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So I know there are already threads out there for general jokes, "light bulb" (continual flame coin) jokes, and lines that made the whole table laugh.
But I'm looking for "in character" insults. I'm making a gnome Prankster archetype bard from the Advanced Race Guide, and I'm looking for the types of things he'd say when using his Mock bardic performance to insult enemies. I'm not that great at coming up with this stuff on the fly, so I figured I should prepare some in advance.
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Insult Generator: Thou wayward fen-sucked foot-licker!
Nice. Not quite what I had in mind, but I might need to bookmark that one on my tablet for when I'm playing some place with wifi. :P
Of course, if we're not going genre or Golarion specific, there's always "You stuck up, dim witted, scruffy looking, nerf herder!"
For that matter, I ought to go refresh my memory of the Cyrano de Bergerac nose insult list.
But back to genre and setting specific insults, here's some stuff I came up with off the top of my head:
To a dragon:
"Hey, lizard breath! Yo mama was a basilisk!"
To a basilisk:
"Hey, lizard breath! Yo mama was a kobold!"
To a kobold:
"Hey, lizard breath! Yo mama was a gecko!"
To someone from Taldor:
"Your father was beardless, and your mother worshiped Sarenrae!"
To a noble lady, or any other nicely dressed woman:
"That's suck a lovely dress! Are you a Calistrian priestess?"
"Are you sure you're a half-orc? You look more like a half-goblin to me."
I think there is other half orc for kellid. I remember reading that in wayfinder. Also donkey rats are used for food for poor people so donkey rat eater might work.
Don't be a Neb
He's got some Galt
What a Gex!
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You smell like Calistria's Holy bits.
To a male: The sound of your urine discharges hitting the urinal sound feminine.
To a female: Caidean's mug! Your beard is as big as Torag's, and you're rear is the size of Rovagug, yet despite your clearly divine lineage, you fight like a mundane cow.
What vile magic are you using to make yourself so repulsive? (best posed as an innocent question like you are really curious)
Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
When you die, I'm not going to your funeral.
I hope something you love catches on fire.
You're not very nice and I don't like you.
If you were any less intelligent, I would have to water you twice a week.
You hit like an elf!
I'd tease you, but you, sir, are unremarkable and bland in every sense.
You look like your face was on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
If your wife/mother's naughty bits had a command word, it would be "command word".
I was with your wife last night, she liked my longsword.
To the cronies: "Hey guys, can you cover your ears? I'm going to say some really personal things about this guys mother and I don't think he'd want you to hear about the many ways I defiled her or the freaky things she does, including this one thing where I take a Desnan candle, while she..."
I bet you wanted to be an accountant when you were a kid. (fits well with a gnome's whimsy, seeing a job like accountant as being an insult in and of itself.
OOooh, and for kicks, you could use ghost sound SLA to make random animal or gas sounds every time a baddy talks or takes a foot step.
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Just realized elementals can be insulted, and my PC will probably learn their native languages. This made me think of some elemental insults.
Earth elemental:
"Hey, boulder balls! Yo mama was a cubic zirconia!"
Water elemental:
"Hey, wet n' wild! We're gonna put you in a pipe and shove a stopper up your @**!"
Anyone have any good ones for air and fire elementals?
There's a sidebar with a bunch of local insults for Kaer Maga in City of Strangers... I feel like there have been other sidebars like that in various books over the years, but I can't remember where off the top of my head...
On a side note, this would be a pretty cool topic for the Pathfinder wiki.
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"Goblin loving son of an orc!"
"... and I thought Ogres were stupid."
"If we ever need to drive back the Rough Beast all we need to do is show it your face."
"Even Serenrae couldn't forgive a face that ugly"
"Huh I never seen anyone that fat who wasn't a Bloat-Mage before."
Dot.
"Even Serenrae couldn't forgive a face that ugly"
I don't know why, but I found this one in particular incredibly funny.
Thanks for all the suggestions so far, everyone. Keep them coming!
I couldn't help but think of the chapter intro where Valeros insults the Ogres...
My Favorite for my Dwarven Dorn-Derger Fighter against Orcs: [in Orcish]"Here ugly little Piggies! Care to try and take on the Butcher or are you just cowards!"[/in Orcish]
"Sheesh you are an ugly one. Did they ever forgive your Mother for giving birth to you?"
Sorry to necro, but this thread is gold.
"You're so hideous, even lamashtu's having second thoughts."
calling anyone from Cheliax a Chel
Wait... you went to school in Galt didn't you? That explains it.
Lamashtu's Pet
Or
Lamashtu's Welp
Rovagug lover
I'll send you to Rovagug's gut for all eternity!
May you suffer Zon Kuthon's curse
Zon Kuthon's torment take you!
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They say the First Vault has perfected versions of everything in existence. Yours is still pretty awful.
A devil would break a contract to avoid owning your soul.
How does it feel to be the one creature in the multiverse Calistria would never sleep with?
Do me a favor, yeah? Never drink booze. It'd be a waste of good booze.
The stars are guiding me away from you. My lucky day!
Follow Erastil's simple ways. The complexities of the world would be lost on you.
Please for everyone's sake, keep your helmet on.
May your ship becalm on roiling seas.
Beware should an Iomedaean see you, lest she mistake you for Tar-Baphon returned.
On the quest for perfection... you have longer to go than most.
A monster born of you would be nightmarish indeed.
The arcane arts are beyond you, and for that we are all safer for it.
If only Norgorber had kept you secret.
We must all walk the spiral. I can see no reason not to let you have a headstart.
I would sooner open the Dead Vault than spend one more second with you.
All the benevolence in Nirvana won't forgive your existence.
That's a face only Shelyn could love.
I asked Torag to smith some armor for you. He said it would be wasted metal.
You'd be so much more useful as my skeletal slave.
Kuthie scarification would honestly be an improvement.
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How many Kuthites does it take to screw in a wall sconce? Five; one to screw it in and four to flay themselves while he does it.
How many Calistrians does it take to screw in a wall sconce? Two, but they really have to squeeze.
How many Abadarans does it take to screw in a wall sconce? One. They are an efficient and humorless people, and the joke would be wasted on them.
Getting someone to love you is a job for the Grim Harvestman.
I imagine your friendship is a pestilence even Ghlaunder wouldn't want to spread.
You're so cold. Are you sure Brigh didn't make your heart?
Now there's a soul not even Asmodeus would buy.
Erastil knows everyone has a job to do in society; yours is leaving it.
He's so ugly, even Lamashtu would recoil in horror upon seeing him.
Pharasma and Zyphus are trying to pawn your soul off onto one another.