Again, still mostly skimming (sorry, guys, too tired to try to give more in-depth feedback)...
Halflingnothobbit -- I'm not sure I like the visual of it becoming a celestial dragon, but I think I do like the idea of it kind of being an advanced boost to the basic power. It fits the theme without overpowering it.
I'm also not sure if I like that it takes four rounds, at least not with this power (it didn't bother me that much earlier). I think it would really, really frustrate me as a player if I had to plan that far ahead to use it and it really turns the supposed boost from something that can be used in a dire situation to more of a basic transportation item.
That said, I do really like your basic concept here, and that's coming from someone who doesn't generally care for "Asian flavor" in his gaming. Obviously you can't use it now that you're workshopping it, but I'd have to think the basic idea has enough pretty decent mojo that it would get considered (though of course, I could be completely wrong on that).
Here's a new practice item, just a single feature of one of those for-a-character items I mentioned.
Helm of the Dread Warrior [112 words]
This heavy metal helm is generally sculpted into a frightening shape; especially common are dragon heads and faceless masks.
Wouldn't a faceless mask be ... nothing? Not sure what idea you were trying to convey, Phelan, but it's not coming across.
(And while I realize this is a helm, I have to say LOVE magical masks. I think they're one of the most underused bases for wondrous items.)
Thanks for the feedback, Jacob M. The thing with the dragon transformation comes straight out of Japanese mythology. If you go in for that sort of thing you'll (hopefully) like the visual; if not then it'll probably just seemed tacked on. Sort of a weakness with the concept but I was really reaching for ideas...
The point with the four round delay (other than the mythology tie-in) was to prevent the dragon power from being used quickly in combat. Players can still make do with the carp though if the need is urgent. Do you think that's a bad design decision?
It's very heartening to hear that you think it could possibly make the cut... I sort of imagine the judge conversation about this item looking something like this:
*And the author takes 300 words to do it. Lame.
*Reject.
*Yeah, just not superstar.
*Reject.
*Agreed, total SIAC. Decent "eastern" flavor, for those that enjoy that sort of thing. Still…
*Reject.
*Item Rejected.
I had a writing professor (who has published several fantasy novels) tell us that one of the hardest things to do as a writer is cut out your favorite part of a story, or remove a favorite character because he/she doesn't belong in the story you're telling. I think the same goes with game design, sometimes you have to look at what you have and say this is not working, even though I love it. The best thing to do then is take the best parts of what you have and start over.
Ahaflingnothobit, I think you have some cool things going on with your item, but I sense you aren't feeling it anymore with your "judge conversation" harshly pounding yourself.
Ask yourself, what is cool about it...."eastern flavor"
What is not working in this presentation....."crappy flight effect"
I can only guess that is how you would answer those questions, but that is how you had the "judges" respond in your self critique.
So now how can you re-envision your eastern flavor while improving the items effect?
Here is some questions I ask myself when I am going to work on designing a new magical item. Maybe they can help you.
Who is making this item? Here I mean what race, culture, class because knowing this helps me decided on what resources (spells ect) the creators have for creating the item. It also helps me think about what mindset the creators of the item might have. Elves and Dwarves both might make magical boots...but they would be very different in execution though they might both do similar things.
Why are they making this item? Here I am trying to get out of the mindset of what I want an item to do and see what a character might need the item to do. What obstacle or challenge is the items creator trying to circumvent or make easier?
How would they make this item? Once I know who is making the item and why I can comb through my books looking for spells and things that this creator would have access to that fits their character type. If a cleric is the creator, than I avoid looking at wizard spells for creating it.
Then I put it together and see what works mechanically.
I hope this helps, I think you have cool idea with the eastern kite that can give its wielder powers or is useful to them in some way. I like the koi and dragon images but I feel your effects are falling short.
Here's a new practice item, just a single feature of one of those for-a-character items I mentioned.
Helm of the Dread Warrior [112 words]
This heavy metal helm is generally sculpted into a frightening shape; especially common are dragon heads and faceless masks.
Wouldn't a faceless mask be ... nothing? Not sure what idea you were trying to convey, Phelan, but it's not coming across.
(And while I realize this is a helm, I have to say LOVE magical masks. I think they're one of the most underused bases for wondrous items.)
In truth, I wanted to keep the descriptive aspects minimal. The "faceless mask" bit was poorly expressed, but I was thinking World of Warcraft's Judgement Helm; it's a almost flat face mask with nothing except a line down the middle and two eyeslits. (Link here. Completely hides the face. That, coupled with things like, say, Wheel of Time's Myrdraal, which have effectively no face. That sort of thing seems scary to me, but it could be better described, especially with that much word count free. It's more than just hiding your features so you can't be recognized, it's hiding your features so much you don't have any features, so you look inhuman (and, possibly, impartial).
(The original 3.5 version of the item was a full on SAK of a helm/mask; +5 Intimidate, -5 Sense Motive against you (which is largely +5 Bluff; and because your face is entirely hidden, some of the cues someone would use when talking to you are lost), see invisibility always on, devil's eye (Book of Vile Darkness; see in darkness & magical darkness) always on, 25% chance to be unaffected by gaze attacks, the Intimidate feature (but free action and unlimited use), and another Intimidate-based feature, which I still think might have potential in an item (it adds a new usage that I don't think is available elsewhere). I later revised it to drop the Sense Motive & gaze attack features for the character, as they were tied to the face-hiding aspect, and I realized that didn't fit the character anymore.)
The obvious problem there is that it's not just a swiss army knife, it's a swiss army knife of features that are often generic, and all desirable... and with no drawback or decision to make. Really no other head slot item Albrecht would have considered instead. Why wouldn't he wear this, if he could get it? What would he wear instead?
Halfling -- Remember, I think we're all worried about our items not measuring up to the judge's standard, so you're certainly not alone in that.
The four-round delay I think worked with the previous secondary power and was a very cool visual. I don't think it works with this secondary power as well because I think players are going to say "OK, I've got this one shot at really good flight for something when I absolutely need it ... but it's going to take me four rounds. At which point, I don't really need it."
I think going back to your basic idea -- giving people flight who might not already have it / allowing them to use a different skill to allow flight -- probably would help. I wonder if it would work to have the carp give a swim boost, since I think a lot of people don't like to dump skill points there unless they know it's a seafaring campaign and then have the flight secondary power. That feels like it could be a neat item, to me, though unfortunately it also loses the "Superstar" feel (for me, at least).
