Wow, more than six hours since submissions closed and nobody created this thread yet? C'mon, people, this is a TRADITION. Well, even if I can't submit myself this year I can contribute to the contest by getting this particular annual waiting period entertainment rolling.
So, for those unfamiliar, this is the place to post the items you wrote up and didn't submit, either for display, or for discussion and peer review. The good, the bad, the ugly and the charismatic. Give people something to worry about! Or make 'em laugh with examples of how far off track your brain might have led you. Or, sometimes, both at once!
Just to reiterate: this is to discuss items NOT submitted. Do NOT post your actual submitted item here, it will get you disqualified. As the title says, this is a place for items YOU rejected before the judges ever had a chance to.
I was pretty fond of this item when I first dreamed it up, but it doesn't really have the cool factor factor going for it. Plus there are a bunch of other problems...
Astrolabe of Great Deeds
This round, solid brass astrolabe is the size of a wagon wheel, and weighs about 150 pounds. Two needles, one silver and one red, can be rotated clock-like about its face, which is engraved with alien planets and planar denizens. Characters employing this device to make Profession(Fortune Telling) checks gain a +2 circumstantial bonus. Alternatively, the astrolabe grants a +10 circumstantial bonus to Profession(Fortune Telling) checks to earn income, as its mundane predictions tend to be extraordinarily accurate.
By spending 1d4 hours and succeeding at a DC 20 Profession(Fortune Telling) check with this astrolabe, a character can identify an astrologically auspicious date on which to undertake a specified task. The determination of the date is left to the Game Master, although as a guideline it should fall within two lunar cycles (or about 3d20 days) of the date on which the profession check was made. Vaguely worded tasks may result in auspicious days that fall years, or even centuries, into the future.
When the auspicious day arrives, any creature with an intelligence score of 7 or greater and who knows of the foretelling may choose to add a +10 untyped bonus to any d20 roll they are required to make towards completing the specified task. The decision to apply this bonus is made after the d20 die is rolled, but before the results of the roll are revealed. No creature may receive this bonus more than once per day, and summoned creatures never receive it.
This thread is a very good place to practice format with those voluntary rejects :)
This is the first item I made with intent for submission into the contest. It went through a number of phases. It's first being a snuffbox where you had to stare into it and conquer your fears in order to benefit from it.
It got fiddly and overcomplicated and as much as I love gibbering mouthers having a bunch of those surrounding you and gibbering didnt seem like a good idea.
Ultimately I went the safe route and made some changes. I had it take up a slot, flavored the article of clothing into something I don't think has been properly written before.
In the end I felt it might have been a bit too safe and not terribly interesting. So I let it sit aside in case I couldn't come up with better.
Kimono of Terrors Unleashed
Aura Strong Conjuration; CL 14th
Slot Robe; Price 42,000gp gp; Weight lb.
Description
This solid black silken has an elegant red sash to bind the waist. When worn the wearer can see the entire kimono is covered with numerous baleful eyes and fanged maws that shift position constantly. The wearer can force these eyes and mouths to slough from the robe summoning chaos beasts that continually scream out the wearers name and cry out the terrible fates they intend to inflict on the wearer as pulled from their deepest held fears even as they inflict those torments on others. Once per day as a standard action the wearer can command the eyes and mouths to slough off the robe summoning 1d4 chaos beasts adjacent to him and causing the wearer to become shaken for 15 rounds. If the wearer already suffers the shaken condition when the robe is activated the wearer summons 2d4 chaos beasts instead. These chaos beasts are fully under the control of the wearer and attack as directed. If the wearer becomes frightened, panicked, or fails to save against a spell or effect that causes fear the chaos beasts turn and attack the wearer until the end of the effect that caused the condition or until the summon duration ends whichever comes first. Characters immune to fear or mind affecting effects cannot activate the robe.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, nightmare, summon monster vi Cost 21,000 gp
The last few years I had a whole Bunch of items to display here (most of which are still linked somewhere in my profile), but this year I didn't have the time to explore and write up many ideas, so all I have to share this year is a few rough -hewn ideas I pondered while the deadline approached.
