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Hi, my name is Telessar of Telessar's fine aldori blades and immortality confirmation. What do we do here you may ask?
First we make the finest swords possible in your choice of metal. Polished, sharpened, engraved, and finished with the best spells money can buy. Or as we say in Kyonin, the best sword you can afford.
Second, we offer training classes to use your sword to it's greatest efficacy. We care the most about you, your personal fighting style, and your choice in fine arms.
Third, with our deep knowledge of local laws and tradituons, we step you through the permit process. Let us help you wear your weapon with pride and the confidence of knowing, it's legal.
Finally, if you consider yourself immortal I will personally validate your status by running an Aldori sword through your person. Certificates of immortality are available for the survivors.
Thank you for choosing Tellesar's, we appreciate your business.
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Hi, my name is Meri Doc from the law offices of MeriDoc, Asmodeus, and Dralneen. Are you hurt, dying, perhaps an undead abomination, or a current or former employee of the Blackross Museum? Rest assured we know know where you are. We know where you are Going, (pick up in tone)
And We will Help You Get there! For you see here at MAD we care about You. Your desires, your secrets, your goals, and dreams. Just sign here and here and yes there, and you're well on your way... Remember to check the Meridoc promotional box on all contracts.
Thank you for your so..business.
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Tired of your attempts at some frail, pitiful attempt at life everlasting rising from the grave to haunt or eat you/your loved ones/pets/friends/hangers on? Has the Church of Sarenrae refused to assist in killing yet another group of five ghouls all wearing wayfinders and under 150 gold pieces in salvageable goods? Perhaps you tire of having to lob hundreds of gold to dispose of all the recently animated skeletons after some Urgathoan Varisians visited your town.
Here at Caxaran Undead Disposal Services, we don't judge, except if you're undead. Our program of undead disposal is simple, quick, and effective! Utilizing only the most skilled negative energy channellers, we simply take command of your entire undead horde, and then instruct them to self-dispose! Whether it's by eating one another, setting themselves on fire, throwing themselves off a cliff, or simply walking to the nearest Silver Crusade affiliate, you can rest assured that all those unholy abominations will be out of your life for good!
Caxaran Undead Disposal Services: Teaching the Dead to Fear the Living!
*10% Discount to all supplicants, followers and worshippers of Fumeiyoshi, Glory be to the Lord of Envy!
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Need a new servant, because your old one quit? Need someone to do the dirty work, because you last one got eaten by your pet? Need any service, in any place in Golarion, done by humanoid hands?
At Ed Steepstepper Service Distribution® we have the slave for every occasion! You choose appearance, heritage and skillset, we deliver! From hand-picked humans from the kellids wastes to fresh kyonin elven females, your wish is our command!
(Brandmarks, Runaway insurance and other extras not included in prices)
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Come and see the opening of the newest attribute to Misery Row! Downtown Absalom, I, Ed Steepstepp'r, declare the grand opening of my newest store, Toil & Trouble!
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Are you TIRED of hardtack and rations that taste like they were made before Earthfall?
You need to meet Strikes Like Lightning, the DEFINITIVE expert in Shoanti cuisine!
It travels well, it tastes DIVINE, and I can guarantee you won't find our signature "Mebo Sandwich" anywhere else!
Visit the Blind Skull in Riddleport for a meal you won't forget!
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Are you seeking love in all the wrong places. Well, dispair no more for I bring to you efg Hobbity the matchmaking service that examines 69.9 specific character traits to find your ideal mate. Fill out our extensive but simple questionaire and you are well on your way to love. And remember, I am not just the president, I'm a member.
For those of you that need special help, please also stop by Dr. Love's group therapy. Conveniently located in the temple of Calistria, 3rd floor past the statue turn left and follow the heart shaped footprints.
Thank you.
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Transport your goods with Snuf & Stuf Wheeler
- Reasonably-priced, Courteous, Punctual, Discrete
- Owned and operated since Neth 4686
- Rated by the Exchange:
- Fluent in almost all languages
- Ask about our “Armored” option
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Umm.... hi...? I got this "stuff" for sale. I make all kinds of "stuff" to help make you feel better and stronger and stuffs.
Like if you wanna relax and chill on your bed, or sit and stare at the funny colors. This is the stuff for you. Just keep huffing it 'til ya get the desired effects.
I also got this stuff for the big tough guys. It umm makes you bigger and stronger. A quick spike and your muscles will thank you!
Maybe the school yard would be a better place to set up shop.
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A dwarf comes in and glares at Telessar.
"An elf makin' weap'ns? R'diculous! 'nly dwarves make weap'ns worth havin'! If it's not dwarven, it's crap!"
"Ya prolly all heard o' the Hammerhelm name. No? Well, screw you! We make th' finest weap'ns 'n all o' Golarion! Good dwarven craftsmanship. Just look a' this one 'ere."
He pulls out his finely crafted dwarven longhammer.
"We got yer dwarven waraxes, dwarven long'ammers, dwarven longaxes, dwarven boulder 'elmets, dwarven urgroshes, dwarven double waraxes, and war'ammers. 'Cause all warhammers are dwarven. Tha's why they're Torag's favored weap'n."