Phelan, definitely a cool visual with that link. Perhaps a mask that completely obscures your face, a la DC's [url]=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Question_%28comics%29]The Question[/url]. I think that's a visual that a LOT of players would like in a mask -- it suggests a ton of possible powers to me as well, though you'd need to pick one or two and be really careful about not becoming an SAK. (And, yeah, obviously I'm completely veering from your intimidating mask concept by this point. Though for me, this type of free-association thinking is a really nice design process.)
The entire based-sound-effect thing has been a darling of mine for some time, so to practice letting go of my darlings, here goes. I actually came to love this quite a bit during creation. I hope I won’t regret letting go of it. Rip it to pieces. It’s written up in about 1 to 2 hours, so I expect a huge amount of flaws… if they're not there, I'm going to cry. I almost had "can't-post-this-it's-almost-good-enough-for-submission-issues" with this one. I'd like you to prove me wrong.
Aura faint illusion and evocation [sonic]; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 15,000 gp; Weight ½ lb.
Description
This finely crafted flute is made from ebony and has three elongated note-shaped inlays in ivory. Sounds from this flute linger strangely in the air.
Playing the flute requires both hands and prohibits all verbal actions and takes a standard action. Using bardic performances, while playing the flute, causes them to linger for one round after the performance is ended.
3 times per day upon activation it plays strange sounds akin to words, which can replace the verbal component of a spell and the movements of playing to act as the somatic components. If using the flute for this purpose, the user may choose for any spell to linger for one additional round, even if instantaneous. The spell uses a spell slot one level higher than normal, else sounds linger ineffectually.
The flute holds 3 charges daily which can be used, while using the flute for spellcasting, by touching one or more ivory inlays as a free action. The charges change the spell cast as follows:
One charge: One enemy target of the spell hears a load sound. He must succeed a DC 17 Fortitude save or be deafened for one round.
Two charges: An ally affected by the spell, gains a +1 morale bonus to any one roll within the next round.
Three charges: The damage type of any spell cast by affected allies within the next round deals half sonic damage. If a spell, which already deals sonic damage, is cast, it acts as if one caster level higher.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Lingering Performance, Intensify Spell or Extend Spell, ghost sound, sound burst, any bardic performance; Cost 7,500 gp
Why the charges and 3 times per day uses. Well, in fact I was inspired by a comment from one of this year’s top 32, saying that he liked effects that built upon each other, so I wanted to experiment a little with that design choice. It’s seriously word requiring. But I like it. It’s neat, and smoothly sneaks around the worst SAK tendencies of multiple ability items.
I’d wanted to do a bard item for a while and it just wound up being this.
The spell choices are fairly random. Ghost sound is for the general sound extending theme and sound burst was simply chosen sort of at random among eligible evocation, sonic damage spells, as it seemed low enough level to work decently. I wanted “any bardic performance” not to limit it too much as it’s really more there for the specific feeling of bard theme to all of this. As the item is not based on any one effect or spell, it was honestly a nightmare to choose price, construction etc. for. I simply went with momentary feelings. Please correct me fiercely on this.
Format should mostly be neat enough, but I’ve got to admit I didn’t fret too much over it.
The entire based-sound-effect thing has been a darling of mine for some time, so to practice letting go of my darlings, here goes. I actually came to love this quite a bit during creation. I hope I won’t regret letting go of it. Rip it to pieces. It’s written up in about 1 to 2 hours, so I expect a huge amount of flaws… if they're not there, I'm going to cry. I almost had "can't-post-this-it's-almost-good-enough-for-submission-issues" with this one. I'd like you to prove me wrong.
** spoiler omitted **...
Also, I realize I didn't stick to the price requirement. I wanted to initially, but it seemed too cheap for this. I can also see I forgot to change CL to 5th, which it was intended for. Damnable. Bloody 2 hour-items. I'll modify this once I get some ripping apart. My main practice exercise is killing my darlings anyway, though. And working in new ways. And making something not based on any spell I can find.
The extra 16 words in "after a word counting method which in my experience is fairly identical to the submission tool’s" blew you from 294 to 310
Auto Rej... :P
Seriously though everyone, I'm not too worried about the word count methods used, just try to be under 300 is all I ask - you will know when submitting for real, so just practice here, less pressure, more fun :)
Im feeling much better today and will rip my fan a new one for a couple days.... but at the moment, I'm making a start on those organisation reviews as thats more important for me - I learn so much about tight writing when reading things for critical review, it's great fun too.
Jacob: I totally agree; I still have one Intimidate-based power I want to write up (it definitely doesn't fit within 5,000 gp, so it will wait for a while yet), but any number of interesting things fit with a mask that hides the entire face, especially in such a blank way. I'm making a note of "Mask of the Faceless" under "iconic gear slots / item types" for ideas.
(I went into lots of detail on the original 3.5 item specifically to illustrate the dangers of a "my character wants it" item; really, who would turn that down, after all?)
The Carp is a very cool item, definitely just the 4-round delay is crippling. Why 4 rounds?
Luthia: definitely some typos in the item ("a load sound", for example), but those are going to happen in a 2 hour item.
So going through, let me see:
- If this instrument is used for bardic music, you get 1 round of duration after you stop performing. That is potentially pretty powerful; it does start to bring back the 3.5 bard's tactic of layering songs (inspire courage for a round, then inspire greatness; alternate as needed), though with only one round, it will eat through your songs & actions. Note that as the bard levels, the initial action becomes shorter, making it easier for a bard with this flute to layer songs without limiting himself to doing little else. (Wording is a bit awkward; is the standard action (for a lower-level bard) to perform the same as, or different from, the standard action to play the flute? If different, a bard cannot use this before 7th level, when he can perform as a move action.) Ok, this is the feat Lingering Performance at half-effectiveness.
- Next, 3 times per day you can do something similar to the Lingering Spell feat; for +1 spell level (therefore only viable for spontaneous casters), any spell lingers for another round. I'm not entirely clear what that means; I understand Lingering Spell, which only works on area spells. What does a Lingering Scorching Ray do? Lingering Shield just gets 1 more round of duration, I presume? You probably want to limit this to area spells (1 more round on even a round per level spell is likely not worth much).
- Now, we have three charges.
- 1 charge when spellcasting adds a fixed DC deafening effect. DC 17 implies a 5th-level spell effect there, which definitely doesn't fit a CL 5th item, but does fit the CL 9th.
- 2 charges gives one ally who is affected by the spell a +1 morale bonus to any one roll (d20, I presume) within the next round. This seems the weakest of the charge-based features.
- 3 charges makes half a spell's damage sonic, or boosts the caster level of a sonic spell by 1. This is definitely potent, given the near-total absence of sonic resistance.
Again, looking more at wording than mechanics, since the mechanical side of my brain is kind of being used right now (sorry, I know you guys are probably looking for more in-depth feedback on the items):
Luthia, I've generally been very impressed with your English since I know that despite not being a native speaker you look closely at the writing in our submissions (me too; I edit copy for a living, after all).
