The Gods

Game Master ThePuppyTurtle


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God of Wrath, Madness, and Fear
Vortae wrote:

Vortae considers for a moment, unable to shake the incongruity of the Laughing Man's subdued behavior.

"There is something, I think: I could use Your help. There is a powerful civilization, a spacefaring empire that has managed to conquer a truly impressive number of worlds over the course of a few dozen millennia. For all its power and age, it's spectacularly unenlightened, and its preoccupation with Order has only intensified exponentially. They're now poised on developing reliable mass planar travel, and they will use it to strike at Our realms - and We cannot permit them to discover the secrets of pocket universe construction, which they almost certainly would have if they weren't so sanctimonious and stupid. It's all become something of a cancer, and I say it's high time it was pruned. I was thinking their ongoing War On Chaos - yes, they actually call it that, if You can believe it - is worth You and I and a few other Chaos gods forming a coalition of Our forces for an enjoyable excursion of liberation, discovery, and vengeance."

Am I ripping off WARHAMMER 40,000? Yes, yes I am.

Babaki's eyes, previously glazed over with boredom, flash with an intense, primitive fire. "Oh! Vengeance, you say?! If you had something this interesting to share before, why didn't you just say so?!" Babaki's grin grows wider and more feral, and he shoves his plate into Verruckt's waiting hands. "I've been dying to have some fun in the mortal realm lately! And I know for certain that all of my followers would LOVE to help us scrape this little tumor off!" The Lord of Teeth slaps his hand onto Vortae's shoulder in a friendly manner, albeit quite a bit harder than is strictly necessary. "So, tell me more, friend! Who exactly are they? What are their weapons like? What races are they mostly? Why do they fight?! How can I break them?! Whoops! Got a little excited there. I suppose I'll find the answers to my questions soon enough! Just one quick question, though; who else is going to be in on our little adventure?"

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown

Vortae's shoulder billows when struck as though there's nothing underneath the cloth, then returns to its typical precipice-like and somewhat hunched shape. Vortae serenely consumes another large spoonful of clam chowder, and responds, "Four strikes me as the right number - and My ideal tertiary and quaternary candidates would be Scrapeknee and Zodaxus."

"They're accustomed to call themselves simply the Imperium; they are, in the main, human, and treat other races inequitably at best; they fight, I suppose, because it is their lifeblood to do so; their weapons are far in advance of most - cheap and reliable laser weapons, highly advanced ballistic firearms, brutal mechanized melee weapons, plasma cannons, combat automatons, that sort of thing. Their magical prowess, on the other hand, is embarrassingly poor for a culture of their age and might - hardly surprising since they're more interested in destroying most forms of magical knowledge they discover, a sin I take PERSONALLY! That, of course, will give Us a massive advantage - did I ever mention I enjoy punishing stupidity?" What looks like a bright crescent moon can briefly be seen in the depths of Vortae's hood.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

Atheos:
The devil nods at Atheos. "I think I understand what you want. I can't really think of very many questions I have. Oh, I suppose I should ask this: exactly how many songs will have access to?

Also, what kind of time-table do you have in mind for this? It sounds like centuries of work, not that I'm complaining, but is there some reason times not being sped up any more than you say? If this is supposed to take millions of years, 25000 years per year still isn't very fast, I hope you don't mind me saying."

Adriel:
Zodaxus nods. "No problem," he says. "About how many of the enforcers are there, though? It sounds like maybe I should send more help than one adventuring party. Oh, and who would succeed the kind boy? It doesn't sound like he's old enough to have kids, so are we planning to insert someone or does he have an heir who'll take over without any problems?"

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown

Meanwhile in Hell, the Odradek sags and sniffles slightly, apparently having nothing to show for its journey. It turns to the infernal horizon, leans on another side, then begins spinning in place at an increasingly rapid pace before releasing its momentum to jet off into the Unknown.


