You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result. Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe!
There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You surprised him outside his house and killed his toad. You branded his face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from the wizard’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
An unusually short goblin with odd greasy patches of singed brown fur dances around with a flaming dogslicer, yapping, "Zarongel is BEST! He bless Urk tonight, for burning stupid wizard's house! Gutwad will make me new chief! I knows it!"
Doza is a plump little goblin who appears to be wearing a dress of all things. An intelligent creature could easily identify it as a shirt for a larger humanoid, but to Doza, its a dress. She wears an old dirty funnel on her head like a wizard's hat. While some goblins have accused her of being a wizard, they normally fall asleep before being able to produce any evidence of such an accusation, not that goblins really need evidence. She does earn some respect mostly due to the toad that she carries around. Being the keeper of the tribes mascot usually comes with some perks.
"See all, the lick toad toad for licking" she proclaims loudly. She then gives the toad a good slurp for demonstration as she walks around confidently shoving the toad into everyone's faces. She puts the toad back in her satchel and introduces herself. "I'ze Doza and I'ze make the sleepy sleeps."
Nearby another goblin sits on a wolf sized black beast.
The goblin is purple eyed and has a mop of long, black hair. His skin is bright green compared to the other, duller, greyer green of the average goblin. He brushes a stray leaf off of his green and purple robe - like outfit with the symbol of Lamashtu on the back and chest. A pouch hangs at his side and a bottle with a simple bone symbol on it is next to that.
The beast he sits on is jet black and covered in long fur. It has red eyes. It also has a muzzle full of pointy teeth, short horns, and claws like knives. It has a short tail and pointed ears. There are, of course, certain things that set it apart as one of Lamashtu's servants: the jackal-like shape of it, an especially gravid belly hanging below like an over-full sack of flour, and a glowing symbol between its eyes, shaped like a sideways eye that it shares with the goblin as well. It's a He if you see it from behind or below, or know from experience in a Lamashtan ceremony. He wears a saddle and saddle bags the Goblin sits on while they wait to be brought into the chief's room.
The goblin is Zashinom, one of Lamashtu's priests in the village, and probably the reason for the high number of purple eyed goblin youngin's in the rearing pen. He has a record as a rather important member of Lamashtu's clergy in the tribe. They oversee that plenty of new goblins keep coming to replace those that get eaten or blown apart. And with how much of a problem goblins are to the longshanks, it would seem they do their job well.
The beasty is his partner in crime, Chomper, a gift of faith to Zashi given by Lamashtu herself (maybe). Chomper is know and liked by the goblins as a protector from threats. That is, when he himself isn't the threat. While he is a smart demon, he is, in fact, a Lamashtan demon, and it's not uncommon for him to grab and force himself on some random, weaker, hapless goblin or animal when Lamashtu's ceremonies become too far apart. It's just one of the many pitfalls of living in a goblin tribe.
Zashi waits and watches, absently stroking Chomper's neckfur.
What looks like a pile of refuse next to the moot house stirs, transforming into a goblin female with a suit covering her from head to toe, made from scraps of dozens of cast-off fabrics. The improvised outfit contains many small pockets, each filled with squashy bits of meat and pickled vegetables that she pops into her mouth at random, frequent intervals. Her grin is wide even for a goblin, and all the teeth within are sharpened to cruel points with a pointed file she carries, scraping away whenever she sits idle. She carries something else interesting - a sword, not cobbled together from rusty refuse, but sound of construction and gleaming in the sunlight. Well, gleaming in between the patches of blood staining the blade.
When Doza sticks the toad into her face, Zika bares her teeth and gives a soft growl. "Stupid licktoad ain't so great," she mutters. "Zika bring foods and stuffses from longshanks, not no silly licktoad. Even nicked pretty horsechopper from human once, before he was snack for all youz that food-time. I'z greatest hunter in tribe!" She goes back to idly sharpening a front tooth, pausing to pull what looks suspiciously like a human toe from a pocket and toss it into her mouth.
Zashi gives the toad a customary, if grudging lick on its way around.
"Zika /is/ bestest hunter of longshanks. Could have lotsa strong young'ns like big mama Lama says goblins should."
Zashi comments off hand, loud enough to be heard, but not speaking to anyone in particular. Zashi never misses an opportunity to champion the cause. Of course it sounds like a good idea, too. Goblin's knows Zashi has good ideas. Even Zashi's bad ideas sound like good ideas, cause Zashi talka so good.
