Covent's Journey

[Covent]

Superstar Season's Greetings all,

I have noticed this year quite a few posters that are taking their first try this year at the RPG Superstar contest. Now, while I am a relative newcomer myself having only participated the past two years I thought perhaps someone could benefit from the story of my mistakes.

2013:

This year I discovered the contest right before it began. I almost did not enter, however, the spirit of camaraderie and well-wishing impelled me to try.

I quickly and without any real review built an entry that I at first loved.

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Bracers of Joy
Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot wrists; Price 6,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Often embroidered with scenes of athletic contest these soft leather, fur lined bracers, are usually found to be incredibly comfortable.
Upon donning the Bracers of Joy, you feel a wave of happiness and contentment emanate from the bracers to fill the rest of your body and spirit.

This feeling grant a constant increase in your base land speed of 10 feet, with this increase treated as an enhancement bonus. It further grants you the ability to once per day activate the bracers as part of making a skill or ability check to gain a +3 competence bonus to that skill or ability check. This bonus must be assigned before the skill or ability check is rolled. Activating this competence bonus causes a burst of pleasure to engulf you.

After using the bracers to gain a competence bonus, you find yourself craving the joy they give.

You may choose to activate a set of Bracers of Joy before one day has passed since their last activation. For each time the bracers are activated prior to recharging you take three points of lethal damage that may not be prevented.

After using the Bracers of Joy to gain a competence bonus for the first time, in any situation where you could benefit from the bracers, you must make a DC 13 Will save or activate the bracers gaining both the competence bonus and feeling of joy they confer.

Due to the life-sapping nature of the magic of the bracers, creatures that have fast healing or regeneration find the Bracers of Joy repugnant and the bracers are non-functional for any such creature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Skill Focus(Any), Delusional Pride, Longstrider; Cost 3,250 gp

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I became disenchanted with this item almost immediately after the voting process started. Comparing it to some of the superstar items it is embarrassing.

The underlying reasons for this were mostly tied to my complete lack of preparation and the fact that in all honesty my entry was frankly a laundry list of things not to do in RPG superstar.

• Name is boring and non-evocative: "Blank" of "Blank" is in my opinion a naming convention to avoid.

• Item is basically cursed and possibly should have been DQ'ed on that alone.

• Item's bonus is very Banal: A truly superstar item is something more than +"blank" to "blank" and some generic bonus/SiaC/penalty elimination.

• Small formatting error's such as lack of italics on the item name in the description paragraph and using capitalization on the spells in the construction requirements.
  

Despite all of this however, the community was kind enough to give me some feedback and I feel that while embarrassing and showing how far I had to grow this definitely helped my stretch and try to achieve my potential, in short it was a humbling learning experience.

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What I learned:

• Take your time and do it right. Even the simplest ideas deserve some time and attention.

• Do not simply try for something safe, really reach for the stars!

• While plot and story are wonderful, an item entry is generally not the place for them to be.
  

2014:

Having done several review passes this year I found myself happily entering.

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Soul’s Visage
Aura moderate divination; CL 11th
Slot headband; Price 5,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Spun of fine crystal but with the strength of steel, and shaped into a clan or creed's icon, a Soul’s Visage rests without aid upon its wearer's brow.

If worn by a character possessing an honor score greater than zero, a Soul’s Visage illuminates with a clear and penetrating light that bathes all who observe it in a sense of the wearer's integrity and worth. The Soul’s Visage continues to shine unwaveringly while worn and grants the wearer a +1 bonus to his honor score as long as the wearer's honor score remains greater than zero. The luminescence from a Soul's Visage is treated as a light spell for all purposes.

Due to the forthrightness and virtue represented by wearing a Soul's Visage the wearer’s honor is reduced to one instead of zero when the wearer overreaches while attempting to spend honor.

A successful Knowledge (nobility) check against a DC of 19 enables anyone who can observe the unobstructed light cast by a Soul’s Visage to determine the wearer’s exact honor score.

Intentionally hiding or falsifying the light from a Soul’s Visage while worn is considered a dishonorable act and results in an honor loss appropriate to the situation in which the infraction occurred.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, legend lore, light lance; Cost 2,500 gp

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Yet again, I was humbled when comparing my item against the superstar and even the top 100 items. It was very clear to me that I had over-thought and over written my idea.

The community gave me some helpful and insightful feedback.