"Lord of Atheism" | Not-a-Lesser-God | Attack 3d6, Defense 5d6, HP 40

Atheos's library:

"The time-table is highly flexible. The first goal of the project is simply to see how quick and effective evolution can be as a design paradigm. If intelligent life takes hundreds of millions of years to evolve in nature, it should only take a fraction of that time under a controlled environment and more consistent selection conditions. 25,000 years per year would allow a whole million in four decades, which I anticipate to be more than enough for my first experiment ideas. With your budget of one million souls, you may even be able to run many identical experiments in parallel, combining and recombining the essence of the most successful life for a faster evolution process."

Liberty's Edge

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The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

Party:

I’m concluding the party sub-plot with this now largely because the month is ending. Feel free to finish up any business you want to take care of which took place during the party. Indeed, I still need finish a conversation with Adriel. I’m just putting this here for those who want to move on.

Weeks have passed as the party draws to a close. Food had been eaten, dances had been danced, conversations had been conversed. By the end, Zodaxus felt satisfied that this had, indeed, been his best party ever.

As the gods left the party, they were each given a unique bag of party favors.

To Atheos he gives a large, sophisticated telescope with several magical enhancements, several decorative flasks of a non-specific green glowing liquid, a gravity adjustment chamber for experimentation, and a complete box set of the “His Dark Materials” trilogy.

To Adriel he gives an animate 6” action figure of a knight, with a likewise scaled playset containing a castle and an army or orcs, who will continuously attack the castle but be nobly fended off by the knight. He also gives him a +5 Holy, Merciful foam longsword, a pack of water balloons which turn any water inserted into them into holy water, and a copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales.

To Ishalla he gives a seed for every seed-bearing plant in existence as well as several which do not, a bottle of Color-Out-Of-Space repellent, a wand of cure moderate wounds, a bag of cashews, and a DVD of Disney’s “Tarzan.”

To Loviatar he gives an Indiana Jones Power Action Whip, a pair of plastic toy handcuffs, a box of Triple-Subversive non-itching powder, a bottle of Ibuprofen, and a complete box set of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Trilogy.

To Cil’dr he gives a large backpack full of camping supplies, a rubber toy assassin’s knife, an unflashlight, a terraforming kit, and copies of every “Assassin’s Creed” game.

To Osoro he gives a noisemaker which makes a lion-like roar when spun around, a bag of holding containing a coloring book and crayon set for each of Osoro’s children young enough for such a thing to be appropriate, a plastic head-dress designed to look like a lion’s mane, and a DVD of Disney’s “The Lion King.”

To Michazra he gives a pack of soul-flavored peeps, a copy of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula,” a copy of “The Zombie Survival Guide,” a copy of “World War Z,” the complete first season of “The Walking Dead,” and a bound copy of some loser’s web serial about liches.

To Babaki he gives a pack of water balloons which transmute any water placed within them into blood and viscera, three rolls of Fruit by the Foot, a chocolate bar, and a DVD of “Killer Klowns from Outer Space.”

To Lolth he gives a giant bag of animate rubber spiders, a magician’s kit where all the tricks involve spiders, a Spider-Man action figure, and a DVD of “Arachnophobia.”

To Vortae he gives a book containing every good lolcat, a set of differently-colored ominous robes for every occasion, a toy scythe, and the entirety of “Welcome to Night Vale” on CD, including recordings of all the live shows and the audiobook of the novel.

To Shar he gives a bag of holding stuffed full with most kinds of candy, a bag of black licorice, a double-prank kaleidoscope which looks like it will paint a circle around the eye of anyone who uses it but actually doesn’t, and the complete works of H. P. Lovecraft.

To Helm he gives an actual helm, a solid gold toilet seat, a +5 Axiomatic foam longsword, a bag of circus peanuts, a bag of mundane water balloons, diamond armor and a DVD of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

To Mystra he gives a toy magic wand, several store-bought magic kits for large-scale or impossible magic tricks, a rabbit in a top-hat, a Showtime subscription, and a complete box set of all 7 Harry Potter books, hardcover.

To Lathander he gives a moving, quazi-realistic scale model of the largest-starred system which seemed suitable, a CD full of happy music, a bag of mundane balloons, and a special copy of “Plants vs Zombies” with all of the XBOX 360’s special features, but which is playable on a PC allowing for superior mouse control and multiple user saves.

