Hello all, the character I'm playing in a modern / dresden-like game is the very protective, antagonistic (against enemies) and charismatic type. He's also a more melee geared character, able to take some decent damage, at least in comparison to the other players.
With all of these personality traits in mind, he's very much the type to insult and antagonize anyone attacking an innocent or a PC coworker, in order to get them to focus on him.
Now, I don't have the antagonize feats or any such abilities, so this is just flavor that my DM may or may not decide to allow to actually tick enemies off and get them to go after me.
Anyways, I'm hoping to get some help on good insults and phrases that one might use to get an enemies attention. Funny would be great, but not necessary.
Some ideas I've got so far:
"Wow! I've faced heavy bags less inept then you!"
"If you were any weaker, I'd almost feel bad about this--!"
"Your mother was a hamster!" (taken from a movie)
Any ideas, advice or suggestions?
Like this?
I feel like either my enemy will be dead or my ally would be dead before I could finish that one.
This is actually pretty tough-- all the good ones I can think of are references to things I don't think exist in Golarion.
Well, actually the campaign is modern / dresden / our world right now. Our characters are currently based in California 2015. So movie references or most references are fair game actually. Really, Golarion references fit slightly less in a way.
What's the main enemy you deal with? I assume humans are an obvious choice, but are there other races? Do we need some good goblin racism going in this thread, or perhaps some short jokes for the gnomes? Gotta help get us going on the setting to come up with applicable insults.
Lets see. We've faced devils, human mages, shape-shifters (like druids, turning into animals) and vampires so far. Smaller races such as half-lings, dwarves and such are seen as just short human beings. While Orcs are seen as just... rougher looking humans. That kind of thing.
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"I'll ride your bloated corpse down the river Styx, before we're done here"
"You're adorable"
"Put em up, and prepare for a spanking, you inelegant clod"
"Come at me scrublord, I'm ripped"
"I'll beat your ass worse than your mom beat your dad"
"You dirt-eating piece of slime. You scum-sucking pig. You son of a motherless goat!"
"I'll smack you around so hard, the stink of your cheap perfume will flee to another state"
-Nearyn
Insults which are nasty enough to distract from a lethal situation are probably socially unacceptable. Racist, sexist, homophobic.
If you don't want that at the gaming table then you need to find other ways to belittle people. Aim at their subordinate position if they're not the BBEG, at their stupidity, their cowardice, their weakness.
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Perhaps I misunderstood. The suggestions above sound more like jokes, not like insults. Especially not ones you'd want to use to get some nowadays brute to attack you instead of an innocent.
Some of those might be offensive for some readers. Read at your own discretion
- With a face like that you mother sure had a hard time loving you.
- After your birth your mother sure used condoms EVERY time.
- Your parents were siblings, right?
- Not even a dog could love that face.
- Those 'roaches I killed yesterday, where they your family?
- Last time I was to the toilet the result smelled similar to you.
- Ewwww! You...you... What the hell ARE you?
- Letting you exist would be a crime against nature.
So you're what happened after that Goblin Dog humped your mother's wooden leg!
Perhaps I misunderstood. The suggestions above sound more like jokes, not like insults. Especially not ones you'd want to use to get some nowadays brute to attack you instead of an innocent.
Some of those might be offensive for some readers. Read at your own discretion
** spoiler omitted **
The reason that most of these sound like jokes is because throwing insults at someone trying to kill you in a life or death situation is a joke. In fact, I suspect the best you can do reliably is make the opposition think you are a dangerously unstable nut, because who else would mock someone who regularly butchers commoners with a greataxe to their face while they are ten feet away.
If you actually want to tick off someone, try an avenue of approach that doesn't appear to be a deliberate attempt to antagonize the opposition. Talk snark to your team mates about how pathetic the opposition is, and try to account for it in the most demeaning way possible e.g. "Hey Jarvis, these mooks are a lot worse than Marco's boys...hey, hey, maybe it's because of their infant high diet. You are what you eat, after all, and these guys certainly fight like babies". At least then your apparent mental defect doesn't also make you seem ****ing dangerous, and it actually encourages your opponents to come over and get the satisfaction of wiping that smartass smile off your face with a good falchion swing. Ideally, do this before the opposition realizes just how bad the idea of getting up close to you is (otherwise they might realize you are baiting them).
Some of my suggestions above have proven to work quite well to tick people off RL.
It is hilarious if some bully is belittling people while his friends laugh about it to walk up and give the bully some of the above. Now they have the choice of letting it go unpunished (and loosing their face) and to try and punish you for it (loosing their face, crying a lot and possibly being charged for attacking you). Win win.
Certainly I would not try that anywhere the bully might carry a gun. At least not RL.
Some of my suggestions above have proven to work quite well to tick people off RL.
It is hilarious if some bully is belittling people while his friends laugh about it to walk up and give the bully some of the above. Now they have the choice of letting it go unpunished (and loosing their face) and to try and punish you for it (loosing their face, crying a lot and possibly being charged for attacking you). Win win.
Certainly I would not try that anywhere the bully might carry a gun. At least not RL.
In RL the bully doesn't expect that one of you isn't going to be on the planet in 2 minute's time. At least, I hope so.
There is a usually a very different dynamic when one's life is at stake. Schoolyard insults might have a good effect on a schoolyard bully or maybe even that ***hole at the pub, but against people who are going to end your life or die trying and are fully aware that the latter is a distinct possibility? Yeah, don't keep your hopes up.
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A bit fourth wall:
Your parents should have errataed you.
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Your mother looks like a Bloatmage?
Oh boy, we could be here all day doing this.
