Here's my 1st attempt in writing anything for a contest.
Anyone and everyone, please give me constructive critiques so I may be able to hone my skills.
Thanks.The Nefarious Nex Umbra
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot eyes; Price 14,500 gp; Weight ---Description
Necromancers of spellcasting societies craft these sinister spectacles. The wearer sees most of the world in black and white. They grant her 60-foot darkvision. Within 30 feet, living things show up in color, dead things show up as pitch black, and harrowing things ”in-between” register as shades of grey. Fragile creatures (those with 3 or fewer hit points left) appear as dark shades of color, while those fighting off death (those with 4 or more hit points) appear as light shades of color. Undead creatures appear fluorescent. Shimmering nimbuses of flame-like energy surround the images of creatures neither alive nor dead (such as constructs). Interpreting these weird perceptions require a DC 15 Knowledge (Arcana) check.Wearing the Nex Umbra constantly can drive the wearer insane. Each time the wearer puts them on, she must make a DC 15 Will save or be stunned for one round. Wearing them for more than three hours forces a DC 20 Will save or become confused; while wearing them for more than six hours forces a DC 30 Will save or fall in madness.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; deathwatch, darkvision; Cost 7,250 gp
If this is the format you used to send in your item then it did not follow the contest rules. If not then ignore the first sentence I wrote. :)
What are "harrowing things in-between"? I am assuming they are incorporeal or ethereal creatures, but it is not spelled out either way.
There is not much difference between having 3 hp and having 4 especially at the point in the game where I am expected to spend around 14000 gp.
Are these designed to detect invisible undead creatures. A better question is anything invisible supposed to be detected? Why would a PC not know if something is living or dead? I know there are corner cases, but most undead look like undead.
Why do I need a knowledge arcana check? If the creature does not appear as living or dead wouldn't constructs be the only thing left by process of elimination?
The change to fail saves and hurt the wearer along with the corner case usage would not make me want to buy this item.
DC 30 will save? This item does not appeal to me as a player, GM, or a judge(if I were one).
I would suggest making an item that is more commonly used, that uses clear terms as opposed to "harrowing things in-between", and does not have any negative affects on the wearer.
Hopefully others can learn from my mistakes. Hopefully I can learn from my mistakes. Hopefully...nope. That's all the hopefully I've got right now.
Cragsman‘s Climbing Gloves
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 5000 gp; Weight -
Description
These lightweight leather gloves are insulated with animal fur and bear a single dwarven rune on each palm. While climbing a natural rock wall, the wearer may activate the gloves causing them to gently mold the rock around the glove. This creates small, permanent handholds that reduce the Climb DC of the wall by 5 for creatures of the same size as the one who made the handholds. Creatures within one size category of the gloves’ wearer may also use these handholds, but the Climb DC is only reduced by 2, since the size and positioning of the holes are not as effective for larger and smaller creatures. Creatures more than one size category away from the wearer gain no benefit from the handholds. Climbing while creating these handholds is a full round action.
In addition, three times per day, the wearer may violently displace the matter comprising any creature or object made primarily of stone by making a touch attack. On a successful hit, the gloves deal 5d6 points of damage. This damage bypasses hardness and damage reduction. Creatures, magic items, and attended items that succeed on a Fortitude saving throw (DC 14) reduce this damage by half.
The wearer may use the molding property of the gloves to burrow slowly through unworked stone. The wearer can fully displace a 5 foot cube of stone in 8 hours.
Both gloves must be worn for the magic to be effective, and at least one hand must be free to take advantage of the magic.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, stone shape; Cost 2500 gp
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Hopefully others can learn from my mistakes. Hopefully I can learn from my mistakes. Hopefully...nope. That's all the hopefully I've got right now.
Cragsman‘s Climbing Gloves
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 5000 gp; Weight -
Description
These lightweight leather gloves are insulated with animal fur and bear a single dwarven rune on each palm. While climbing a natural rock wall, the wearer may activate the gloves causing them to gently mold the rock around the glove. This creates small, permanent handholds that reduce the Climb DC of the wall by 5 for creatures of the same size as the one who made the handholds. Creatures within one size category of the gloves’ wearer may also use these handholds, but the Climb DC is only reduced by 2, since the size and positioning of the holes are not as effective for larger and smaller creatures. Creatures more than one size category away from the wearer gain no benefit from the handholds. Climbing while creating these handholds is a full round action.In addition, three times per day, the wearer may violently displace the matter comprising any creature or object made primarily of stone by making a touch attack. On a successful hit, the gloves deal 5d6 points of damage. This damage bypasses hardness and damage reduction. Creatures, magic items, and attended items that succeed on a Fortitude saving throw (DC 14) reduce this damage by half.
