Thanks! :)
Congrats Cal. And I don't think anyone is calling anyone a whiner...at least I hope not.
Let me start by saying I, nor is anyone else commenting here, a "whiner". But hopefully the community of depression victims on the boards can find help from each other (I get inspiration from folks here) and inform others what we go through.
Now, having said that, I've finally managed to pull myself out of bed after 3 days. I made Kool-Aid. Before that it was water and cheese sandwiches because I just couldn't bring myself to make the effort. This is the longest stretch I've been awake since Saturday. Maybe I'm coming out of the pit for awhile. I might even put bread on the sandwich next!
:D Well done!
I'm doing a bit of reading up on electronics theory, because my own knowledge goes about as far as wiring a LED up to a battery (and then remembering there's supposed to be a resistor in there too but not being entirely clear on why.)
I want to build a robot. I'm good for the software side of it, and it'll give me the excuse I've been looking for to do something with the Beaglebone Black and Arduino Duo I bought last year.
I'm getting kinda excited as all of this is new territory for me. I've got some parts ordered to wire up (various sensors and a couple of motors) and hope to have something that'll trundle along the floor by the end of the month.
That said, I'm just as likely to forget how excited I am about it the minute it comes to actually lifting a finger to put things together. Meh! Will have to see how that goes when I get to that part.
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I'm doing a bit of reading up on electronics theory, because my own knowledge goes about as far as wiring a LED up to a battery (and then remembering there's supposed to be a resistor in there too but not being entirely clear on why.)
Because an LED has essentially no internal resistance of its own, so there needs to be *something* to limit the amount of electricity shooting through it or it'll burn itself out.
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For an insane moment earlier tonight I thought about taking up home canning. Then the meds kicked in. Whew.
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I think im depressed but will not be seeking any help because i believe im dealing with it well. Might not be the best idea but it's working for me so far
While neither is any fun, hopefully you "are depressed" instead of "having depression". The first is a perfectly reasonable response to things that would make anyone unhappy, the second is more like this:
Hyperbole and a Half - Adventures in Depression
I recommend that link to everyone, by the way. It's a very good description of Major Depressive Disorder from the inside.
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Hyperbole and a Half - Adventures in Depression
I recommend that link to everyone, by the way. It's a very good description of Major Depressive Disorder from the inside.
Seconded. I've also found that Spoon Theory also applies very well, even though it was originally invented to explain life with lupus and other chronic pain/fatigue syndromes.
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Another point: I've seen a lot of people mention medication for clinical depression. While it works for a lot of people and is certainly worth trying, SSRI-type antidepressants can also really mess you up if you're not careful.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was around ten years old (the diagnosis was revised to 'major depression with psychotic features' a little over a decade later). Since this was the '90s, people hadn't started taking into account what kinds of long-term effects SSRIs and other drugs had on people, especially kids. I hopped from drug to drug and therapist to therapist until my early twenties--nothing worked. In the end, I ended up with a permanent chemical dependency (which I've been told may contribute to my symptoms being worse the longer I'm off the medication), as well as some minor peripheral nerve damage. I've been off the medications for about two years, and don't feel any different than I did when I was on them, other than the fact that I started smoking to ease the withdrawal symptoms.
In other words, just be careful. Medication should be a last resort. If it works for you, awesome, but if it doesn't, stop taking it.
I have to give SSRIs credit for opening the door to recovery, but I did start them as a mature adult of 30. I also found that after a year or two, when I had been going along feeling pretty darned good for months, I suddenly plunged into a very, very serious funk. Self-assessment uncovered no real reason for it, so I suspected brain chemistry going awry. My only medication was a low-dose SSRI, so I dropped it cold turkey. Et voila! The gloom lifted within a week.
So: yes, they can help. Yes, they can hurt. Be aware.
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Depression can be "cured". What you will not have is no depression for the rest of your life. That is unreasonable.
The idea that you will be in therapy the rest of your life is false as well. Usually people who do end up in therapy for that long are due to circumstances beyond just "life sucking" (usually involving trauma or long term personality problems).
