"Exhausted." he winks, then tries to pick up the slack. "I'm actually in no rush though to start this exercise. Can't we enjoy the brief furlough?"
"The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can swap places with the others though!"
"Come and get some, ya weaklings...!'"
Shaeda looks at Diego. "Did she really just say that? We're so gonna get her!"
Alessandra grins, wickedly. "No one with the muscle tone of a mashed banana boards boat; or hammock, for that matter... " she adds, almost (almost) too quietly for them to hear.
"They know turnabouts are fair play right?"
Once the jollyboat is 40ft. from The Wormwood Riaris throws a small anchor overboard and turns to Shaeda and Diego. "Right yer f%&$ers," she shouts, brandishing a grappling hoof with a hemp rope tied to its end. "This here's a f$%~ing grapple, some just call it a f~+!ing hook. Should be f&*%ing obvious what you f%@&ers have to f$+!ing do with it. - Yer throw the f%%@ing metal bit at the f@~%ing ship. If it f$~%ing holds yer tie the f%~#er to this boat and shimmy across as quick as yer f$&%ing can. This time they'll be throwing f#@$ing slops at yer but when its fer real it'll be f!!#ing arrows and f+&$ing bullets. Right. Who's going to go f%$+ing first"
Shaeda takes the grapple, winds up and hurls it.
"I had me a long night last night, I'll hit it on me next try."
"I figured you the type that didn't need help." Diego chuckles, as he eyes the edge of the ship with another grapple in hand. "Though it may be best to save your aim for when we get the chance to throw the slop... assuming there's a switch at some point."
After the hook grips the side rail with a satisfying clunk, he pulls it tight by straining against the line and leaning back over the opposite side of their tiny craft. Then he ties it off to one of the mounts.
"Into the storm then..."
My second round throw:
Alessandra chuckles derisively at Shaeda's attempts. "I was under the impression that it improved your coordination! Were you doing it right?" A wolf-whistle leaves all in no doubt what she's referring to.
Fishing out a choice slop of garbage, she flings it at the halfling. Just range finding...
Shaeda looks up and gives a very angry look at Alessandra.
Alessandra watches thoughtfully as the garbage whizzes past Shaeda. Nearly, but not quite. Fine. She grins at Shaeda's expression of anger. "Aw, don't be like that, this is FUN! Or did I hit a nerve talking about last night...?"
"Ohhhh, she'll get hers!" Shaeda thinks as she shakes her fist at Alessandra.
"Finally!"
She'll then tie it off!
For the next round:
Alessandra slow-claps as the halfling finally shows some aptitude. "So, let's see how this range-finding thing worked, shall we?" Selecting another choice piece of garbage, the young half-orc pauses for dramatic effect...
... Before launching another salvo at her friend.
"Dammit that stuff smells!"
Shaeda manages to keep on the rope after getting hit by Rogar. "You scurvy turd throwers realize there is a second target out here, right?"
Two more successes. So another 10' up the rope. I'm 20'/40' done!
point-blank-shot
Brilliant! That's 20' to catch up (plus the 5' from earlier).
So, next round then? Diego is currently 5' ahead of Shaeda, but of course they're really on the same "team" right?
Anyways, let's see what we get.
Well, 1 success, so I've made it 25'/40'. Diego is starting at 25'/40' this round.
Woot (Sorry Diego)! Ok, two more attempts for me!
Alrighty then, I'm up to 35'/40', so hit me now or never!
Alessandra whoops as Diego takes a dive "Ha! That shows them - good shooting, Doc!"
She takes careful aim at Shaeda as the halfling swarms along the rope towards her
Dammit!
Ok, I think we've done this:
Round 1: Diego hit and tied off, but Shaeda missed
Round 2: Diego moved 5' and Shaeda missed
Round 3: Shaeda hit and tied off
Round 4: Both climbed 10'
Round 5: Both climbed 10'
Round 6: Shaeda climbed 5', Diego fell in at 25' from the boat.
Round 7: Shaeda climbed 10' and fell off at 35' from the Boat. Diego is probably swimming back to the boat.
Round 8: Shaeda will try swimming back to the longboat:
success, only 25' away
Round 9:
success only 15' away
Round 10:
fail
Round 11:
success only 5' away
Round 12:
made it to the boat and climb in!
Round 13:
Sploosh!
Round 7: Diego tries swimming back (25' to cover):
Success, only 15' away
Round 8:
Success, only 5' away
Round 9:
Success, back to the boat, let's get climbing!
Round 10:
5'
stay
Round 11:
10'
Sploosh!
Round 12: Let's get back to the ship
Back to climbing (glad I didn't climb far)
Round 13:
5'
Ok, so new rules,...
Just make a number of climb checks till you get 8 all together, also 8 attack rolls (AC 12) tell me how many you hit.
Woot!
Took me 9
18 attempts :/
After returning to the jollyboat and getting a tirade of abuse from Riaris, Diego and Shaeda once again attempt to shimmy their way up the rope as they are pelted with a fairly sickening array of half-rotten fruit and vegetables. The shower of filth slows Diego considerably, and by the time he reaches the deck he is dripping with foul-smelling slime. Shaeda, although glistening with a healthy coating herself, mounts the deck rather more quickly, drawing several hearty congratulations from the crew.