One of them was (whipping up a writeup from scratch):
Rusting Dust
this thin leather bag is filled wirth dust from a Rust Monsters antennaes and designed to rupture on impact. It can be thrown as a spash weapon and explodes in a 10ft burst when it hits a creature or a hard surface.
Every exposed metal Weapon or armor in the are must suceed on a DC 15 Fortitude save (DC 17 for Armor worn by a creature that was directly hit)
or gain the fragile Weapon or Armor quality for 1d4 hours or until being carefully cleaned (whichever comes first)
I liked the idea of Using the new fragile quality to make "rust"-like attacks more interesting and less frustating, but this idea was way to colse to an alchemical item for my comforts, also it would cause too much hastle at the table , causing possibly a lot of saves for equipment ( a rule not every group is fmailiar with) and the need to track the qualities by piece of equipment, and remember them with nearly eyery attack roll that is made.
Hope you don't object to me practicing for feedback, but here goes:
Kimono of Terrors Unleashed
Original and a degree of creepiness, but I found the shaken and being attacked made me question whether I would *want* the item. That being said, work on it some more and it could be quite an interesting item.
Formatting issues
strength and school in the aura entry should not be capitalised
the price is in bold, it shouldnt be, just the header should - and theres 2x gp in there
weight, there is no weight? it's either missing, or if no weight should be a single line with no "lb"
astrolabe of great deeds
Kinda a neat idea, but it has a crippling flaw. Time. One use of this item takes 1d4 hours to activate, and 3d20 days to come to maturity. All for a single +10 bonus on one roll. For the nearly two month investment in time, any PC could go out, earn 1000gp, come back and craft an item that gives them a +10 bonus (once) to the same check in waaay less time.
Also, no using untyped bonuses. If you want something to stack with other bonuses, name a new one. a +10 prophecy bonus for instabce. More logically, it should be a +10 insight bonus.
kimono of terrors unleashed
I had to re-read the item to understand what was going on, but ultimately I do like this thing. My concern is the dice-rolling for the number of beasts. If you're going to be shaken for 15 rounds, I want a fixed reward for that, like 3 shadow beasts.
rusting dust
I don't think being an alchemical sort of item is a bad thing - but if you were concerned, you could have just removed the "this is dust made from rust monster antennae" bit, and had it actually be dust.
But also, rust is normally permanant damage to something - fragile until cleaned doesnt' strike me as rusty - though the area affect of breaking weapons is still really cool.
As for myself, I wound up submitting most of my items I didn't run in last year's Nine Blazing Months thread.
Here's the closest runner up I had that I didn't already post:
Measurer's Window
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 21,250gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Carved from seamless crystal, the golden threads of this dreamcatcher leave open a large space in the center, nearly half of its five inch diameter. Viewing the world through this window reveals only the living creatures beyond with clarity, surrounded by a golden aura, the rest fading into a blurry haze. This golden aura, like the golden threads, are tied to the web of fate where the window's true power lies. At any time as a full-round action, the owner of the measurer's window can concentrate on any one target they can see through the window to learn that target's general feelings towards the user (friendly, hostile, etc.).
Once so examined, at any time during the next week and up to twice per day, the owner of the window may attempt to view how a particular course of action will affect that target over the next month. The view is cloudy, as the many options available make any particular path unclear. However, the owner can tell with certainty if the outcome will be generally positive, generally negative, or neither. Each viewing has a 70% chance of revealing the answer to a single question related to the desired outcome (such as, "will I make my seed money back?")
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, augury, deathwatch, divination; Cost 10,625gp
Beyond The Strings Of Mortals
Aura moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This book is a magical version of the teachings of Irori tome, Unbinding The Fetters. This rare one is often committed from head of monasteries for their need in mastering the ki.
A monk devoted to Irori with the ki pool class feature that spends 30 days (not necessarily consecutively) reading the book receives the following benefits.
Diet: by spending 1 point from his ki pool, the monk can enhance something edible just eaten (usually a single grain of rise) to give him life-substaining nourishment for a number of days equal to his monk level. This power is activated as a full-round action.
Mental exercise: by spending 1 point from his ki pool, the monk can start meditating for an hour. At the end of the hour, he recovers 1 hit point per monk level. Any interruption during the meditation prevents the monk from healing. This power is activated as a full-round action.