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A dwarf comes in and glares at Telessar.
"An elf makin' weap'ns? R'diculous! 'nly dwarves make weap'ns worth havin'! If it's not dwarven, it's crap!"
"Ya prolly all heard o' the Hammerhelm name. No? Well, screw you! We make th' finest weap'ns 'n all o' Golarion! Good dwarven craftsmanship. Just look a' this one 'ere."
He pulls out his finely crafted dwarven longhammer.
"We got yer dwarven waraxes, dwarven long'ammers, dwarven longaxes, dwarven boulder 'elmets, dwarven urgroshes, dwarven double waraxes, and war'ammers. 'Cause all warhammers are dwarven. Tha's why they're Torag's favored weap'n."
A half-Orc with a Tien accent steps up to the Dwarf. "Excuse me, I've been told Dwarven craftsmanship matches the meticulous hada technique of Tien. I was hoping to purchase a dwarven-made adamantine katana".
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"Katana??? Was'sat? You wan' a weap'n wit' an edge, ah'll sell ya th' best dwarven waraxe 'n all o' Golarion."
The half-orc carefully unhooks an ornate sword-scabbard included-from her belt with a delicateness not often seen, and presents it to the dwarf before slowly-and non-aggressively-pulling it out for him to examine.
"My fighting style is the style of the samurai, which dictates I use a Katana when possible. It is a . . . tradition. I assume you understand. Unfortunately, the majority of my fighting style is incompatible with . . . axes. No matter the make-or quality."
She carefully hands over the sword to the dwarf for him to inspect.
"Oh, and do be careful, please, that was is my dead master's blade. It now caries a piece of his soul, as well as a piece of mine."
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A lopsided poster hangs clumsily on the advertisement board;
If it ain't broke, we'll break it!
Find us in the Coins, just 'round the bend from the Sloshing Sow
- Customers reserve the right to anonymity
- Hire three Thugs, get the fourth half-off
- Greater benefits for repeat customers (and even greater if Thugs are returned alive and with their gear).
- Thugs 4 Less requires up front pre-job payment, and will hold a damage deposit until job completion
- Deposit non-returnable if Thugs are killed, imprisoned, maimed, or not returned with all gear intact
- We will take any job, as long as it isn't deemed evil
Find us in the Coins, just 'round the bend from the Sloshing Sow
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Hey, I'm the Undertaker.
Yeah the last guy you see just before Pharasma tells you were to go.. So, have you thought about your future? You see, Pathfindering is a dangerous business and not every pathfinder can afford the exorbitant fees associated with returning the dead to life. Sometimes, even the wealth looted from your corpse just isn't enough. But luckily, do I have a deal for you. Lock in your spot in eternity with just a small down payment.
And may I say, you do look good in pine.
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Welcome to Chelaxian vacations, we offer exciting trips to exotic venues.
Today's special take a trip of a lifetime, literally. Enjoy 3 days and 2 nights in Exotic KAER MAGA. The town where your future lies in the belly of a Troll, just not the way you were thinking. Sample our um exotic entertainment and know that what happens in KAER MAGA stays in KAER MAGA....usually permanently.
And as with All Chelaxian vacations - You'll never be the same again! (TM)
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A dwarven man walks forward with two decently sized axes. "Right. How ta do this? Ah right."
The dwarf covers his mouth and coughs a few times to clear his throat. "At Dwarven Gladiatorial Guards, we hav' men an' women ready ta fight for ya gold. Be it Spectating, Armed Aggression, Guard Services, and many more!" He looks to whom ever that has gathered and nods. "We're also hiring! Be it man, woman, Dwarf, Human, even Halflings! So just ask, and I'll see what I can do for ya!" He grins wide. "We put tha gold first. So we're the golden standard! More than those dark coat thugs of Druma!"
He turns to leave, but stops mid step. "Ah, before I forget. With me ta only one in my lit' comp'ny, Just talk ta me for ya interests. Ya hear!"
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Welcome back to Chelaxian vacations, the garden State of Golarion. We have limited openings for VIP guests in our newly remodeled Fortress of The Nail! A 5 day 25 night all inclusive resort for those "special" people in your life. A diligent staff of Hellknights will see to your every need, while adventure awaits with our Extraplanar Excursion! (Please fill out a special permission form, and notification of next of kin, for this excursion of a Lifetime.)
As witgh all Chelaxian vacations, You'll never be the same again...
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It's another wonderful day at Chelaxian vacations! After much preparation (and many casualties) Chelaxian Vacations has a once in a lifetime experience for that historian DEEP inside you. Experience the Jistakan ruins of Rachitan! Yes you, and a small army of retainers (fees apply) will explore and record details of an Empire lost in history. But wait, there's more to life than ancient treasures, you will also have personal encounters with subterranean creatures that can only be described as "unique." If that wasn't enough we are very likely to meet otherworldly beings for a "cultural" exchange. Chelaxian adventures is required (by law) to mention .... You'll never be the same Again.