Heck, you don't even have to do therapy to get better, it's just AN option, not THE option. The major hurdle to getting better is the belief that you won't. Trust me as a professional and a sufferer of depression myself.
True Mental Illnesses (Not "Boy, I feel depressed today!") cannot be cured. They can be treated. One of the many, many, many reasons it sucks to have one. However, treating your illness is far better than ignoring it or toughing it out. For many people, treating the illness is the only way to continue living, or at least the only way to lead a life worth living.
Mental Illness is a difficult concept to grasp. Many people simply do not understand. Many people will tell you that you don't have an illness, simply because they do not have the means to see it. Having a Mental Illness does not make your skin turn purple of give you a nasty cough. Those who believe that an illness is only real if they can see the symptoms are not worth your time.
You should seek treatment. Since you started a thread, I assume you have told someone that you know and care about(someone who knows and cares about you) about your depression and how it is currently affecting you; E.G. barely being able to feed yourself. If you have not, that is a good place to start.
I can see that you have had bad experiences with therapy. Unfortunately, this is very common. Many people have one bad encounter with therapy and assume it is not for them. Therapists are like first dates; you keep trying until you feel you found one worth going to again. Don't be afraid to keep trying.
Go see a doctor (preferably one you already know and trust), and see if you can get a concrete diagnosis, is you haven't already. starting a treatment plan is how to start getting better. Just making the plan will give some hope of eventually getting out of the deep hole that is chronic depression.
Seek the resources that are in the closest proximity. Like a phone to call a friend or family member. Or a place where you can feel safe to ask questions. A local help group or hospital.
I am not a qualified professional to give counsel, so I must preface this with stating this information is from my personal experience, and I have seen it work for others.
Also, simply going on walks in your neighborhood or in a park has been shown to be AT LEAST as effective as medication.
Good luck.
Sometime back I weaned myself off just ONE of the meds I take, just to see what would happen (I take 5 meds for depression, anxiety, and bipolar type II). Within two weeks I was raging like the Hulk over the stupidest, most minor crap. I smashed a cellphone to tiny, tiny bits because I knocked an empty cup off my desk. I was NEVER like this before. So it seems the SSRIs may have made me worse and now I'm afraid to not be on them.
It's also vitally important to get the right meds. Anti-depressants for someone who is actually primarily suffering from anxiety will turn them into a zombie
Sometime back I weaned myself off just ONE of the meds I take, just to see what would happen (I take 5 meds for depression, anxiety, and bipolar type II). Within two weeks I was raging like the Hulk over the stupidest, most minor crap. I smashed a cellphone to tiny, tiny bits because I knocked an empty cup off my desk. I was NEVER like this before. So it seems the SSRIs may have made me worse and now I'm afraid to not be on them.
That's probably more a case of your internal wiring not being used to having to control itself any longer. You're giving your mind stress levels it hasn't experienced for a while and it's one hell of a shock. You might have felt you were taking it at a decent pace spreading it over two weeks, but there's a good reason why doctors will often take the dosage down even more gradually over a period of months when you're ready to stop taking the meds.
Think of it in the same terms as adjusting your diet - you can stop eating red meat quite quickly and easily with no immediate ill effects, but your body can still develop an iron deficiency that'll take a bit longer to notice.
While I'm certainly no expert, I'm guessing you would adjust back to normality over a longer period of time, but getting through that time while your mind re-learns how to cope without the meds could be difficult.
Thanks, Matt. I'm seriously giving thought to finding a new therapist and counselor. I'm on so many meds I feel full after taking them in the morning, and I really wonder if I need to be on so many because they seem redundant. I think if I could get down to the one that keeps me from being an organic murder machine and one that controls my anxiety I'd be happy as a clam.
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Depression can be "cured". What you will not have is no depression for the rest of your life. That is unreasonable.
The idea that you will be in therapy the rest of your life is false as well. Usually people who do end up in therapy for that long are due to circumstances beyond just "life sucking" (usually involving trauma or long term personality problems).