So I have to admit I was surprised to see you falling down in that area a lot on this. While I think the judges will overlook some clunky phrases for a suitably good idea, I definitely think the quality of writing is something applicants don't concentrate enough on (other than avoiding passive voice) in place of mojo and avoiding the auto rejects. I'm chalking it up to you doing this quickly.
"Using bardic performances, while playing the flute, causes them to linger for one round after the performance is ended" could more simply be "Bardic performances played on the flute linger for one round after the performance ends."
Then "The flute holds 3 charges daily which can be used, while using the flute for spellcasting, by touching one or more ivory inlays as a free action" could become "By touching one or more ivory inlays as a free action, the user can enhance spells he's casting with the flute."
Then I'd simply say, after you list the three options, that the flute has three charges per day.
The wording of your last power is wonky too. I love commas, but you're doing a little too much. "Increase the caster level of a spell that deals sonic damage by one" is a lot easier to follow.
Again, looking more at wording than mechanics, since the mechanical side of my brain is kind of being used right now (sorry, I know you guys are probably looking for more in-depth feedback on the items):
Luthia, I've generally been very impressed with your English since I know that despite not being a native speaker you look closely at the writing in our submissions (me too; I edit copy for a living, after all).
So I have to admit I was surprised to see you falling down in that area a lot on this. While I think the judges will overlook some clunky phrases for a suitably good idea, I definitely think the quality of writing is something applicants don't concentrate enough on (other than avoiding passive voice) in place of mojo and avoiding the auto rejects. I'm chalking it up to you doing this quickly.
"Using bardic performances, while playing the flute, causes them to linger for one round after the performance is ended" could more simply be "Bardic performances played on the flute linger for one round after the performance ends."
Then "The flute holds 3 charges daily which can be used, while using the flute for spellcasting, by touching one or more ivory inlays as a free action" could become "By touching one or more ivory inlays as a free action, the user can enhance spells he's casting with the flute."
Then I'd simply say, after you list the three options, that the flute has three charges per day.
The wording of your last power is wonky too. I love commas, but you're doing a little too much. "Increase the caster level of a spell that deals sonic damage by one" is a lot easier to follow.
Wauw, thank you for the detailed linguistic commentary. I know it's wonky in places, this is my work as it looks without prrof-reading and from random messing about for less than 2 hours though, so I doubt a lot of the general wonkiness is prone to appearing in things I spend a little more time actually focusing on.
As for commas, quite for seriously, I'm used to a laguage swhere we have 3 different rules for how to do them. I'm a fanatic follower of the one with the most commas, considered somewhat old-fashioned and very rules oriented. I never comprehended English commas. There's no constant rules. I'm also a student of languages, that can, literally, do sentences with 20 hypotactically placed sentences, while retaining perfect order and saving the main verb for 20 lines later. I've translated pieces like that so I'm really not kidding. And I've noticed that my writing is getting fairly influenced by my increasing training in translating these pieces with as few changes as possible. Honestly, I can actually see that this item was writing in the middle of doing some rather tedious greek poetry translation assignment. All those participle forms sneaking in... But I do so love them. Note to self: Kill particle forms in my writing.So thanks, a lot, for the comments. I'll remember to look through future projects for these kinds of mistakes.
Now, haven't you been told to stay of this place? Aren't you supposed to be staying completely silent rather than getting accused of trying to steal votes? You already had one of mine, but stop this or you may loose it to disqualification. Behave! No, seriously, be careful. The judges don't seem too patient with any kind of sidestepping this year.
Luthia: definitely some typos in the item ("a load sound", for example), but those are going to happen in a 2 hour item.
So going through, let me see:
[list]
Honestly I'm aware of most of those problems. I just didn't really feel like doing more out of it right at the time.
Your note on CL, DC and spells actually makes sense. I'll probably end up keeping it at this CL anyway. I don't really like the idea of super-low saves. They're such a waste of effect.
As for the lingering effects, I'm really not super-concerned over the performance part - as you noticed yourself it's really a seriously downgraded version of lingering performance. I d
on't know of the Lingering Spell metamagic feat, I used Intensify Spell or Extend Spell as Extend does something of the same, just on non-instantaneous only spells, and Intensify gives instantaneuos area spells one more round of hanging about. I get you problem with effects like scorching ray. I thought about removing it, but I couldn't seriously see a way to quickly and even reaonably within 300 words manage that.
Oh, a reveal: This item was at nearly 500 words before I cut down.
I figured you knew about there being phrasing errors, since you mentioned 2 hours, which is why I didn't try to spend too much time digging into them.
I know all about the cutting down; I am regularly asked at work to give a "short & sweet" answer... and I write two paragraphs where a sentence would do.
I think by Intensify Spell you actually mean Lingering Spell; Intensified Spell boosts the damage cap on a spell by 5 levels. Lingering Spell makes the instantaneous area spells like fireball stay there for a round. It seems like that's the effect you're going for.
I do worry that there's a lot of stuff in this item; enough to threaten SAK status, or at least player confusion/paralysis.
Yeah I agree... in the end, that's why I let go of it, to put it here. About halfway through some of the idea started to feel a little too good. I consciously failed to develop it further, since I would than have had a hard time letting go.
My process, had I finished, would have involved a lot of rules checking, price checking, re-ruling, re-writing, proofreading and simplifying (since it started at 500 words, I knew I was shooting to far with number of abilities) and some of the tihngs it does could probably have been cut smoothly. I think you're right about the feat, actually. I'm not checking the book now, I'm supposed to be translating poetry, but I think I read the wrong line. I might still re-write this a bit, though I just had another idea to put here for this training period, a little more fitting for the price category, even.
Anthony, hope you're getting better fast. Don't go missing round 2 commenting now... Wishes of Swift Recovery (a magic elixir of remove disease?) your way...
Thanks for the ripping apart so far... it's good to see that I shouldn't start submitting 2 hour items.
Thanks a whole bunch for the feedback, guys. I'm gaining a new appreciation for how hard it is to come up with interesting mechanical effects.
I'm thinking that with this item a flying effect is the way to go--I just can't think of anything else that would fit the theme and base object as well. An eastern wizard making a magical carp shaped streamer would expect it to help him achieve, or to fly--and I prefer flying since morale bonuses are pretty stale.
Now, I can't really give the owner a flight effect since this isn't a worn item. I also don't want the "improved" power to be available instantly on demand, since that would exceed what an item at this price point should be able to do.