The wearer may use the molding property of the gloves to burrow slowly through unworked stone. The wearer can fully displace a 5 foot cube of stone in 8 hours.
Both gloves must be worn for the magic to be effective, and at least one hand must be free to take advantage of the magic.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, stone shape; Cost 2500 gp
This is a really neat item, but here's why I think it got rejected.
First, it is somewhat of a SAK (swiss army knife). Everything in it makes sense for the theme, but I think that the touch attack property took it over the edge.
Second, in my opinion, the aribtary decision on the DC reduction for climbing was a very strange choice. The normal DC for a natural rock wall is 25, the DC for a surface with adequate handholds is 15. This is obviously a reduction of 10 points. For the price of this item, you could buy slippers of spider climb and get a instant pass to just walk up the wall.
Third, the displacement of stone. I understand what you're going for here, but 8 hours is a long time to move a 5 ft cube. And beyond that, what happens to the stone?
So that is my opinion. Also, I would like to say that I do like this item and will snagging it for my personal list.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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Being so much like a hat of disguise it should have had a bonus to disguise checks. The item also has to be able to read mind so an extent to know what to make the wearer look like. Detect Thoughts should have been on the spell list for requirements also. The flavor was nice, but the mechanics and originality were off.
I'll grant that perhaps a bonus to Disguise checks to hide one's national origin might have been apropos, but I opted to reflect that with an increased knowledge of the local area. If the bonus was to Disguise it would be a very narrow field of use; there's no real reason such an item would grant an across-the-board buff to that skill. A Chelish citizen passing himself off as a native of Andoran requires a level of sophistication that simply changing ones clothes doesn't really touch.
It doesn't have to read anyone's mind, though, and no, detect thoughts should not be a required component. The ability to mirror cultural cues doesn't require telepathy, and that's all the hat does, is make the wearer a better mirror of the social group around him.
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If possible, I'd like feedback on my 'Begging Bowl of the Prophet' submission. If it were not in another state, I'd gladly repost it here...
Thanks,
Bob
Here's the item I referred to back on page 11:
Begging Bowl of the Prophet
Aura moderate conjuration and divination; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 1800 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This item is a simple bowl fashioned from either stone or dense wood. Once daily, when the bowl's owner becomes sufficiently calm, meditating on the nature of need and want, the universe itself provides solutions to current or upcoming problems. As though dropped, poured, or otherwise given by a passer-by, necessities appear within the bowl when the meditation ends. This includes any simple item small enough to fit within the bowl such as keys, coins, badges or tokens, food, drink, and many other possibilities. Should the universe deem nothing in particular needs providing, the basin fills with clear water, revealing only the owner's reflection. Anything provided via the bowl will vanish within eight hours and must be used during this time, or the bowl will not function the following day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, augury, major creation; Cost 50 gp
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Tongue of the Excruciating Impressionist*No.
*Vote to Reject.
*What the [redacted]...?!
*Reject.
*How is this even a neck slot item?
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Despite not getting any good, useful criticism that I can improve with out of a repetition of "reject", I may have teased a nugget of gold out of this anyways...
...I actually elicited a genuine 'WTF' from one of the judges!
If anything, I'll have that to brag about until next year :-)
*I designated this as a neck slot item because I felt that having it be unslotted would increase its cost unreasonably and it made more sense to me than using a head slot.
Honestly, this feedback is very useful. It's running afoul of #14. Can you use this and stay classy? No? Then it's not a good thing for PCs to have. That turns it into #3.
Impressing the judges is not the same thing as shocking them. You shocked them. But they were not impressed.
As to the comments you did receive, if it's not a neck item or a head item, then it's not a neck item or head item.
Finally, instead of going through all the expense, trouble, and danger of this item, I'd rather just cast vocal alteration. So it's a super-expensive, dangerous SIAC.
Walking Stick of the Revered Elder
*Hmmm. Interesting flavor behind this item. It's kind of interesting to base its powers around the aging mechanic. I don't think I've seen an item do that before. In some ways, that's innovative. Granted, a PC won't get to use all its abilities until they reach the appropriate age category. I think my primary concern (and I suspect Sean's as well) would be that the item works differently in the hands of differently aged users. That makes it very difficult to price as it has more intrinsic value in the hands of someone older. That said, I still kind of like it. The designer also demonstrates good attention to detail on using the provided template. The mechanics are reasonably solid as well. It might be fun to see what else they can come up with in future rounds of the competition.
