Does the door lock when it closes?
If you feel good about your CMB you could reposition/ toss one guard into the cell. That would leave only one guard to deal with. Does the ninja get sneak attack damage? It would all be non lethel.
It would be a awesome picture to see one guard locked up and one drooling on the floor. Also the uniform from the one guard would help with the escape attempt. Unless you think the running naked lady wouldn't raise too much curiosity.
If they are mooks then they are most likely low on hp.
so the guards don't belong to the evil dude, if there is indeed wire as handles for the bucket, use it to get past that metal lid on the door and try to open it that way. Hope that no guard sees you.
if that doesn't work, try looking under the doormat.
Perhaps there's a Count of Monte Christo story and one of the rocks is loose and you can get to another cell.
Also I wouldn't encourage sex as means of bargaining, because your only bargaining in that matter would be if you willingly do it, not if it happens, no offense.
have you tried simply talking to the guards, perhaps a diplomacy check might help. Or you get some information how you'll be executed and can forge you plans then and there, the ritual will be completed but you did your best.
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If someone doesn't like the OP's threads, he or she does not have to read them. I don't particularly care whether the OP's posts refer to actual games and campaigns, or if the OP keeps on coming up with hypothetical situations, dilemmas, and outrageous character problems purely out of her imagination.
She can be counted upon to provide frequent amusement and entertainment, at the least; so I keep reading many of her threads. There are other people around here that I won't bother to reply to at all (except indirectly), since I'm not at all interested in what they have to say, and it is a waste of time (as well as an irritant to everyone else) to go trolling the threads (and people) you don't like, just because you can.
Vanish + Tumble through their space. You can use Forgotten Trick to take Acrobatic Master to get a +20 to the check to tumble through their space and past them to run away.
Vanish + Ventriloquism, as stated above.
Slow Metabolism + Bluff check. Forgotten trick to get Slow Metabolism. Pretend you died, use the forgotten trick to slow your metabolism, then make a bluff check to fool them into thinking you're dead. Wait for them to relax their guard, either vanish/run or beat them unconscious.
There are a lot of possibilities with Forgotten Trick. Smoke bombs, acrobatics, vanishing trick...
Since you have Improved Unarmed Strike, you are never unarmed and you can use your melee attacks to deal subdual damage, without incurring any negative effects.
As for your HP total, you are a Paladin, you have a 2d6 Lay on Hands, four times a day.
If all options seem to be failing and there appears to be no win condition then I would do my best to commit honorable seppuku after saying a prayer of forgiveness of failure to your deity and deny the BBEG of the XP for killing you.
Perhaps your next character will have better luck. ;)
DMs rarely give players a no-win situation. Chances are he has in mind a way for you to win. You may just not have figured it out yet. However, if he is a bad DM then making a new character wont fix the basic problem and I wish you good luck in finding a new DM.
-Use channel energy and lay on hands to heal yourself as much as you are able.
-Try to lure them into the cell one way or another (the naked bit certainly helps - maybe the guards like naked female killers :) )
-Vanishing trick and sneak attack should be enough to deal with the guards - use forgotten trick to create shadow clones if you are worried.
-take any useable weapons from the guards and hide them in your cell before you escape
-now is an eccelent time time search for clothes^^
Any magical healing removes all non-lethal damage. 1 Lay on Hands and youre golden.
I had thought that myself and was going to mention it in an earlier posting. However, I checked the rulebook first and discovered that I was wrong.
Healing Nonlethal Damage: You heal nonlethal damage at the rate of 1 hit point per hour per character level. When a spell or ability cures hit point damage, it also removes an equal amount of nonlethal damage.
Brambleman wrote:Any magical healing removes all non-lethal damage. 1 Lay on Hands and youre golden.
I had thought that myself and was going to mention it in an earlier posting. However, I checked the rulebook first and discovered that I was wrong.Core Rulebook, p. 192 wrote:Healing Nonlethal Damage: You heal nonlethal damage at the rate of 1 hit point per hour per character level. When a spell or ability cures hit point damage, it also removes an equal amount of nonlethal damage.
Huh. I stand corrected. I do wonder were i got the notion from.
Use forgotten trick to get smoke bomb. Used bluff to friek out like you are being burned alive in your cell. They have to enter the cell to invesigate. Unless the area is sound proof you will need to knock them out quickly because leaving them locked up or a fight is going to draw attention.
Alternatively use the vanish if you are sure you can get to a place where you can hide once the effect wears off.
From what I can see either the DM is looking for you to pull some sort of shennanigans like this.
You'll need to wait for your executioners and make an attempt then.
You're screwed becaue you're being left no options.