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Rising from the water, this thin, headless, vaguely humanoid creature advances with a swerving gait, as it stretches its maw-tipped arms towards you.
Leechlorn CR 3
XP 800
CE Medium aberration (aquatic)
Init +2; Senses blindsight 30 ft.; Perception +1
Aura unnatural aura (30 ft.)
----- Defense -----
AC 13, touch 12, flat-footed 11 (+2 Dex, +1 natural)
hp 37 (5d8+15); fast healing 2
Fort +3, Ref +5, Will +5
Defensive Abilities fractured souls; DR 5/slashing
----- Offense -----
Speed 20 ft., swim 30 ft.
Melee 2 bites +5 (1d6 plus attach)
Special Attacks blood drain (1d2 Constitution), soul eater, soul spittle
----- Statistics -----
Str 11, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 5, Wis 12, Cha 10
Base Atk +3; CMB +3 (+11 when attached); CMD 15 (19 vs. trip)
Feats Lightning Reflexes, Toughness, Weapon Finesse
Skills Stealth +10 (+18 in swamps), Swim +8; Racial Modifiers +8 Stealth in swamps
Languages Common
SQ amphibious, bloated, blood pool, the blood remembers
----- Ecology -----
Environment rivers, temperate marshes
Organization solitary, family (2-5)
Treasure none
----- Special Abilities -----
Attach (Ex) When a leechlorn hits with a bite attack, it latches onto its target and automatically grapples. The leechlorn loses its Dexterity bonus to AC and has an AC of 11, but holds on with great tenacity and automatically inflicts bite damage each round.
Bloated (Ex) When a leechlorn has 6 or more blood points in its blood pool, its form becomes bloated, this effect is similar to an enlarge person spell. The bloated condition ends after 1 hour.
Blood Pool (Ex) A leechlorn maintains a pool of blood points: one point of blood drained Constitution equals one blood point. Spending blood points is a standard action.
Fractured Souls (Ex) A leechlorn houses many souls, it cannot be the target of single target spells.
Soul Eater (Su) An attached leechlorn feeds on its foe’s soul. It drains 1d3 Charisma unless the target succeeds on a DC 12 Will save. This is a Charisma-based DC.
Soul Spittle (Su) A leechlorn can, as a standard action, regurgitate fragments of the souls it has consumed, this has an unsettling effect on those struck by the soul fragment unless they succeed on a DC 14 Will save, treat as a lesser confusion spell. This is a Constitution-based DC.
The Blood Remembers (Su) By spending one blood point, a leechlorn can gain any ability named in the beast shape I spell if a blood drain victim had it. This effect lasts for 10 minutes.
First sighted on the banks of the Mesmos River, near the Vaishau ruins, leechlorn have migrated far and wide and fishermen quickly learn to bring pets on their fishing trips whenever a leechlorn stalks the land.
Decidedly unnatural in their origins, sages speculate that its form is dictated by the remnants of the souls it has eaten. This hypothesis would certainly explain the raw cunning leechlorn possess. Leechlorn understand Common and agreements can be reached, but leechlorn only accept blood as currency; this can be a deal breaker for the other party.
Leechlorn typically stand 6 feet tall, but weigh less than 80 pounds. Its black, leathery, segmented body blends extremely well in the dark, murky waters it favors. Leechlorn are primarily ambush predators, but some leechlorn cunningly use their blood remembers ability for surprisingly direct assaults. Fast and tenacious, leechlorn trust in their natural resilience to see them through a fight.
Leechlorn reproduction only occurs after the leechlorn has feasted on several souls. The resulting offspring typically remains with its parent, forming a family that hunts and feeds together.
Initial Impression: One of two (so far) leech-based creatures, with some design choices that I am going to have to think about. For instance, the "fractured souls" ability seems difficult. One of the design tenets of 3E (inherited by Pathfinder) was to unify monster abilities so 2 hit die toads dont have grab attacks that 10 hit die demons didn't have (using pre-3E terms). Granted, I'm away from my books at the moment but I can't think of other abilities that prevent being targeted by single target spells. So this CR 3 creature has a defense that demon princes don't have. Lots of things eat other things, and this is just an aberration, and they don't get this ability. To me this is a fatally non-superstar design choice.