To Scrapeknee he gives a giant cake, a giant bag of googly eyes, a set of refrigerator magnets which, when attached to a fridge, randomly reorder themselves into various possible non-word combinations but never into actual words, and a copy of “Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky.”

Atheos’ Library:
Moloch nods. “I see,” she says. “I’ll take the job. When would I start?”

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown

Vortae approaches Zodaxus and Vortae in turn with Its proposition.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

A devious grand creeps across Zodaxus' beak as he listens to Vortae. "Oh, I'm more than happy to help," he says. "Sounds like it'd be theasier most fun I've had in a while. I'll make a list of Azatas to have help righ r after the party, and probably join in on the fight myself."

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown

"By the way, I passed through your Grand Banana Room earlier - quite a sight. I'm not certain, but I think something may be broken in there...."


Party:

Adriel sighed and shook his head. "That probably wouldn't be wise. Besides, we don't want to this to turn into a deity fight fest now do we? I am the Guide of Heroes of course, so we should allow mortals to fix their problems. Besides, if we gods are always interfering, why mortals would never be able to take care of themselves. And between you and me, I do love a good adventure story."

As if on cue, the vulpinal agathion bard began to sing a ballad of a heroic dark elf who threw off the shackles of his wicked society and found acceptance on the surface world after many grand adventures, while also foiling the plans and schemes of evil. Lolth turned red, but Adriel's herald and celestial escorts got in between the bard and the Spider Queen.

Adriel nodded and the bard switched to a tale of a young heroine who saved an entire world and even changed an empire.

Adriel then turned back to his host, "Again, let us give the mortals a chance. Besides, while they have messed up before and probably will always mess up, they pick themselves right back up and set things right. And to answer your question, the neighboring kingdoms and nations will ensure a smooth regime change, and the nobles of the kingdom are fed up with their mad king, so the nobles will make sure a new, and wiser king takes the throne. And don't worry, I'm sure the heroes of this adventure will make sure nothing goes wrong as well."

When the party was over, Adriel thanked Zodaxus for the invitation and after receiving his 'presents' (he actually liked the toy knight), he gave his esteemed host a gift as thank you: a jeweled sword once held by a freedom fighter who died defending his people, but who bravely kept fighting even after receiving numerous and fatal wounds, that when he finally fell, his enemies rushed to him and caught his body before it could touch the ground. So amazed and in awe of his bravery, that his enemies held their heads in shame and peace between two nations was finally created.

Somewhere amongst the stars:

Mystra stood waiting holding a scroll. She didn't have to wait long as her friend soon appeared.

"I see you arrived. I was starting to worry,"[b] the goddess of magic said as she handed the scroll to the Angelic Paladin.

[b]"Thank you Mystra," Adriel said as he took the scroll and placed it in a magical satchel. "I hope you're not having any second thoughts about this."

She raised an eyebrow at this before replying, "About helping mortal heroes stop the Temple of Elemental Evil? No. About creating a backup plan to foil future plans of the Princes of Elemental Evil? Maybe. You realize that there will be some deities who will not approve or even be happy about this plan to create good counterparts to the Princes of Elemental Evil, especially since the Prince of Evil Ice and Cold has no good counterpart."

"Indeed. The fact that no such Prince of Good Ice and Cold has never arisen has puzzled, worried, and infuriated me for many ages. I think it is time to...fill in that vacancy."

"That I agree with you on, but the fact that you're not focusing on the--"

"That jungle temple is kept in check by the surrounding wildlife and other servants of evil. It is both surprising and comforting to know that the followers of evil are sometimes their own worst enemies."

Despite being interrupted, Mystra smiled and nodded. "I know, and I'm not saying that just because of personal experience," she said with a chuckle.