*Vote to Keep.
*I like it. The more-value-to-some-users is okay with me, you just price it for the optimal user. I would like this more if it had adventurer-utility for all three listed age categories instead of just the last one, but I still like it as it is.
*Keep!
*FYI, it's the "this is usable a number of times per day equal to your Int bonus" that bugs me, because that scales up forever and is impossible to price.
*Kept.
*How is this not a couple of SIACs?
*Reject.
*This is just not a PC item for epic, heroic gaming. Sure, PCs can be old (Ezren, for instance; or Xiuj, one of our pregens from Legendary Games), but that is such a corner case. Neat idea, not Superstar.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Deathguards
*And this item needs to be in the game, why exactly? So you can pass off anything that harms you to someone back home? How chivalrous is that? Or maybe so you can inflict it on someone you're interrogating and intimidate them by injuring yourself to harm them? Why not just harm them directly? Or maybe so you can assure your trusted henchman doesn't turn on you? He can still take it off, of course. Or, maybe you just want to have a bodyguard minion who can take damage better than your weak, pathetic frame. Yeah. That's why someone makes this item. It's nothing but pure cheese.
*They've also given a long list of material components. Why do people keep insisting on doing that? No other wondrous item has it unless there's a really powerful spell involved that requires a really expensive component (like 25,000 gp of diamond dust).
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Amulet of Extended Life
*Stackable temporary hit points based on overflow healing? I can't say I'm a fan of this. It's just another item in the arms race to buff yourself up before each battle to make it an auto-win.
*Vote to Reject.
*Annoying that these extra points are tracked separately from other temp hp sources. Easy for high-level character to use up that otherwise-useless cure light wounds wand to increase hp for a battle by 10%.
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Parasol of the Forgotten Shade
*And here I thought this item was going to explore something new and innovative with a spell like protective penumbra from Ultimate Magic or maybe memory lapse from the APG. Sadly, all we get is a sanctuary SIAC and the class ability to hide in plain sight with your Stealth skill while standing under an umbrella that "constantly drips ephemeral ichor." Talk about a clashing visual image. "Please ignore all that dripping ichor around me, because somehow you still can't see me!"
*Meanwhile, you get all that for the low, low price of 16,000 gp...which means your DC 11 sanctuary isn't going to be offering a whole lot of protection to all the creatures 7th-8th level characters will be facing once they can reasonably afford it.
*Vote to Reject.
*Like you, Neil, I was hoping for something interesting. That is not what we got.
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Baneful Tantalus
*That's it? Replenishing alcohol and a way to poison your guests if you want? Meh. It's a plot device item that gets trotted out almost never...and you've gotta blow 10,000 gp on it.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Plot *plonk*...Reject.
*Rejected.
Vestige of the Unremitting Maiden
*So, it's a portable torture chamber...with some bonuses on interrogating people and enough gear to satisfy a robe of useful items. Great.
*Vote to Reject.
*Wow, I totally thought this was going to do something else. Something I was worried might be inappropriate. Of course, they just found a different way to be inappropriate.
*A portable torture chamber is not Superstar.
*I wont wait for the other judges. No chance they even type more than one word. And that word is...
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Bothersome Balloon
*A balloon provides cover? Maybe they mean concealment since it only has 1 hp and 0 hardness?
*Who cares? This is a joke item. I can't view it any other way. Just not Superstar.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Flask of Stolen Moments
*Yet another designer that can't follow directions and put the item name in the body of the post like they were asked. They also have a strong desire to put a period after everything, which means they don't know how to apply the template correctly.
*As for the item itself, I don't care for the idea. A memory draining flask just based on touch attacks with a Spellcraft check to determine how it works isn't the best mechanic. Other than that, it's basically a modify memory-in-a-can. And this feels a lot like a plot device item more than anything else to me.
*Vote to Reject.
*Yet another memory-stealing item.
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
This post marks the end of Page 8 for posting the judges' discussion on items that requested a review. We're picking up steam again. So, I'll see how many more of these I can crank out before the Round 2 reveal. At that point, we should probably hold up a bit to give everyone time to appreciate the Top 32's work and start forming some decisions around how they want to vote. Keep checking back here, though. I'll get to them all eventually. Then, we'll circle back for a deeper review of some stuff. And, I'm sure Clark will pop here to do some of that even as I'm pushing out the copy-paste item discussions.
