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Is it Duckworth & Lewis you object to or is it cricket?
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What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I've been trying with both but I keep striking out:-)
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Neil deGrasse Tyson
30 January 2013 ·
Just to settle it once and for all: Which came first the Chicken or the Egg? The Egg -- laid by a bird that was not a Chicken.
What will be the first three things you outlaw once you become supreme ruler?
Follow up: Am I relevant yet?
Dear Kobold, what is the answer to Life, the Universe, and everything?
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What will be the first three things you outlaw once you become supreme ruler?
Follow up: Am I relevant yet?
You are more rlevant that kobolds. Of course, gnomes are more relevant that kobolds. Hell, the slime mold in my refrigerator is more relevant than kobolds. ~thinks~ I think I need to have the kobold answer that.
Dear Kobold, What do I have in my pocket?
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Hell, the slime mold in my refrigerator is more relevant than kobolds.
{ambushes another spider and kills it with Rumbringer, then returns to emo-y lurking and brooding}
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Dear Mr. Cleaver,
It has come to our attention that you have not paid taxes on the assets "acquired" through the ambushing of low level adventurers. While you may simply view this as a case of "finders keepers" as you listed on your return, we can assure you this is an erroneous assumption on your part and will require immediate payment of 15,000gp in back taxes, penalties, fees, and interest.
Failure to pay may result in liens placed upon the holdings of you and your family, such as they are, mandatory deductions from future "acquisitions", government sanctioned cerebral realignment to ensure adherence to the tax code in the future, and possible forced internal organ reassignment.
We look forward to hearing from you and are quite glad that we found you in the quagmire of a filing system that is the Federated Revenuuer Service, the only folks who can truly claim "finders keepers".
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Dear Mr. Cleaver,
It would appear that you have plans to either pay us in counterfeit gp or that you are seeking to obtain false papers either to defraud the Federated Revenuuer Service or to attempt to escape the country. We can assure you none of these options will work.
We can smell imitation and plated "gp" from across the room (it has a slightly spicy and sour scent to it). There are storage areas in the bowels of the FRS that are filled to the brim with such coins (making the subbasements of the FRS smell like tacos that are starting to go bad).
False papers will accomplish naught save you getting a second tax notice for your new identity. Yes, you can be taxed twice, Mr. Cleaver or whatever your name will soon be.
And if you are looking at the death certificate option, Mr. Cleaver, please note that we have already placed a lien upon your physical being so if you fake your death, you will be come the property of the FRS. I'm sure we could find something for a creature of your ... stature ... to do. Perhaps aid in training our attack dogs? We do run through training dummies rather quickly.
Why not pay the due amount of 22,000gp now, Mr. Cleaver instead of complicating matters or allowing the taxes, penalties, fees, and interest to increase any further?
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Is it bragging or just observation to point out in your thread that despite all your tea bashing in mine, the gap between us has grown wider, and my minions are awesomely keeping that gap going?
I suppose I could genuinely ask why you seem to dislike tea, but I'm betting it's all a jealous ruse.
How did you not ban me last time? I thought I would've earned it then.
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Did you know goblins are better than kobolds in every way? We're stronger, more dexterous, better at burning things, have a more storied and better developed cultural background, and plushies of us for sale. I don't see any plushy kobolds, do you? We're also double the CR without class levels, and have better racial archetypes. Do you have an alchemist with a dire bat companion? Can you gain a bite attack that latches onto people with the grab ability as a barbarian? I thought not. Your best ability is a 1/day full round diplomacy. Diplomacy? What is this, World of Darkness? I'm here to kill and burn stuff!
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Did you know goblins are better than kobolds in every way? We're stronger, more dexterous, better at burning things, have a more storied and better developed cultural background, and plushies of us for sale. I don't see any plushy kobolds, do you? We're also double the CR without class levels, and have better racial archetypes. Do you have an alchemist with a dire bat companion? Can you gain a bite attack that latches onto people with the grab ability as a barbarian? I thought not. Your best ability is a 1/day full round diplomacy. Diplomacy? What is this, World of Darkness? I'm here to kill and burn stuff!
Tail terror -> long lash is acutslly kidna good, as it gives you reach even while using another weapon, giving you a large AOO range.
Not everything.
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Dear Kobold, are we there yet? And if we are there yet, then WHERE ARE WE?!?
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Why haven't you told me whether I should score with the chicken or the egg!!
Damn it Lizard, Eggs don't keep forever!!
Edit: wait, where's the egg!! Curse you Kobold you got me again!!
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~innocent look~Egg? What egg?
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There are entirely too many egg stealers on these boards:-D
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I know a place where you can get plenty more eggs, yeeesssss.
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Hey, Nurn told me there was a party in this thread.
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Did you know goblins are better than kobolds in every way? We're stronger, more dexterous, better at burning things, have a more storied and better developed cultural background, and plushies of us for sale. I don't see any plushy kobolds, do you? We're also double the CR without class levels, and have better racial archetypes. Do you have an alchemist with a dire bat companion? Can you gain a bite attack that latches onto people with the grab ability as a barbarian? I thought not. Your best ability is a 1/day full round diplomacy. Diplomacy? What is this, World of Darkness? I'm here to kill and burn stuff!
