| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Interrogator’s Ally
Aura faint divination/evocation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 15,392 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The thick blade of this +1 ominous silversheen dagger resembles something more like a cleaver. The immaculate blade is attached to its blood-stained, oaken handle by a corroding brass rivet. When wielded against a helpless or pinned opponent, its enhancement bonus is +4 better than normal for the purposes of the ominous special ability.
In addition, once per day, the wielder of the Interrogator’s Ally can use the spell discern lies on a helpless or pinned opponent by touching the blade to their throat (DC 17 Will negates). This effect lasts as long as the wielder keeps the blade pressed to the opponent’s throat. The effect ends immediately if the blade is removed or the subject escapes. If the subject lies while under the effects of the spell, the blade appears to tarnish.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, discern lies, doom; Cost 8072 gp
Some wording and formatting issues. The bad thing is that in some ways, this could be described as a SiaC of discern lies. But I feel that it rises out of that towards Superstar territory due to some subtle things the author worked into the item. First of all, the use of ominous, combined with playing with the property when holding it to someone's throat, instantly gives this item some actual weapon special quality cred while tying that into its other powers, while also preparing us for the explanation as to why this dagger provides the effect it does (without the setup, I would raise my eyebrows quite high to hear about a dagger that discerns lies). Holding the dagger to someone's throat, despite a very non-combat power, still makes me feel like I'm truly using a weapon and not a sharp wondrous item of some kind, a quality that was rare for the weapons with non-combat powers. Even so, this was still borderline for me, and with all the well-thought-out and subtle buildup, it could have used one last push to awesomeness but having looked at all the items, I'm going to go with Weak Keep.
Hi there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your item: flavor, usability, and how the item is presented. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.
Flavor
It's definitely flavorful, I'll give it that.
Usability
This would be a fun item to add to any investigative or urban-themed game.
Presentation
Item name is capitalized and not italicized in text. Pricing seems off.
Final Thoughts
It's not much more than a spell in a can with a few extra shiny bits. I do not recommend this item for advancement.
Kept.
Modules Overlord
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
My approach to judging these items is "How would I approach this as a developer?" If I would be pleased by the turnover and not see any reason to give negative feedback to the writer, that's great! If I'd keep it but it would take a lot of work or I'd want to let the writer know what needed improvement, that's fine but not perfect. If I'd scrap the item because it would be faster to write new material myself, that's bad.
This gets a keep from me because I love the idea of a dagger with a bonus to its ominous quality against helpless and pinned opponents. That's flavorful, mechanically sound, and solid design. It creates something new without needing to define new terms. That said, after that it's a SiaC. After the neat twist of bonus ominous that's almost disappointing. Also, items aren’t unique items that have capitalized names unless there is a strong reason for them to be, and even them as the names of magic items they should be italicized.
Neither of those is problem enough to drop this out of my keep list. I'd try to find time to give the writer feedback to keep looking for more ideas like the new use of ominous, and fewer spells slapped into items.
I really like the visuals of this item. I also think that making the use of a fairly situational magic weapon property was good. I agree with the judges about the SIAC nature of the item.
Sorry, Frankie, I wasn't a fan of this one, I'm afraid. It just felt too evil to me and not something I'd really want my PCs to have. I know not everyone has this style, but I like the PCs to be the heroes of the story and this just felt too opposed to that idea.
Still, thatyou're in the Top 32, so congratulations! Best of luck moving forward!
Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!
This was a mid-level item to me. I upvoted it more often than not, but it didn't have that final hook that would have made it Superstar for me. What I liked the most is the theme. This is a very solid, tightly-written item that revolves around a single idea. The use of ominous special ability is a creative one and the discern lies meshes well with that.
But, as others have said as well, this would have needed something more. Something that would have added a new option to the game. Something that couldn't be replicated by class features.
Still, a good item without a doubt. Best of luck for the coming rounds!
Every year there are a few items in the top 32 that don't stand out as particularly interesting to me when I see them during voting, but I end up liking in retrospect. This is one of them.
My initial read told me that this was just a SiaC of an unexciting spell with a few minor bonuses thrown in. But looking again, I see great execution, compelling visuals, a clear theme, and clever mechanical details.
Congratulations!
Congrats Frankie!
I was pretty much 50/50 on this item. It got a lot of my votes, but mainly because of inferior competition. The torture theme was a bit out of my comfort level, but it is only a game afterall. I liked the description and that the blade changed appearance when detecting lies.
Good Luck next round
Congratulations, Frankie! Loved the narrative for your item ("Vee hav vays ov mekking you talk..."), and upvoted it a bunch on that alone. Great job!