So, taking the feedback to heart, I'm front loading the item's powers a little more, including a period of weakness in the middle, and then capping off with a good ability--but one which won't be available to characters who need it immediately.
If you haven't had your fill of koi yet, feedback on this version would be appreciated.
****
Koi of the River Above [283 words]
Aura faint conjuration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 1,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This carp-shaped streamer is made of light silk stitched with silver scales. When unfurled, it flutters and flexes as though affected by a heavy breeze, regardless of actual weather conditions.
Once per day on command, the streamer may come to life for 10 rounds as a silvery, translucent spirit that the owner may direct as a move action. Although insubstantial, the spirit can carry up to 800 pounds of material by means of the four rope-like streamer strings attached to its body.
When first activated, the spirit takes the form of a koi, which arcs and struggles through the air as though swimming against a strong current. The koi has a fly speed of 30 (perfect). Characters suspended from the strings are subject to vigorous motion and take -2 to melee attacks and -4 to ranged attacks.
On the fourth round after activation, and for three rounds thereafter, the koi writhes and vaults upward, as if ascending an unseen waterfall. Although the spirit still may be directed as a move action, its fly speed is reduced to 15 (perfect), and characters suspended from the strings are subject to violent motion (taking -4 to melee attacks and -8 to ranged attacks).
At the beginning of the seventh round, the koi disappears in a cloud of white mist, instantly reappearing as an insubstantial, translucent adult sovereign dragon, a form the spirit retains for the remainder of the effect's duration. The dragon's fly speed is 50' (perfect), and its movements are smooth and fluid, imparting no extra penalty to those it carries.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantom steed; Cost 750 gp
****
And for Luthia...
Mojo--I didn't get any particular emotional satisfaction from reading this entry. Sorry.
Here's another item of eastern flavour
The bit that worries me is, can I assume that people know what a Nightingale floor is - or have I covered myself well enough?
This is the first draught of this one - and it's the first time I think my first draught is at that "should I play some more or leave it" stage?
Enjoy.
Ninja Step Waraji (164 words)
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot feet; Price 2,500 gp; Weight[b] 2 lbs.
[b]Description
A Waraji (sandal) is made of straw and hemp and is commonly a part of the Samurai uniform. The Ninja Step Waraji brings the subtlety of the ninja to anyone wearing them and are highly prized by the Samurai.
Wearing these sandals reduces the total weight of the wearer and his carried possessions to one third the total for purposes of determining triggering of pits, collapsing floors and weight activated devices and spells.
They reduce encumbrance by 50lbs for any actions that involve movement powered by the feet.
When walking slowly in these sandals (half speed or less), they make no footfall sound with each step taken. Should the wearer be walking across an Uguisubari (Nightingale floor), or other surface that creates noise, they gain a +5 bonus to their Stealth checks to move silently.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, feather fall; Cost 1,250 gp
Koi of the River Above
This looks better now, definitely. I think you can get away with not specifying what vigorous and violent motion do, which saves word count (you don't need to save it, but I know there's a preference for not copying existing rules rather than just referencing them. Now what you've got is short-duration mass flight, covering... 350 ft., is it? Not a great duration, but enough to get across a ravine, or up a cliff.
Ninja Step Waraji
I admit that I've never seen a trap or similar have an explicit weight threshold, but a quick skim of the PRD shows at least one. That particular feature may be exceedingly niche. I'm a little worried someone will interpret the "and spells" to mean that you weigh 1/3 for any spell that cares about weight, not just a spell that is triggered by weight.
50 lb. of encumbrance reduced is nice (assuming you're not wearing enough armor to be encumbered by that, at which point the effect is pretty meaningless), though the effect not applying to movement not "powered by the feet" may result in confusion. Walking & running definitely are; flying presumably isn't. What about swimming or climbing? Those tend to involve both arms & legs.
I'm not clear on what "make no footfall sound" really means. You seem to be making sure to specify that only the steps are silent, and anything like armor and gear jingling or clanking is not. If so, what sort of Stealth bonus is that worth? I would place it at a +2 or so.
I presume the Nightingale floor is a floor designed to make a lot of noise when people walk on it, presumably as a precaution against people sneaking through an area. If so, I would presume the terrain has an explicit effect; perhaps the slippers should negate that effect for the wearer, instead of giving a bonus on Stealth.
I hadn't thought of swimming, but yes, any movement which is powered in part or in whole by the use of your feet, so I need to update that.
I was indeed making pains that only your foot falls were silenced - just need to tighten that a bit more so it is obvious.
You are quite correct on the Nightingale floor - it was used in the east usually by Major Domo's, rulers and the rich in their homes to provide a warning that they have undesirables in their home.
It is the real world term, so I wasn't quite sure if I should use it or not. I may reword that bit then and remove it, I wasn't comfortable with using it.
Yeah, I got that it was just the footfalls silenced... I just didn't know how to interpret that in a mechanics sense. How much of a Stealth bonus do you get from your footfalls being silent, given that you presumably have many other potential sources of noise (gear, bumping into something, breathing, etc.)?
I think it's best described as "+2 or +5 to Stealth to move quietly, and ignore any penalties to Stealth from the terrain".
My attempts to rustle up item ideas seem to have been sidetracked by rough character concepts.
Koi of the River Above
This looks better now, definitely. I think you can get away with not specifying what vigorous and violent motion do, which saves word count (you don't need to save it, but I know there's a preference for not copying existing rules rather than just referencing them. Now what you've got is short-duration mass flight, covering... 350 ft., is it? Not a great duration, but enough to get across a ravine, or up a cliff.
Good! Glad to hear its working. And thanks for the the feedback.
The attack penalties are actually not part of the existing rules for vigorous and violent motion. Far as I know, these effects only apply to spellcasting. I made the combat penalties up by extrapolating from the mounted combat rules.
Also, I tried to keep the item's extremely low price point in mind as I designed this item--a party could conceivably have this thing in their hands by the second level if the GM followed standard WBL, and so I don't want to give it the sort of broad utility that a higher level item might offer.
*****
Here's another item for the mix. Sort of copped it from an idea by Steven T. Helt over in the voluntary rejects thread. I haven't yet done the crunch work on pricing it.
Cowl of the Obscured Messenger
Aura faint evocation, illusion and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Shadows cling to this hood like mist to warm water, coalescing around the wearer's head when the garment is donned to form a blanket of darkness about half an inch thick. Not even darkvision can penetrate this layer of shadow; however, the wearer's eyes shine as two smoldering pinpoints of light under the cowl, permitting him to see normally.