Riaris rows the jollyboat back to The Wormwood and shouts at Doc and Alessandra to join her. Once again the boat is rowed out and the foul-mouthed woman turns to you. "Right! Those two had t' use a good old fashioned bloody grapple. Fer you two I've got one've Peppery's bloody 'toys'. Take my advice and don't trust 'em too much, but this'un seems to be more reliable than most." with that she pulls a strange wooden and metal device from a sack next to her on the floor of the boat. The object resembles a blunderbuss, with a peculiar metal object sticking from its barrel. "Right! This f%%*er is what Peppery calls a bloody 'spider'. See this key? Right, give the bloody thing three turns to the left, then aim it at The Wormwood and fire it like yer would a shitting musket. Just aim fer the deck or the rigging, don't worry about trying to aim fer the rail. Here," she says, passing the contraption to Doc, an then pulling a second from the sack and giving it to Alessandra. "...let's see how you f#*@ing do..."
Doc and Alessandra:
What the hells...? The half-orc girl does as she is told, turning away involuntarily and closing her eyes as she pulls the trigger. She's heard about firearms, but never held one before.
Shaeda points and laughs so hard she falls off the bucket she is using to see over the rail, "dammit, somebody help me up."
The 'spider' feels strangely heavy and somewhat badly weighted, being crafted from hardwood and brass. being such a large target, however, The Wormwood should be difficult to miss. Alessandra, somewhat nervous about the strange device, shuts her eyes, aiming vaguely in the direction of the ship, whilst Doc takes careful aim. Together they pull the trigger mechanism, and immediately a cloud of white smoke envelopes the small boat, accompanied by a loud bang. The two projectiles sail upwards as Doc, unbalanced by the kickback and the gently rocking boat, stumbles backward onto his seat. The projectiles; oddly shaped shafts of metal connected by rivets and gears, trail strands of thin white rope behind them. Unfortunately, both fly wide of the towering shape of the ship, Alessandra's plops into the water well short of its target, whilst Doc's flies past the ship's figurehead.
As Shaeda stumbles off her bucket, engulfed in waves of laughter, Riaris turns to the two hapless figures in the boat with her. "What the stinking, f~&!ing, shitting f&&+ was that? I've never seen such bloody piss-bloody-poor-bloody stinking poor f#+!ing excuses for f~!~ing 'pirates' as you to f@&#ing shit-brained f&+%ing f@~%s! Why, I should f*$+ing throw the two of you useless bastards over the f@!@ing side right f+&+ing now for the f+&&ing sharks! They'll f~~%ing tell stories of this f+@~ing display from here to f*~@ing Tian Xia! Get in the stinking f$~@ing water NOW and get the f*~#ing spiders f$#&ing back! You won't be f@&!ing getting yer f$$$ing hands on them again, let me f~@&ing tell you!
Alessandra and Doc are abused until they climb into the water and swim down to retrieve the 'spiders'. Once back on the boat (and accompanied by the laughter of the whole crew - all of whom have gathered to laugh at the sorry display), Riaris hands you very normal grapples. "Since a f*+%ing simple, f%~~ing gun seems to f*@$ing complicated, lets f!$!ing see how you f&%+ing go with a f~&&ing grapple!"
"Yarrr, take that ye wee non shooting bastards!
Indeed, Diego begins to chant as he grabs a handful of the slop, with a wink toward Shaeda as it's now their turn to fling.
Skipper's in the wardroom drinking gin, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
I don't mind knocking but I ain't going in, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
'Jimmy's' laughing like a drain, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Been looking at m' 'comic cuts' again. (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Chicken on a raft on a Monday morning, oh what a terrible sight to see,
'Dabtoes' for'd and the Dustmen aft, sitting there picking at a 'chicken on a raft'.
Hey -oh, chicken on a raft, Oy -oh, chicken on a raft.
Hey -oh, chicken on a raft, Oy -oh, chicken on a raft.
And now I'm pulling in the whaler's crew, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Seagulls wheeling overhead, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
I ought to be 'flogging' in a feather bed. (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
I had a little girl in 'Donny B', (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
And oh, she made a fool of me, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Her heart was like a Pusser's shower, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
From hot to cold in a quarter of an hour. (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
An Amazon girl lives in Dumfries, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
She only has kids in twos and threes, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Her sister lives in Maryhill, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
She says she won't but I think she will. (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
We kissed goodbye on the midnight bus, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
She didn't cry, she didn't fuss, (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Am I the man that she loves best? (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Or am I just a cuckoo in another man's nest? (Hey -oh, chicken on a raft)
Like their compatriots, by the time Doc and Alessandra reach the boat, they are covered in a thick layer of stinking rotten fruit and vegetables. Doc seems to have got the worse of it, as an apple thrown by Shaeda explodes on impact, releasing a writhing mess of grubs. The assembled crew laugh at the two climber's misfortune as Riaris once again brings the jollyboat closer. With yet more cursing she directs Shaeda and Diego to join her and rows back out. This time, she says that you don't have to climb to the ship. She merely wishes to see whether the two of you can do any better than the others with the "Spiders". Quickly she runs through the instructions, and directs you to see whether you have any more success.
Diego raises the contraption to eye-level and rests the butt of it against his right shoulder. He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that as simple as this may sound in concept, the results were wildly unspectacular... so he ought not get overconfident. Then after another deep breath, which he holds as he pulls the trigger...