Now it was Adriel's turn to raise an eyebrow, tapping his fingers on his holy vorpal longsword's hilt. He knew that Mystra was once a mortal woman before she rose to godhood. Still, she was willing to aid him in opposing the Temple of Elemental Evil. He also knew that she was also willing to give mortals a chance to stop evil themselves. He waved his hand, causing a ripple to appear before calming down to show a window to the Material Plane: "The lord of the Grand Duchy of Euravinia, the Grand Duke and, I, his nephew, the high governor of the city of Marchdaletor, are concerned about the increased attacks of late by bandits and brigands. I can ensure you, Mr. Sardor, that I have already begun an investigation of these attacks," a man wearing noble clothing said.

"Indeed," a man wearing the clothes of a wealthy merchant replied before adding,Still, you don't think...it's that awful Temple of Elemental Evil do you?"

"I hope not. But then again...it's possible that they have returned after almost five hundred years."

Waving his hand, the image disappeared and the patch of the astral plane returned to normal. "As you can see, it is as I feared," Adriel said.

Nodding, Mystra only replied, "Then, let's hope that a band of adventurers is able to stop them."

The two deities quickly departed.


Male (Usually) Deity of Change and Chance, Transformation and Chaos

Party:
Quote:

To Lathander he gives a moving, quazi-realistic scale model of the largest-starred system which seemed suitable, a CD full of happy music, a bag of mundane balloons, and a special copy of “Plants vs Zombies” with all of the XBOX 360’s special features, but which is playable on a PC allowing for superior mouse control and multiple user saves.

To Scrapeknee he gives a giant cake, a giant bag of googly eyes, a set of refrigerator magnets which, when attached to a fridge, randomly reorder themselves into various possible non-word combinations but never into actual words, and a copy of “Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky.”

Lathander takes the offering with a smile, and then gives Zodaxus another one armed hug, "I love plants... and destroying zombies! Thank you for this, and it's been a wonderful party!"

Scrapeknee looks his gifts over, then gasps melodramaticaly, "Magnets, how do they work?" He chuckles, then says, "Nice! Z meister! You throw a hell of a shin dig. Oh, got something ... not for you, exactly, but in one small slave owning nation, all shackles and bars will have one hour... the happy hour, where the metal that makes them up will be transformed into peanut brittle. Let your followers know and prepare it should give them an edge." He grins, "Should be fun."

Of course, if the slave revolt in that small nation works, the people may consider peanut brittle their own version of holy bread for centuries to come, such is the nature of ceremony.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

Adriel:
“I see,” Zodaxus said, “so I gather there are not too many enforcers then?” Zodaxus scrys the location in question, hoping to learn their numbers. “In any case, the vision you requested will be sent.” He smiles.

Vortae:
Zodaxus’ eyes widen. “Broken?” He teleports straight into the banana room. No aspect of his palace may be broken during this party! This is supposed to be the best party ever! HOW COULD IT BE THE BEST PARTY EVER IF IT HAD A BROKEN BANANA ROOM WHILE STILL HAVING TO COMPETE WITH ALL THE OTHER PARTIES WHICH WERE EXACTLY THE SAME BUT WITHOUT BROKEN BANANA ROOMS? Zodaxus searched the banana room top to bottom, eliminating every slightest hint of a flaw.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

Zodaxus summons his fedora again and tips it to Scrapeknee. "Will do," he says. "Nice reference, by the way."

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown

How does Scrapeknee respond to Vortae's proposal?


Male God of Lions, Families, Protection and Polyamory

Her job was never easy. It shouldn't be. She had to deal with families at their lowest point, when they were fractured, afraid, with every bond that the Master of Prides set strained or broken. Osoro taught that a good man should strive to keep his house harmonious. But no one could hope to achieve that permanently. Some failed harder than others. That's when Soki and her fellow inquisitors stepped in.

She saw some of the worst things the universe had to offer. Yes, yes, demons, devils and daemons. Kytons, shadows, vampires, red wyrms and selkies. There were horrors that lurked between the stars, under her feet, and just beyond those hills in the distance. Monsters could be dealt with. Man's inhumanity was more pervasive and insidious. Of course, she knew enough of the planes that eventually those sins could break a man's soul, strip away everything and turn him to demon, or a daemon or a devil. The horrors of the soul giving way to a horror of a body.