Heck, you don't even have to do therapy to get better, it's just AN option, not THE option. The major hurdle to getting better is the belief that you won't. Trust me as a professional and a sufferer of depression myself.
True Mental Illnesses (Not "Boy, I feel depressed today!") cannot be cured. They can be treated. One of the many, many, many reasons it sucks to have one. However, treating your illness is far better than ignoring it or toughing it out. For many people, treating the illness is the only way to continue living, or at least the only way to lead a life worth living.
Mental Illness is a difficult concept to grasp. Many people simply do not understand. Many people will tell you that you don't have an illness, simply because they do not have the means to see it. Having a Mental Illness does not make your skin turn purple of give you a nasty cough. Those who believe that an illness is only real if they can see the symptoms are not worth your time.
You should seek treatment. Since you started a thread, I assume you have told someone that you know and care about(someone who knows and cares about you) about your depression and how it is currently affecting you; E.G. barely being able to feed yourself. If you have not, that is a good place to start.
I can see that you have had bad experiences with therapy. Unfortunately, this is very common. Many people have one bad encounter with therapy and assume it is not for them. Therapists are like first dates; you keep trying until you feel you found one worth going to again. Don't be afraid to keep trying.
Go see a doctor...
I'd like to clarify something here. I understand that most mental illnesses can't be cured like a cold or the flu but they are often managed or maintained. Now I don't know about most of you but if I was struggling with depression and I was told that the best I could hope for was that I could "manage" my depression, well, what's the [expletive deleted] point? This is why I placed the word cured in quotation marks. Because while a person with clinical depression can and will have depression episodes all of their life, they are likely to get to a point where they do not impact their life as much and perhaps not even feel like full blown episodes with some level of functioning.
People are often confused what I do for a living. I'm a mental health therapist. It is not my job to fix you. It is my job to help you find the tools within yourself to fix yourself. Because despite what the movie Fight Club says, you are a unique snowflake.
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Another point: I've seen a lot of people mention medication for clinical depression. While it works for a lot of people and is certainly worth trying, SSRI-type antidepressants can also really mess you up if you're not careful.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was around ten years old (the diagnosis was revised to 'major depression with psychotic features' a little over a decade later). Since this was the '90s, people hadn't started taking into account what kinds of long-term effects SSRIs and other drugs had on people, especially kids. I hopped from drug to drug and therapist to therapist until my early twenties--nothing worked. In the end, I ended up with a permanent chemical dependency (which I've been told may contribute to my symptoms being worse the longer I'm off the medication), as well as some minor peripheral nerve damage. I've been off the medications for about two years, and don't feel any different than I did when I was on them, other than the fact that I started smoking to ease the withdrawal symptoms.
In other words, just be careful. Medication should be a last resort. If it works for you, awesome, but if it doesn't, stop taking it.
Okay... I will be nice about this. First of all, antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs do NOT come with addiction, dependency or anything of the sort, and it's a very well researched area. The three main types of addictive medical drugs are bensodiazepines (anxiolytics like diazepam and alprazolam), opiate painkillers and central stimulants. Most antidepressants come with minor side effects like mild nausea or vertigo when adjusting doses, which last the first week on a new dose, including if you stop taking them. That is not what is meant by addictive.
Second, peripheral nerve damage is not a side effect of antidepressants. What is known is that depression causes damage to the neurons in your brain, mostly related to how long you have been depressed. It's been shown, however, that SSRI treatment can actually improve that image and restore at least parts of that damage. And if we're discussing peripheral nerve damage, the typical reasons for that are: Alcoholism, diabetes and vascular disease, and vitamin B12-deficiency. This last part is important, because B12 deficiency is also a cause of depression.
