RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
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Juju Snatcher (Witch)
The juju snatcher is a master of life energy, leeching it from his enemies to empower his own mystic abilities.
Juju Sap (Su): At first level, Juju Sap targets a single living creature within 30 feet of the juju snatcher as a standard action. Juju sap does 1d6 points of damage plus 1d6 points of damage for every two juju snatcher levels beyond 1st. Creatures that take damage from juju sap receive a Will save to halve the damage. The DC of this save is equal to 10 + 1/2 the juju snatcher's level + the juju snatcher's Intelligence modifier.
Additionally, juju sap may grant an ally within 30 feet of the juju snatcher temporary hit points equal to the damage done. These temporary hit points disappear an hour later.
A juju snatcher may juju sap a number of times per day equal to 3 + her Intelligence modifier.
This replaces the hex ability.
Jinx (Su): At 6th level, the juju snatcher may choose to grant one ally a weal or cause one enemy woe. The juju snatcher selects one weal or woe at 6th level and an additional weal or woe at every third level thereafter.
Weal allows the juju snatcher to to infuse an ally with life energy which persists as long as the temporary hit points granted.
At 6th level the juju snatcher may select:
Does Not Sink: The target receives a bonus on swim checks equal to half the juju snatcher's level.
At 9th level the juju snatcher may select:
Does Not Burn: The target receives fire resistance equal to half the juju snatcher's level.
At 12th level the juju snatcher may select:
Does Not Fear: The target is immune to fear effects.
Woe is as the antipaladin cruelty ability except as noted. Woe affects a creature damaged by juju sap. The juju snatcher's effective antipaladin level is equal to half the juju snatcher's level. The DC of any save require is equal to the save DC for juju sap.
This replaces the major hex ability.
Jumbo Juju Sap (Su): At 8th level and every eighth level beyond 8th, the juju snatcher may use juju sap to damage an additional creature (2 at at 8th and 3 at 16th).
The juju snatcher may also grant temporary hit points to additional allies. For each creature that takes damage from juju sap, the juju snatcher may grant an ally a number of temporary hit points equal to the damage caused. A juju snatcher may determine which sources of damage grant temporary hit points to which ally, but an ally may not receive temporary hit points from multiple sources.
This replaces the grand hex ability.
Director of Brand Strategy
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I give you kudos, John, for tackling one of the APG classes for your archetype, as there's no existing material to look to for guidance. Witches, more than most other APG classes actually have a pretty stable set of abilities to work with (as opposed to an oracle, for example, who is mainly defined by her mystery and thus harder to design alternatives to other than new mysteries). So let's see how you did:
First red flag raised here is substituting out hexes as you've done. Most witch hexes can be used over and over again and aren't limited by x/day. None of the existing hexes are x/day plus Int modifier. Additionally, the power your adding instead deals direct damage to a target, instead of giving a penalty, which is how hexes typically work (it's in the power's name, after all). Juju sup deals damage or can heal, which makes it better than the healing hex. Sure, you sacrifice some versatility for this single power, and you aren't claiming that juju sap is a new hex, so these aspects I can overlook with the right justification.
With the jinx, you continue substituting for a witch's hex class feature (this time instead of major hex, but normal hexes are already gone, so they're really one and the same) and replaced it with a different set of selectable abilities...and it's a very limited number to choose from. Basically, this becomes a "your character must be built exactly this way" restriction, which isn't fun for the player, any more than "you must take exactly these fighter feats" is a fun fighter archetype.
We've got a juju mystery for oracles presented in Pathfinder Adventure Path #39 that takes a very different approach to traditional juju than this one. I'm not sure if you had access to that or knew it existed, but I'd look at how that was approached and try and mimic the same thing in witch abilities.
Ultimately, I think there's a lot of room for improvement in this archetype, but I applaud you for taking on the challenge of blending the witch class with the stereotypical voodoo flavor often associated with witches. In the end, I DO NOT RECOMMEND this archetype for advancement, but I congratulate you on getting this far and wish you luck in the voting. Voters have surprised me before, and your illusionist's veil may be strong enough to propel you into the next round on its merits alone.