Physical exercise: by spending 1 point from his ki pool, the monk can sacrifice some of his mobility in order to gain more physical resistance. For the duration of the stance, which the monk can end as a free action, the monk is considered staggered but gains damage reduction equal to half his monk level. Moreover, during the stance, he gains a bonus to melee attack rolls equal to his wisdom modifier and a bonus to damage rolls equal to his monk level. This power is activated as a swift action.
Once the book is read, the magic disappears from the pages and it becomes a normal book.
Construction Requirements
Create Wondrous Item, create food and water, divine power, lesser restoration, creator must be a monk devoted to Irori; Cost 8,000 gp
Kimono of Terrors Unleashed
To follow up on Anthony, Tark, you're also missing your fifth word in your description (which I assume would be "robe"). I agree that I'm not sure it's something I'd ever use as it seems like it's more likely to cause me trouble than help me. I do love the visual, though. And "slough" is a great verb.
--
Measurer's Window
Ronar's, that's a neat item, but seems like it could be a lot of work for the GM. Also, if the course of action is to attack, the DM can't really be certain what the outcome will be, since it would depend on dice.
--
[/b]Beyond The Strings Of Mortals[/b]
Shiroki, your second description sentence is a bit awkward: "This rare one is often committed from head of monasteries for their need in mastering the ki." I assume "one" means the book, but I'm not sure what "often committed from" means. Does the monk have the powers forever once he reads the book? That seems fairly strong. I might instead make it a smaller book, perhaps taking just one day to read, that gives him any of those powers until he uses one of them, at which point the book would need to be re-read.
The full-round actions for the first two items also seem a bit odd to me. I guess there's no reason it matters in the diet, but is anyone going to need to use that power in a combat situation/situation where time matters? With the mental exercise, it takes a full round to start meditating for an hour? That's kind of a double time limit on that.
Lastly, I'm not sure the name really gives any indication of what it is.
--
Rusting dust
I actually really like this item and could see using it on my PCs. I think it's one of those things that could be a little frustrating as it might cost them treasure (either their gear or anything they might loot from bad guys they use it on), which of course people HATE, but it could also be a really neat tool when they need it.
Mirror of many images
Aura strong illusion; CL 13th
Slot --; Price 92,000 gp; Weight 45 lbs.
Description
This item is typically an oval about 4 feet long and 3 feet wide in a wood or metal frame inset with seven small, decorative mirrors.
When the mirror is hung or placed on a surface, someone reflected in it can command it to cast mirror image on himself, though only one person may benefit from the mirror's ability at a time.
A target of the mirror's effect can command it to merge the images it has created into an exact duplicate of the user. The mirror can do this once a day.
The duplicate, which has all the original's possessions and powers (including magic), appears in a random available space 5 feet from the original (if no space is available within 5 feet, it appears in the closest available spot). It acts immediately on the original's turn, at the original's command. The duplicate lasts for a number of rounds equal to the number of images that were merged to create it.
Any item taken from the duplicate disappears immediately. Upon the duplicate’s death, the end of its duration or the mirror’s destruction (hardness 1, 5 hit points), the duplicate and its possessions immediately fade away.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, greater shadow conjuration, mirror image; Cost 46,000 gp
|
If you all will indulge me I shall attempt to critic as well; in hopes it will help me better critic my own items. ;)
Astrolabe of Great Deeds
Aside from the obvious; item cost, aura, craft req’s, etc. I’m not sure if I’d keep this item. It’s too cumbersome and as a GM; well I don’t really enjoy the additional workload this causes.
Kimono of Terrors Unleashed
The big killer I see is the “Why wouldn’t I sell this?” Don’t get me wrong. The creepiness is cool. But the drawbacks turn me from this one.
Rusting Dust
Again missing the obvious; item cost, aura, craft req’s, etc. I do like the usefulness of the item though.
Measurer’s Window
This seems in the end to be an augury. The initial abilities of the item I see only those stealthed characters using. I mean general feelings are normally apparent if the ‘being’ sees you.
Beyond The String of Mortals
Unless I’m mistaken most of these abilities are already accessible to monks? I am left with a question though: Once the monk reads this tome does he/she forever have access to these abilities?