Contributor; Publisher, Kobold Press; RPG Superstar Judge
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Initial Impression: A soul-sucking leech monster? Sign me up!
This is a CR 3 aberration, so point to you, Maurice for taking your design direction to a lower-CR creature. I'm liking the idea of a soul-sucking monster that does more than some kind of hp or ability-drain attack, but I am a little worried about the variety of options presented. Fortunately, you use the beast shape list as a shortcut, which seems smart to me.
Clark's point on fractured soul is interesting, but sort of demon-centric (lots of monsters have powers that demon princes don't get). I think you are overriding two rules elements in this design, and that's something to watch very, very carefully. But never the grab nor the targeting seems like to make this monster somehow unsuitable for play. (And FWIW, swarms can't be targeted by single-target spells either.)
Flavorwise, the whole regurgitating souls and blood pool element work for me, though I think they are stretching the boundary of complexity for a CR 3 foe.
I DO recommend this creature for advancement.
Welcome to Round 3! I'm posting this little blurb at the top of my reply for everyone. FYI, I'm not going to crunch all the math in your stat block, for several reasons. One, I don't have an hour for each monster. :) Two, I'm sure you've been very diligent about this and if anything is wrong, it's probably only off by a little bit. Three, if you were writing this for publication in a Paizo book, you'd be using our stat block spreadsheet, which takes care of the math for you--your job is to understand the rules and bring the mojo. :) My focus in this review is on the overall coolness and balance of your monster, with an eye on how efficiently you put it together and a spot-check of stat block elements that catch my eye.
Your monster is a headless, segmented thing with leech-mouths on its arms. Gross!
Stat block nitpicks: Fast healing 2 is just enough to be annoying for the GM to track but not enough to significantly impact the creature's durability in combat.
Bloated: I don't know if this happens automatically or requires some kind of action.
Fractured Souls: For clarity, and to borrow language we already have, I'd look to the swarm description, which says (Thanks, Wolfgang, for the pointer on that.)
Soul Eater: I think this needs a callout like the description of the blood drain ability--we need to know it's automatic (no action needed) and occurs on the end of its turn. The standard language for the end bit is "The DC is Charisma-based." (We use specific wording for a reason, it's okay to use that wording so the reader recognizes it and can immediately process that it works like other abilities with that text.)
Soul Spittle: I suppose this has the same range as lesser confusion. It's a little weird that this mind-affecting effect has a Con-based save.
The Blood Remembers:
One, avoid giving abilities names that are actually sentences, because sometimes you'll have to refer to that ability by its name--as you do in your running text where you say, which means you're not getting your own ability name right. This would be better as something like "blood memory."
Two, whether or not this creature has access to an ability from a previous victim is completely GM fiat, as the ability doesn't have a time limit on how long ago the leechlorn could have eaten an appropriate creature, so it can just grab any of those abilities if the GM wants them. Also, many of the spell's abilities are things the leechlorn already has or worse than it already has (it has blindsense, so darkvision and low-light vision are mostly usesless, it already has Swim 30 feet, and scent isn't as good as blindsense in combat), or are things it wouldn't be able to replicate (how does this thing fly just because it drained a pigeon?).
This is a weird but interesting monster with some technical problems. Your statblock-fu is pretty good, most of my concerns are with how your new abilities work.
I DO recommend this monster for advancement.
Maurice, Maurice, Maurice, good job making it to Round 3!
Now that I’ve read all 16 entries, I can say that there are some real strong entries here—more strong entries than spots, unfortunately. Some good submissions won’t make the cut. I am only going to recommend 8 of you since only 8 can advance. In close cases, I took into account your prior work.