Like Mark, the first thing to leap out at me about this archetype was the removal of hexes (regular, major, and grand), which sucks most of the life right out of the core witch. What we get in return with the juju and jinx stuff just isn't enough to interest me. As a player or a GM, I don't think I'd ever reach for this archetype to use it in play. And, whether knowingly or unknowingly, you've ventured into a topic (i.e., juju) that has already had some treatment in Pathfinder. While that's not necessarily an immediate knock against your design or anything, it does mean you're competing with something that's already been done to Paizo's quality standard. And, it just happened to be an oracle mystery.
So, there's not enough here to sway me to support this one. I DO NOT RECOMMEND this archetype design to advance. But this was a bold swing for the fences. And, we'll just have to see if the voters feel otherwise and save you.
You got my attention with "juju," as I usually like stuff relating to voodoo.
Except yours is a "The juju snatcher is a master of life energy, leeching it from his enemies to empower his own mystic abilities." That's not what "juju" is in a voodoo sense (supernatural power ascribed to a fetish, and not having anything to do with a creature's life force), so I guess you're leaning more toward a "juju zombie" meaning of the word. That disappoints me a little, as there is far more source material to draw on for the voodoo aspect than the juju zombie aspect.
As Mark and Neil said, you've taken away the witch's hex ability--the main ability that defines how to customize your witch so they're not cookie-cutters of each other--and replaced it with a smaller set of abilities to choose from. I think that was a bad choice, as it severely limits what the juju snatcher can do (like taking away a barbarian's selection of rage powers to just give them specific abilities at each level). I think part of this stems from the witch being a new class and nobody's seen how to do archetypes for it yet (or at least they haven't seen Paizo do it yet), and the limitation of the RPG Superstar competition that you can't just create new hexes for the class to select. A better way to do this would have been "here is a jinx, the juju snatcher can select this in place of a hex."
The "weal" or "woe" bit is unclear, I think because of the formatting (all the extra returns make it hard to tell which of these abilities are in one category). Italics on the various weal names would have helped (like with the hex names in the APG).
The weals aren't very interesting. Spend a 6th-level ability to get a small bonus to Swim checks? A 9th-level ability to get a small amount of fire resistance? (A 2nd-level spell does that much better and is available at level 3.) Immunity to fear at 12th-level? And I don't see how any of these abilities relate to stealing life energy or using stolen life energy.
The woe aspect of the jinx just loots the antipaladin class' cruelty ability, which is a bad idea... like letting rogues take any hex in place of a rogue talent, or barbarians take any fighter feat in place of a rage power. It makes the classes less unique, and diminishes the reward of someone actually playing that class.
I don't see how "juju," "jinx," and "jumbo juju" are linked as a theme. Jinxing sounds like voodoo, but that means it doesn't match the life-force angle you're aiming for. And without the voodoo angle, using the word "jumbo" sounds silly.
I think you picked a difficult option for this round's challenge and tried to make it work, but the result is muddled and underpowered. I don't mind creating underpowered options, especially if they fit a theme, but I think this is *too* underpowered, and the theme is unclear.
RECOMMENDATION: I do NOT recommend this archetype design for advancement in the competition.
Total Points: 1 point
Recommendation: Not recommended for advancement
Comments In Detail
Name & Theme (0 points)
At what point in the writing of this archetype did you start to think that maybe using "Juju" was a bit silly?
Juju sap? Jumbo Juju Sap? (NOTHING is "Jumbo". Greater maybe, but not Jumbo).
Not Superstar.
Mechanics (0 points)
You've taken the hex power away from the witches, and turned this into a class that does some ranged damage and some ranged healing. There's a whole class for that already, it's called Cleric.
What do the Jinx powers have to do with "Juju"? Since you never define what "Juju" is, there's no connection to these various weal protections. It comes off as a swiss army knife.