By lifting back the cowl and speaking the command word, the wearer may transform his head--only--into a mass of shadows and darkness. While the wearer's body remains behind, inert and lifeless, the wearer may travel freely as a Tiny head-shaped shadow that functions as the subject of gaseous form with the following exceptions. While in shadow form, the owner is denied all sensory input except for sight, which comes by means of two tiny, glowing orbs within the shadow. So long as the shadow is within 5' of the body when the effect ends, the owner's head reforms correctly on his shoulders. Otherwise, the head reforms at the shadow's location, most likely killing the owner. This ability may be used for up to 10 minutes a day. The duration does not need to be consecutive; it can instead be spent in 1-minute increments.
The cowl's wearer is subject to a constant forced quiet effect and may employ message at will.
Construction
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, blacklight, forced quiet, gaseous form, message; Cost 1,500 gp
****
Mojo--this item needs a good visual, in my opinion. As it is, I didn't feel any particular satisfaction as I read it. Sorry.
Two problems with the messenger hood. One, I've read it twice now and I still don't know why I'd ever want this thing, and two, at CL 5th, any 5th level caster has a fifty-fifty shot at insta-killing you with a judicious dispel magic. Higher level casters even more so.
The point about dispel magic is well taken. I'm not sure how to address it.
The item is intended to help stealthy scouts--let them look around corners silently, grant them a bonus to stealth, and let them communicate quietly with their teammates.
The point about dispel magic is well taken. I'm not sure how to address it.
The item is intended to help stealthy scouts--let them look around corners silently, grant them a bonus to stealth, and let them communicate quietly with their teammates.
If it's purpose is to help stealth types look around corners, etc., then the item risks falling into two no-no design categories: the item that makes you better at what you're already good at, and the makes adventuring safe/remote scrying item. Although, as mentioned above, it might be preferable to take a fireball to the face, than a dispel magic to the head. :)
I do love the cool visuals, though.
"cool visuals"
We seem to be saying this sort of thing a lot - so I have taken a step back on my next practice item and am asking myself this...
"If I take away the cool visuals, do I have an item of substance left?"
I don't know how valid this is, because we are dealing with wondrous items which I think are supposed to be "wondrous".
I am trying to discern if there is some sort of line / balance between visual theming and substantive content that we need to be aware of when designing our item?
I know I could probably dress up a Spell in a Can with plenty of cool visual, and I know to do this to the extreme would be wrong and easily auto rejected, so I'm wondering where that balance between visual and content should lie.
I appreciate this isnt a hard and fast sort of rule, so I thought it best to pose my thinking here and see what you think about this?
Anyone want to have a go?
"cool visuals"
We seem to be saying this sort of thing a lot - so I have taken a step back on my next practice item and am asking myself this...
"If I take away the cool visuals, do I have an item of substance left?"
<snip>
This post struck a chord with me because I was thinking much the same thing looking back over the thread. I was worried that I was thinking too much like a Star Wars movie director (directing a new, crappy movie that goes crazy with CGI) and not enough like a game designer.
One thing this thread has really driven home is the fact that game design is an iterative process. I went a-googling last night to find some good interviews with game designers talking about the design process, and something they all kept saying is that they go through many many iterations, and make a lot of changes based on feedback, before their projects are complete. One designer even said that he played his games in his head at night, always asking himself how he could change things to make it more fun.
I suspect Clark is making a similar critique of submissions when he calls them "first drafts". A lot of wondrous items in the critique thread (most certainly including my submission this year) could have benefited from a few more rounds of critical feedback and "playing around in the design space" to make them better.
And the playing around thing is hard. Accepting critical feedback is hard, learning the right lessons from it is harder, and fooling around with the design for the umpteenth time is downright mind-numbing.
So, getting back to "cool visuals", I think there are several benefits to be had here. First, a good visual offers a clearly defined space for the creator to play around in--a solid framework, if you like, to hang his ideas on, so he can keep from going crazy while he's working through the iterations. Second, when asking himself what how he can make his design cooler, a cool visual is pretty much always going to come up as an obvious, low hanging fruit sort of way to make the product more appealing. And finally--this is a newfound personal reason--cool visuals are fun to write and tend to make me more invested in seeing the design through to a final draft.
Now having said that, obviously many of the top 32 items did not include a cool visual and I'm certainly not arguing that cool visuals are necessary or even better. They're just one approach to the wondrous item design process and there are many mojo-laden concepts out there that don't rely on them.
NOTE: Even though I don't explicitly qualify every sentence in this post, all of the above are just the tentative working hypotheses of a wannabe designer--I ain't got the laurels to be pontificating.
I agree. It's the reason I posted my question - part of the learning is to stand back and look at things from different angles I think, including the design process.
I'm hoping it's a sign that we are improving to be thinking such things through.
I hope so too. My main change recently has been to start looking for inspiration in different places. I have a few items percolating in the very rough sense of "this is a cool slot / visual... now what would an item with that do?" I'm also trying to run through my memories of real-world myth for suitable concepts to expand into magical items. Most recently that's led me to needing to look up the Thirteen Treasures of Britain.
There's another item, definitely way too powerful for this round, which I'm revising; I'm trying to work out what it's going to do within a theme. The first iteration was ridiculously good; effectively, it was charged by using slashing dispel from 3.5 on an opponent... then the spell levels it stored could be used to power a hit/damage buff, or healing, or to force a spellcaster to lose some spell slots / prepared spells. Way too good, of course you want it. Now I'm just trying to think "how do I get spell levels into this, and what can I do with them?" So there's iteration on the idea there.
I do think Clark was also pointing out that quite a few of the entries just looked like they were a first draft of the writeup, as well as concept; in clear need of an editing pass for grammar, formatting, and clarity. But first draft can also definitely apply to ideas where the implications are not thought through, and so on. (Similarly, I'm designing a heavily-modified system, and I've just hit on an idea I like for critical hits. Unfortunately, this makes an issue in attack vs. defense scaling which already bothered me into a critical (pun not intended) one; it would drastically increase the likelihood of high level characters scoring critical hits, even against at-level opponents. So I need to iterate on that.)
Well, personally (and fully conscious that my personal opinion is not really all that significant) I think that making an item do something visually makes it more likely to snap my players back to the game... the first few times. I generally like a visual component that's really close entwined with the actual actions, partially because it makes it easy on me as a GM to do a slightly deeper description on an exciting item (any item that qualifies as "Superstar", should, in my opinion, have enough awesome-factor that describing it's visuals at least once is worthwhile).
That said, there's the evil matter of word count. And with 300 words to use, wasting 50+ on cinematics that don't DO anything, is probably stupid. I think good visuals can be limited to "a few, and the right, adjectives in the right places at the right time" - yes, I just used "right" three times, to emphasize that there's probably loads of poor ways to do it.