What I am looking for: I’m a big picture guy more than a minute details guy. I don’t think just seeing if you crunched out the rules properly is the right way to judge a good entry for this round. Of course you need to execute the stat block properly. Luckily, Sean and Wolfgang are way more qualified than I am to talk about the nit picks and issues with the stat block so I will leave that to them. My comments to you will be more “big picture.” For me, I want to see a monster that is fun and playable—a monster that leaps of the page and makes me find a way to incorporate it at the game table. That, to me, is a superstar monster. So here we go…
You got my Initial Impressions above. I have to admit, yours was one of a small group fighting for the last couple spots in my top 8. You got the nod over the Iceroot Devourer, Miremane and Leechroot for a couple reasons, not the least of which was that I thought your prior rounds’ entries were stronger. But this was a close one.
Design (name, overall design choices, design niche, playability/usability, challenge): A
Good name, interesting design choice with the aberration. I think others had better core ideas, but yours was very good, too. This one wasn’t out of the park amazing but it was very good. I can see these guys at the game table causing havoc and I like it.
Execution (quality of writing, organization, Golarion-specific, use of proper format, quality of content—description, summary of powers, rules execution, mechanics innovation): A-
Sean and Wolfgang, as always, properly pointed out your flaws in this area but to me I thought your general execution was very strong. While I thought your core concept wasn’t a swing for the fences, I thought you really took a great shot with your cool new mechanics. I like what you tried to do here and I think you did it reasonably well. I gave a lot of thought to some of the issues I raised above and in the end I came around to Wolfgang and Sean's way of thinking on this and though I still have a concern I don't have any objection to your submission as a result of those issues.
Tilt (did it grab me, do I want to use one in an adventure?, mojo, just plain fun factor): A-
This is one of the group of good submission that were on the bubble. Yours got the eventual nod from me for the final spot in the top 8.
Overall: A-
Maurice, you did a very good job here in a tight contest. I called someone else the Jason Nelson of this year’s contest, but frankly I think that comment might apply to you, too. He is a good friend of mine and I think a great designer. He brings A content with excellent execution. I wish you luck.
Final Verdict: I DO RECOMMEND voters consider this monster to advance.
Your sash was a ton of fun and I thought your Round 2 archetype was very strong. In fact, it was the strength of that prior work that helped me sort between some of the entries competing for that last recommendation from me. I really hope the voters see what I see!
Good luck!
I'm a little torn on this one, because the one thing that I really thought I'd see in this monster I did. For all the fluff of soul eating that this monster claims, there's no actual soul trapping. The creature is described to be filled with souls, dines on souls, and has an ability that makes it immune to single target spells because it has so many souls (which I hate; see below), yet for all the Charisma damage it does it can never actually take and consume more than the faintest shreds of its victim's souls, because as written it has no way to keep the soul of its victims from passing on into the afterlife. I can understand if you thought trap the soul was too powerful for a CR 3 creature, but its something that honestly should be here but isn't.
Moving on to the other thing I so heavily dislike about this creature, Fractured Souls. As a heavy spellcaster player, I'm not sure if you realize how devastating this ability is to a 3rd level spellcaster (your monster is CR, meaning an on-level encounter with this thing is 3rd level). You have MAYBE one good AoE spell; flaming sphere. At this stage in the game, there aren't many AoE spells to go around; if you're a wizard or a sorcerer who didn't select an AoE spell, this ability basically reads, "immune to your character," and that's never any fun. But the real problem with this ability is that it claims that the reason for the immunity is the fact that its body stores so many souls. So why does the fact it has multiple souls affect my ability to blast it in the face with shocking grasp? This ability should have said, "mind-affecting abilities that affect a single target," or something similar for it to have actually made sense in the context of souls.
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Love the creature. Really HATE its description and back-story.
The fact that it consume souls should be made more clear. Instead of just saying it is "Decidedly unnatural in their origins", followed by a "oh-by-the-way" it eat souls and maybe that is why it looks like this...
Like that above posts, I too find Fractured Souls (Ex) too good for a CR 3 character.
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This thing has some major power for a CR3. Automatic D2 Con and save for d3 Cha drain every round, against a party that hasn't gotten any restoration abilities yet? That ends the adventure for the day, and perhaps week.
Its got major defensive abilities, not the least of which is it being aquatic. DR5\Slashing on an aquatic creature is just mean - the PCs get to use their backup spear to deal -5 damage or their slashing weapon to deal -1/2.