Soki finished her morning prayers to Osoro, grateful for the magic that he would work through her. She gave a quick prayer to Fatilma, Osoro's 44th wife. She was once a mortal desert giant, who had tracked an uncommonly large lion through the desert for three months. When she finally snared her prey, she found herself face to face with her god. This tracker had long been a patron saint for the Protectors of the Pride.

The child was taken from her mother two weeks ago. The suspect was the father. Soki had found evidence that the father had fallen away from Osoro, and began worshiping some demon lord, or possibly Lolth or Babaki.

It just had to be demons, didn't it? Soki tried to banish thoughts from her mind. Even after all these years, she could see her captors. Followers of a Demon Lord, Aldinach. Soki had came out of the experience, haunted but stronger, more eager to serve Mothers' Hope. Her sister was not as lucky. She was twisted by it, chewed up and changed by it. Last Soki had heard, Omba was in the Ruin Kingdom of Ziteki, ruling over a pyramid, an antipaladin in Aldinach's service. Sweet Omba, who she had skipped rope with. Who was named after Osoro's 89th wife.

Soki shook her head, and got to her feet. If the child had been missing for this long, chances of a happy ending were already slim. She didn't have time to waste on her own past. Osoro, give me strength.
trying to get back in it


Male (Usually) Deity of Change and Chance, Transformation and Chaos
Vortae wrote:
How does Scrapeknee respond to Vortae's proposal?

Apologies, I didn't think Scrapeknee was in earshot when it was proposed. You're talking about the warhammer inspired stuff I take it?

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown
Scrapeknee wrote:
Vortae wrote:
How does Scrapeknee respond to Vortae's proposal?
Apologies, I didn't think Scrapeknee was in earshot when it was proposed. You're talking about the warhammer inspired stuff I take it?

Yes.


Male (Usually) Deity of Change and Chance, Transformation and Chaos

"mmmm... a chance to spread a little chaos is always welcome... and really, I like magic just fine. I wonder what would happen if we introduced a few changes to the laws that guide and govern their weaponry? We start small, making their lasers create fart noises or something, then introduce hence unforeseen mutagenic effects from the energy sources they use... heh."


God of Wrath, Madness, and Fear

Party:
Babaki grins at Vortae. "Was that a bit of rage I saw there, Vortae? You may be more interesting than I gave you credit for! Now, I'm afraid I must be going. I have preparations to make!" Babaki grabs Verruckt's hand, drags him over to Zodaxus, and eagerly snatches his gift bag away. "I must say, Zodaxus, that this party was significantly more tolerable than I had though it would be! My complements to the host." With that, Babaki and Verruckt vanish in a puff of purple smoke.

The Carnival:
At The Carnival, things were no different than usual. The sounds of laughter and screams filled the hot air, and the fleshy Abyssal ground was crawling with disturbing, puppet-limbed larvae trying their hands at various carnival games. The fiendish Maenads were frolicking in their blood-stained dresses, the Vrocks were picking off any weak-looking stragglers, and the Gibbering Mouthers were shrieking their beautiful chorus. Everything was as usual, until the ground started shaking.

From the earth a purple tar burst out in a huge geyser, the sludge forming twisted limbs and faces seemingly at random. The tar snaked into the sky like a dragon, and the end of it formed a familiar, clownish face. Every monster, demon, and larva stopped what they were doing and knelt, despite knowing full well that Babaki never really cared if his minions bowed to him or not. The grinning god slowly looked over each and every creature in his vicinity, before clearing his throat. "GOOOOOD MOOOORNING, CARNIVAAAAAL!!! HOW'RE Y'ALL DOING TODAY?!" Babaki shouted in a tone straight from a game show, knowing his voice would carry to every nook and cranny of his domain. The kneeling masses stood up, and let loose a noise somewhere between an excited cheer and a war cry, and most of them with limbs started clapping. The oozing form of the god put two of his hands up to stop the applause, and continued. "Good to hear, good to hear! Seems you all are doing great! BUT!" the god gestured dramatically, "I bet you could all use a holiday!" Some of the crowd cheered, although most of them remained silent and avoided eye contact with their master. Babaki grinned, all of his dozens of eyes glinting with a purple fire. "Well TOO F#~&ING BAD!"