Mirror of Many Images
So in the end it can mirror image an infinite amount of times per day?
This seems OP to me. I’m thinking of suddenly having two casters at their full potential in an instant! Does the image caster have the same spells studied? Does he select his own? Does it have its own free will? (i.e. is there another PC at the table now?)
If you all will indulge me I shall attempt to critic as well; in hopes it will help me better critic my own items. ;)
Astrolabe of Great Deeds
Aside from the obvious; item cost, aura, craft req’s, etc. I’m not sure if I’d keep this item. It’s too cumbersome and as a GM; well I don’t really enjoy the additional workload this causes.Kimono of Terrors Unleashed
The big killer I see is the “Why wouldn’t I sell this?” Don’t get me wrong. The creepiness is cool. But the drawbacks turn me from this one.Rusting Dust
Again missing the obvious; item cost, aura, craft req’s, etc. I do like the usefulness of the item though.Measurer’s Window
This seems in the end to be an augury. The initial abilities of the item I see only those stealthed characters using. I mean general feelings are normally apparent if the ‘being’ sees you.Beyond The String of Mortals
Unless I’m mistaken most of these abilities are already accessible to monks? I am left with a question though: Once the monk reads this tome does he/she forever have access to these abilities?
Hmm.. Tne only similar one I can find is Wholeness of body, but I'm not omniscent and I can mistake as well. If you can find something similar, just let me know. I'm a fan of monks. Anyway, yep, they would be permanent abilities. Thanks for your critic.
Astrolabe of Great Deeds
Aside from the obvious; item cost, aura, craft req’s, etc. I’m not sure if I’d keep this item. It’s too cumbersome and as a GM; well I don’t really enjoy the additional workload this causes.
Exactly. Also it's uncomfortably close to being a plot device. And +10 bonuses don't really scream "Superstar". I couldn't imagine players fighting over who gets to lug this beast out of the dungeon and I couldn't imagine Sean slapping his forehead and exclaiming "Why didn't I think of that?!"
@RonarsCorruption the benefit of the device would be that anyone who knows of the foretelling can make use of the bonus. A whole army, if you like. Not great descriptive writing on my part, as I probably should not have hid that in the last paragraph.
|
This is one of the items I worked up but did not submit. I really liked the idea of a guy running head-first into structures and smashing them down but knocking himself silly in the process. I ultimately decided it was too similar to the Ring of the Ram.
Helm of the Bighorn Ram
Aura moderate evocation; CL 11th
slot head; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This otherwise normal looking helm has a set of steel ram horns about 2 feet in total length curving out and back over the sides. Designed for sheer destructive power, the helm causes considerable damage to structures and objects by striking at their weakest point.
To use the helm, the user speaks a command word as a free action, causing the ram horns to double in size and glow with an arcane silvery light. He then lowers his head and runs in a straight line at the structure or object he intends to destroy, as though charging an opponent, and subject to the rules of a charge (must move at least 10 feet, movement cannot be hindered, etc.)
Striking at the base of a tree, cornerstone, support beam, barred door or gate, or other structural foundation; the wearer makes a Strength check to break the target. The helm adds a +5 circumstance bonus to this check, after which he gains the Staggered condition for 1 round. The user has the option to increase the circumstance bonus by an additional +5, but retains the Staggered condition for another round for each such increase, up to a total of +20. If the target falls or is toppled over as a result of this check, the user chooses the direction in which it falls.
The helm has no effect on living creatures or hand held items. It can be used up to three times per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, forceful hand; Cost 12,500 gp
|
|
Helm of the Bighorn Ram
Have you ever played the video game "Lost Vikings"? It had three characters you played, one of them being Eric the Red. Each character had a unique ability that the others did not. You had to use all of the characters and their various abilities to defeat each level. Anyway, Erics' ability was to run (fast), jump, and bash down walls/doors with his helmet.
Other than that the item seems too much like a Spell-in-a-can. I say this just because of my entry last year. It was about as close to a spell as this item is. Different circumstance but...
I do think it's a cool item, but i'd be willing to bet the judges would see it as as SIAC.
By the way, I should chime in and say that many of these items are similar to the level of quality we saw in the general submissions. What I mean by that is that this year I saw a marked improvement in the average quality level of the items submitted. The vast majority of items submitted this year are like the ones in this thread, very good and very well done but having some key flaws that prevent selection.
