Esme smirks before finishing her food.
Looking over at Esme as she finishes her food she asks, "So, would you like a couple of cookies?"
"I reckon I can manage one or two."
"Me too."
Arista smiles and gets up from the table to fix a platter of still warm chocolate chip cookies. Setting it on the table she takes one as she sits back down, "There we are, enjoy. I have extra to send home with anyone who wants some."
Aliethia tucks Celine into bed as she finishes her lullaby and then goes back to the kitchen. "She's out like a light."
Letting out a sigh of relief she says, "Thank goodness, and thank you. Mommy just isn't good enough when her aunties are around. I really appreciate you getting her tucked in and everything. So, how's the wedding planning going? Do you have pretty much everything together?"
"More or less," Divitia says. "We still haven't found dresses."
"Really? Your day is so close though. I guess there's still time, I know Asha and Priya have been busy...but I think there's another tailor in town now that is busy getting their shop set up. Maybe they could help you?"
Aliethia shrugs. "It's about finding the time."
"I may have to finish up my classes for the year a little faster than the other instructors and just ask Michael for some time off."
She nods, "Ahhh...I see. Well, is there anything I can do to help? I know I can't try on dresses for you or anything, but if there's anything I can do to help give you guys a little more time or anything, just let me know. I'll do my best to help in any way that I can."
"You're doing plenty coordinating this wedding with my parents," Aliethia says.
Giving her sister and Divitia a smile she says, "Alright, you know I would do anything for you. Would you like to take some cookies home with you?"
Aliethia nods. "Sure. I'll share them with the family."
Getting up she makes a plate up to send with Alethia, "How bout you Divitia, Esme?"
Divitia shakes her head. "No thank you. With all the stress I'm under, I'd just end up eating them in one sitting and be a bloated whale for my wedding."
"Give me Divitia's share," Esme laughs. "I don't have to worry about that."
"I'm sorry Divitia...I'm sure things will start getting better after the wedding." She looks at Esme and chuckles, "Sure, no problem." Arista puts another plate full of cookies in front of Esme, along with the one in front of Alethia for her to take home.
"We better get going so I can work on something to unfreeze those pipes," Divitia says, taking Aliethia's hand. "Thank you for the food."
Going to them she gives Alethia and Divitia both a hug, "You're very welcome and thank you for coming, and for working on something to help the girls with their pipes, even though I know you already have so much on your plate."
Divitia smiles. "I can't be a jerk all the time. Good night."
"Good night you two. Be safe going home." She walks them to the door and waves as they head back home. Closing the door she heads back to the kitchen and starts straightening up. Looking over at Esme she says, "So, I guess you need to get going too huh? I suppose I need to get this place cleaned up and get all that bedding stuff out for everyone."
Esme shrugs. "Well, everyone seems to be going to bed, so I don't want to be in the way."
She shakes her head, "You're not in the way. Is everything going okay with you, the town guard, you know...life?" She asks while starting to straighten up the kitchen.
"I have the strangest feeling of deja vu," Esme asks. "Did we have this conversation recently?"
She shakes her head. "Everything is fine. Work, sleep, come over here and eat."
She shrugs, "Honestly....I don't remember. So many things have been going on lately that I can't keep up with all the conversations I have with people. I've been so busy keeping myself busy that I feel like I'm losing it a little." She says looking at the food on the table, "I ate earlier...."
"Are you hungry again or are you just telling me that for some reason?"
She shakes her head, "Oh...I'm sorry, I thought you were telling me to come over there and eat. I just misunderstood....I'm sorry." She says before going over to the table and sitting down heavily in a chair, "I'm turning into a crazy lady Esme."
"I'm sorry if I contributed to that, Ari," Theon says.
Pandi comes into the kitchen, wearing a warm nightshirt that comes down to the middle of her thighs. "Good night, Arista. Thanks again."
Dau smiles. "Yes, thank you."
She gets up from the table and goes into the living room with Pandi.
Giving Pandi and Dau a weak smile she says, "Sure, no problem. You found everything you needed alright? I had all that bedding in the linen closet with the towels."