Awesomeness (0 points)
Not awesome. Just not.
Template (1 point)
You did the minimum necessary to follow the template.
Context (0 point)
Just not Superstar. Neither players nor GMs will use this archetype. It doesn't fit the setting and it doesn't introduce anything really meaningful to the game.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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This one really needed more in the flavor text department to tell us what juju is - at least how YOU are using it, regardless of its real-world meaning - so that we could have a coherent sense of why these abilities make sense together.
The abilities themselves aren't bad, but none of them rises to the level of "Oh COOL!" either. It wasn't 100% clear in your writing if you intended for these abilities to replace all hexes ever (seems most likely, but I may have missed it), but if so you are taking away an awful lot of what makes a witch a witch in PF. As Ryan said, this ends up feeling kind of like a cleric.
This one is a bit jumbled and probably not quite superstar, but the voters will decide.
Congrats on making the contest, and best of luck!
This is a matter of taste, but I take no issue with the fact that you've taken the witch's hexes, or that you've plundered the antipaladin's cruelties. What you've basically done in the former case is hijacked the witch's (very flavor-appropriate) spell list to create a new sort of primary spellcaster, and in the latter you're leveraging existing rules to add a lot of flavor in very few words. However, just because I respect your methods doesn't mean that I'm impressed with what you've done with them.
I don't expect faux-voodoo in fantasy to really stay faithful to any real-world beliefs, but I do at the very least expect it to bring something spooky, colorful, or at least vaguely folk-magic-ey to the game. And even for me, "juju sap" doesn't deliver. You would have been better off framing this power as tied to clerics or divine spellcasting, because it just looks like generic positive/negative energy manipulation. Even then it wouldn't have been awe-inspiringly creative, but it would have fit.
Your "weal" options look far too few to be an elective ability list, but there is the fact that you've mixed in the antipaladin's 'cruelty' powers.. unfortunately, the latter look a lot more useful to me, and arguably cooler. The "woes" are the thing here that best fits with the existing witch's vibe or with your archetype concept, yet you bring them in in a way that manages to make your work look weaker rather than stronger, because your original "weal" abilities look bad in comparison. The best part about your archetype is the part you tacked on from somewhere else.
One thing I will say is that "Jumbo Juju Sap" was a good powerup. You increase the scope of the ability (to keep it useful) without increasing its potency against any one target, and harming multiple foes to heal multiple friends sounds like fun to me.
Like the judges have said, this was a rough challenge. But your Round 1 offering was one of my favorites and I certainly wouldn't be sad to see you around in RPGS 2012 (or, if a lot of people feel differently, in Round 3).
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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When I was preparing in case I advanced, I agonized over witch concepts, including an authentic voodoo concept, more related to the doll. Okay, semi-authentic. But I just begged off, thinking witch doesn't give enough class features to warrant a whole new archetype. If you want voodoo, play a cleric or sorcerer. If you want new options for witch (a class I think is underpowered even for a spellcasting support class), give them better and/or more hexes.
Replacing hexes and familiars has to come with ingenious new abilities. As such, you had me at the nameof the class, and lost me when your juju dude wasn't very voodoo at all. And in fact, you only gave them a more powerful version of channel energy. It's not clever or new or exciting. I see this round is going to be hard on people, but this effort is just not a worthy design as an archtype at all in my opinion.
Maybe by way of comparison I'll like it better. Best o' lusck to ya.
EDIT: oh, yeah. When you are offering a choice of abilities, offer more than one choice. Getting your choice of one ability (even saying 'may choose') at specific levels makes it look like you couldn't think of any more. Maybe the real problem is word space, but even then, t's the Superstar competition. Skimping works against you when it serves more to demonstrate your limitations than your genius.
EDIT: oh, yeah. When you are offering a choice of abilities, offer more than one choice. Getting your choice of one ability (even saying 'may choose') at specific levels makes it look like you couldn't think of any more.