Its +18 stealth check guarantees it gets first strike on the PCs at that level.
Considering the penalties for casting in water, does this thing really need improved spell defenses?
Creepy and cool, but the mechanics feel off to me. You say
one point of blood drained Constitution equals one blood point. Spending blood points is a standard action.
However, there's nothing in that ability which lets the leechlorn spend blood points. The only thing they can be spent on is The Blood Remembers, which is where the type of action should be specified. Consider what would happen if you added a second ability which let you spend blood points when the monster was attacked (perhaps to spit blood in its attacker's face) - how could that be a standard action, as required to spend blood points? It also took me four readings of that quote to realize where the blood points came from. As Sean said, things are standardized for a reason - a better wording would be "for each point of Constitution damage dealt by its blood drain ability, the leachlorn gains one blood point" or "The leachlorn gains a number of blood points equal to the amount of Constitution damage it does with blood drain." Effectively, you're referring to the "Blood drain" ability here, so you shouldn't mangle the phrase.
From a more flavor-oriented standpoint, this thing seems a little unfocused. It has some soul-themed abilities and some blood-themed ones, but the two mechanics have no overlap other than both happening from stats it drains while grappled. If it really does eat both, they should be tied togehter better. As an example, I'd suggest instead of giving it blood drain, you simply included the Con damage in "Soul Eater". The general advice against creating new abilities that mimic UMR abilites (or reiterate their text) is just that - general advice. This is a case where it would make sense to not follow it. Consider:
"An attached Leachlorn feeds on its foe's blood and soul. At the end of its turn, if the leechlorn is grappling a foe, it deals 1d2 points of Constitution damage and 1d3 points of Charisma damage. A DC 12 Will save negates the Charisma damage. This DC is Constitution-based"
I think this one is going to fall just on the wrong side of the voting line for me, although I still have plenty more to read before I finalize my choices.
Alright blood remembers gives this an amazing versitility I absolutely adore. Solspiral bump coming your way!
AC 13 means that if this ambush predator doesn't hit in the surprise round or is detected in the surprise round, it's dead by round two when AMBARBARIAN and Ninja double team it. This guy's either a finicky encounter or road kill. Combine that with blood points for little use and weird justifications for defensive abilities and this one's a little frustrating.
Good luck with the rest of the competition. I hope it works out for you.
AC 13 means that if this ambush predator doesn't hit in the surprise round or is detected in the surprise round, it's dead by round two when AMBARBARIAN and Ninja double team it. This guy's either a finicky encounter or road kill. Combine that with blood points for little use and weird justifications for defensive abilities and this one's a little frustrating.
Good luck with the rest of the competition. I hope it works out for you.
Except it is a water-based ambusher, so AMBARBARIAN and Ninja will have a really difficult time dealing with it at level 1-4
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Maurice, I can see a lot of love/hate for this monster in the thread, and I agree. With all of it.
I love the idea of a creepy headless creature with giant leeches for arms. I hate how it's description can't decide if it wants to eat souls or blood.
I love how it feels unique, and does stuff I haven;t seen before. I hate how as a CR3 monster, it could potentially do both Con damage and Cha drain.
Actually, I really hate that. As has been mentioned, it takes the party out of comission for a few days. But actually, because it does DRAIN, it cannot be restored until the party has 4th level spells - which means 7th level characters. Or, I suppose you could pay for it, along with the expensive material components!
And that's the killer. Ability Drain cannot be healed (easily) before 7th level, so it shouldn't be dealt with regularity (such as potentially every round) until that level. That is a major flaw in the design work.
My own take on this monster:
Flavor: I like this monster, however, it feels like you had a demon/daemon in mind and really wanted to do a that but since the rules didn't allow it, you went with an aberration. For my own company, I'd have it rewritten as a daemon, but that is neither here nor there. If it were some type of outsider, it would be an easy A, but as an aberration, I give it a B+.