I remember this item very well because I was super conflicted about it.
I loved it and I also downvoted it somewhat consistantly.
Templating issues.
A thick blade...great intro.
Some clunky wording in the 2nd sentence.
Spell in a can with no end.
But...it is one of those items that made me think "WHY DO WE NOT HAVE THIS ALREADY?!" You made a choice to be a simple SiaC...but you pulled it off.
Overall, I really liked this and I'm not sorry to see it advance you. I would really work on some of your technical writing skills and then to try and make sure that avoid a simple reskin of something (SiaC'ness) on future submissions.
Clever tying together of theme + mechanics. Good visual. While I'm biased against Evil Items, and this qualifies as such in my mind, I can see it being a great RP tool in a dark-toned campaign...
However, I am not 100% sold on the RP edges being enough that any character I would play would buy one (leaving out the whole evil thing entirely). 15K for a +1 dagger that is a +1 to Intimidate 90% of the time? (The DC of the critical-triggered will save for ominous is, well, I won't say trivial, but it's why I've never remotely considered purchasing the ominous weapon enhancement on any weapon I own. So it doesn't really play into the item's value for me.)
I could see this item very clearly as something granted by a totalitarian monarchy or church to its elite inquisitors/spies/etc., in the assistance of their tasks in ferreting out the dissident. In that space, it makes a lot of sense to me, and I'm on board with it... but at 15K, they're not cheap enough to be feasible in that campaign role.
So, for actual PCs to buy it, it needs to probably be their primary weapon (I can't see spending 15K on a backup weapon, personally), and this doesn't hit 'primary weapon' niche for me.
Teal-deer: Very cool image and a deft wedding of theme/RP to function; unfortunately one of several top 32 items that I can't see any character buying for the listed price.
(This is not necessarily a ding on you so much as it is the pricing system in general, I think. I can't count how many published magic items I've read where I'm like "okay, that's neat, but for that price, holy crap, no. It's cool but it's not THAT cool." And I've certainly had that moment several times so far with the other top 32, where I really like an item but can't imagine ever playing a character who would buy it.)
Congratulations on making the Top 32! Great work!
One of my favorite items out of all that I saw and one of my Top 20. Love how the ominous special ability is enhanced by the action of holding it to a helpless target's throat. This is how you do SIAC and get away with it. Love the imagery! Top marks.
Hi Frankie! Welcome to the top 32! I'm going to try to give everybody a short review, so here goes:
I'm pretty ignorant of prefixes for magical items. Ominous? Silversheen? In voting, I might not have taken the time to look these up, and I suspect that your average voter might not have either. But it worked out!
Having looked those things up, my first reaction was: why does a masterwork item made of silversheen have a corroded brass rivet on it? Maybe the creator was trying to give the dagger a more intimidating look?
Same thing sort of goes for the "tarnishing" effect, but I think you were doing that on purpose. Anti-rusting capabilities might be construed to do something like that, I suppose.
Mechanically, I like how the abilities dovetail. I think it was just enough to get you through. Good job!
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
,
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
|
Congrats on making the top 32.
That being said, there isn't a lot I like about this item. As Mark references "a sharp wondrous item" that's exactly how I feel about it, but come to a very different conclusion. None of it's special powers have anything to do with it being a weapon. Sure, the discern lies kicks in when you hold it to someone's throat, but you're not actually using it as a weapon then - you're using it once combat is over, not making attacks. The ominous ability works as a bonus to intimidate, since that's something you can use in combat to enhance your subsequent attacks on someone, but your item is all about interrogation. It's set of powers would be better in torturers implements of some sort.
Beyond that, none of the powers themselves are new or innovative - a bonus to a skill, and a SIAC. This simply just didn't do it for me.
Why am I critiquing every item? Well, frankly, I love this sort of thing. I sincerely enjoy editing and the art of the critique. I have long considered starting a blog to that end, and maybe this will be the kickstart I need. Speaking of which, if you want to hire an editor, I'd be happy to help ;)
Regardless, the point of my criticism is always to help. Nothing is perfect, so everything can potentially be made better. My comments will often be less than flattering, but they will never come from a place of malice. The point here is to make your item better, not to make you feel bad.
So, what am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? My primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience. What I am generally not looking at is flavor text. Descriptions of your item will only hurt if the item evokes imagery I dislike. I care about theme, of course, but a crow item with blind and pilfering hand in it is thematic enough--I don't need to read about different kinds of dark wood were used and how many crow parts are sticking out of it.
Finally, know that I did not read any critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.
Now, let's get to the critique!
As always, congratulations on making the top 32. No matter what I thought of your item, you won, and you should feel awesome!