Spellchoker
*Yet another item that has to be put on a helpless victim to be of any use. I really get annoyed by these. They're far more cursed item (even if they're just restraints) than a wondrous item.
*..."miner" vs. "minor"
*I'm just not a fan of the concept or execution.
*Vote to Reject.
*..."it's not a cursed item, really"...
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Hinge's Handle
*This is a really annoying item. The GM essentially has to contemplate (and prepare something for) every creature that last passed through every door on the off chance some player decides to use this thing, either to view what lies beyond or disguise themselves.
*Vote to Reject.
*Why couldn't this be a "scry through the door" item? Author makes too much work for the GM.
*Weirdness with interacting with the doorway from the other side, too.
*And what if disguise self wouldn't work to disguise yourself as that creature? Like the last creature was a monstrous humanoid or a demon?
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Mask of the Astradaemon
*This designer really wants an item that lets you be an astradaemon. It's practically a MIAC. They've also got a real issue with telling the difference between "it's" and "its"...as well as a handful of other presentation issues.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Monster in a can and just a bad version of the much cooler maw of urgathoa from years 1 and 2.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Eye of Glass
*So, it's the ultimate "bug" item to leave behind. For 56,000 gp?! Just buy a crystal ball, man!
*Vote to Reject.
*EYES TO SEE YOU!
*Inclarity with "owner" vs. "wearer."
*And how do you use it if you're not missing an eye? Do you just cram it against your eye and hold it in place with squinty rage?
*Reject.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
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Hey, what's that whoosh, whoosh, whoosh noise I hear? Oh, it's the Neil Spicer machine cranking out item feedback again. Go Neil! Go!
The Harmonic Pentacles
*Haven't we seen bard items like this before? The dual performance thing? I'm thinking of the twintone flute I believe. Aside from that, it's just a +5 skill bonus to Perform (sing). Not especially inclined to champion this one again.
*Weak Reject.
*I see the "one performance at a time" rule as a kind of hard limit like "cast one spell at a time," and ways around it should be difficult or expensive (as Quicken is). And trying to break that limit isn't very Superstar, any more than a "you get an extra attack this round" item isn't very Superstar.
*Weird recharge mechanic, too.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Kiri Gloves
*Lots of presentation missteps (should be moderate transmutation aura, CL needs a "th" after "5", hands slot should be lowercase, numerical values need a space and comma, feat names should be all capitalized, spell names should all be lowercase, italicized, and alphabetized. And they've improperly presented game terms in the descriptive text--DR 10/magic, fly speed 10 ft. (perfect)...and so on). So, in terms of freelancer readiness, they have a long way to go with this many errors.
*Other than that, what's a "command gesture"...?
*The concept of becoming gaseous, but still being able to manipluate items is...intriguing...but I'm not sure how I feel about that. Granted, creatures in gaseous form aren't immune to being damaged, but this item grants them plenty of advantages in that regard. That makes this more of an item to grant some measure of invulnerability while still allowing them to affect the world around them, including wielding weapons. Given all these reservations, I'm going to have to say...
*...Vote to Reject.
*Oriental nations? Do we say that in Pathfinder/Golarion? Don't we just say Tien? I dont know, that just hit me in the face and I can't get past it. Plus it's just gaseous form with hands. Kinda neat idea, but not that neat. Book of magic items? Yes. Superstar? No.
*Reject.
*Neat idea, but the person needs to work on his or her writing skills. A lot. And needs to read up on the Core Rulebook style and advice threads, like not repeating rules text.
*I don't know what the "Kiri" in the title is supposed to mean, unless it's referring to the Kiri Islands, which is a real-world place and thus a no-no.
*Mainly, the person needs to work on his or her writing skills before he or she's ready for RPG Superstar or being a freelancer.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Hey, what's that whoosh, whoosh, whoosh noise I hear? Oh, it's the Neil Spicer machine cranking out item feedback again. Go Neil! Go!
Stand back, boys and girls. I wouldn't want anyone to lose a finger to that machine. These cut-and-paste knives are sharp. ;-)
The Coat of the Lone Wanderer
*This item comes off to me like a tug-of-war between player and GM. It screams "my weapon is always hidden" (no matter how large it is) and "my weapon can never be targeted with an attack, spell, etc." Then, we layer on a stackable luck bonus to AC and saves (which bless does not grant by the way...i.e., it's a morale bonus only to hit and a +1 vs. saves against fear). Personally, I'd wager most PCs have far greater things to spend 25,000 gp on...
