Awwww....as long as you're feeling a little better.
I'm just so tired. I'm tired of worrying about things all the time. I'm tired of feeling like the universe is constantly yanking my chain. I'm tired of not being able to control what I'm feeling anymore. I'm tired of people telling me how they think I should feel. I'm tired of all the horrible people in the world hurting and killing people just because they think they can. I'm just very tired of a lot of things and I have so many thoughts going through my head I just can't shut them out. I hate that when I try to do something to better our situation, I just end up making it worse.
I know it's not always my fault, and I know I have absolutely no control over what other people think, do, say....but I don't always know how to deal with stuff and when things don't work out I just automatically revert back to what I've been told my entire life about how stupid I am and how I just jump into things without knowing what I'm doing. Mostly just that I'm always making stupid choices that usually end up biting me in the ass. I don't even know how many times in the past few days that I've called myself stupid..and it's not like I mean to, it's just automatic.
All I can do at this point is to continue to move forward and hope for the best. Henry and I have been in worse situations and as long as we stick together we always somehow get through it. Even knowing that I still have fears, worries, doubts, and all that stuff.
I know I come off as someone that has a really really strong personality, but it's only there to cover up all the insecurities that lie beneath everything else. I'm sorry if I'm annoying sometimes or just blab way too much...but sometimes it's just the overflow. Ya know?
This is one of the few things that allows my mind to go somewhere else, even if it's just for a little while. Even now, I'm exhausted....body, mind, spirit....but my brain just won't shut up, and my volatile emotional state is not helping. Shoving everything down isn't doing good things either though, so I guess that's why everything just spilled out here all over the place like a toxic dump.
I'm just really sorry and please if I act a little more crazy than usual over the next few days, just please know it really isn't you, it's me. Okay, I'm going to shut the hell up now.
Sorry for the rant.
I think at this point, I'm just gonna stay up cuz Henry has to be up at 3 and I don't want to go in there and disturb him.
I need something else to eat now. I guess it's time for ramen.
I hope you're feeling better bro.
I have to dry my hair and eat since I haven't done that yet today, and then I need to call Sandy because she's been trying to reach me.
Sandy just wanted to know how I was doing. She saw stuff I posted on FB about what was going on and was worried about me. Melissa, the main director over the preschool texted me early this morning asking me if I wouldn't mind subbing for her since they had some teachers out, but I didn't see the text till after 10 this morning and by then it was too late. I told her that she can ask me anytime until I find another job. I guess I won't get to work with my boobear after all and I'm pretty sad about that, but when one door closes another one opens. Everything happens for a reason and I have to believe that or I'd be insane right now.
My head is just killing me though. I think my body is taking the brunt of my stress.
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I'm glad there are people looking out for you. About to see Black Panther
Awww man....I'm so jealous. Have fun!
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Magnificent!
I'm so sad.
Sorry. Still sick. Will get caught up tomorrow
No worries. I hope you start feeling better really soon.
Well, I just finished updating all my work history information so now it's time to go out and try to find a job since that person at Wal-Mart was a total Fu<ktard.
Good luck!
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I went in, asked for an application, told them what I was applying for and what shift I wanted and the dude hired me there on the spot. He had me go get my fingerprints, and I take them to him tomorrow and go over thed rest of thed details.
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I would have told you sooner, but I didn't now where the state police place was, so I picked up Henry's mom and she showed me how to get there since it was in her neighborhood. Then I took her to the store so that she could get some things for her neighbor friend Thomas. His radiation treatment has been making him feel sick, so she does a lot of stuff for him. Then I had to take her home, go get gas, and make my way through several rivers to get home. I'll probably be able to start the job as early as next week. Monday if I'm lucky. I got Mon-Fri 11-7 and weekends off. It's perfect. I'm a little excited, can ya tell?
That's awesome!
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I know right? I thought I was just gonna fill out the app and wait to hear from somebody. I don't know how I just walk into places and get hired. Lol
And now my stomach is all messed up of course. I think it's a delayed reaction from all the excitement, and stress of having to drive around in the terrible weather today in areas that I wasn't familiar with and having to take directions from his mom.