Ok, so, right off the bat, I'm not really a fan. First, this is a weapon intended for an unsavory thing I don't like encouraging in a heroic game like Pathfinder: torture/interrogation of prisoners at blade point. You hold a blade to their throat, get a +5 to intimidate them, and find out if they lie.
Secondly, the way the intimidation rules work, well, all the Discern Lies effect would do is tell you that you failed. See, by the rules, if the intimidation succeeds, they absolutely help you, and if you fail, they have no need to help you at all. Detecting that their lying isn't even especially helpful because at that point, you've already failed your intimidation check. Presumably, that means they don't fear you'll kill them, as that would surely fall under the umbrella of the Intimidation check, right?
It's just awkward. Why choose Discern Lies? Why not something that actually made them tell the truth? I don't know, it seems to show a lack of understanding of the rules the item interacts with.
There are things I like about it, though, that make me think you could be a good designer who just designed something I disliked. One, your use and manipulation of the Ominous quality was well done. Two, you did something impressively subtle by making the weapon silversheen, almost certainly just so that it could tarnish when the target lies. So, you at least have that going for you.
If my party found this item, we'd be uncomfortable that the GM wanted to encourage this behavior and sell it. Some one sure would custom order this, and I wouldn't want to play with them.
Overall, I don't like this item, but I can see the spark behind it. Good luck.
Interrogator’s Ally
Aura faint divination/evocation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 15,392 gp; Weight 1 lb.Description
The thick blade of this +1 ominous silversheen dagger resembles something more like a cleaver. The immaculate blade is attached to its blood-stained, oaken handle by a corroding brass rivet. When wielded against a helpless or pinned opponent, its enhancement bonus is +4 better than normal for the purposes of the ominous special ability.In addition, once per day, the wielder of the Interrogator’s Ally can use the spell discern lies on a helpless or pinned opponent by touching the blade to their throat (DC 17 Will negates). This effect lasts as long as the wielder keeps the blade pressed to the opponent’s throat. The effect ends immediately if the blade is removed or the subject escapes. If the subject lies while under the effects of the spell, the blade appears to tarnish.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, discern lies, doom; Cost 8072 gp
Is the Item Decorative?
This item seems reasonably decorative, yes. A higher quality metal being used for the blade (rather than what is presumably 'just' silversheened steel) would have been nicer, but some effort has been made to present a reasonably decorative item.
Decorative score? 4 out of 7.
Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
Since succubi obviously have certain natural advantages already at their disposal when it comes to 'interrogation', this item is considerably less useful around a succubus' home when it comes to any non-decorative purpose.
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? 1 out of 7.
Does the Item seem Likely to be Helpful in the Fantasy Setting of an Imaginary World where 'Operation Sealion' is taking Place?
So the (for simplicity's sake) Nasties are lining up with all their little boats to launch an invasion-attempt across a strait upon a nation of perfectly (socially) harmless tea-drinkers. And then there's this item.
So what impact is this item likely to have on proceedings?
Well most interrogations of prisoners are going to take place either well before or in the wake of any Operation Sealion, and the one use per day limit on the special ability makes it in any case of rather limited value for impromptu 'in the field' questioning of any enemies captured during actual operations. That's not to say thought that there probably wouldn't be some of these issued, if they were available.
'Sealion' score? 1 out of 7.
Total: 6 out of 21.
Congratulations for having made it to the Top 32, sorry you didn't move on.
Sorry I'm late to the party, I hadn't realized how big a task commenting on everyone else's items was going to be in the Official Critique Thread!
Seeing as how many other people have commented above me, and you've moved well on from this point... I'm going to keep my comments brief. To understand my rating system, see my larger post on my critique thread.
As an overall comment, each and every one of you that made it to the Top 32 must have had a "Publishable" item in my opinion because you appealed to not only the voters but also the judges -- so if I say "Rewrite" it's more to be "rewriteable to be SUPERSTAR!"
Publishable -- Your weapon would have benefited more too if we had clear "torture" rules -- but those are hard to write and I don't hold it against Paizo for not writing them but it would have made this item.
Interrogator’s Ally
Congratulations Frankie!
Another dagger I didn't see during voting, but I think it would have been mostly an up-vote for me. The ominous ability is pre-existing, but you put a spin on it to help make it your own. Not enough imho, especially when the second ability is SIaC. Writing needs work though formatting is fine, which shows your attention to designing. The strength of this item though is the flavor you've added. cleaver-esque dagger, functions when held against the throat,* and the tarnish of it's immaculate blade. *normally that kind of detail bothers me, but it seems appropriate for this kind of interrogation.
Keep up the visuals! Good luck, I hope we see you back!