Goblin Cleaver? Is that you?
I had that dalliance with the Goblin King, but I had no idea it bore fruit.
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Did you know goblins are better than kobolds in every way? We're stronger, more dexterous, better at burning things, have a more storied and better developed cultural background, and plushies of us for sale. I don't see any plushy kobolds, do you? We're also double the CR without class levels, and have better racial archetypes. Do you have an alchemist with a dire bat companion? Can you gain a bite attack that latches onto people with the grab ability as a barbarian? I thought not. Your best ability is a 1/day full round diplomacy. Diplomacy? What is this, World of Darkness? I'm here to kill and burn stuff!Goblin Cleaver? Is that you?
I had that dalliance with the Goblin King, but I had no idea it bore fruit.
Wait ... what? Do goblin males carry the young to term?!?! Where was this bit of info in the Goblins of Golarion book???
Or are you really a slaad, June? Was the Goblin King an egg receptacle allowing Goblin Cleaver to burst forth from his stomach in a gory birth display ala Alien? If so, would Kobold Cleaver not be a kobold, but a slaad-kobold hybrid? A kobaald?
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Either that or she was drunk at the time...
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Who cares how it happened? Don't you understand the ramifications of what she said?
I. AM. ROYALTY!
You may all cower at my feet now and present offerings of things that burn and things with which to do the burning.
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*sets Goblin Cleaver on fire*
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*dances in the flames, being a high level firebomber alchemist that keeps a steady supply of resist fire extracts at hand - this explains my unusual wit and lack of fear of the written word*
Yay! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Hehehehe! That tickles. Who wants burny hugs?
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And countdown to learning the difference between resistance and immunity in three, two, one....
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*yawns* hours, you mean. At ten minutes a level, I'll be okay for a while.
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You think I use mundane fire. That's cute.
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Either that or she was drunk at the time...
Usually a safe bet. I always have a few boxes of wine in reserve.
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Aw mom, Is that why we keep the beav caged up in the basement?
That's how I was raised. It's a right of passage. He's just lucky the rest of the litter isn't in there with him. I remember my litter mates...
...they were delicious.
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So, I kind of started a huge fire. Do you think anyone will buy it if I say my cow started the blaze?
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How does one get off Kobold Cleaver's banned list?
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Given that the cowardly scum hasn't even seen fit to post in his own thread for days (during which time he posted in other people's threads) I don't think it matters.
So go ahead, pull up a recliner, grab a few cold ones and make yourself at home.
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Aw mom, Is that why we keep the beav caged up in the basement?
The reasons are many, Wally.
Mostly, it's because of rabies. I mean, I don't actually know if he has it, but better safe than sorry.
Also, you're home pretty early, Wally. Done turning tricks already? That had better mean you have some money for mommy.
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Who dares to try and stop the time bomb?!
Stop putting time bombs in my thread, a~!#*!&. Or...cheekbump? I guess the opposite of a hole. Or was it a neckbump? Wait, where did bubonic plagues go?
Forget it. I should probably ban you, but finding that banlist is a lot of work.
Is it Duckworth & Lewis you object to or is it cricket?
I object to you Brits trying to steal our sports and make them stupid.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I've been trying with both but I keep striking out:-)
A male chicken.
No, I don't understand it either.
What will be the first three things you outlaw once you become supreme ruler?
Follow up: Am I relevant yet?
1. I will outlaw humans, gnomes, and dwarves. Ask me about my next three.
2. You're on a KC thread. Congratulations.
Dear Kobold, what is the answer to Life, the Universe, and everything?
Sharoth stares long into the abyss, awaiting his answer.
What is taking the kobold so long? he wonders. What IS the answer? He asked it as a joke, but the question was sincere. Long has the white gecko puzzled and pondered and pixilated over this question. Why is he here? Why is the universe here? And what's up with the other stuff?And then, to his shock, the abyss stares back. And opens. And Sharoth sees...
Dear Kobold, What do I have in my pocket?
Another Sharoth.
BRRRRRRRAAAAAWWWWRWRRRMRMRMMRMRMMMMM
Dear Mr. Cleaver,
It has come to our attention that you have not paid taxes on the assets "acquired" through the ambushing of low level adventurers. While you may simply view this as a case of "finders keepers" as you listed on your return, we can assure you this is an erroneous assumption on your part and will require immediate payment of 15,000gp in back taxes, penalties, fees, and interest.
Failure to pay may result in liens placed upon the holdings of you and your family, such as they are, mandatory deductions from future "acquisitions", government sanctioned cerebral realignment to ensure adherence to the tax code in the future, and possible forced internal organ reassignment.
We look forward to hearing from you and are quite glad that we found you in the quagmire of a filing system that is the Federated Revenuuer Service, the only folks who can truly claim "finders keepers".
I will refer you to my accountant, Mr. Babaji, momentarily.