Every creature in the crowd flinched, and the ones who cheered stopped dead. Several of Babaki's eyes glared directly at the ones that cheered, while the rest gazed over the crowd. "Are you suggesting that The Carnival isn't the greatest holiday you could ever possibly have?! BLASPHEMY! But I'll overlook your blatant lies for now. I have good news!" Some of the hate left his eyes, although he didn't stop staring at the blasphemers. "We're going to have a party in the mortal world!" Every assembled monster cheered loudly, clapping and laughing and howling in a display that would horrify almost anyone who witnessed it. "Seems some mortals are getting a bit too big for their britches! They think they can stamp out chaos from the world! It's our job to show them just how silly that idea is!" The monsters continued their revelry, until Babaki slapped an enormous oozing hand on the ground, crushing a horde of larvae.

"But before we do that," the god continued, bringing his hand up and clenching it into a fist with the larvae still in it. "we need some UPGRADES!" The Lord of Teeth opened his hand, and from where larvae once were fell a pack of Shemhazian demons with brightly painted faces. Babaki looked over the remaining larvae, many terrified but many others seeming eager, and sprouted dozens of new hands from all over his form. "Now, then. WHO'S NEXT?!"

Haven't posted in a few days, so I thought I'd get a bit of writing done.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

Dilvi sat on the bridge of the Imperium ship, monitoring a scanner. Why isn’t a Halfling doing tedious work like this? he thought.

The scanner beeped. He jerked back a bit, startled. He turned and looked back at his captain. “Sir!” he shouted.

The Captain’s gaze snapped toward him. “What is it, Ensign?”

“I’m detecting something on that ringworld, sir. There’s a large spike in anarchic readings.”

“Display,” the captain said, his command directed at the ship on which he was riding rather than Dilvi. A holographic projection appeared before the captain, making him almost jump. “By the Black Hand,” he said. Dilvi studied his face. The captain turned to the navigator. “Land on that ring immediately! Are there any potentially friendly locations down there?”

“Scanning.” The Navigator studied a screen. “Sir, I’m detecting Axiomatic readings on the near side of the ring. It’s likely a temple to a corresponding god.”

“Put us down nearby. We’ll explain our findings and request assistance.”

“Aye, sir.”

Down on the surface, a young Paladin hears a strange noise and looks up. “By Adriel,” he almost exclaims, though even so mild a blasphemy ultimately fails to escape his lips. A large, black metal object… no, that wasn’t metal. What even was it? The boy ran inside to alert the temple priest. Something was falling from the sky!

I have deliberately made no attempt to replicate IoM characteristics in my writing. If they’re going to feature prominently in a main plot, they shouldn’t resemble an established IP too closely. I also hope Vortae doesn’t mind me posting as the villains he invented, but… this campaign is stagnant and has been for a week. I need to jumpstart it.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

For Vortae:
Zodaxus’ eyes widen as he senses the ship landing on the ringworld. He sends a message to Vortae. “Holy crap, GoCF, the Imperium you were talking about at the party the other day… they’re on the ringworld. I scried on them as they approached. Based on what they said, I think I know what they’re after, and I think you do too. We need to double our efforts against them. I’ll try to screw up their spaceship. Hold on.”

A moment passes.

“Okay, so the good news is that their engines are busted and they’re stuck where they landed, and shouldn’t be able to call for back-up. The bad news is that Edgehand, F+!!wad and Whipgirl all tried to stop me! What the f$$+ is going on?”

For Helm:
Helm receives a letter.

To the great and mighty, noble, honorable Helm, most esteemed divinity, from Asmodeus, infernal lord of the nine hells. I hope this finds you well. As you are almost certainly aware, an organization of humans, one whose existence I am proud to say I helped to engineer, has recently been working to rid the cosmos of the scourge that is chaos once and for all. This mighty and well-structured organization seeks to root out strife, viciousness and wickedness before they begin. Their ends are noble and their methods well within what is widely considered just. Indeed, I have been told by devils under me that they are not cruel enough. Perhaps a small statement to hear from a devil, but in truth they are bastions of virtue of precisely the sort you hold dear.