Crunch: While this monster is definitely overpowered for a CR 3, there is little here that a solid edit pass can't fix.
hp: Average hp for a CR 3: 30. This monster has 37, high, but balanced by a below average hp. Fine, but it has fast healing 2. This combination gives this monster its first overpowered point.
Fractured Soul: I'm cool with. Its a lesser version of the swarm defensive ability. Nice.
Attacks: Attacks are in normal expected range for a CR 3. Damage, however, is a different story. it deals an average of 3 + 1d2 Con. Its got the whole stirge thing going on with the attaching and sucking blood. That's cool (if not exactly original), but then you add in the soul eater part. A CR 3 that does Con and Cha damage (your description implied drain, but lets give you the benefit of the doubt for a moment you meant damage). The presence of both earns this monster its 2nd overpowered point.
Then there's the soul spittle part of it. I like the idea, but I feel the execution needs work. The spittle needs to strike the creature it effects. It'd change its placement to:
Ranged soul spittle +5 touch (lesser confusion)
Also, I'd simply have a fixed limit to the number of rounds between uses this ability can be used. Makes it easier for a gm. As it is right now, there are no limits as to how often this ability can be used.
Having said that, if this were submitted to me, I'd probably just cut both the soul spittle and soul eater abilities. They are, IMO, responsible for most of the daemonic feel to this monster and would solve the problem with the flavor as well as getting rid of an overpowered point.
One other thing I just noticed, this has 2 bite attacks. I did not see anything about a second mouth. I am unaware of a creature without 2 mouths that can do 2 bite attacks. Can't it blood drain twice from the same creature? Fix, reduce to 1 bite attack.
Bloated/Blood Pool: The bloated/blood pool part is without a doubt my least favorite part of this monster. The pool mechanic, while great on a magus, is not a good idea for a monster, IMO. Question 1: what is the monster's starting pool? Did it just finish feasting off some random commoner or has it been starved for days on end. Reason this is important is that this is a rather different encounter if the monster starts off with 6 blood pool than if it starts off with 0. Question 2: So the monster got its 6th blood pool point and is thus enlarged. Where are the stats? The biggest reason to have the premade monster stats is to make it easy and convenient for a GM to have the monster right there. Now, an experienced GM has to stop, look up enlarge person, calculate out the new AC and attack look up the bite damage for a larger creature. Question 3: So you're in the middle of a long combat. The fighter wasn't sure if he should power attack or not. The wizard wasn't sure if this monster was worth scorching ray or if he should just magic missile. The rogue was trying to figure out how he could set up a flank but the only one in any position to do so requires the rogue to make an Acrobatics check (which he fails, requiring an AoO). The cleric doesn't have enough move to get to the NPC that is having his blood (and soul) sucked out to give him healing so he wants to burst heal but the fighter tells him not to do that since he'll heal the monster. So my question is, did this monster have 4 or 5 blood pool points? Unless you wrote it down, more than likely you forgot and its 1 more piece to manage on a monster.
My fix for this ability would be: it gains a +1 to attack and damage rolls and a -1 to AC for the round following dealing any Con damage.
Conclusion: Like I said, all the problems with this can be edited away rather easily. As is, I'd give the crunch a B-.
Final Analysis While this is a good monster, I would hesitate to call it superstar. IMO, this monster should go in the Maybe pile.
One other thing I just noticed, this has 2 bite attacks. I did not see anything about a second mouth. I am unaware of a creature without 2 mouths that can do 2 bite attacks. Can't it blood drain twice from the same creature? Fix, reduce to 1 bite attack.
One mouth on the end of each arm. I had the same confusion until I went to retread the description.
One other thing I just noticed, this has 2 bite attacks. I did not see anything about a second mouth. I am unaware of a creature without 2 mouths that can do 2 bite attacks. Can't it blood drain twice from the same creature? Fix, reduce to 1 bite attack.One mouth on the end of each arm. I had the same confusion until I went to retread the description.
I missed that. Thank you for pointing it out.
Naming: Good. Creature name is evocative, works well. SA names are cool too, outside of the issue minor issue Sean pointed out.
Cool Factor: This is a pretty cool creature, and I'm sure players would remember the fight.