Finally, it helps nobody that you tell people or imply that antidepressants are dangerous substances, when you in fact have nothing to substantiate those claims. It may well be as you claim, but the data supporting "SSRIs gave me nerve damage" is entirely ONE CASE, your own. Since nerve damage is not one of the known side effects of antidepressants despite (hundreds of ?) millions of patient years and thirty years of use and studies, it's most likely that you have misunderstood something seriously, perhaps something as simple as a vitamin B12-deficiency causing your problems instead of the antidepressants.
I should also add that antidepressants are not what shut people down or make zombies of them. Typically, this happens when someone gets put on chronic treatment with bensodiazepines ("prince Valium") - which ARE addictive, and can be pretty terrible to stop taking. What most people feel with a SSRI treatment is that they become who they should be. Their families say they finally recognize them again. However, being numb from depression is not ONLY a bad thing, some feel that it's very painful to start feeling things again. Not everyone has the right dose or the right drug, and as I said, it can take a little time to get it right.
I've been severely depressed for so long (15ish years?) that I almost cannot comprehend why people express emotions involuntarily.
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Well, the good news is you are required to, right? I mean, I've been depressed, many times, but never on the levels, it would seem, that some of you describe. All I can say is, the other word in this thread's title is motivation.
I like motivation. I look for it everywhere. I wish I could tell you, all of you that suffer so, something that will help, but I probably can't, but I can say, hey! it's good to know you, take care, be well, and I hope tomorrow you'll find better days.
To me motivation is logic, what makes my situation better or worse in life.
One of the biggest depression issues is if your brain no longer registers that better situation as having any meaning.
That's the very root of some motivation issues in severe depression, that what you need to do in order to not only improve your situation, but possibly even to prevent it from getting worse, just may not merit a ping on a broken mental radar.
Sometimes the logic still works, the person can sit there knowing exactly what they should do, and how it will improve things, but simply no longer be able to find it in themselves to care. Not because they're truly apathetic about themselves, but because misrouted wiring in their brain makes them believe that.
To me motivation is logic, what makes my situation better or worse in life.One of the biggest depression issues is if your brain no longer registers that better situation as having any meaning.
That's the very root of some motivation issues in severe depression, that what you need to do in order to not only improve your situation, but possibly even to prevent it from getting worse, just may not merit a ping on a broken mental radar.
Sometimes the logic still works, the person can sit there knowing exactly what they should do, and how it will improve things, but simply no longer be able to find it in themselves to care. Not because they're truly apathetic about themselves, but because misrouted wiring in their brain makes them believe that.
I spend a lot of time trying to make myself do stuff. More than I actually spend doing stuff, by a significant margin.
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To me motivation is logic, what makes my situation better or worse in life.One of the biggest depression issues is if your brain no longer registers that better situation as having any meaning.
That's the very root of some motivation issues in severe depression, that what you need to do in order to not only improve your situation, but possibly even to prevent it from getting worse, just may not merit a ping on a broken mental radar.
Sometimes the logic still works, the person can sit there knowing exactly what they should do, and how it will improve things, but simply no longer be able to find it in themselves to care. Not because they're truly apathetic about themselves, but because misrouted wiring in their brain makes them believe that.
Understandable but that logic is what runs my life, makes my decisions in all things in life
I'd like to clarify something here. I understand that most mental illnesses can't be cured like a cold or the flu but they are often managed or maintained. Now I don't know about most of you but if I was struggling with depression and I was told that the best I could hope for was that I could "manage" my depression, well, what's the [expletive deleted] point? This is why I placed the word cured in quotation marks. Because while a person with clinical depression can and will have depression episodes all of their life, they are likely to get to a point where they do not impact their life as much and perhaps not even feel like full blown episodes with some level of functioning.
People are often confused what I do for a living. I'm a mental health therapist. It is not my job to fix you. It is my job to help you find the tools within yourself to fix yourself. Because despite what the movie Fight Club says, you are a unique snowflake.
We are saying the same thing. :)
I was not trying to be critical. I was merely trying to replace the terminology (cured) with that I deemed to be more suiting (treated).Managing depression IS treating it. "Cured" is a word I hear quite often with Mental Illness. I see "cured" as bringing on the expectation that eventually their illness will go away forever. I prefer to use the word "treat" because I believe it to be more accurate.