Looking at her brother she shakes her head, "No Theon, I was going crazy way before you got back. Going off to different towns without telling anyone, with Celine, because I didn't know how far away the town was. Annnd just all the other crazy stuff I do on a daily basis. I have a toddler practically hanging off of me a large part of the time, I'm growing another whole person inside ofc me, trying to get schools started so I can have some adult time, cooking for a wedding, then trying to figured out when I have time to help with services at the temple, and Barclay with the town stuff." She sighs and takes a breath, "No...it's not you." She says while rubbing her head.
Dau nods. "We've got everything."
Theon gives Arista a hug as he heads to the living room. "If there's anything I can do to make your life easier, just let me know. Good night, Ari."
Returning the hug she says, "You being here helps, I just have to not be so crazy."
Theon smiles and heads to the living room.
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"It's nice that he's found someone who...keeps him calm," Esme says with a smile. "You...you need to figure out some way to get calm. You want to do all this stuff and then you say you're crazy, but you're driving yourself crazy..."
She sighs and shakes her head. "You just jump feet first into life, huh?"
"I'm sorry Esme, I don't know what I'm feeling half the time anyhmore, and I don't know how to find my calm with so much going on around me. I know I create a lot of it myself, but I can't help that either. Staying super busy is the only way I know how to keep my mind off other things, like not being out in the field kicking ass with my friends. I'm not saying that my friends and family here don't matter to me, because you do...." Arista says while taking one of Esme's hands and giving it a squeeze, "I don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling. I really wasn't expecting to fall in love with basically the first man I met, I wasn't expecting to get married or pregnant right off the bat....but it happened, not that I regret it all....I just....sometimes I just feel out of place here and I don't know what to do about it, or how to make that feeling go away. There's also Celine, which...I wasn't expecting to take in a toddler either. She's already overcome so much though, and sometimes I just wonder if I'm the right person to care for her. I get so....frustrated sometimes....I worry that I don't have enough patience to be a good parent....but I guess it's a little late to think about that now." She sighs, "I don't know Esme....I really don't know what my problem is, or why I feel like I have to take the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've always been the worrisome type though, so that's nothing new.....I'm not unhappy or anything, I just don't know what my problem is." She says, laying her head on the table as she tries not to cry. She didn't know if it was the pregnancy or what, but she was feeling so many things shed didn't know how to sort them out. Calm? She had never been calm about anything in her entire life, even before getting trapped in the shard. That's why she preferred being on the battlefield. She didn't have to worry about what people thought about her out there, she could just.... be. She didn't know how to do thatg here. She didn't know how to just, be....when she was expected to be so many things, or maybe she just put all that on herself to ignore other things....she didn't know, but she knew if she didn't do something soon she would drive herself insane.
Despite her best efforts not to, Arista starts to cry quietly, not wanting to disturb her brother or her guests.
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Esme tousles Arista's hair. "You know, a lot of people get by without killing things, a lot of people do good in other ways than smiting evil and a lot of people feel the same way you do. You just need to concentrate on what you can do, not on what you think you should be doing. There's a lot of people who can help Barclay with the town stuff. There will be a school here at some point. All you need to do is take care of your family."
She smiles. "Just focus on the wedding since that's coming up first. The rest will fall into place."
She sighs and rubs her eyes, "I know all that...I do...so that's why these thoughts bother me even more, because I should be happy and satisfied with what I have....I know I have a lot more than most, but....I don't know....I just don't." She looks up at Esme, a miserable expression on her face, "I don't know what's wrong with me."
"You're used to a life of fighting, where the next objective is whatever pops up that's a threat," Esmerelda says softly. "Now you're having to pick your own path in life, doing things that you didn't see yourself doing...but you didn't really plan to fight forever, did you?"
She sighs. "You make plans, life makes different ones."
Arista sighs as well, "I never made any kind of plans before Esme...that's just it. All there was...was the fight, and I was good with that. I was exceptional at that....for my age, and being one of the few women in the field that could do more than mend wounds. It was who I was....and you're right, now I'm having to figure things out. I went to sleep, woke up, and everything I knew was gone and I went right from that to going back to kicking the $hit out of every evil thing that dared move. I didn't have time to deal with anything, and yet...here I am, family, husband, child, and another on the way. All in a matter of weeks....I guess...I guess I'm just having trouble with my brain catching up to where my heart is. Does that make sense?" She says softly, hiding her face with her hair.