I hope I do not seem to you to have boasted, but I must speak of this organization which I led a mortal to found because I request your assistance. It has come under the attack of many of our common enemies. Vile demons and foolish Azatas alike, and the gods which lead them, have banded together in a rudest manner. Fortunately, I have been assembling a force in an attempt to counteract them. Myself, his majesty the Black Hand, and her grace Loviatar have banded together to protect this noble and just organization. I do hope you will join our alliance. We seek only to unite in opposing any attempts by gods of chaos to disrupt this organization’s efforts. Having to defeat all of us in a contest of wills to complete any task, it is my hope that they will be impeded. Please, for the sake of order, which we both hold dear, won’t you pledge your mighty support?

Dark Archive

deity God of the Unknown

I noticed the lull myself. Pretty incongruous after the initial surge I could barely keep up with. I was wondering what was going on.

What does "GoCF" stand for?

"It means," Vortae replies. "Our little joyride might actually be bit more of a challenge."

Over on the other edge of the Imperium, something came out of the void: What looked like a set of wind chimes, the size of a moon, its eerie song somehow audible out to a light-year away. It was the great monster Tintonbulon, servant of Vortae.

As it approached the Mchedeli system, home to three Imperium colonized worlds, four uninhabitable worlds and gas giants used for mining, the military shipyards for which it was known began to go haywire at the sound; soldiers went mad with vertigo, guidance systems were scrambled, and ships began moving about wildly and crashing into each other.


God of Wrath, Madness, and Fear

On a distant Imperial colony, a man called Drake sat at his chair in the communication hub. It was his job to check all incoming and outgoing messages between the small colony and other Imperial outposts, a job so tedious and boring it was a miracle that he hadn't snapped years ago. His glazed eyes slowly slid back and forth across the dozen or so screens in front of him, reading line upon line of boring technical jargon and inane small talk. He close to falling asleep; so close, in fact, that a loud crackle of static from the screen closest to him nearly made him fall out of his chair in shock. Annoyed, Drake glared at the screen, watching the text blur and warp. To Drake's surprise, the static turned purple, and a garbled voice could be heard coming from the screen. The static suddenly stopped, revealing a leering clown face floating in front of a purple backdrop.

"Hello there, my good man!" the clown said, grinning widely at Drake. "I thought I'd give you a heads up on what's about to happen. Can't start a party unannounced, after all!" Drake's eyebrows furled in annoyance. Damn kids and their weird-ass pranks, he thought, Second time this week the thing's been hacked. I've got to remember to complain to the tech department. Drake pushed the reboot button for that screen, but the clown remained on the screen. "Oh, how cute! You think this is a joke! Listen here, Drake," the clown sneered at the startled worker. "My servants and I have been talking, and we decided to go and have a grand day out in the mortal world! But, alas! Your Imperium decided to try and ruin our day!" Drake stared blankly at the clown head, trying to process how he knew his name. "Now, I know what you're thinking," he continued. " 'What the heck is this guy talking about?! I'm so confused right now!' Well, don't you worry your pretty little head about it! Just know that your home has been randomly selected to host our party, and that, one of us is about to have a really bad day. And to be honest?" The clown leaned closer to the screen, his eyes glowing purple. "I'm planning on having a really good one! Ciao!" With that, the screen turned back into purple static.

The ground started shaking underneath Drake's feet, and he heard a chorus of horrified shrieks from outside. Rushing to the window, he followed the crowd's gaze up to the sky. Hovering about a hundred feet in the air was a disembodied smile, with teeth jagged like a shark's. The mouth opened, revealing a swirling purple portal deep in its throat. From the portal poured peculiar music, soft at first but quickly growing louder and faster. To Drake's horror, a hulking, monstrous form leaped from the mouth, landing right in the middle of the crowd with a loud thud and crushing some of the terror-stricken bystanders. He quickly closed the curtains, and ran to his door to lock it. From outside he heard the sound of gunfire, the few guardsmen in the small colony desperately trying to take the creature down. As he bolted the door shut, Drake heard several more thuds from outside, and the screaming grew louder and more desperate. He scurried under his desk and grabbed his small pistol, clutching it desperately even as he heard the gunfire cease outside and the screams rapidly be silenced. Making himself as small as possible, bracing himself as he heard the creatures begin slamming on his door, he prayed to any god that would listen for solace.

