lethea. "Oh, you are sooo right! I don't even know what pears taste like, but akata steaks taste like that! In fact... they taste of Victory!" Quell says.
Lethea claps. "The Starfinder Seven win this round!"
"This contest is RIGGED!" Moxie yells.
★ --- ★ --- ★ --- ★
Production staff lead you back to their break room for a 30-minute rest after you complete the second challenge. Once you enter the room, however, you realize you're not alone.
A table near the back of the break room is laden with an exquisite buffet of food. Mountains of dumplings, a pot full of steaming soup, and a wicker basket piled high with fresh fruit cover the table's surface. A brown ceramic tea kettle rests on a red cloth, surrounded by enough cream-colored cups to share a drink. A stark white ysoki dressed in a well-cut grey business suit hops up from a chair in greeting. She waves an apology as she chews the last bite of the apple she's been snacking on. She sets the core carefully at the edge of the table and speaks. “Oh hi! It's so nice to finally meet all of you,” she says with a cheerful smile. “My name is Datch, and I've been watching your performance. Do you have a moment to chat?”
You notice a triangular pin on Datch's lapel.
“Oh, I am so glad to hear you say that, Zez'ka! What a splashy entrance you made! Such fabulous display.” Datch offers Zez'ka a cup of tea, with ten extra sugar cubes as an acknowledgment of shirren preference for the sweet. The tea is not Poshkettle Tea, but Queen's Own, an Abadar Corp tea that they import from the formian Colonies on Castrovel. There are tasteful little crowns embossed on the tea bags. “Am I on official business? Oh no. Oh, I'm only a humble businesswoman on a short leave from work. My position is nothing special, though I'm lucky to work for such a wonderful employer.”
Datch beams, and then turns to Smek. "So lovely to see such a handsome ysoki as yourself! I didn't expect you to save the day in the cooking competition with those outrageous descriptions. Pear flavor!" Datch tosses Smek a real pear, then she grins as she looks at the rest of the team. "And such dwarfy dwarfs, a half-elf, a clever android and... let's not forget Spinning Falcon! This really is a delight."
"Why my dear Smek, I didn't say at all." Datch winks and taps her lapel pin rather than answer you directly. “I'm a huge fan of Zo!'s productions. I simply had to come see it live, especially when I heard that the Starfinder Society was going to participate." She swishes her tail flirtatiously at Smek. "You might say that I have a 'vested interest' in this episode of the show. It's even more exciting in person, even from the studio audience! Everyone at work is going to be so jealous!”
Then she smiles to Deger. “What do I want? Oh I do so appreciate the bluntness of dwarves! You never dissemble, just come right out and say what you are thinking! Such delightful simplicity!"
Datch beams at all of you. "You really impressed me with how you handled those challenges. I just wanted to meet you, face-to-face, and offer a gift.” Datch grins and motions toward the food she's provided. “Really, that's all this is about! Not everything has to be so nefarious, you know? But then again, you're Starfinders, so you probably have to deal with a lot of bad people!”
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Smek smiles as Datch motions to the laid out food and explains her presence, "Well, we're always happy to support fans of the Starfinders and even Zo!'s eccentric brand of entertainment. I hadn't realized they were advertising this show already?""You must have quiet the network to get the early scoop. I can't imagine Zo! just let's leaks go so easily. What's your secret?" He continues to watch her for any signs of deception or leads to a motive.
He begins moving up to the table, "You know, growing up in the slums around Skydock we had a saying," he continues briefly in Ysoki and watching Datch, "Loosely, The only difference between an overly kind stranger and the rat catcher is how you look for the trap. So I'll ask you to forgive the rudeness, but until you can shed some light what skin you've got in this game we'll decline the generous gift." He'll step to keep the team from the table, but won't forcefully stop anyone from eating.
As he moves up, he'll descreetly try and pocket a small piece of the food to analyze later.
Datch laughs. "Ah, an ysoki after my own heart! As if I would poison you here. That would be gauche darling, don't you think? It would mean missing the rest of Zo!'s show, when you all have been so very entertaining and enterprising so far."
"If the rest of you do not share your teammate's quibbles, do try some of this amazing food." Datch gestures to the rest of the team, offering the remaining refreshments to you. "You've earned it with all your hard work, and really... Do you have any idea how hard it is to find vegetables and fruits on Eox? It would be a shame for this very expensive bounty to go to waste. Good luck, darlings. I'm certain that you and your Society will need it!" She leaves with pronounced swagger toward the door. Before leaving down the attached corridor, Datch effortlessly tosses her remaining apple core into a nearby waste disposal unit without ever looking back. “Be seeing you!”
What do you do?
Shortly after Zez'ka waves to Datch, Zo! comes by, and then stares open-mouthed at the basket of produce. "What is all this? You Starfinders certainly know how to stock a Green Room! That sly Radaszam must be even richer than he lets on. I really didn't know he would be this lavish in his spending!"
Then Zo! shrugs. "So, are you ready for the next challenge? You have only a few minutes left on your break!"