But man this seems like a tough CR 3. I'd like to see some playtests with it.
I do think Fractured Souls is probably just an editing error, I assume it's meant to be mind-affecting spells or something similar. If not, then I agree with the criticism it removes level-appropriate casters.
Also, I wonder what a soul looks like when it's spit at someone.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I like this quite a bit, but wished there was more. As a CE monster, why would it negotiate with anyone for blood, instead of just attacking and taking it? What are it's motivations beyond drinking blood and souls?
As for its powers, it seems over done for the CR - should be CR5 maybe, which you could have fit in the restrictions of the round, so not sure why you didn't. I'm a bit unclear - once it bites you - it a) attaches, b) drains Con/blood, and c) drains Cha/souls? Why not have a single ability that has it all, instead of 3 abilities that combine to a mega sucky attack?
I also wanted to know the range of the spittle/lesser confusion - and does it need a ranged attack roll? Normally spittle would, even if it has a spell effect carrier.
What pushed this over the top is the blood will tell ability - which is a cool name, and neat power - even more neat for a PC to have somehow, since a monster doesn't need versatily much, as it's already adapted to the encounter location generally.
This has my vote despite some questions.
Maurice, while all the criticism and balance issues are very valid, I think this one's my favorite entry I've read so far. Some people are great at flavor; some at mechanics; this critter, though, has really flavorful mechanics. Really varied; really unusual; really interesting - and all great executions of your overall theme. Struck home for me in a way that few other entries this round have.
I agree with Dale that most of the kinks here would be easy to smooth out in editing (otherwise, nifty mechanics that fail to work are less impressive to me :P ). Kudos.
This, for me, is a very strong case of 'you almost had me'.
I'm really drawn to the base idea of a leech-based monster that wants your soul as well as your blood. Great, toss one of my favorite 'monsters based on this animal look freaky and creepy by default' types at me, then expand it so it's not just a bloodsucker.
But then it goes a bit too far. Like others, I'm put off by how awful this would be to fight at the assigned CR. And then some of the mechanics just put a nail in the coffin for me. I'm not sure, for instance, why it gets to be immune to single target spells just because it has 'many souls' in it. Really? I can't shoot its body with a good ol' magic missile because it has soul weirdness going on? I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but it just feels like the function doesn't fit the form and it's dealt with via hand-waving.
And then it spits out the pieces of the souls that are housed inside it as a weapon. No limits on how many times per day it can do so. Okay, but... that doesn't hurt it? I know, that seems nitpicky of me, but it just stood out as being weird. You could have just as easily gotten around that by not having the 'it shoots pieces of the souls that compose it and give it form' part of that ability description.
Like I said, this is an almost but not quite entry for me. I have enjoyed your work so far, so I'd be very happy to see you advance, but this one didn't win my vote.
Maurice, congratulations on making it this far.
I ended up voting for this entry, not only because it is an interesting and creepy monster, but also because I want to see more of your work in this contest.
Your monster has a lot of special abilities going, and they tend to get a bit confusing. Like others have pointed out, it would probably benefit from a mechanical overhaul, but there is no denying the creative spark behind it.
Good luck in the voting.
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Maurice, I can see a lot of love/hate for this monster in the thread, and I agree. With all of it.
The above was my favorite.
I too noticed the love and the hate that the leechlorn inspires and thinking about it, in the end I just celebrated the effect my writing had on the posters – any response is better than no response!
That said, I still firmly believe that the leechlorn is a CR 3 monster. Is it tough? Yes it is, but tough encounters define characters more than pushover encounters and the leechlorn requires that the characters switch gears. Maybe it is too complex, maybe not.
I really hope that one of my brave competitors picks the leechlorn as his encounter monster so a playtest can determine if its assigned CR is correct or not. However, picking the leechlorn would be a bold choice and I suspect that it won’t be picked due to its controversial nature.
If you voted for the leechlorn, then you have my thanks.
If you hated it, run it against your group, maybe it will change your mind. Either way, your players will remember the leechlorn and in the end, I think that is enough for me.
Anyway, has anyone taken the leechlorn for a spin?