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So here is the situation. This is a Pathfinder-1e/D&D-3.5 game. I came into the game playing a dwarf bard who was awesome fun to play and likable. Then the person playing the 3.5 Healer quit because she got a new work schedule. We needed the Healer desperately. So I retired my bard and took over the Healer.
Well because of events that transpired in the game the Healer, Manika, became extremely enraptured with her god Ilmater. Inspiringly so. Manika was sweet, tender, caring, artistic and above all courageous and self sacrificing. (Oh yes, and a stunningly powerful healer pacifist)
Well we all, ended up trapped in the Darklands. Without Manika the party was doomed. (We were 4th lvl). And the campaign went on. The group rallying around Manika as their sole hope of survival. Their rock of faith and motherly safety. In such desperate straights the group began developing real feelings towards my character. The female Ranger saw her as a teacher. The Magus as a person who had his back no matter what. The swashbuckler as the one person that would always believe in her. But the rogue has truelly started to fall in love with Manika. Real love for this woman that has saved his life more times than he can count. Who has braved a Hezru Demon (at 4th lvl) to save him.
So now things are getting a bit awkward. I talked to one of female players to see if she would be interested in swapping characters, but she's not. So how do you all handle romance between characters? Mind you. Our group is very much into drama and deep RP. Also, we're all trapped in the dark with each other so there is no downtime to "fade to black". I have a feeling the the rogue very much wants to grab my character and kiss her and it's weird.
help...
Hello,
if you are not happy with this situation as a player/if this situation put you in a spot you don't want to be in ...
talk about it with the others players first. Tell them clearly that roleplaying romance with another player don't interest you and that you expect they understand.
Every player has is own sensibility, and shouldn't have to explain in detail why he don't want to roleplay this or that if he's not feeling it on a personnal level.
(when i launch a campaign as a GM, i review with my players what the strong themes of the campaign are going to be, and ask them (in private) what kind of content they don't want to see popping up in game. It's quick to do and is a great way to dodge touchy situations in advance).
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I'm sorry, I bristled a little when I read you tried to swap characters with a woman in this situation. Is it supposed to be easier for her because she's a woman? Actually, don't answer that, just ask yourself why you wanted to do that. Still, I'll try to be useful.
A few things to consider :
- First and foremost, respectfully and calmly talk to the rogue's player about the fact that you are uncomfortable with this and what your limits are, whether it's a hard limit on romance or just boundaries you won't cross. Not every romance has to be very showy, and not everything needs to be described. Also if the rogue's player is making you uncomfortable, he needs to know.
- You may want to talk with your group as well. In my group, while fights can be vividly described and somewhat gore, anything romance (it's rare in our group) is generally kept PG (not even PG13) as characters seek privacy for anything more than a very brief exchange or general attitude. It avoids hogging the spotlight for things that, while relevant to a couple characters, are not relevant for the whole party and for the main story. If you want to just do a brief summary of what happens without playing out the whole conversation or describing every detail, if it's not something you normally do for other situations, you can announce that you would rather keep it at that for parts pertaining to the budding romance.
- Is your character even interested? The rogue may well have an unrequited love. Manika sounds very gentle and caring, but she can still gently let him know she doesn't see him that way. Maybe she really does see the whole party as her family. Leave it to him to play the heartbroken character if he wants.
- You don't need weeks of "fade to black" down-time, just the moments you don't want to describe. Do you describe absolutely everything? Do you describe your character using the bathroom? Do you spend 24 hours irl roleplaying every conversation and action in a 24 hour in-game day? You can fade out unnecessary things even if the party is always gathered.
If you do decide to let the romance happen in game, you'll probably want to rp the initial conversation about it and there may be a kiss mentioned (with a reply letting others know whether your character responds positively or not), but you should feel free to put a stop to it when it has reached a point you don't want to go past. You can do that by describing your characters going further from the party and basically calling out "fade to black", by describing a general idea of what is being discussed/done without going into detail or full rp, or (especially if the rogue's player goes too far for you faster than you expected) just cut in and say "hey, let's put a stop to this". As rp-heavy as a group may be, it should never be so enforced that you can't respect your own limits.
Other than those key dramatic moments like the initial acceptance of romantic feelings, I generally like to make the romance show in simple, small details that don't take much time to add in. It may be a new nickname, a small attention like offering the other character a gift, a brief gesture, an exchanged look, a tendency to check on the other's wounds first when nobody is grievously injured, a comment about future plans/dreams as a couple. Little things like that can show the affection between the characters without turning into weird flirtation around the table.