Sometime back I weaned myself off just ONE of the meds I take, just to see what would happen (I take 5 meds for depression, anxiety, and bipolar type II). Within two weeks I was raging like the Hulk over the stupidest, most minor crap. I smashed a cellphone to tiny, tiny bits because I knocked an empty cup off my desk. I was NEVER like this before. So it seems the SSRIs may have made me worse and now I'm afraid to not be on them.
Ahhhhhh….. Not a good idea. Medication changes should always be made by or with the help of your doctor(s). You would not believe from how many people I have heard this from:
“I was doing well, so I decided to stop taking any/all my medications. It was absolutely horrible.”Even if you are stopping a medication experimentally, it should still be done with a medical professional’s assistance. At the very least they should know of it, so they can help you manage any sudden symptoms. It's good that you weaned yourself off of it, though, because stopping any/all medications suddenly is ALWAYS terrible. I have seen people do it dozens of times; the result has always been bad, which is why I will never do it.
If I can't scratch up the 85 bux I need for all my meds in the next couple of days, I'm gonna revert back to that "Bad Cal". I'm out of my meds, and living on a fixed income I have to rely on my ex wife to help me pay for the pills. She's in a financial jam at the moment, so if you read in the paper about a fat, bearded guy climbing a clocktower and throwing dice at random people, it's me.
After further thought, I should note that there are two emotions that I can feel:
Frustration and hate.
So, after being practically bedridden for 3 days with an episode of severe depression from my bipolar type II, last night and tonight my circadian rhythm is completely fried. Last night and tonight I'm wide awake. I slept about 4 hours yesterday and can expect the same today. Ironically, I'm wide awake but I can't focus on reading or any other project I have in the wings so here I sit trolling the messageboards.
HML
So, after being practically bedridden for 3 days with an episode of severe depression from my bipolar type II, last night and tonight my circadian rhythm is completely fried. Last night and tonight I'm wide awake. I slept about 4 hours yesterday and can expect the same today. Ironically, I'm wide awake but I can't focus on reading or any other project I have in the wings so here I sit trolling the messageboards.
HML
I've been there. Sleep can be very hit or miss with me. I don't really get to choose when I sleep; it's more like I go to sleep when my body finally decides to allow me to. I have yet to find any kind of medication or remedy that can knock me out consistently. I'm really hard to put down (which is funny, because I only weigh about 150 pounds). If other things disrupt my sleep, (for example, the world least subtle rat running around in my room) I can go an entire night without any sleep at all, easily. It's terrible for me, but there isn't much I can do about it. And I like sleep, too. :(
I've been there. Sleep can be very hit or miss with me. I don't really get to choose when I sleep; it's more like I go to sleep when my body finally decides to allow me to. I have yet to find any kind of medication or remedy that can knock me out consistently. I'm really hard to put down (which is funny, because I only weigh about 150 pounds). If other things disrupt my sleep, (for example, the world least subtle rat running around in my room) I can go an entire night without any sleep at all, easily. It's terrible for me, but there isn't much I can do about it. And I like sleep, too. :(So, after being practically bedridden for 3 days with an episode of severe depression from my bipolar type II, last night and tonight my circadian rhythm is completely fried. Last night and tonight I'm wide awake. I slept about 4 hours yesterday and can expect the same today. Ironically, I'm wide awake but I can't focus on reading or any other project I have in the wings so here I sit trolling the messageboards.
HML
I'm a bit of a mess in that area as well. There's a reason why I tend to be on the Paizo boards at 3am my time, and it isn't (just) because I enjoy it here :)
I can't spend too long awake, because after a while I run out of whatever it is in my brain that keeps me actively doing things. When I hit the "sitting staring at the wall" phase, I go back to bed, and wake up feeling renewed. This means I tend to be on an 16-hour cycle nowadays instead of 24... and isn't very compatible with anything else. My doctor and therapist both agree that as it isn't actively harming me, it's probably best to keep doing that as it's working as a coping mechanism, and that forcing myself to be "normal" would probably do more harm than good.