Breathe, you'll
Me? You can't even finish your sentences. LOL
lmao. You'll be fine.
I know I know.
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Congrats. Maybe put that employee discount to use on soundproofing foam... eh?
I'm getting a 2.30% raise retro back to the first of Jan on my next check.
Oh that's awesome Bubba! You deserve it!
I at least need some better black out curtains. Either it's all the sex, or he's up there banging on the piano like a drunken monkey. When they redid these apartments last, they took out all the carpeting and put in hard wood floors everywhere.
Well...except for our apartment cuz they only redid the apartments as people move out of them.
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Henry sleepin', and I'm playing one of my many Harvest Moon games.
I'm a gonna lay down now too. Dealing with all that today and all the excitement that went with it made me sleepy. I hope everyone has a good night, and I hope things are going okay for you too Bubba. We don't hear from you very much, but we know you're a busy guy. So glad to hear about the raise.
Night night
Sweet Dreams
Not seeping yet. Hiccups
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Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH!!!
I just came back from the nursing home and I have to go in at 10am Monday morning for some training and to be shown around and stuff so I know where everything is and how the time clock works and everything and they're going to start me at 13.50 an HOUR! I am just...I'm beside myself with joy right now. I think I might faint.
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Told you it would all work out.
Taking Xavier into Manhattan today. Last day of his vacation.
Wow...I didn't know they got vacation in February. You guys have fun. We're gonna go out to lunch to celebrate.
Well, I just got done talking to my mother about everything that happened and she's very happy for us. Everything happens for a reason I guess. Talking to my sister from CA earlier and told her what happened and my sister, who is the biggest prude I know actually said, "Screw Wal-Mart" She said that God just knew we needed more money than that so that's why I found this job instead.
With my personality I guess it really is the only choice for me. I don't know how to not take care of people. It's what I've always done, and will probably be doing in one form or another for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'll do if we move out of state at some point though. I guess take the test or whatever, or I'll have to get certified for that state? Some state's laws are different than others in what they require and so forth.
Whatever, all I know right now is that I'm over the moon. When I talked to Henry's mom she said I should get a back brace to help with the support, so I'll probably do that after I get my first paycheck.
I just don't get it.
If I'm so freaking tired, why can't I go to sleep?
So need a new radiator,, hoses, thermostat...........about $800
Yeesh. That sucks.
Yeah. Can't do anything about it until Friday when I get paid
I'm sorry to hear about your car. It's absolutely the last thing you guys need right now. I hope things get better for you soon. All of you deserve a break.
Thanks. Will post more in a bit. Hope everyone else's weekend is going well.
Yeah, we celebrated me getting a new job with some yummy burgers today...but I'm not sure how well that settled on Henry's stomach. We don't eat red meat that much anymore and it was a 1/2 lb burger with lots of melted cheese. My breathing is sounding kinda funny and I had to use my inhaler earlier today, but other than that we're good. It seems okay when I breath in, but when I breath out is sounds all bubbly and wheezy and stuff. Weird.
Hope you guys have been having some fun too, and that you feel at least a little bit better.
I can't sleep. Even when we're at home together, I can't sleep at night anymore. Even if I'm in the bed with Henry and it's the weekend....it just won't do it.
That sucks I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure once you start your new job, you won't have too much trouble falling asleep.
Forget it. I give up. I'm just tossing and turning, and making myself hurt....so I'm gonna sit up on the couch for a bit and try to read until I get tired enough to try again. Probably in a couple of hours or so. I just don't wanna risk waking up Henry.
And I woke up at 7:30...
yeah, you're probably right. I didn't fall asleep till almost or maybe a little after 6 this morning so I didn't wake up until 1. I made something for Henry to eat and had a bowl of cereal. I'll check on things and post where I need to.
Making more pasta and sauce for dinner with toasted garlic bread. We're pasta people up in here. Lol
Heh had leftovers of last night's pasta. Linguini with fake sausage, peppers and mushroom garlic sauce.
Mmmmm....yummy.