"So why we think big boss call'a us here? Scribbleface gone and got lotsa food. Maybe big boss want Zashi a find im a mate"
"Zika gotta feed plenty loud screamy babies without Zika helping make more," she grumbles at Zashi's comment.
She raises her voice slightly to be better heard. "Maybe big boss decide scribble face not good enough for Scribbleface. Maybe wants us bring him back for more bad trouble, for stealing words and all." A shudder passes through her small frame as she mentions the incident. "Scribbler in Licktoads, who would think?" she trails off.
"You all stupid. Clearly he is making me new chief. I am smartest goblin in tribe!"
"Doza no want mama lama drama. Big boss wants to make new wiz bang. Ooooh, you brings snacks. Doza like snacks. You give Doza snacks?
"I give everyone snacks when I new chief!"
Zika rolls her eyes, but passes Doza a smelly handful of strongly pickled turnips and carrots from a side pocket. She takes a quick lick of Doza's toad while she's there, but doesn't see what all the fuss is about.
Chief Gutwad's lackey Slorb waits impatiently scratching at a post. "Where is Rhuun? Rhuun late. Slorb make Rhuun clean Chief's toes for this."
Oooh, Doza like you Zika. You good gobo. Doza owe you more than none.
Urk, you have snacks now?
Chief Gutwad's lackey Slorb waits impatiently scratching at a post. "Where is Rhuun? Rhuun late. Slorb make Rhuun clean Chief's toes for this."
Zika giggles. "Make him lick toes, make him lick toes!" She leans in closer to Slorb and whispers, not quietly at all, "It funny, because lick toes sound like Licktoads."
Slorb points at you and starts stamping his feet, Zika. "You is not telling Slorb how to punish Rhuun, Slorb suggest Chief make Rhuun lick toe all on own!"
Urk picks a giant booger out of his nose and points it at Doza. Yes, here, snack for you. Much better than stupid plant food. That only fit for ugly longshanks and their dumb cows.
Slouching in casually late for his private meeting with Chief Gutwad Rhuun was surprised to see a pack of some of the most pathetic goblins in the whole tribe standing there in his place in front of the chief's seat. No doubt it would be left to Rhuun to whip these losers into some sort of goblin shape. He turned to leave before he was noticed but knew he had to stay when chief's attendant (Chiefs always have attendants that's how you know they are chief) uttered his name.
Words. He would curse them but that would mean....
Rhuun elbowed his way in-between the other goblins (causing some minor tussling for position). He thought deeply about what was going on. He was rubbing his chin to show it. Why invite these losers? He looked over and noticed Doza offering turns at licking her toad. Did he bring a toad? His was after all a much plumper toad than the tadpole Doza was doling about.
Think. He was running fashionably late--Chief Gutwad wouldn't make a move without his most trusty scout would he? No. Rhuun thought using his fingers and hands as a visual aid to help make the thinking easier. But he was hungry, so he thought about eating something, (here things get meta for a moment as Rhuun 'thought' about 'thinking') but all the time spent thinking (or thinking of thinking) made him unfashionably late, so he ate the only thing he had on him.... AHA!
Rhuun opened his mouth and very gingerly, with both his hands pulled out his own spit-soaked, brown, toad, Ungulp XIII out and offered the obviously chewed, dun-hued, taffy-like toad for the others to lick (or perhaps slurp up). Swiftly realizing the state the toad, he'd tried with no apparent success to smooth it out, and make more toad-shaped.
Zashi levitates a stray rock nearby with Mage Hand, spinning it in the air and moving it in circles.
Not even smartest one here.
He thinks to himself, as he considers whether he should sling the rock at Urk. He decides not to on the small chance that chief makes the bad decision to make anyone but Zashi new chief.
Slorb points at you and starts stamping his feet, Zika. "You is not telling Slorb how to punish Rhuun, Slorb suggest Chief make Rhuun lick toe all on own!"
Rhuun's too busy thinking to notice what's being said until he hears "Rhuun Licktoads all on his own." At that, puffs out his chest not exactly knowing what the sentence meant though it sounded impressive.
Bah. Chief wait long enough. Come." Slorb turns his back to you and makes his way into the moot house.
Rhuun, wanting to be first, rushes in after him.
Zika stows her fangfile in a loop on her belt, pulls out and devours a small, slightly dessicated lizard, and follows Slorb into the moot house.
Urk shrugs, eats the booger, and enters the hut.
Zika stows her fangfile in a loop on her belt, pulls out and devours a small, slightly dessicated lizard, and follows Slorb into the moot house.