*Vote to Reject.
*The coat can conceal two one-handed weapons or one two-handed weapon.
It can conceal "other items of similar sizes as well." But then we are told it "does not function with extraordinarily large items such as siege weapons." Why do you need that last line? Who on earth would think a siege engine is similar in size to two one-handed items or one two-handed item?
*Plus the "this protects all my items" nonsense is just what Neil noted.
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Gimmie both barrels! I can take it!
Cap of Vocational Variance
*Meh. It's a SAK of skill bonuses when you need them. Cheesy.
*Vote to Reject.
*No. Makes adventuring easy.
*Yay! perfect skills just when needed!
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9
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Hey, what's that whoosh, whoosh, whoosh noise I hear? Oh, it's the Neil Spicer machine cranking out item feedback again. Go Neil! Go!Stand back, boys and girls. I wouldn't want anyone to lose a finger to that machine. These cut-and-paste knives are sharp. ;-)
Other Tom, get out of the way and let the man work!
Torc of the Ironwood Huntress
*I get what this designer was going for...i.e., a way to enhance your animal companion. I'm not sure why they restricted it to just a druid, since rangers have animal companions, too. They tried to avoid the SIAC by only using part of what iron body provides, but then they just borrowed a bunch of traits from a wood golem to fill in the other aspects of the spell with a slightly lesser version of it.
*I'm not sure how I feel about the activation mechanic. Basing it around the perform trick and a Handle Animal check makes thematic sense, I guess. But there's lots of small things that bug me about the design and mechanics to the item. Is the core idea Superstar? Not especially. It's just a bunch of power-ups to cheese out your animal companion. Are the mechanics Superstar innovative? Not especially. It just borrows from a lot of other stuff that's already defined for you in the iron body spell and wood golem. I just don't find it especially compelling, but maybe the rest of you do?
*Weak Reject.
*I like the "perform" Handle Animal activation, but this is just a suite of buffs for the druid, with the weird risk of annoying your companion...because it doesn't like being super-buff?
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
This marks the end of Page 9 on item discussion copy-and-paste. Moving on.
Scarf of Mimicry
*Some weak writing and incorrect grammar in this one...e.g., "affect" vs. "effect"..."if they speak a language wearer normally don't speak"...etc.
*The overall concept isn't all that innovative or awesome. Voice mimcry and extra languages isn't all that compelling to me.
*Plus, I'm not convinced this designer is ready quite yet.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. And for only 27,000 gp.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Samsaran Amulet
*This item makes a lot of in-game assumptions that everyone has a series of past lives to draw from...and an infinite number of them, apparently, as long as you're rolling on the reincarnation table. I'm not sure that's a wise assumption. On top of that it's really just:
1) an alter self SIAC
2) a singular +2 bonus on attacks, saves, skill checks, etc.
3) a reincarnate SIAC (with the slight tweak of getting to roll twice and choose what you come back as)
*The only power in there I actually enjoy (and see as innovative) is the double roll to help you control what you return as. Beyond that, however, I'm just not a fan of this one. And I think it may be a tad underpriced.
*Vote to Reject.
*I like the reincarnate double roll, even though I still consider reincarnate a way for GMs to annoy a dead PC's player.
*How do you shrink a *skull*? If you mean a shrunken *head*, you actually remove the skull before the shrinking process.
Thematic alter self + some skill bonuses, fine for a book of items (though it makes assumptions about how common reincarnation is, which isn't standard for non-samsarans), but not Superstar.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Metallurgist's Lodestone
*This thing goes a bit far for just 20,000 gp. You can choose a movement rate between 100 ft. and 10 ft.? And then you can double it with a full-round action?
*In addition, telekinesis usually allows Will saves and spell resistance to avoid being pushed/pulled around. This thing goes with a DC 22 Strength check or drag combat maneuver. I'm particularly vexed by the +5 CMB for the stone which you get to add to your regular CMB bonus. CMB bonuses assume you're using your Strength (or Dexterity if you have the appropriate feat to change it) to pull off a combat maneuver. How can you explain why that CMB still gets to be applied via a lodestone that's relying on magnetism to do its thing? Bottom line, I just don't think this is the best way to approach it.
*Vote to Reject.