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Oblivious as usual to conversational subtlety, Rose-5 asks Smek, "Why did you tell Datch that we won't take her gift? I think that was perhaps a snub of some kind. Do you know her? And even if you don't want the fruit, do you mind if the rest of us have some? It looks delicious, but maybe you'd be mad if I eat it?"
Rose-5 frowns. After a few moments in thought, her face lights up with With an expression of dawning recognition, and she turns to Zez'ka. "Wait, you're an expert in friendship. What's going on here? Maybe this is one of those situations that some people think is obvious but then they don't say it and then other people are confused. Then the people who think it is obvious either yell that it is obvious or walk away and refuse to explain. It is very annoying."
When Zo! comes backstage, Rose-5 replies.
"Nearly ready, Zo! I don't suppose you're planning to give us any hints about what we'll be up against next? Your challenges are certainly highly creative."
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"She asked if ve could chat and then didn't have anything to say. That and being unused to people actually saying vhat they mean instead of beating around the bush tells me that she isn't to be trusted," Deger tells Rose-5. Then adds to himself, "Simple. Humph! As though being straightforward makes me an idiot. I'll tell her vhere she can put her gift...
"Yes, I'm ready for vhatever horror you have vaiting for us now."
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Zez'ka trills in pleasure at being called 'an expert in friendship.' She claps her hands. "Oh, yes, Friend-Rose-5! I would be happy to help!" Zez'ka stands right beside Rose-5, and leans in close, whispering absurdly loudly while she points at the others. "Friend-Datch came with 'the Offer of the Goodwill.' In this case, it is the gifts of food meant for consumption. But, Friend-Smek and Friend-Deger are 'The Suspicious!' Naughty, naughty! I suspect they have had many troubling incidents in the past where their trust has been broken. Perhaps they even have the dreaded 'Traumatic Backstory' that I have heard so much about. CURIOUS!! They are being 'The Grump' and have refused 'The Offer of the Goodwill' on behalf of us all. SAD! I do not appreciate having my choices taken from me. But, I think, perhaps, I will be 'The Rebel' and consume 'The Offer of Goodwill' anyway!" She clacks her mandibles in anticipation. "EXCITING!"
She pauses for a moment, antennae twitching towards the food. "Oh.... YES! I will do it! I am 'The Rebel!' "
Zez'ka goes over to the food table, examines the many, many, many options, and trills in delight. She picks food up, a piece at a time, and eats it. Then starts making mini-sandwiches out of pieces of the various foods. Her combination choices are eccentric, to say the least. After every bite she exclaims "Delicious!" or "It is 'The Gross!". Whatever her decision, she seems very pleased.
"Friend-Datch is very generous!"
Through a mouthful of food, Zez'ka says, "Yes, Friend-Zo! I am ready!"
She does not look ready.
Zo! listens to this conversation for a couple minutes and then snaps his fingers at a minion. After conferring for a moment, he drums his fingers in delighted consternation. "How odd. There is no record of a 'Datch' or an ysoki other than Smek anywhere in our complex. This 'Datch' brought in close to 300 credits of imported fresh fruit into Eox without declaring it at Customs. We need to have more cameras in the Green Rooms!" He gesticulates wildly. "How could we miss such drama? Such mystery?! And without filming it?! It's criminal!"
The fruit and other food-stuffs are delicious and provide no ill effects.
★ --- ★ --- ★ --- ★
For your next challenge, the film crew brings you up to Eox's surface. The crew provides any of you who lack armor or environmental protections with a space suit, if required. (AS if Starfinders would need such reminders!) The crew goes on to explain that you must now battle against hordes of mindless undead.
Far above the safety of the underground complex, a barren cratered landscape surrounds a clear protective dome. The dome slowly retracts as a horde of undead approaches at a shambling gait. “For their third challenge, our contestants face off against an undead army!” Lethea's voice breathy voice is amplified, echoing in your suit speakers
“Don't worry folks, they're mindless, so it's okay. Well, okay enough for PRIME TIME!” Quell then adds in. “Contestants, don't be shy; there's plenty more corpses than these ones!” Suddenly, a burning object crashes into the dust right outside the dome, creating a fresh dent in the planet's pockmarked surface. “Time to kill, kill, kill!” Quell trills.
Lethea then adds with her breathy giggle. “I think you mean REkill!”
★ --- ★ --- ★ --- ★
What follows is an epic level of carnage. Countless undead surround your position as the dome around them lowers. Two floating metal platforms launch from the rocky ground nearby, supporting Lethea and Quell, who continue their monitoring from them. New waves of undead attack as soon as the previous wave is dispatched.
Some of the skeletal attackers contain 'special' surprises. Lined with special explosives, they explode and do extra damage to anything around them. The canny Starfinders, especially Frank who adores grenades, start taking special advantage of this 'feature' hitting clumps of skeletons as they appear and letting them destroy each other. This is when they discover that a few special skeletons are loaded with fireworks. Every time one of those explodes, Quell and Lethea play background music from the Eoxian band, Jiangshi Jukebox.