He's got access to the full range of antipaladin cruelties as well, so there actually are other choices at those levels. Still, yea, trying to do an elective ability list with less than 500 words might have been a mistake.
The hexes are what drive the witch in my opinion. If I don't have hexes I may as well play another casting class. While I don't mind an archtype being weaker than the original class I should get back something close to what I gave up.
Jujujujuju... I dunno, I would have liked if you didn't use the word over and over again. That alone is a big turn off because it's less fun and less easy to read.
I don't have a whole lot more to say than that though. it seems an awfull lot streamlined to look more like one particular character than one particular group of characters.
And like about half of the others, I can clearly see you were thinking the twist in the villians round would be 'make a villain using your own archetype'. It feels like you came up with a cool villian, who had an archetype, and then took too much of the villian with the archetyoe when you seperated them.
The hexes are the core of what the witch class is. Taking them away is prabably a mistake.
The hexes give witchs a lot of flavor and flexibility. In stead they here get Juju Sap and Jinx, witch are bland and very rigid.
This arche type could as easily have been used for any other spellcasting class.
I was toying around with the idea of making an archetype for one of the new base classes from the APG but most of those classes need a handful of new options just to support your theme. Alchemists have discoveries, oracles have revelations, summoners have evolutions, and witches have hexes.
You cut out an integral part of what makes witches unique. I think you offered the weal stuff as possible ideas for the ability but didn't have room for a full list of options for it.
I do like the cruelty stuff though. But that brings up another issue I found with archetypes, which is that there could be some very cool archetypes just by swapping existing abilities between classes. Not like core abilities like rage or sneak attack or favored enemies but smaller stuff like tactician, ranger fighting styles, or mercy (but applied to another effect). The problem with this is that this round is about developing new ideas and balancing them with existing ones.
Then again, the Paizo community is voting and individuals will have their own criteria for what makes a good new archetype.
Kudos for tackling the witch though and trying to come up with something new and on par with the hexes. (And sorry about the tangent.)
I'm really starting to dig on Voodoo, and witch seemed like the natural way to go. I too had no knowledge that juju had become an oracle mystery, and to me it seems less oracle that witch. For all the great flavour potential the only thing here that really rings of voodoo are the ability names. Mechanically the seem a little stilted. And the doesn't sink/burn/fear has a much more european ring to it.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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I like the idea of voodoo practiced by a witch, but I think it needs to leverage hexes, rather than replace it is. Unfortunately, the formatting and repeated word use also makes this entry hard to read. I applaud the effort and the bold choice, but have to pass on this entry.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 4
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Star Voter Season 6
aka raidou
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John, last round you gave us the Illusionist's Veil, which people really liked. It had some very cool effects and so let's see what your Juju Snatcher has to offer. Right away, I don't care much for the name. Perhaps there's some folklore that I am unaware of but Juju Snatching just sounds weird to me.
Juju Sap (Su): At first level, Juju Sap targets a single living creature within 30 feet of the juju snatcher as a standard action. Juju sap does 1d6 points of damage plus 1d6 points of damage for every two juju snatcher levels beyond 1st... Additionally, juju sap may grant an ally within 30 feet of the juju snatcher temporary hit points equal to the damage done... This replaces the hex ability.
I'm scratching my head at this right from the first ability. The hex is the soul of the entire witch class. Many hexes can be done as often as the witch wants! With this, you've got a life-leeching power that's limited per day and also only effective against certain creatures. To replace such a major feature, your new ability would need to be broader in scope than this one.
Jinx (Su): At 6th level, the juju snatcher may choose to grant one ally a weal or cause one enemy woe. The juju snatcher selects one weal or woe at 6th level and an additional weal or woe at every third level thereafter... This replaces the major hex ability.
You seem to imply from the weal ability that the Juju Snatcher can choose from different weals at each 3rd level. But you only give one choice at each tier. Again, you're tying them to an existing limited resource, where a witch's major hexes are much more versatile. This does not balance properly with the core class.