My guideline to myself, as I loooove (excessive "o"s for emphasis) detailed descriptions of evocative good looking visuals that may tease even one player out of whatever stupid joke was currently keeping his/her mind from my game, and about to distract everyone else too: If the visual description is somehow essential to what the items *does* actually, in game effect, then it's probably worth mentioning in some words, though how many is hard to say.
Generally I don't like reading a paragraf on just how good looking these sparkles are, if the effect of the item has absolutely NOTHING to do with sparkling (such as, don't make anything related to vampires sparkle. Sparkling and vampiric things have nothing in common!). No, for serious though, I think the best of the visuals among the top 32 this year was very intermixed with their mechanics, making the visual an important part of how the mechanic worked.
I personally very often distill my items down to "it's this spell/effect/whatever". If the only thing making it "not that effect-in-a-can" is visuals, I change something, until it doesn't feel like the same thing. If the visuals aren't essential, they're typically the first thing to suffer when the word count comes screaming at 400+ words (which, yes admittedly, most of my items are initially - you should see the monsters of word count I force my players to read when they want me to make them customized magic items).
Visuals comes down to this, I think:
If your item is boring/SiaC/what-not else, that won't let it get through, visuals can't help you
If your item is good, shiny and qualifying in every other way, good visuals will be a bonus, provided they're not overdone
Overdone visuals are not good, ever
Just some thoughts...
I do think Clark was also pointing out that quite a few of the entries just looked like they were a first draft of the writeup, as well as concept; in clear need of an editing pass for grammar, formatting, and clarity. But first draft can also definitely apply to ideas where the implications are not thought through, and so on.
Just for reference, here's the Clark quotes I was talking about. Boldface at the end mine.
Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, quality of mandatory content, did you milk your idea for all it was worth? did you use your allotted space well?): C+
Neil read my mind. This smacks of a first draft, meaning your first shot at fleshing out the idea. I think that explains why you didn’t fully find what I think is the best part of your idea. Execution is not up to par and your writing isn’t grabbing me. Not enough on the NPCs and nothing really about cool locations. Does not make a GM say “oh, I gotta use that!”
<snip>
****
In any case, back to work. Here's the next version of the cowl. I'm not sure how to go about pricing the forced quiet effect, as the spell does include some benefits as well as some drawbacks. (The price listed right now is a placeholder.)
*******
Cowl of the Obscured Messenger [285 words]
Aura faint evocation, illusion and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Shadows cling to this hood like mist to warm water, coalescing around the wearer's head when the garment is donned to form a blanket of darkness about half an inch thick. Not even darkvision can penetrate this layer of shadow; however, the wearer's eyes shine as two smoldering pinpoints of light under the cowl, permitting him to see normally.
The cowl's wearer is subject to a constant forced quiet effect and may employ message at will.
By lifting back the cowl and speaking the command word, the wearer may transform his head--only--into a mass of shadows and darkness. While the wearer's body remains behind, inert and lifeless, the wearer may travel freely as a Tiny head-shaped shadow that functions as the subject of gaseous form with the following exceptions. While in shadow form, the owner is denied all sensory input except for sight, which comes by means of two tiny, glowing orbs within the shadow. The wearer may make use of the message ability of the cowl normally, with the effect centered on the shadow. Finally, if the effect ends when the shadow is more than 5' away from his body, the owner is reduced to -4 hp (or his current hp, whichever is lower) and dying. In any case, the head returns to the body when the effect ends. This ability may be used for up to 10 minutes a day. The duration does not need to be consecutive; it can instead be spent in 1-minute increments.
Construction
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, blacklight, forced quiet, gaseous form, message; Cost 1,500 gp
Ah, I forgot that (posting quickly while before taking the dog out yesterday). I did see quite a few posts where they also looked like they needed the editing pass. As well as those which needed another go-round to get to the heart of the design.
Cowl of the Obscured Messenger
Forced quiet is pretty close to always good; it's bad if you need to talk loudly or cast sonic spells. The former may or may not be an issue, depending on circumstances, GM interpretation of how quiet you have to be, and the presence of message to compensate in communication. The latter... well, there aren't that many sonic spells, and this is likely to be used by a non-spellcaster anyway.
Now we get to the main feature; you can essentially pull your own head off to scout, with a fairly substantial stealth bonus (the +4 from forced quiet still applies? and +8 from Tiny). Message functions... both ways or just one, since the disembodied head has no hearing?
It's not riskless, but it does amount to a rather low-risk way of scouting, including getting past barriers you normally couldn't get past at all without being detected, due to gaseous form. The two risks are that the party will be attacked while you are incapacitated or that you will be detected, dispelled, and left at -4 hp from full or near-full, which is a substantial healing cost. (One can extend the effective range of the scouting by telling the party to move up with your headless body, as well, though that's likely to be minor; it can potentially extend the effective duration from 5 minutes to... likely not more than 6 or 7 (assuming you don't want to be at -4 and dying).)
Assuming someone without a dispel magic available does spot and attack the head, what happens? Do you take damage normally, or does the head have a fixed amount of hp, which if depleted causes the effect to end?
It's definitely interesting, but I think it's falling into the "drawback not really a drawback" and "makes adventuring easier" niches.
I've got a rough idea for a Blood Stone consumable (though the image I have in my head is not for a consumable), which I'm going to try and flesh out today.
Halfling, this is a really cool visual (though I agree with PhelanArcetus - this is a really cool "make adventuring easy" effect, particularly for a non-spellcaster who'll almost never need anything more than message allows).
But a nitpickish point is that the message spell requires you to point at those you want to communicate with. This makes the message ability of the floating ghost head rather awkward, unless he's going to be pointing with his nose or tongue...
Eh, I note that message lasts. It's not like you cast it each time you want to whisper. You cast it once, and can whisper for 10 minutes per level (50 minutes, in this case). One cast, and as long as you (or your head) is within Medium range (150 ft., on the path the sound must take), communication works.
Ok, this took less time than expected, though I'm definitely not enthralled with the item. It seems handy and thematic, but very niche:
Blood Stone [146 words]
Aura faint conjuration, faint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 1400 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
The weight of this polished carnelian stone seems to shift, as though it were full of liquid rather than a solid rock. The stone glistens wetly, and is about two inches tall, one inch wide, and half an inch thick; a comfortable fit in a medium creature’s hand.
As a standard action, a creature may crush a blood stone which it is holding. Doing so produces a surge of invigorating energy in the creature, with the following effects: any bleed effect is stopped as though the creature received magical healing, 1d4 points of temporary Constitution damage are healed, and the creature gains 1d10+3 temporary hit points. These temporary hit points fade after 3 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cure light wounds, false life, lesser restoration; Cost 700 gp
I trimmed down the visual of the item itself; I want to make something not consumable with a similar look but also silver runes or designs on it. I have no idea what that item should do, though. I have vague thoughts of charging it up by voluntarily taking Con damage or even drain.