*This needs to give the magical force a Strength score, and that'll determine the push and pull results, and even if it's strong enough to hold someone in air for a round. Simpler, uses the existing rules. You could even put in a diminishing effect so it starts at Strength X and that score gets a –5 penalty each round until it can't move anything until the next day. But they didn't do that, they made it custom and weird. Why do people work so hard avoiding the rules that are already in the game?
*Nice idea, weak execution.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Helpful Pocket Guide
*Boring.
*In addition, based just on the second sentence, it's pretty clear they didn't proofread this thing.
*On the whole, though, it's just really hard to get excited about a helpful pocket guide that gives you bonuses on all Knowledge skill checks. Meh. There's just nothing Superstar about this idea. And I can't imagine someone running off to spend 13,800 gp on this item rather than simply investing in some Knowledge skill ranks.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Dust of Reification
*Well, it's kind of a neat item to help solve a pretty vexing problem. I could see ghost hunters getting great mileage out of this. I like that they incorporated the 50% miss chance...that it has a limited duration...and that the creature can still attempt to pass through a solid surface and escape. Personally, I might have forced the incorporeal creature into having to make a Will save and suffer some damage if they opted for that. But, I like the core idea to this item. I also learned a new word today with reification.
*Vote to Keep.
*I like the item, too, but I think it's way too overpriced for what it does. You could buy a LOT of holy water for that much money, which affects incorporeal undead just fine. Or scrolls of ghostbane dirge, which would allow your allies to attack the targeted incorporeal as well.
*Nice try, but the cost issue means the designer isn't aware of the rules in the APG and needs to read up a bit.
*Reject.
*I cant get past some of the grammatical mistakes and poor writing.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Irisated Tabard
*A potentially annoying item. It's basically the "once per day, I want to make sure I can choose to negate a devastating blow on my character and not just avoid it, but automatically inflict it on an enemy of my choice" item. And, oh yeah, give me +10 on my Perception checks so no one can surprise me, too. Meh. No thanks.
*Vote to Reject.
*Its basically a controlled twisted space in a can, or in this case a tabbard. Yes, its annoying, but it mimics a spell effect. Granted, I didn't need the overly dramatic iris stuff in the description.
*Frankly, this item highlights that the spell twisted space is poorly designed. The spell, as I read it, redirects an attack towards another random target [who was threatened by the original attack], though it doesn't clearly say that [material in brackets by me]. This tabard lets the wearer redirect the attack to any target within 55 feet (not sure where they got that from).
*The real question is this redirected attack. If the item didn't have it redirected at the will of the user then this would just be a spell in a can. So I compliment the author on that change. But this only works on a successful sneak attack or critical hit. THEN the item, as an immediate action, is triggered. That to me is where the bad design happens. You can't wait until after the hit to use the effect. We dont have that in the game, or at least not very often (luck effects to cause rerolls).
*Vote to Reject. But I liked this alot more than you and I think it shows promise.
*SIAC. Damage is not an 'effect' and can't be transferred. The logic bombs here will explode the heads of many players.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
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Rime Trap Amulet
*So, for 33,400 gp, I can get cold resistance 10, stagger and slow myself down, make touch attacks that do the same, and gain one-third healing from cold attacks. Why would I want this? The cold resistance and healing possibilities aren't really that big a deal. But, someone with ray of frost could abuse the heck out of this thing. The melee touch attack is pretty silly since the staggered condition limits you to just a single move action or standard action. That means, the only people you can attack are those who come up next to you. Otherwise, you're wasting your action every round just to try and get close to them...and you're having to move at half speed. So, if I'm an opponent of someone using this tactic, I just keep moving away from them to keep my distance and nail them with ranged weapons.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Methinks someone likes the word rime too much.
*Rimejected.
*Rejected.
Turban of the Merchant King
*So, it's a rod of metal and mineral detection in a turban? With the added ability of an identify spell-in-a-can? While I can appreciate the attention to detail in terms of presentation and explaining the mechanics of the item, I'm not sure this idea rises to the level of innovation we're looking for in RPG Superstar.
*Vote to Reject.
*Okay, except it makes adventuring easy.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
Dust of the Shaitan
*I'm not sure about the pricing on this one for everything it can do, but I really rather like the concept. It's the perfect way to ground those pesky flying adversaries and it has a compelling reason behind it. The theme is tight. And I especially love the quicksand-inducing element when mixed with water. This item is playful and mechanically interesting and innovative.
*Big Keep from me.
*I'm wondering why this doesn't use solid fog as a prerequisite, or a model for its mechanics.