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

Asmodeus smiled as he heard the boy’s prayer. “Worry not, my child,” he said, warmly to the boy, making sure he would be able to hear him.

Drake’s eyes widened even as he felt a spark of hope. Asmodeus moved to banish Babaki’s demons from this Imperial world, and to save all on it.

I need three d20 rolls. (Three because if you beat Asmodeus, Loviatar and Bane will follow him up.) Also, Vortae, it stands for “Ghost of Christmas Future.”

My Rolls:
Asmodeus = 10
Bane = 5
Loviatar = 20


God of Wrath, Madness, and Fear

Roll:
Asmodeus 1d20 ⇒ 5

The demons vanished in a puff of smoke, having only managed to deal out some property damage and several flesh wounds. The mouth-portal in the sky's smile turned into a deep frown, and the music cut off abruptly with a record scratch. The maw let out a deep, yet somehow whiny, "Oh, come ooooooon," before it collapsed in on itself with a loud crunching sound. That day, Asmodeus earned himself a follower in Drake, who went on to preach his name to all who would listen.

----------------------------------------

Letter to Asmodeus:
Asmodeus finds a scrap of suspiciously human-looking leather in his throne room, with a note written in a very loopy and flowery handwriting. The message on it is short and to the point.

Dick move, man. Dick move.

-----------------------------------------

Elsewhere, Babaki furiously squeezed and crushed the unfortunate Quasit chosen to be his stress ball for the day. "Well, THAT was embarrassing! VERRUCKT!" the god shouted, startling his herald. "If anybody asks, that was some demon lord. A demon lord decided to be unusually festive, and tried to destroy a world, but got humiliated by Asmodeus. That is our story, and we're sticking to it." The demon blinked twice before nodding. "..̴.Of ͏c̸ou̵rs̸ę,҉ ͘my ̵l̴o̧r̵d̷. Whàt͠ev͏er̴ yo̢ú s͝ay͞."͢

Liberty's Edge

The Dark Liberator, The Last of the Nightbirds, Lord of Epic Awesomeness, Greatest Dancer in the Universe and That's Just a Fact

For Adriel:
Dearest, Most Honorable Lord of Valor Adriel, I hope this finds you well.

As you may have heard, several of the gods of chaos, most especially our common enemies Vortae and Babaki, have recently taken to various attacks on the innocents of a state known simply as "The Imperium." It is a state dedicated to order and the abolition of anarchy, goals which I know you must admire.

However, for the mere crime of possessing such manifestly noble ambitions, the vile demon Babaki, a creature I know you detest as much as I, has recently attempted an act of Mass Genocide against an Imperium planet. Crassly, the vile clown god sought to destroy the millions of innocent lives on that world. It was only my intervention which saved those lives.

Elsewhere, Vortae, another common enemy among us, sadly succeeded where Babaki failed, and brought destruction to a large Imperial colony, one full of civilian miners.

I know that you and I do not see eye to eye on many things, but because I know you share my distaste for such vile acts and the needless suffering they inflict, I hope you will consider agreeing to aid me in preventing them. I and a few other gods have banded together, just as the gods of chaos have, to stop the madness and destruction they seek to bring. If you could find it in you, Noble Knight of goodness and valor, I hope you might agree to join us in challenging their every vile act with and contest of wills. Each god who joins our cause doubles our alliance's effectiveness, so your help would be of great significance to us.

In addition, several members of this civilization have recently crashed on the great Ringworld, their ship beyond repair and their communications prevented, near one of your temples. I know that you do not care for contact between cultures of vastly different levels of technological advancement, but could you see to it that these poor castaways are aided as they require?

With humility, Asmodeus.

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