Need advice from more seasoned GMs / Players, Younger player at the table


Advice

Liberty's Edge

First off, if this is the wrong forum for this type of discussion, I apologize, but I'm looking for advice and this is an advice forum so...

I run a game out of one of my player's houses, about five people, depending on our various work schedules, we all used to work for the same company, but for various reasons, our schedules have become more varied as some of us have moved onto different positions and such. Anyways, one of my players recently asked if it would be okay for his 14 year old sister (We're all about in the 25-27 range) to join in the game, she apparently had a lot of experience in fantasy and roleplaying, given that it was his sister, I said okay. She's been great thus far, probably the strongest roleplayer in the group. My problem is that it's been brought to my attention (as apparently everyone knew this but me, and perhaps there was a communication error), that it is not his sister, that it is actually one of his many girlfriend's sister.

I feel like this changes things significantly, having a minor there now, without a member of her family actually there. Part of me feels like I need to remove her from the group, but the other part doesn't want to turn her off of the experience. Not sure where to proceed from here.

Sczarni

Well, it seems to me that the advice you're looking for isn't RPG related. That being said, I don't think that we can't offer advice.

First of all, approach the player she shows up with. If she's not really his sister, but his ladyfriend's sister, tell him what you feel about the issue. There's two options, either he lied, or other people were confused. If the first, go to the bottom of the issue.

Also, a 14 year old isn't 'just a kid'. If having 14 year olds out at night is something ordinary in your country, then it isn't THAT much of an issue. I assume that you are American or Western European, due to the fact that you mention 'minors'. I don't how much of a problem it's going to be if police are sent to find a 14 year old girl in the company of 25ish dudes, but I can't imagine it's good. Which brings me to advice 3, talk to the girl herself about the issue, and ask what she would like to do. Little conversation goes a long way in many situations.

Hope there's no trouble for any of the involved parties and good luck.


Also you should talk to the girl's parents to make sure they know where she is and are okay with it.

Sczarni

I meant to say that, but I was getting off the bus. Obviously do that, but I personally would talk to the girl first.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Make sure you don't pair the youngster with Mr. "What is the most unsettling character I can make?"

Liberty's Edge

LazarX wrote:
Make sure you don't pair the youngster with Mr. "What is the most unsettling character I can make?"

References.

But in all seriousness, thanks everyone for the advice. I know it shouldn't be a problem, but I'm going to have to confront them on it and figure out just what is going on here...


It's mature of you to bring it up, and show concern. If I had a 14 year old daughter, I'd raise an eyebrow at her hanging out with young men whom I've never met.


Like others have said, it can become a very explosive issue if people aren't spoken to about it, especially parents. It's one thing to GM with minors at a table in a public setting (ie; society), but the fact that she is in a home game can cause great distress for parents. She could be simply telling her parents "I'm out with friends" which is all nice and good till they find out the friends aren't of her own age. Talk to the people involved in the situation first and see what's going on before making a decision, but you don't want to get caught in something you don't want to deal with.


I agree with The Lion Cleric that you really need to clear up with your friend exactly how this misunderstanding occurred. If it turns out that one or both of the parties lied about the situation, that's an enormous red flag that something strange is going on.


Talking solves a lot of problems. (It's a shame nobody really likes resorting to it. I guess this is what they mean when they say 'Talk is cheap.') This 'problem' is no exception.

That being said, boundaries are important, especially in younger players. I'd think bringing up a subject like this would be difficult because it betrays the fidelity of what a GM would have with their players, both in game and outside the game. Finding an equilibrium to discuss an issue with all parties involved being comfortable is going to be the key to keeping this problem under control, since that is really the core of the problem; is if the players involved have made their associates aware of where they are at so-and-so time.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Maps Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

I guess the first question to ask is "Do her parents know where she is when she games with you guys and with whom she is hanging out with?"

If her parents are not being told the exact truth then this could become a problem later on if and when they find out. It would be best to find out what the parents are being told and work out a solution from there.

Might have to keep an eye on this topic now. I have a couple of minors in our game group. We play at our local game shop so it isn't an issue (yet). Our youngest player is 8 and actually plays with his father (both are new to the d20 RPG experience). The other is 13 and was spending about a fourth of his time at the game shop to begin with before we started doing RPGs.

I had never consider it before but now if I was to ever do a game off site at someone's home, I would have to consider how comfortable the parents in either case would be with that.


BTLOTM wrote:

First off, if this is the wrong forum for this type of discussion, I apologize, but I'm looking for advice and this is an advice forum so...

I run a game out of one of my player's houses, about five people, depending on our various work schedules, we all used to work for the same company, but for various reasons, our schedules have become more varied as some of us have moved onto different positions and such. Anyways, one of my players recently asked if it would be okay for his 14 year old sister (We're all about in the 25-27 range) to join in the game, she apparently had a lot of experience in fantasy and roleplaying, given that it was his sister, I said okay. She's been great thus far, probably the strongest roleplayer in the group. My problem is that it's been brought to my attention (as apparently everyone knew this but me, and perhaps there was a communication error), that it is not his sister, that it is actually one of his many girlfriend's sister.

I feel like this changes things significantly, having a minor there now, without a member of her family actually there. Part of me feels like I need to remove her from the group, but the other part doesn't want to turn her off of the experience. Not sure where to proceed from here.

For you, as the DM the young player being family or not family is irrelevant. If you are worried about something being problematic then print out a waver form that basically says that you are not responsible for the girl.

The vast majority of Paizo's material is PG-13, so minors should not have a problem with it. If you are making custom material then just use your brain and you're good.

In short: so long as it is not a problem at the moment then just act as though such information was never brought to your attention. If you are worried create a waver. If it becomes a problem that cannot be resolved by talking to the members of the party then cut largest problem off if it is threatening the group.


There appear to be two matters to address, the player with the miscommunication and checking in with the girl's parents. It looks like you're handling both matters and getting good advice. For the player who didn't communicate, it may be as simple as "it's easier to get forgiveness than permission." If he had been up front about the 14 year old being his ladyfriend's younger sister you might have disallowed it at that point (reasonably so). And it's a good idea to touch bases with her parents, to make sure they are okay with it and have your contact information.

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