And if you are looking at the death certificate option, Mr. Cleaver, please note that we have already placed a lien upon your physical being so if you fake your death, you will be come the property of the FRS.
Damn, I thought that meant this would go away if Babaji ate you. Well, this is awkward. Sorry about that.
Is it bragging or just observation to point out in your thread that despite all your tea bashing in mine, the gap between us has grown wider, and my minions are awesomely keeping that gap going?
I suppose I could genuinely ask why you seem to dislike tea, but I'm betting it's all a jealous ruse.
How did you not ban me last time? I thought I would've earned it then.
A boot does not ban an ant.
*Steps on TGTG's big toe*
Did you know goblins are better than kobolds in every way? We're stronger, more dexterous, better at burning things, have a more storied and better developed cultural background, and plushies of us for sale. I don't see any plushy kobolds, do you? We're also double the CR without class levels, and have better racial archetypes. Do you have an alchemist with a dire bat companion? Can you gain a bite attack that latches onto people with the grab ability as a barbarian? I thought not. Your best ability is a 1/day full round diplomacy. Diplomacy? What is this, World of Darkness? I'm here to kill and burn stuff!
All true.
There are, however, f+&$ing s$%#loads of us you little c&##.
Dear Kobold, are we there yet? And if we are there yet, then WHERE ARE WE?!?
Edit: wait, where's the egg!! Curse you Kobold you got me again!!
You know, for a parent, you seem to have very little regard for young life. I didn't tell you, but that was a kobold egg you had there. You sick, twisted—
~innocent look~Egg? What egg?
Hey wait where'd my lunch go
Hey, Nurn told me there was a party in this thread.
Oh f#&&. Now you've done it.
Wait ... what? Do goblin males carry the young to term?!?! Where was this bit of info in the Goblins of Golarion book???
At least when she forgot to throw me off a cliff (the first time) it made sense. Kobold eggs are kind of hard to tell apart, at least for that racist witch.
Who cares how it happened? Don't you understand the ramifications of what she said?
I. AM. ROYALTY!
You may all cower at my feet now and present offerings of things that burn and things with which to do the burning.
Oh g&@ d&#n it now this punk has a mandate.
You think I use mundane fire. That's cute.
Who invited this guy? He set fire to my banlist and I forget who was—I mean, he smells bad. Is that methane? Hydrogen? Napalm?
Aw mom, Is that why we keep the beav caged up in the basement?
WHAT PART OF FAMILY IS BANNED DO YOU MONSTERS NOT UNDERSTAND
So, I kind of started a huge fire. Do you think anyone will buy it if I say my cow started the blaze?
Is the cow's name June? If so, definitely.
How does one get off Kobold Cleaver's banned list?
Well, I have a pretty bad memory. Why do you ask?
Given that the cowardly scum hasn't even seen fit to post in his own thread for days (during which time he posted in other people's threads) I don't think it matters.
So go ahead, pull up a recliner, grab a few cold ones and make yourself at home.
Not a question. Banned.
^Guys, please stop using my thread to advertise your businesses. Do I post on your threads talking about my lemonade stands plots to overthrow the old order and rule the Underdark as Princess Cobalt Clover?
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Oh goody! I've been banned!! I've never been banned before. How does it work? I mean if I'm supposed to be getting those fancy sunglasses then I want a cool mirrored wrap around pair.
*Joyously spawns all over Kobold Cleaver. Then goes ahead and spawns all over June Cleaver and Wally Cleaver. Wouldn't want the other family members to feel left out.*
That being taken care of, pulls up a recliner and breaks out several gallons of gourmet tea to consume while tuning the TV to the Slaad News Network and setting it for maximum volume.
I'll be right here when you get me my sunglasses.
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Not British KC.....
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*Joyously spawns all over Kobold Cleaver. Then goes ahead and spawns all over June Cleaver and Wally Cleaver. Wouldn't want the other family members to feel left out.*
Yeah...
Take it from someone who accidentally brought about the existence of Poodle-Jack-Slaadi hybrids, you really don't want to start mixing anything with the Cleaver genes.
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*Joyously spawns all over Kobold Cleaver. Then goes ahead and spawns all over June Cleaver and Wally Cleaver. Wouldn't want the other family members to feel left out.*Yeah...
Take it from someone who accidentally brought about the existence of Poodle-Jack-Slaadi hybrids, you really don't want to start mixing anything with the Cleaver genes.
Oh come on, where's your joy for the sheer creation of chaos? :-)
*Spawns all over Ambrosia Slaad*
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The 8th Dwarf is an Aussie, quite obviously. Can't you tell by his accent?
Hey Kobold...I have news for you...
There's also f#*^ing $#!+loads of us, too! We breed like crazy. I fathered eight or nine kids on the way in here. *starts handing out cigars*
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I thought It had something to do with the tentacles. Me and Eddie made 30 bucks...It was a slow day
30 bucks? 30 bucks?
Is June Cleaver gonna have to choke a b%#~&?
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Is June Cleaver gonna have to choke a b$#$~?
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Is June Cleaver gonna have to choke a b$#$~?
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Is June Cleaver gonna have to choke a b$#$~?