If this is what you are rejecting, that shows how far this community has come in learning about item design from this contest.
This was the first item I fleshed out... I think there was too much going on, but I still like the item. I probably would have submitted it if I hadn't come up with another idea I liked better.
Figurine of the Elysian Host
Aura moderate evocation [good]; CL 7th
Slot - ; Price 11,000 gp; Weight 5 lb.
Description
Blessed with the power of Elysium, this statuette is made of pure gold and has a 2-inch wide triangular base. Each of its three 6-inch tall faces is engraved with the image of a different azata listed below. Once per day as a standard action, a good- or neutral-aligned creature can draw on the power of one type of azata:
After 1 minute, the statuette reverts back to its original shape. This increases to 2 minutes if the user is lawful good or neutral good, or 3 minutes if the user is a chaotic good creature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, eagle's splendor, holy smite, magic circle against evil, shield of faith, creator must be good; Cost 5,500 gp
|
|
Figurine of the Elysian Host
First cool item. However, it's two abilites are turning into weapons and for their properties I would say the items cost is too low. The third option is also nice, but again I think the cost of the item is still too low.
I would think that the weapon-ness of the item would disqualify it but i'm no judge just an amatuer critic. ;)
Here's an item I thought about submitting but didn't. In particular, I'm sure this is an item that every fighter would want to own and use!
Sword of Hitting Stuff Better
This sword adds a +2 enhancement bonus to attack and damage rolls.
Cost: 8,000 gp
Simple, to the point, and indispensable!
|
Figurine of the Elysian Host
Whether it's legit or not for the purposes of RPG Superstar, this is one heck of an cool item!
I was in a puckish mood, and attempting to go past 'gonzo' to, indeed, 'what was I thinking?' when I made this;
PICKLED MONKEY NINJA
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 7500 gp.; Weight 12 lbs.
DESCRIPTION
This gallon jug contains a tiny pickled spider monkey in a rice paper ninja outfit, with a thin slice of starfruit clutched in each hand. If removed from the jar, the monkey spoils within 1 hour, but if consumed before that happens (a process which takes 10 minutes and can be performed by a size small or larger individual, the pickled monkey having a crunchy texture more similar to that of a pickled vegetable than flesh and bone), the eater is transformed into a Tiny monkey, gaining the benefits as per beast shape II, and also exchanges all class levels for levels in the ninja class for one hour. At the end of that time, both the physical transformation and the exchange of class abilities end.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape II, transformation; Cost 3750 gp.
It breaks the 'no joke items' rule, but I had my ring of contrariness on...
|
|
Pickled Monkey Ninja
That title made me laugh. Definitely breaks the 'no joke items'.
It's cute though, but in the mechanics of it i'm wondering how long would it take to consume the 'monkey'? Does the amount of time vary on the size of the consumer?
Then there is the WOW part-so a 10+ character (lets say a wizard) consumes it because the party has no sneaking types or his spells are useless in the upcoming battle...damn; all of sudden 10+ lvl Ninja there!
Also with that conversation who picks the 'tricks' and talents? Or are there no tricks and no talent changing? Are they fixed?
|
|
Also with that conversation who picks the 'tricks' and talents? Or are there no tricks and no talent changing? Are they fixed?
Yeah, that's the main problem with the item, even if it wasn't a joke. Picking the modular class abilities would take time at the table, and if they couldn't be picked, the GM would have to choose them, or rule that the process doesn't even grant them, just 'base' non-selectable ninja class abilities. It's a can of worms.
Well, not really, a Can of Worms would be a completely different joke item... :)
PICKLED MONKEY NINJA
Hey, atleast ain't a SIAC!
I'm technically not eligible to enter (I work full time as a game designer). This is what I would've entered.
Cloak of the Cobra
Aura moderate transformation; CL 6th
Slot shoulders; Price 7,400 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This jade-green light leather cloak has a cobra's spectacles embroidered into the back of the hood. It grants the wearer a +4 resistance bonus against poison, and a -2 penalty against spells of the charm subschool. Three times per day, it can transform into a writhing garment of living cobras for five rounds.