I've been there. Sleep can be very hit or miss with me. I don't really get to choose when I sleep; it's more like I go to sleep when my body finally decides to allow me to. I have yet to find any kind of medication or remedy that can knock me out consistently. I'm really hard to put down (which is funny, because I only weigh about 150 pounds). If other things disrupt my sleep, (for example, the world least subtle rat running around in my room) I can go an entire night without any sleep at all, easily. It's terrible for me, but there isn't much I can do about it. And I like sleep, too. :(So, after being practically bedridden for 3 days with an episode of severe depression from my bipolar type II, last night and tonight my circadian rhythm is completely fried. Last night and tonight I'm wide awake. I slept about 4 hours yesterday and can expect the same today. Ironically, I'm wide awake but I can't focus on reading or any other project I have in the wings so here I sit trolling the messageboards.
HML
I'm a bit of a mess in that area as well. There's a reason why I tend to be on the Paizo boards at 3am my time, and it isn't (just) because I enjoy it here :)
I can't spend too long awake, because after a while I run out of whatever it is in my brain that keeps me actively doing things. When I hit the "sitting staring at the wall" phase, I go back to bed, and wake up feeling renewed. This means I tend to be on an 16-hour cycle nowadays instead of 24... and isn't very compatible with anything else. My doctor and therapist both agree that as it isn't actively harming me, it's probably best to keep doing that as it's working as a coping mechanism, and that forcing myself to be "normal" would probably do more harm than good.
I've discovered that trying to force myself into a "normal" mold (or what I perceive to be "normal", which is probably a long way from it) actually does more harm than good, because I'm constantly trying to fit myself into a frame which feels utterly unnatural, and it just comes across as strange. So I sleep when I'm tired (daytime) and eat when I'm hungry (small meals throughout the day - or, more accurately, night). The doc tells me that this is actually fine as long as I also exercise, and that if I'm happier this way, go for it. Feeling like I can be myself helps tremendously with the depression.
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I'll admit, this weekend wasn't the greatest for me, but, I did notice a few things that have been helpful. I am a believer in habit, and habits can be fun (and not bad for you). I wear different apparel for different activities and times. This may be no-brainer for some, but I used to get up, put on jeans and a shirt, and that was what I wore. Everyday, all day. Now when I want to work out, I'll change into workout cloths, and even if I don't feel like going for a walk or bike ride before, once I do I tend to be more open to it. A long hot shower @ night then into my pj's gets me sleepier than usual, and once I'm out of pj's in the morning I'm dressed for something else. (work cloths for work, jeans for erronds or apartmentwork/cleaning). It is a little intuitive, and fairly simple stuff, but it tends to work for me. This is probably the 2nd step after making a habit of meditating.
on meditating:
I don't meditate, but I've started using some of the mindfulness techniques throughout the day though and I find it EXTREMELY helpful. I tried it for the first time last Monday and the difference over just one week has been massive.
I had two nights in a row of relatively normal sleep, and here I am again, wide awake yet unable to focus on anything worthwhile. I've got three things I could/should be doing, but can't concentrate on them. So here I am, trollin' along...
I've struggled with depression for several years without knowing what it was that was "wrong with me." I resisted to self-diagnose because I was afraid of misappropriating a serious illness.
I don't know what to do from here, however. It's ruining my life. I'm 21 y.o., a college student with student loans and I live with my parents. I asked them once last year (at the urging of my incredibly supportive bf) if I could possibly get therapy of some sort to help with the anxiety I was dealing with from school (and everything else)... they basically just said I was exaggerating and I'd get over it.
The university has mental health resources? Maybe? But the last time I was there, they basically listened to me for an hour and then told me I could be penciled in for some group sessions. Group sessions. Yeah, I feel so tense I could vomit every time I try to explain this, and your solution is to have me do it in a group of other people? Thanks.
So. I don't expect anyone to really "know" what I should do- it's just kind of nice to say it.