It's very much a SIAC, and I think the false life could go (I also just realized that as false life is not in a domain, potential crafters are Bones Oracles, Alchemists, and Mystic Theurges). False life is mostly there because I wanted an invigorating effect added to the curatives. (Maybe just adding back in the fatigue removal of lesser restoration would suffice there?)
It definitely wows me a lot less than I had initially thought it would. Still, I can see it being appealing to a party heading into a situation where they expect Constitution damage or bleed effects to figure prominently. I think the loss of wow factor is partly because I had initially envisioned some sort of awesome permanent item tied to blood, and instead turned it into a fairly simple consumable.
Price-wise, I quick math'd it out at 1,125, but decided that, despite the top effect being weaker than lesser restoration, the standard action justified raising the price. Going to 1,400 was a total ballpark guess; I could definitely see only going up to 1,200, or even rounding down to 1,100 (as potions of lesser restoration seem to not eat any markup for action economy, though I'm not sure I like that).
(I'm already compulsively revising the Blood Stone, including swapping false life out for the fatigue removal of lesser restoration, but now I'm saying "even with the reduced price (550 gp), I'm not seeing much reason to buy this over a potion of lesser restoration; you give up the ability to heal different ability score of damage for ending bleed effects (generally fairly easy) and still pay more."
So it needs some more thematic mojo. Any ideas?)
I think that at 1,400 gp, the blood stone is prone to abuse. A party can buy a bunch of these and give it to their frontman; by spending 14,000gp, a character can gain 10d10+30 extra hit points before going off to face the enemy. That seems a bit too much. Maybe you should drop the extra hp effect or put some cap in it.
I've already dropped the extra hp, largely because I didn't like how false life was fitting in. I thought there was an explicit lack of temporary hp stacking, but I don't see that anywhere in the rules.
(Nor do I see the "if you get too many temporary hit points, you explode" clause I know at least one game I'm in uses.)
Thanks a ton for the input. Good points all around.
forced quiet: This spell doesn't need to be beneficial at all for the theme to work--I can just say only the bad parts function and then it's not making things easy any more.
message: Good point about pointing to use. I think I can waive that with a single sentence, though. This one is essential to the theme of the item, so while I can restrict it to uses/day, for now it (or something similar) needs to be part of the package for this concept to work.
gaseous form: Question for the audience. Does a potion of gaseous form or the spell gaseous form make adventuring safe/easy? If so, then this whole concept is shot to hell and I need to take it back to the drawing board. If not, then I can just tune it down one way or another and we're back in business. I think.
If the head shadow is forced into combat, the regular rules for gaseous form apply:
Its material armor (including natural armor) becomes worthless, though its size, Dexterity, deflection bonuses, and armor bonuses from force effects still apply. The subject gains DR 10/magic and becomes immune to poison, sneak attacks, and critical hits. It can't attack or cast spells with verbal, somatic, material, or focus components while in gaseous form.
*******
So it needs some more thematic mojo. Any ideas?
What can you do with a single stone in the real world? Throw it? Break it open? Sharpen a blade with it? Swallow it? Melt it in lava? Draw with it? Skip it across water? Once you have your list, I'd suggest playing around with the ideas while looking for things that really match what you want the item to accomplish.
Let me share a quote that sort of stuck with me when I was out reading up on game design... I found the method below very reminiscent of the process used by the judges during the SuperStar Seminar they hosted at gencon.
So back to those intriguing puzzles in Uncharted 3. Keen to find out how Naughty Dog arrived at them, I contacted Richard Lemarchand and asked him. He told me that his co-lead designer Jacob Minkoff actually created a huge open environment and filled it with optical illusions – he then toyed with each one until he had a couple that really worked; these are the ones we have in the final game. Sometimes creativity is just about putting yourself in a position where the only possible outcome is a good idea.
I don't think gaseous form inherently makes adventuring easy. When coupled with boosted Stealth, it may make this specific scouting case easy. The single party member is not at risk of dying or being captured (unless the party leaves him alone), because only his head is scouting, and the cleric / similar can heal him up if the head is knocked out or the duration runs out before he can get back.
So you gain safety (in that your body remains safe), and ease of scouting (Stealth bonus, Tiny size Stealth bonus, gaseous form ability to move through things) and what you give up are the cash for the item, potentially needing some healing after scouting, and senses other than sight while scouting. Sight is likely the most important; only hearing is regularly significant of those senses lost, though it can be quite significant. (For example, you can't tell if the enemy are talking about what they want for dinner or how they're going to ambush the party when it comes through the door.)
So I think it overall is an item that makes adventuring easier (the scouting case specifically), but it may be interesting enough to overcome that.
With the Blood Stone I think my creativity is a bit fried by lack of sleep; I think I'm looking for more blood / restorative - themed powers to potentially throw in. The rough idea for a Sanguine Stone, which would not be consumable, is going better.
Strange how, no matter how fried I am, I can still analyze (until my eyes won't stay open). But take everything I said with the grain of salt titled "this guy is really tired".
Just a quickie from me - In World of Warcraft, the class Death Knight has a specialisation of "Blood" talents, which is a self healing in combat specification - so there are similarities with Blood Stone in that sense.
I don't think you have crossed over into auto-reject "thing from favourite game/tv/film etc", but it is getting a bit close possibly - I don't actually play a Death Knight Blood Spec, I am just aware of them so I couldnt say for 100% sure.
Just thought I'd let you know in case you werent aware.
You could easily resolve this, if you feel strongly enough that it's on dangerous grounds, by changing the blood to some sort of nature energy/sap or divine healing energy or somesuch.
I've played a blood-spec death knight, actually. Been a while since I dropped World of Warcraft, and I don't know what they've done with DKs since the end of Wrath really.
All WoW DKs have self-healing strikes; as I recall, Blood and Unholy were best at it; Blood explicitly, Unholy because it could apply more diseases and the healing strikes scaled with diseases. I hadn't thought about it, but I don't think the presence of the WoW Blood-spec DK is enough to make a blood-themed item that is essentially restorative a problem. Now if it was a blood-themed item that, for example, causes you to receive healing when you deal damage to an enemy (especially bleed damage), I could definitely see an argument.
I'm thinking of just adding a quick morale bonus as a final effect. At which point I need to rename to Sanguine Stone or similar, and find a new name for the necklace item. This way I combine the blood and hope aspects of the term "sanguine". Then I just need to make sure not to call the necklace a "Magic Kidney".