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Soul's Visage

A simple item, but you stretched a little too far when looking for a new rules area to tap into. Honor is a bit too obscure for the majority of voters, I think. Also, the biggest bonus for the item is a +1 to a PCs score - needs a lot more wow.

Thunderbuckets wrote:

Soul's Visage

First of all, add me to the list of people who don't know the honor system (and didn't look it up to get the exact mechanics).

That said: mechanically, it's still giving you a +1 bonus. It takes awhile to get to that fact, and it's got the business with the light and the Knowledge (nobility) and the hiding, but: this is a +1 bonus to something. It is so hard to make "you get a bonus to a thing" a Superstar-worthy idea, no matter what the bonus or what the thing. So the concept isn't making me jump up and want to run over and find out how the honor system works. I don't know everything about how psionics works, for instance, but if I get an item that's just "you get a +1 to your psionics points" then I can already tell I'm not going to be super-interested in what it does. That coupled with some minor structure things (lowercase and italicize your item, missing comma, weird word choice in a few places) kept this from superstardom in my book.

Feros wrote:

Honor is a very niche rule set, and consequently this item is only of use for a very small number of characters in most campaigns if at all. The visual (a glowing stone) isn’t all that spectacular either. For what it does, it is a good item. Just not Superstar.

Looking at this item it is almost a duplicate of the last year, but arrived at along a completely different path.

Improvements:

• The name is much better and the idea is more coherent.

• Is at least trying to work in an underdeveloped design space.
  

Problems:

Writing is stilted and lacks flow and grace.

Is too esoteric, shows that I was not really grokking my audience.

Buried the lead: The major power of this is supposed to be the fact that you cannot go to zero honor from overreaching but that is almost at the end of the item.

Effect is a banal +"blank" to "blank", the same as last years entry.

Still has minor template errors, as noted.

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The fact is that this item was worked and reworked, basically to its death. Originally it was an item that let you wield your honor as shield and sword, but after so many passes, it was cut and homogenized to the point that you see.

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What I learned

• While editing and review passes are essential, do not overcook your item and end up with bland tasteless glop.

• No matter how presented a +"blank" to "blank" ability will very rarely have any wow factor.

• Items should be dynamic and forceful, not passive and distant.

• Know your audience, work in a space that appeals to them. If you are going to work on something truly esoteric ensure that it has some path that will make it accessible to your audience.
  

Basically, I have had a rough couple of years, due entirely to the fact that as a designer and a writer I had a lot of growing to do.

I hope that some of you can see that I am in no way trying to be discouraging.

I am attempting to say:

"Trying, whether you fail or not is the only way to improve. No matter how your entry is received the fact is that merely competing will allow you to gain the most important and valuable thing... experience."

I hope that this is encouraging to those of you entering for your first time, as it is my opinion that this contest is a wonderful thing and has an amazing community. You will find few if any places better to display and hone your craft.

Tl;dr: You can do it! First year of fifth, the fact that you are here is awesome. Good luck!

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Lots of really good advice here, Covent.

Quote:

Name is boring and non-evocative: "Blank" of "Blank" is in my opinion a naming convention to avoid.

Agreed. I'm really curious what types of names we'll see this year. While a lot of weapons and armor have good names in CRB/UE, the vast, vast majority of staves, rings and rods all have "of" names. None of them even have that many synonyms (i.e. a thesaurus search for staff comes up with rod, but you can't just use them interchangeably in this context).

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Let me add also, however, that it is completely possible to get in on your first time entering. Much to my surprise, I did in 2012. However, because I wasn't expecting it, I wasn't really ready. Here's some of my advice about what you should be doing after you submit your item so you can be ready to actually compete in the contest.

[David S. McCrae]

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Let me add also, however, that it is completely possible to get in on your first time entering.

Hearing this makes me happy. :)

[Mike Kimmel]

Took me five times to get into the Top 4, though I made alternate on my 2nd try and Top 32 on my 4th. However far you got (or didn't get) in years past, this year could be completely different... but only if you try!

[Mikko Kallio]

Took me five times to get into the Top 4, though I made alternate on my 2nd try and Top 32 on my 3rd. And yea, what MK said. Try, it's the only way to find out!

[Tripp Elliott]

My goal every year has been to not get DQ'd, so making top 16 was way overachieving.

[Clay Clouser]

Made top 32 my first year /flex... then made what has to be the worst monster ever submitted...lets hope i do better this year