*Stuns air creatures...is that when cast? When they enter the area? Every round they're in the area (which could be rough, as you may get stuck there indefinitely by failing your save and being stuck for another 1d6 rounds, which means 1d6 more saves).
*Brings flying creatures to the ground. Okay.
*Movement reduced to 5 feet. Okay.
*Entangles creatures. Okay.
*Doesn't affect wind and fog, "except to limit duration," but I don't know what that quote means.
*If mixed with quicksand, how long does it last? Permanent, I guess.
*Compare to solid fog: half normal movement, penalty to melee attack and damage, no ranged attacks, no 5-foot-steps.
*I guess my question is: why model something that works sort of like an existing mechanic, but is slightly different? That sort of thing makes the game confusing.
*I'm going to hazard a guess and say it goes back to the flavor of this item. This is the dust of the shaitan, an earth-themed creature with a healthy amount of combativeness for the rest of genie-kind. Thus, in many respects, I see this dust as a means of countering/corrupting djinn (air) and marid (water). Therefore, working solid fog (generally seen as an air spell) into this isn't as likely for a shaitan to explore. Yet, via this dust, it can achieve a similar effect to solid fog. Similar, but still different.
*That flavor is what sold me on the item. Mechanically, it's okay. Maybe not completely tightened down in every aspect. But, how many Top 32 items have managed to get everything right everytime, you know? I like the thinking that went into this design, both on flavor and a set of mechanics that matches it.
*Weak keep from me. But with Neil's big keep and Sean apparently neither keeping nor rejecting, that makes 2.
*Kept.
*Does it bother anyone that he doesn't capitalize the item name in the initial caption (the one that shows in the forum)?
*It did initially. But he did capitalize it in the body text. So, I'm okay with it. Ross will likely clean up the thread's title before it goes live. I believe he's done that before.
*Not a fan. Reject.
*Officially, I'd call this a "weak reject" from me. I'd like to hear more discussion on the item, especially Ryan's thoughts on it.
*This item is another likely "golden ticket" from me (or maybe an alternate). But, before I spend one on it, I too would like to hear Ryan's thoughts spelled out a little more fully on it. Or anyone else's as far as that goes. Basically, anything I should consider while weighing my options.
*Rejected.
Pipe of Gravitas
*It's just a SIAC effect.
*Vote to Reject.
*Gandalf wants his pipe back.
*Reject
*So if I craft a new one of these, it comes with a backstory and description that makes it instantly look old?
*Don't give odd ability score bonuses.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
This post marks the end of Page 10 for providing the judges' discussion on all the items which requested feedback. Time for a lunch break.
Electrified Anti-Personell Apparatus
*Horrible name.
*Might as well be a joke item with the MacGuyver reference.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Aberrant Splints
*Meh. This item grants an extra bit of reach or an extra bonus to CMD in exchange for a Charisma skill check penalty. How is that innovative? All the mechanics are borrowed from elsewhere. And the flavor and template execution isn't enough to save it.
*Vote to Reject.
*I can see people wanting these.
*Wow do I not like items that let you pick a slot. Gives the item way too much flexibility.
*Next year, pick one idea and don't over-complicate the entry.
*Vote to Reject.
*It's spelled "grindylow."
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Chronicler's Quill
*Looks like they messed up their BBCode and unintentionally bolded that first lead-off statement. I don't think it was meant as read-aloud text.
*Regardless, I don't understand the purpose of this item. It doesn't even aid your drawing, it just draws whatever you see. Big deal. That pretty much makes it a medieval camera.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Not Superstar. Reject.
*Rejected.
Torc of the Ghoul Lord
*Hey! Someone spelled torc correctly. Finally! Yaay!
*I'm annoyed by the commentary text of "...as if the creature were still in control of its strangling hands!" What wondrous item includes stuff like that in its flavor text?
*Then, it becomes the full-on, anti-ghoul/ghast item with all the immunity stuff.
*Then, we get to turn ghouls/ghasts into our thralls if we put one of these slave collars on them? How does the torc remained attuned to the person who put it on them?
*Vote to Reject.
*Absolute immunity, bad.
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
This marks the end of Page 9 on item discussion copy-and-paste. Moving on.
Neil, you are evil man, evil. I know I said I'd run through all the critique threads to pull out common points for the template write up, but eeeek, how many more - lol
Ponderous Pebble
*Okay, that last line is annoying. How do you determine if the pebble can be delievered with "sufficient force" while underwater?