Edit: One thing that helped me was playing through Depression Quest and realizing that I'm not alone- there's parts of this "game" where I could have sworn someone was stealing the NSA's records on me.
I say "game" because it's not happy. It might be triggering for people who are in a really low part of their depression. But it was almost cathartic to go through.
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The university has mental health resources? Maybe? But the last time I was there, they basically listened to me for an hour and then told me I could be penciled in for some group sessions. Group sessions. Yeah, I feel so tense I could vomit every time I try to explain this, and your solution is to have me do it in a group of other people? Thanks.So. I don't expect anyone to really "know" what I should do- it's just kind of nice to say it.
The group session doesn't sound optimal, but note that it will probably be a group of people who understand what you are going through. Consider asking if you could go and observe without talking much.
*Edit* - and good luck!
My university had a really good counseling system, where it was one on one. Of course, this was back when university consisted of learning how to make flint spear points and not get killed by cave bears....
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Spear points? You had spear points?! Boy, when I was at university, we were just getting into the whole bipedal thing.
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I remember our courses on procreation through splitting. Sex ed was controversial even then...
I don't know what to do from here, however. It's ruining my life. I'm 21 y.o., a college student with student loans and I live with my parents. I asked them once last year (at the urging of my incredibly supportive bf) if I could possibly get therapy of some sort to help with the anxiety I was dealing with from school (and everything else)... they basically just said I was exaggerating and I'd get over it.
*sigh*
Very sorry to hear that. Maybe you can get a referral to a psychologist through your university health service?Do you have a Personal Physician/Doctor? You might have to go through him/her for a referral.
Such a thing coming from a professional doctor might tip your parents off to the severity of the problem.
The most important part is to get help, any way you can. There is absolutely no shame in searching for any venue through which you can get that help.
Of course, one of the problems if your parents still won't believe you is that getting help through other venues might entail a longer waiting time - or, as you have already experienced, through group therapy (usually to cut down on cost, although group therapy can have better results in some areas than one on one sessions).
Resurrect thread off of 2nd page.
I recently read a book [u]A first Rate Madness[/u] where the thesis of the book is that people with mental "illness" have become and are great leaders in times of crisis. It takes some of the sting out when you can look at leaders like JFK, MLK, Gandhi, Lincoln, Churchill and others and understand that they may have become great not in spite of their mental illness, but because of it.
To the OP. I have a thesis that you won't be able to motivate with willpower.(or in my earlier post, habitize) It breaks down and makes me not want to do something. Recently it has been work. Prior to that it was I wanted to smoke. Once I read a book on quitting smoking that changed it from something that I was giving up to something that I was gaining, it was easier to quit (5 months so far). Recently I've been a shmuck at work. Once I changed my perspective from something I have to do, to a reason I was doing it, work is easier. For motivation, don't force yourself to do something, find a reason you want to do it and you will get it done.
It is an idea that is gaining traction, that some kinds of mental illness can be an advantage to certain people. Data is growing. For example, it's been shown that in a group of siblings, the one that has bipolar disorder is likely to be more successful than the others. Anxiety, too, is something that can be channeled into success. Anxiety is a part of being human, we can't live without it, but it's always been a signal for us to CHANGE something. It has different answers depending on your personality type, such as distracting yourself, isolating yourself... or being a perfectionist. Take a look at the top people in any field, and you will find that they are meticulous, careful people. The true mark of a genius in art is the ability to SEE things differently - and mental illness does give you that. Another group of exceptional people are the driven ones, the ones who forge ahead and take risks - this type of personality comes with a heavy cost: Substance abuse. Nobody is able to live life to the max every minute of every day, so eventually they need something to take the edge off.
My point is, yes, mental illness is generally bad, but it doesn't need to be all bad.
Ohh, well; since this thread has apparently been resurrected and threadjacked, I'll add that there are a *lot* of absolutely insane people in the church of Iomedae. Apart from the paladins, of course. They're just overly naïve and misguided.