Revised:
Sanguine Stone [151 words]
Aura faint conjuration and enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 700 gp; Weight ½ lb.
Description
The weight of this polished carnelian stone seems to shift, as though it were almost full of heavy, viscous liquid rather than a solid rock. The stone is about two inches tall, one inch wide, and half an inch thick.
As a standard action, a creature may crush a sanguine stone which he is holding, destroying it. Doing so produces a surge of invigorating energy in the creature, with the following effects: any bleed effects he is suffering from end, he is cured of 1d4 points of temporary Constitution damage, his fatigue is cured, or if he is exhausted, he becomes fatigued instead, and he gains a +1 morale bonus to attack rolls and saving throws for three rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bless, cure light wounds, lesser restoration; Cost 350 gp
Just before, I had toyed with a neck slot item that blocked hit point damage from bleed effects (like a periapt of wound closure) and could be crushed for the consumable benefits. But that fell through as soon as I started looking at price; there's no way that the bleed immunity wouldn't be the highest priced feature, and it makes little sense to have a good item that you can destroy for lesser benefits.
So instead, I rename the item, drop the temporary hit points for fatigue removal (part of lesser restoration as well), and add a morale bonus. Price got rounded down a little, considering the limitations over the spells; cure light wounds isn't restoring 1d8+3 hp, bless is lasting 1/10th as long as normal (though providing more bonuses to saving throws), and lesser restoration will only apply to Con damage (but happens much faster). Only a 750->700 rounding, anyway. The morale bonus ties into a slightly overused multiple meaning of "sanguine".
It's still too niche an item to be superstar, but I think it's definitely book of magic items quality. A necklace should be interesting, but way out of a 5,000 gp limit.
Ugh. Had an idea I love. Love. But it's probably an archetype in a can, and it's definitely impossible to price, due to scaling with the character's capabilities. May still be able to make a stripped down version of it, though.
I'm still working over the cowl of the obscured messenger design, but I think I'm going to have to bow out of this thread for the time being due to a death in the family. I do like the idea well enough that I'll probably come back to it at a later time.
Happy designing, all.
Take your time. We'll be here. Take care.
My condolences. Family trumps everything.
Trying to get back into the swing of things, so here's my February practice item:
Alchemical Palm
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot hands; Price 4,000gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Collections of copper loops and glass tubes, these complex mechanisms are strapped to the underside of one's wrist. Twice per day, as a standard action, a user can fill either hand's alchemical palm (or both as part of the same action) with any potion, elixir or any contact or inhaled poison held within that hand. Once so charged, the wearer can deliver the potion, elixir or poison as a melee touch attack, or as part of an unarmed or natural attack.
Once a potion, elixir or poison has been used to charge an alchemical palm, it cannot be recovered - though it can be emptied from the palm as a swift action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, touch injection; Cost 2,000gp
[136 words]
Ronars, I like the core idea a lot.
A couple concerns, thoughL
I'd probably tweak the second to last sentence, though, to say the wearer can deliver the potion/elixer/poison with a touch -- otherwise, the user's forced to make a melee touch attack to give a potion of cure light to a friend. (Unless you meant for that). Then say it requires a touch attack to deliver it to an unwilling recipient.
Also, with the description of glass tubes, I'm left wondering how hard/easy this would be too break. If so, would the user then be affected by its contents (especially if it were a contact poison).
Ok, time to shake it up a bit.
Let's change a few parameters, it's looking like we have the low power, low cost item at a fair level of shine, so for the next few weeks, lets see what we can do with....
5k-15k gp Price (2.5k to 7.5k Cost)
Head, Chest, Back slots or Dungeon Dressing items only
(yeah, get into hands, feet, neck, etc later on).
Themed as if Norse or Greek mythology/setting
( we seem to have some nice eastern themed items in our first weeks of practice, so lets try something more Jason and the Argonauts now )
and to be mean...
Maximum 275 words!! if we can do well at 275, 300 will be a breeze - grin.
By Dungeon Dressings, I mean getting a bit "out there" with doors, carpets and rugs, ceramic pots, chests, lighting, and so on.
I don't think Wondrous Items all need to be PC carried or used, maybe they are in-situ type things a PC can take home to build his own "lair" for between adventuring relaxation and the like.
I'm off to speak with Odin for a bit to discuss my first item under this new set of categories, post it next weekend I think as I want to try polish my writing style some more.
Jacob, good points there. Allow me to address most of them in my revised item below:
Alchemical Palm
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot hands; Price 4,000gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Collections of copper loops and glass tubes, these complex mechanisms are strapped to the underside of one's wrist. Twice per day, as a standard action, a user can fill either hand's alchemical palm (or both as part of the same action) with any potion, elixir or any contact or inhaled poison held within that hand. Once so charged, the wearer can deliver the potion, elixir or poison to a willing target by touching them as a standard action, or to an unwilling one as a melee touch attack or as part of an unarmed or natural attack.
Once a potion, elixir or poison has been used to charge an alchemical palm, it cannot be recovered - though it can be emptied from the palm as a swift action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, touch injection; Cost 2,000gp
As to the hardness of the glass tubes bit; I deliberately left that out. It's a magic item, so if someone wants to, say, sunder it they'll have to go through the same process as, say, trying to sunder someone's necklace of fireballs.
Jacob, good points there. Allow me to address most of them in my revised item below:
Alchemical Palm
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4th
Slot hands; Price 4,000gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Collections of copper loops and glass tubes, these complex mechanisms are strapped to the underside of one's wrist. Twice per day, as a standard action, a user can fill either hand's alchemical palm (or both as part of the same action) with any potion, elixir or any contact or inhaled poison held within that hand. Once so charged, the wearer can deliver the potion, elixir or poison to a willing target by touching them as a standard action, or to an unwilling one as a melee touch attack or as part of an unarmed or natural attack.
Once a potion, elixir or poison has been used to charge an alchemical palm, it cannot be recovered - though it can be emptied from the palm as a swift action.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, touch injection; Cost 2,000gpAs to the hardness of the glass tubes bit; I deliberately left that out. It's a magic item, so if someone wants to, say, sunder it they'll have to go through the same process as, say, trying to sunder someone's necklace of fireballs.
I'm having trouble with your first sentence - the first part "Collections of copper loops and glass tubes, these complex mechanisms" makes me think of something big (partly because it's plural), like in a mad scientist's lab. The second part "are strapped to the underside of one's wrist" makes me think of something much smaller.
maybe revise to something like:
"This complex but compact collection of copper coils and glass tubes is strapped to the underside of one's wrist." (I couldn't resist the alliteration, but don't recommend it!)