Jumbo Juju Sap (Su): At 8th level and every eighth level beyond 8th, the juju snatcher may use juju sap to damage an additional creature (2 at at 8th and 3 at 16th)...
So this is actually where this could get fun... you're damaging and applying status effects to a bunch of enemies, and boosting a bunch of allies. But it doesn't solve any of my underlying issues with the class.
John, this is an interesting submission. You've chosen a new class to work with, which is commendable, but you've taken a very versatile character and turned her into a bit of a one-trick pony. I know she's got additional spellcasting backing her up, but all this archetype's flavor is coming from Juju Sap which does not have the staying power of the hexes you've given up.
The witch is probably my favorite arcane caster in the game these days, and a huge part of that has to do with the hexes. They're versatile and flavorful, and can be used all of the time, so the witch can always contribute to the fight. The juju snatcher takes that away. All juju snatchers will have the same kit of supernatural abilities, and ones that don't really fit with what juju is in the real world (magic power vs. life energy). The weals and woes are potentially a way to get some freedom of choice back in, but only the woes give you options. And on top of that, the language is just sort of overall clunky and uninspiring.
I will not be voting for this entry, I'm afraid.
Juju Snatcher (Witch)
The concept is good, but the execution didn't work. I think you needed more space to develop this and more time to work on it. Plus, eliminating hexes from the witch doesn't really work, since that is a core power of the witch. I think you could have done better with more time.
Ken
Juju Snatcher (Witch)
1.Is the Archetype conceptually interesting?
2.Are the mechanics of the Archetype interesting?
3.Are the mechanics of the Archetype balanced and well executed?
But rather than simply adding up the marks for a final score I'm gonna interpret them as a point in 3-dimensional space and the final mark of your submission will be the length of the vector between the origin and this point.
Note that my ranking doesn't need to directly correspond with my votes, as other factors like: Strength of your item submission, mood, my horrorscope and other random stuff still factor in. Also note that this scheme is highly subjective and only mirrors my perception and opinion about your archetype submission.
Conceptual Mojo (CM): 2, JuJu stuff and vodoo are very interesting, but you don't bring the flair to get me interested in your Juju snatcher
Mechanical Mojo (MM): 2, A bit too less going on here, it is basically just one ability with a few upgrades. Your last ability should have been called Mumbo Jumbo JuJu Mojo ;)
Mechanical Execution (ME): 1. You either give all the bonuses for the cost of one normal and one major hex, which is very bad, because it is overpowered, or for all hexes , which is bad, because it robs the witch of most of her defining characteristics. That I'm not sue which it does is bad too. And then at level 1 you have a 3+Int ability that can deal damage and give temporary hit points. That is very strong. And it doesn't loose from there.
Final note: The Juju is lacking Mojo, and the mechanical ambiguities and problems don't help it.
Total Score: 3
As your competition I'm loathe to say too much, but...
+1 for using Witch as your starting point. A great class that's also a real challenge to work with.
Jujujujuju... I dunno, I would have liked if you didn't use the word over and over again. That alone is a big turn off because it's less fun and less easy to read. ...
agreed. Though you gained points for going to the witch which is new, and the archetype which is new is a big (and appropriate move). I liked the voodoo aspect, but felt it needed a little more focus to be there for me. good luck.
Juju Snatcher (Witch)
The juju snatcher is a master of life energy, leeching it from his enemies to empower his own mystic abilities.
You should know the drill by now, but in case you missed it the first time round, Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus:
Would you want this person sitting next to you as a guest at a formal evening dress dinner party?
No thank you. Known juju snatchers make for very nervous dinner tables unless everyone's come loaded up with protections and wards; and given their tendency to carry various fetishes and charms even what passes as 'formal evening wear' on a juju snatcher looks rather scruffy and signals exactly what they are.
How effective a flower-picker does this person seem likely to be?
Probably quite effective, but given the shifty characters of most such individuals it might not be worth risking sending one out.