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"Yup," Esme says. "I can't tell you how to feel about all this. I know my life's been turned upside down too. I'm here for you though. But...you're going to have to stop thinking about the fight at some point and trying to bury your urges by piling so much stuff on yourself to try and forget about it. I don't know how you're going to do that, but you have family and friends who are willing to help you through it."
She chuckles. "Besides, I think Theon and Pandi could use a nice, quiet date lovingly arranged by you."
"Hhhmmmmm....you noticed that too huh? Well, you notice lots of things." She sighs, "And yeah, I know you're right. You're always right, because I know that just because Konstantyna is going away for a little bit on some kind of business, that doesn't mean I won't have someone on my ass if I don't settle down and start taking it easy. I know that I'm putting too much stress on myself and my body by taking on so many things. It's just....it's hard for me to cope and I don't know very many ways of doing that. I've never been good at meditation or any of that stuff. My mind is constantly going, thinking about the next event or thing or whatever it is that needs to be done and it just doesn't stop. I guess that's just how I've always been and that's how my brain is wired to deal with things.....but, I hear what you're saying okay?"
She gets quiet for a moment and wipes her eyes before moving her hair back and looking at Esme, "It's just been a lot to deal with in a short amount of time and I guess I've been carrying around quite a bit of guilt with me over things that....well, I really didn't have much control over and it's making me...making me be stupid basically. I've been exhausted these last few days, but it's because I don't know how to stop, and then you add the pregnancy stuff on top of that and most days I don't even know which way is up, and which is down. I just keep moving and work to get through it to the next one. I won't always be this crazy...but after the baby comes, I can't make any promises until she starts sleeping through the night cuz I've heard some things, and I remember some things from after my mother had Philla....and it was not fun."
Tilting her head to the side she raises an eyebrow at Esme, "And what makes you think I just go around planning dates? What do I look like, a service?" She chuckles slightly while shaking her head, "I'm sure he'd like a chance to get to know her better, so I'll see what I can do. I just...I don't know Pandi as well as I know some others sooooo....it's gonna take a little work and some sneakiness to figure out some things. I'm sure I can come up with something though."
Sighing again she kind of leans into Esme and puts her arms around her, "I know you're here, and I love you for it. I'm sorry if all I ever do is whine every time you come over. I don't mean to."
"And I love you even though you were trying to get your brother interested in me," Esme responds.
She feigns a hurt expression, "Why Esmerelda Usari...I am shocked. Now...would I really do anything like that? I....I don't know. You're already my sister, soooo....why not just make it legal?" She laughs a little quietly then. Sitting up a little more she sighs, "Truly, I would never want to do anything that might cause you unhappiness. So...if you really don't want me to try setting you up with anyone...I won't. I'll leave you to find your own love okay? I just know there's someone out there for you though, and when the time is right, you'll know it, and it'll happen when you least expect it."
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"Theon has been through something I can't relate to and that puts his heart in a place only someone who understands can reach," Esme says. "I know you want me to be happy, Arista. I just don't know what I want out of a relationship. I thought I wanted Barclay, but I also thought I'd spend the rest of my life fighting devils by his side. I didn't think about a family or...anything really. It was just those 'battlefield feelings' and, when we were done fighting, I guess he was just done with me. And I've been spending every day trying to figure out what I want out of life."
She gives Arista a faint smile. "Not that I'm unhappy. I enjoy what I have for now and I'll figure out more later. I do want kids though."
She nods, "I know exactly what you're talking about...I enjoy what I have....I guess I just haven't fully grieved what I lost. I never had the time to. That kind of stuff catches up with a person. It's hard to put those old feelings and tendencies to bed." She gives Esme a knowing smile of her own, "You can take the girl out of the battlefield, but you can't take the battlefield out of the girl. I know you'll find it some day. It's just not something you can make happen, it has to kinda happen on it's own. Ya know?"
She smoothes some hair back from Esme's face, "You'll find the right one, when it's time to find them. You won't have to look for it, because it'll find you." She lets out a long quiet sigh, "I had better let you get back to your rounds, and get myself to bed. Tomorrow is another day and Celine doesn't really sleep in that much...neither does that puppy. I'm here though...if you ever want to talk, and I'll try not to be such a whiny baby all the time. Promise." She says while holding her hand up as if giving some oath.
Esme gets up and gives Arista a hug. "Alright, get some rest."