"Ha ha, Firsties!" And he sticks out his tongue. ;p
Doza enters the hut and notices Rhuun with his tongue out. At that she pulls out the toad, runs up to Rhuun, and rubs the toad down Rhuun's tongue. "For lucky" she says pulling the toad back before Rhuun can eat it.
*snap!* "Errr."
"HAHA! Firsties to lick toes! Doza, you funny, Urk make you second in command."
Zashi hops off of Chomper so they can go through the door. If it was most other doors in the village, Chomper would have to wait outside, but with the chief's air of importance, his door was big enough to let Chomper in, even if he did have to suck his large gut in.
Zashi takes a seat, and Chomper sits next to him on his back legs.
Chief Gutwad looks down at you all. Sitting in the Great Teeter Chair he towers above you. He rarely interacts with any one goblin, and never speaks to other goblins as though they weren't just standing there when he chose to spoke, which means you are surprised when he speaks with you.
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission. “You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!"
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
Urk struggles to hide his disappointment at not being made chief (he hadn't even considered how that would actually be possible), but perks up at the mention of fireworks. "Yes! We get fireworks, and make dogs and humans dead!"
"Doza doos as big boss wants." She bows to show her respects to Gutwad. "Uh, we goes party now boss? Or we have more tally talks? Maybe yous wants to lick toad lor lucks?" She says as she pulls her toad out of the satchel and holds it up.
"Weza do watcha say, boss. Hope ta find some humans for Chomper to play with."
Zashi grins and looks to Chomper, who grins a wide, pointy, scary grin back.
He's done talking and Slorb hurries you out.
As Slorb pokes and prods at the goblins to hurry them from the chamber, Zika gives his toe a hard stomp and turns back to face Gutwad. "Always glads to kill the humans and horses and dogses, big boss - but can we has the map? Makes easier finding whiz bangs - unless there are words on it." Another slight shudder. "I take map - I know longshanks' roads and houses and stuffs best. We find the fireworks! Have best feast ever!"
Slorb continues poking and prodding at you. "You get map when Chief give you map. Go away."
Zika grumbles at Slorb, but leaves the moot house to prepare for the feast. She grabs a pickled beet from a pocket as a pre-feast snack, and makes her plans for which dainties to grab from the table and stuff her pockets with for post-feast snacking.
As you leave the Moot House you can see many goblins running around the village preparing for tonight's feast.
Doza and her toad leave without much further ado. She is looking forward to the feast and celebrations and getting her toad as many licks as she can.
Rhuun swallows his toad and goes off to find another to serve as rations on his future epic adventure.
Mmm, feast. For Urk's inevitisable naming as Chief!
Zika saunters past a table piled with various foodstuffs, and nicks a rind of cheese off the heap of food when no one is looking. She then grabs a slip of salted meat off the next table, and a handful of squashy pickled cabbage from the next. Feasts my favorite, she thinks, munching on her pilfered treats.
The afternoon passes and the feast gets underway when four goblins struggle to bring out the corpulent goblin chief sitting on the teeter chair. Sitting next to the pile of wood that includes branches, timber, and Scribbleface's favorite chair, he lights a Desnaan candle and four bursts of burning light land in the pile setting it alight. The feast has begun!
Urk grabs chunks of meat, mostly avoiding nasty plant foods. He skewers bits on his dogslicer and chants, "Zarongel, dumb you is not, make my meats extra hot!" and flame covers his blade. Urk drools as the meat sears on the blade, then goes to grab a piece. "AAGGGHH HOT MEATS ON FIRE!!!"
For the first part of the festival, Zashi gives rides on Chomper to the goblins at their own risk. Most of them know better than to anger the demon, but he does have to dole out some... Lamashtan Punishment... before they get it completely.
Zashi stays nearby and watches the demon, grinning as both of them get their kind of fun.
Doza has a blast eating and shoving her toad into as many goblins' faces as she can. She pays special attention to those goblins who refuse to lick the toad for luck convincing herself that they are not loyal to the Licktoad tribe. She does her best to remember which ones they are, but tends to forget most of them a few minutes later. It's not her fault that the goblin party is such a huge success and she has so much fun.
Rhuun eats anything put in front of him (toads included).
As the night progresses your task for the Chief gets out, you're slowly herded towards each other, as you're surrounded they begin to mock you and question your bravery and skill and after chatting with each other, "You! Dance with squeally nord! See you move, or are you scaredy elf!
Rhuun shoves Doza. "Yeah!"
Doza kisses her toad for luck, stuffs it into her satchel and gives it her best shot. "Doza not scaredy elf, Doza am bestest witcho gobbo. Doza does it, yous see."