Could you hire one person like this to do a better job than one other trained mercenary and/or to do the jobs of two (or more) other trained mercenaries?
There are very few people around with skill sets like these - usually because nobody trusts anyone who does this very much and whacks such individuals over the head and cremates them over water (to confuse any ghosts which arise) at the first possible opportunity.
Other comments?
Extensive research over a number of millennia appears to indicate that some succubi who feed on a juju snatcher develop similar powers and abilities for a number of days or even months afterwards. Given the general untrustable natures of juju snatchers, I feel that a good deal more research in this field is required. Even the most insufferably self-righteous of celestial beings has been known to look the other way on occasions when faced with the opportunity to prevent a succubus carrying out such an experiment (and gaining temporary advantage) at the cost of leaving alive for a possible further few decades (or centuries) a juju snatcher.
Desirability:
Snack, but if circumstances do not permit such action then instead give a juju snatcher a wide berth.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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Name and concept: They worry about these guys a lot in mid to southern Africa, I hear. Perhaps it's unfair, but the name sets off various unworthy thoughts.
Archetype mechanics, expression of the concept: Juju Sap: It seems stronger than most of the hexes, and to me more importantly, breaks the design standard that a victim affected by a hex can't be targeted again for 24 hours. Other classes get stronger abilities, though (clerics, for example).
Jinx: Weal effects seem odd and weaker than the major hexes. I don't like to see woe simply lifting its effect from another new class.
Jumbo Juju Sap: "Every eighth level" may have some traditional significance I'm not aware of - otherwise it's just wordier than required. The name's amusing, but the effect doesn't seem a fair trade for grand hexes.
Wider relationships: This shows good research and familiarity with recent Pathfinder material (better than I could claim).
It's a nice idea which gives me some concern about game balance and depth of design understanding, which resembles my feelings about the illusionist's veil also. I'll review it for a vote.
Jinx just kills this for me. The weal powers are weak and uninteresting and the woe powers are cribbed from elsewhere.
There is probably a way to do a more voodoo themed witch, even if you replace the hex abilities, but I don't think this quite hits the mark.
I’ve missed the opportunity to comment on most of the things I noticed about your archetype. The first thing I did notice was that the Xd6 felt a little like a limited version of a 3.5 Warlock. I’m not as sure as others that a witch is totally defined by her hexes, but removing them certainly gives her less flavor, and that wasn’t a popular move with commenting voters. Also by removing such a big piece of rules text, you have to fill the gap, and you only have 450 words to do so.
Small repeated word typo: “Weal allows the juju snatcher to to...”
The best part of your archetype for me was allowing multiple targets at higher levels. Maybe a witch that could somehow use hexes on multiple targets at higher levels could have worked, although certain hexes, like slumber, could become very problematic if this was allowed with it. If your archetype had made the witch into more of a negative buffing (cursing) character it might have worked.
I hope that people consider your previous work when voting. Good luck.
It's a decent implementation of the theme. I think it needs some better weal powers.
Obligatory End of Round 2 Results Post:
Consequently a multitude of books of etiquette are in circulation with examples of ‘appropriate’ phrases to use in various situations. I shall take the liberty of quoting a few:
…Greetings, your most puissant highness…
…Why sirrah, it is a pleasure to meet you. May one inquire, is that an enchanted cold-iron dagger of demon-slaying in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?...
…Goodbye Mr. Bond…
Just now finally have the time this week to give a belated 'sorry this didn't advance' post to the archetypes I voted for that didn't make it. You had me with voodoo-theming; the actual powers and options needed a little work, but it was a cool enough concept at the core that I was willing to give it a vote based just on that. I think that sooner or later there will be paizo-published classes, archetypes, or magic variants that do a PF-centric spin on Voodoo, so I think you do a good job of being ahead of the times on that alone. That plus the fact that the illusionist's veil was in my top three favorite items last round got my vote. Good job on making the contest, commiserations on not making it any further, and hope to see you again next year. :-)