Not sure where to put this but;
I plan on playing a character who's Common is not the greatest, they may not be dumb but Linguistics has failed them regardless. What are some turns of phrase you can think of being horribly mangled in an amusing manner? Lemme see what I can start us off with.
1. "Whatever tickles yer boat."
2. "Your jigging is up!"
3. "Get out there and, how do you say? Break your legs!" (bonus points if the speaker actually knows what he is saying here.)
That reminds me of one:
5. "Now, I'm not the brightest stick in the mud, but I think the butler did it."
6. One with a ham is worth two with a brush. (Perhaps cooks are better than groomers?)
7. Fill two birds with one stone. (That sounds messy)
8. Six dozen of one, half dozen of the other.
9. Thats like kidding a dead horse.
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You might find this interesting as well, it has a list of sayings that were translated into another language, then a third language, then back into English.
"He is not so devil as he is black?" "Burn the Politeness?" This is gonna be perfect.
"He is not so devil as he is black?" "Burn the Politeness?" This is gonna be perfect.
I enjoy "take out the live coals with the hand of the cat" and "it want to beat the iron during it is hot".
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"English as She is Spoke" is one of the best books ever written. No one could have done it deliberately. My favorites are, "The stone as roll not heap up not foam," and "Apply you at the study during that you are young."
Pedro Carolino wanted to write a Portuguese to English translation guide, but he spoke no English. He had a Portuguese to French phrase book and a French to English dictionary.
HERE is the complete text in Project Gutenberg.
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I am rather fond of a short female character who threatened a big evil enemy by pointing her dagger between his legs and saying, "I make you unique!"
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10. A chain is only as strong as its weakest *drink. (Link)
11. Now that's a bigger bang for your *deer. (perhaps confusing the word buck with the name of an adult male deer.)
12. A diamond in the *stuff. (rough)
13. That would most definitely be a feather in one's *lap. (Cap)
14. A fool and his money are soon *abducted. (Parted)
15. It could easily get us a foot in the *floor. (Door)
16. A good woman is hard to *bind. (Find. Can also interchange man in place of woman of course.)
17. A little *curd told me. (Bird)
18. A picture worth a thousand *birds. (Words)
19. They definitely seem to have a skeleton in their *faucet. (Closet)
20. We still have our *face in the hole. (Ace)
21. All things come to those who *mate. (Wait.... sorry had to get one in there.)
22. A *pie for a *pie, a *booth for a *booth. (Eye and tooth respectively.)
23. Well aren't they as busy as a *tree. (Bee)
24. As dead as a *tall ale. (Doornail)
25. Good as *mold. (Gold)
26. Batten down the *scratches! (Hatches)
27. *Booty is in the eye of the beholder. (Beauty... sorry again.)
28. It seems we're between a *sock and a *bard place. (rock / hard place)
29. And another one bites the *crust. (Dust)
30. You know what they say, curiosity killed the *fat. (Cat)
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Pretty much anything Omi from Xiaolin Showdown says.
"I would not count your ducks before they emerge from their shells!" count your chickens before they hatch
"He who is last to be laughing laughs most loudly!"
"Yes I believe everything is the correct temperature." in response to 'is everything cool?'
"Oh darn this sarcasm! It always seems to grab my goat!"
"I knew you would twice-cross me! So I twice-crossed you first!" double cross
"We may be outside, but we are not down." down but not out
"Now Dojo, you shouldn't kiss a horse on the lips before it gives you its' presents" kiss a gift horse on the mouth
"Well, what comes in circles goes the other way in circles" what goes around, comes around
"The jig is down! You're at the top of your rope! Spoon over that Wu!" the jig is up, at the end of your rope, fork it over
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This thread reminds me of a half-orc barbarian I made once... Had a habit of turning the skulls of his greatest challenges into cod pieces. At one point, we were facing the 'mirror evil party' the GM liked to use at the time.
Halfway through the fight, the barbarian grins at the enemy half-elf. "You great foe! When battle over, happy ending!" While gesturing toward his cod piece.
GM rolled a few dice... Then the half-elf ran screaming into the night. Apparently I made an intimidate check without even realizing it.