*The rest of the item is kind of interesting. Afflicting an opponent with the encumbrance rules may not be sexy at the game table, but it can be effective. And, the overbalancing, fall prone effect is a nice tie-in. It's a pretty cheap item, but considering an opponent can simply spend a standard action to remove it (and maybe one more to stand up again), it's not exceedingly potent. I could see this as an alchemist item, but still useful for others. I'm not entirely sure I'd select levitate for the construction requirements, though.
*Weak Keep.
*This is really neat!
*I have to admit, the last thing I want to do mid-fight, though, is deal with encumbrance. So that kind of kills this thing for me. But that may just be me. I HATE detailed stuff about encumbrance. That is a part of the game I just dont care about. I make sweeping decisions on that, not related to actual weight.
*And remember, the only one who has gear calculated (even in games not run by me) are the PCs. Do you ever have it for the NPCs? I dont. So that means if a PC flings one of these things on an NPC or monster you have to stop, get out the PHB and add up all their gear? No thanks.
*Neat idea, clunky mechanical use and basically casts slow on your GM, your game, and your combat.
*Reject.
*You could write this description as a spell without using an item (the item is just window dressing). The item nature isn't really all that important, especially since I think the more common use will be to slap this on someone (for which I'd allow a touch attack not a ranged touch). I guess you could fire this at a flyer but I don't know if it would matter much. Seems like a lot of mechanical headaches to give the DM. But at least they're RAW headaches not some adhockery.
*Very Weak Keep
*Kept.
*If it's a magic item, it should magically adhere to the target, not alchemically.
*I wonder if this person has read the non-armor encumbrance rules on pages 169-171; yes the info is scattered over two pages and a table on a third page. Is this the sort of thing you'd easily be able to reference mid-game? No.
*And requiring the GM to determine encumbrance in the middle of a battle is ridonk. Especially as great strength and being a quadruped modifies how much you can carry.
*No saving throw. But you do get a DC 15 Acrobatics check to avoid falling prone. Mind you, a CR 19 ancient red dragon's Acrobatics modifier is –1, so this is a great item to use on big, strong, not-so-Dexy creatures.
*See also stone of weight, which has the easy mechanic of "you move at half speed," instead of looking up gear and tables and such.
*In case that wasn't clear...Reject.
*Stone of weight. Bingo.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Navigational HelioscopeSpecs seem good on your item,but I'm a bit confused as to how this item can eventually guide characters to the Material Plane, when they are on the Astral Plane,Plane of Fire,etc. Wouldn't it be better to call this item the Navigational Heliscope of Planar Travel,or something similar since that seem to be the flavor here, some explanation would help here.
Random portals to other planes don't exist by RAW AFAIK.
I'm not sure these concerns are entirely valid, but if they're shared by a majority of Pathfinder players my design must have been a little too obscure. I'm used to being "the planar guy", so I may have been taking some cosmological assumptions for granted.
As to the first, Pathfinder's cosmology is a series of nested spheres. To go over it briefly, the Outer Sphere (Hell, the Maelstrom, etc.) is on the outside, and the Positive Energy Plane is on the inside, with the Material Plane being just "outside" the PEP. So if the scope points "towards" Positive, it'll eventually get you to the Material where you can stop consulting it because you're home.
In regards to the second, I'm not entirely sure RAW is the right way to approach a setting element, but here goes. The Great Beyond, page 7, specifically mentions portals as a method for planar travel. And I'm honestly confused by a cosmological assumption that lacks natural connections between planes.
Lover’s Favor
*Really poor presentation of this item's mechanics. You basically have to go off to the table and build whatever this item is intended to do each time you craft one.
*I also think it's undercosted for what it does, as the base price for special abilities escalates exponentially with the underlying weapon's cost.
*I don't understand what "must be used in a manner consistent with the desires of the giver" means.
*It says this lover's favor may only be activated once per day, but how long does it last?
*This designer hasn't thought things through and generally just doesn't have a good grasp on how to communicate effectively with game text and terminology.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Wield the Wondrous Wind Tile Game
*It's a game woven into a wondrous item. Not really a place to explore that type of thing. And its effects are essentially a SAK of random possiblities.
*At least they spelled "wondrous" right in the item's name.
*Vote to Reject.
*Random item.
*Having your item be a game that you play and have to beat before it works is... weird. Do you just make one Wisdom check, or is it one check per play? Are we hand-waving the mechanics of the game? If so, why bother having it be a game? Just make it a different item with the abilities you want it to have.
*Reject.
*Rejected.