*Edited to swap two paragraphs because I wrote "first" in my second one. XD
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This isn't a game issue, this a player issue.
Tell the player you're not interested out of character and ask them not to go any further on this.
In general within a game, romance isn't a thing for me group.
No one is interested in someone else's romance at the table. We don't want descriptions or anything much beyond "My character is dating so and so".
Pathfinder is a game about adventures, not dating. It's fine to have it be a part of the background, but it should never (IMO) be something that's given screen time beyond single sentence descriptions.
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I would recommend using these: Romance Rules
So it's been a month since this was first posted. Has there been any progress?
My groups consists of 5 straight married men, so they way we handle romance between us is "awkwardly".
We had a romantic moment recently in game - not romantic in a lustful sense, but a deep moment between a PC and an NPC. While the GM and I really enjoyed this High Roleplay moment it clearly made a couple of the other players a little uncomfortable. They started making jokes and generally upsetting the serious tone of the scene, so we moved on to the next scene.
The GM and I were comfortable playing the scene, but even though my PC and his NPC were the only characters involved it still involved the other players since they were at the table as well. I don't think anyone was offended or upset by this, but if we'd pushed and tried to make the scene longer, or involved another PC we really could have upset someone.
As has been said a few times up-thread, this is something you really should talk about out of character. If you're not comfortable with something then the other players should respect that .
As JackieLane pointed out, your character doesn't have to be interested. Playing unrequite love can certainly add drama to the group. If the other player is happy to play that way then you can know that this romance sub-plot will never threaten to surprise you, while the other player doesn't have to re-write his character .
One more time to hammer the point home: If you're uncomfortable with any part of the game, talk to the group about it.
Others all gave interesting answers, so i'll try to give an advice as to how to reduce the ''awkwardness'' in romance.
I'll assume that when you're roleplaying you do so in the 1st person kinda way. Meaning, you speak as if you are your character. It's how i've seen 99% of players roleplay their character and it's how i do it as well. It helps with immersion and feels more natural. (At least to me it does).
IMO, most of the awkwardness comes from having to roleplay romance with your friends at the ''first person'' level. I find that reduce the awkwardness it helps switch to ''third person'' style roleplaying Instead of acting and speaking in your character voice, you describe what they do using third singular pronouns in a narrative way instead.
That being said there's still some no-go zone, narrating sexual encounters is just not great and it's always gonna feel awkward to me.
Others all gave interesting answers, so i'll try to give an advice as to how to reduce the ''awkwardness'' in romance.
I'll assume that when you're roleplaying you do so in the 1st person kinda way. Meaning, you speak as if you are your character. It's how i've seen 99% of players roleplay their character and it's how i do it as well. It helps with immersion and feels more natural. (At least to me it does).
IMO, most of the awkwardness comes from having to roleplay romance with your friends at the ''first person'' level. I find that reduce the awkwardness it helps switch to ''third person'' style roleplaying Instead of acting and speaking in your character voice, you describe what they do using third singular pronouns in a narrative way instead.
That being said there's still some no-go zone, narrating sexual encounters is just not great and it's always gonna feel awkward to me.
That's an interesting observation. It does make me more aware that I primarily RP in 3rd person, as do many other members of my group.
That's an interesting observation. It does make me more aware that I primarily RP in 3rd person, as do many other members of my group.
I think how you were introduced in the hobby will likely determine the way in which you roleplay. Not that there's any right or wrong way, it' all about preference.
In the case of romance however it might be easier using the third person approach as it's a bit more detached. It's your character that falls in love and you're describing it rather than acting it. If that makes sense.
I also think it's easier for me to roleplay romance as a DM. As i player i never seek romance out as i tend to view my character as extension of myself and i'm just not comfortable with romance. As a DM, even though i tend to ''act'' my npcs to the best of my abilities, it really doesn't bother me as i get the feeling I'm merely enacting part of the world. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense but alas, feelings rarely do.
Personally, I'd tell the Rogue to keep it in their pants and wait until we get out of the adventure alive before anything actually happens. That way, anything that happens can occur during downtime where 'fade to black' is always an option. If they have truly developed feelings for the character, those feelings can wait.
At my table, we just don't get too much into the romance angle of story telling. Flirtations with NPCs and the like are common, but we are all playing a cooperative game and have missions to accomplish. Romance belongs in the same place as your background... IN the background. It can motivate and inspire your character, but it isn't really relevant to mine, or the other group members.