♫ 'Cause boney you're a firework
To explosions you give birth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Boney you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down down down ♫
The timer goes off after 5 rounds, at which point a protective shield surrounds you and ends the combat.
Zo! traipses in, stepping gingerly over the smashed and charred bones that litter everywhere. "You were magnificent!'
Then he grins. "Now we're gearing up to CAPTURE THE FLAG, so hurry to your breakrooms and grab your flags!"
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Smek watches Datch leave, "Not sure about her being a friend, but definitely someone to watch," and then raise a curious eyebrow at the exchange between Rose and Zez'ka. He places the tidbit he took back on the table, and chooses not to eat.
He turns briskly to Zo!, "Yup, she even seemed to have insider knowledge of your programming. Maybe a new show? 'Whack a Mole' ? Live action leak hunt through your studios..." He grins, "As for being ready, always."
On your way back to the break room, you encounter their rival team. Moxie waves a femur like a victory baton. "Ha! We were a smashing success! I bet we left you in the bonedust!"
As they pass you, Rafelo whispers something to Tillik. The pahtra nods and smirks at the you in response.
Zo! grins at Smek's suggestion of 'Whack a Mole!' "Ooh, Whack a Mole sounds like fun! Maybe we can release that as a special 'Behind the Scenes' episode!"
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"Thanks for the gifts, the meteorite was clever! Exploding skeletons, fireworks? Always a surprise Zo!."
Smek brushes off the dust and ashes of combat, "Well, Starfinders are no strangers to conflict. But that. That was INTENSE." He looks at the bits and parts strewn about, "I hope we didn't accidently hurt any of the crew?"
Smek points quickly to the drone leaving the room, "Seems like our competition is moving off camera too."
As you check on the flag, you discover that a beacon has been inserted into it.
Smek discovers that it is a simple locational beacon, designed to tell someone where your flag is at all times. His nimble little fingers disable the device easily.
Zo! arrives in the break room to investigate. He nods eagerly as he listens, exclaiming to the newly installed cameras in your breakroom, “Drama! Intrigue! I'm almost grateful to Datch for letting us know that we should have cameras filming in the green rooms! We couldn't have scripted this, it's perfect!”
He claps his bony hands and says, "I think it's time for Capture the Flag, don't you?"
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Smek rolls the beacon around in his paw, "Hey, if I can reactivate this,"his whiskers quiver and he grins, "Maybe we could attach it to something else? Maybe Rose's drone, send them on a merry chase? Or something more... Disabling?" He roots around the items left behind by Zo!'s surprises, "Someone have a spare sticky bomb, riot grenade, anything really..."
"Ooh... Devious!" Zo! turns to the cameras. "Keep filming!"
After a lengthy elevator ride, all of the contestants travel through a folding aluminum tunnel to an airlock door and emerge onto a destroyer‑class starship of standard Pact Worlds design, impossibly housed within a floor of Zo!'s studio megacomplex.
“Our final challenge simulates boarding action on a craft traveling through hostile space!” Quell's voice reverberates through the cargo hold. “With weapons set to stun, our intrepid teams fight for control of the ship.”
Lethea takes over the explanation: “A team earns 30 points for capturing the enemy flag, 40 points for capturing the unclaimed flag and 10 points for taking out an enemy. When the doors open, the battle begins. Good luck, warriors!”
The final challenge takes place on a realistic set modeled after a starship. This time, the hosts observe the action alongside the studio audience through live camera feeds and commentate directly into your comm units.
Lethea says breathily, “Contestants are required to equip loaned copies of their weapons with merciful weapon fusions pre‑installed for the duration of the challenge or face disqualification."
“This event takes place in a zero-g environment! Good luck maneuvering, meat bags!” Quell laughs.
"Okay teams, you have three rounds for your scheming and preparations before we open those doors! What do you do?"
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"Oh, oh! I wil.... uhm... uhh... OH! THERE ARE SO MANY CHOICES!" She trills in delight and claps her hands. "I will stand... here. NO! Here! NO! Right here by the door! And when the game starts I will head outside and move to claim the unclaimed flag! YES! It will be SO FUN! HOPEFUL!"
Zez'ka makes sure her tactical pistol is loaded, and stands ready to exit the room, hopping from foot to foot and waving her antennae around.
"ANTICIPATION!!"
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Not catching any of the clues. Frank finishes his food and checks his suit for vacuum and zero-g work. Once everything checks he grabs the heavy laser.
"Well I am used to jumpin' 'tween t'roids when minnin'. But slow 'n steady. I'll play defense and keep t'em off our flag."
Not burdened by the bulk, Frank will hold on to our flag and be a more mobile-ish target.
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That's a great plan, Smek! Here, let's make it even more believable...
Tyus casts holographic image, creating a perfect duplicate of the flag and making it appear to be tucked into the back of Smek's armor.
I can keep this on you as long as I concentrate—and keep up with you!
Tyus moves to the wall opposite the door, in preparation for pushing off of it.