Whenever an adjacent creature makes a successful melee attack against the wearer, the cloak may counterattack immediately at the wearer's BAB plus Dexterity modifier. The cloak may counterattack once per successful adjacent attacker.
Each attack that hits forces a poison save Fort DC 17; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d3 Con; cure 2 consecutive saves. The cloak gains +10 to hit if the wearer is grappled or pinned.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, summon nature's ally, Cost 3,700 gp
My first thought on this wasn't about functionality - it was "Hey, a cloak that turns into a writhing mass of snakes would look awesome. I could totally see that in the next Conan movie."
If you can't picture the item being used as a major special effects set piece in a fantasy movie, it's probably not cool enough. It also helps if you can imagine a secretive cult making these things for their own use...
After that, I generally like items to have multiple, thematic uses that go together. In this case, it's the poison resistance (+4) combined with the "Attack me and the snakes will bite you!".
It also helps if the item has a minor, thematic drawback. In this case, the theme was "snake charmer with cobra..." and the idea that it gives the wearer a penalty on saving throws versus snakes.
The +10 to hit when the wearer is grappled or pinned just seemed, as much as anything about a garment turning into a writhing mass of snakes can, a matter of common sense.
For pricing, I looked at this and said "Would I take this over a Cloak of Resistance +2?" and "Would I take this over a Cloak of Resistance +3?" and priced halfway between them.
This one was just not wondrous enough. I liked the idea of a device that generated entropy, but couldn't really come up with a useful way to portray that in game terms. One friend was bothered that the broken condition was only temporary. He understood why I did it in game terms, but still didn't like it. I agree with him.
My actual item was (I think) much better. Hopefully the judges will agree.
Note- I was going to delineate how many charges per day, but abandoned the idea altogether before I got that far.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 45,920 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This hand-held looking-glass in a bronze or silver frame is unexceptional in appearance. One or more thin cracks are always present across the surface.
When activated a beam of energy is emitted from the mirror. This beam can be chosen to act as a Ray of Exhaustion or Ray of Enfeeblement, as per the spells.
Alternatively the beam can be cast on an object. If the object is carried, worn, or wielded by another being a touch AC attack must be made. If successful the subject is broken for one minute. After the duration the object is restored to its normal condition.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, lRay of Enfeeblement, Ray of Exhaustion, Mend Cost 5,550 gp
I had a few ideas that I ultimately abandoned.
1) The "spell-in-a-can-opener". Basically an item that could "steal" a spell that another item allows access too. Use it on the cloak of the montebanke, and you can dimension door. Or it would steal one of the spells used to create the item, granting a use of that. Finally, it would've augmented the Sandman bard's stealspell. This one was too metagamey, and would require too much referencing of the book the items were from, slowing down gameplay. I was amused by the concept though.
2) An item that let you steal the shadow of someone or something, and could then mold the shadow into a tool. I still love this item concept, but when concretely defining a tool, I ran into a number of issues. Artifical gold limits, weight limits, is a weapon a tool?, etc. The shadows of objects would have lower limits than the shadows from creatures, and any creature who lost their shadow would be shaken if they failed their save. It's strange to be without your shadow. After a minute or so, you'd the tool would dissipate, and the shadow would return. The idea was a tool for breaking and entering, stealing a shadow (maybe your own!) and using it to silently create a tool necessary for the goal at hand.
Helm of Power, Lesser
Aura strong necromantic and universal; CL 13th
Slot head slot; Price 36,400 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A simple elegant masterwork mithril circlet with the command phrase “I wish to duplicate, undo or produce [the described effect], usable once a day which reduces the user’s experience by 300 experience points unless the basic limited wish spell effect is exceeded which causes the wish to fail and results in the loss of 600 experience points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish; Cost 18,200 gp [Possibly duplicated with a Genie Wish for those PCs wishing for more wishes with the Genie's alignment and some basic intelligence and personality. :) ]
This is probably a universal spell in the box with the dreaded "Lesser" failing that might also be considered to utilize a rules violation mechanic making the user pay as he goes fueling the “Necromantic Dark Magic” Helm with life force instead of paying for it up front during the crafting creation.
Of course this could be a lot of fun for a Game Master with a hurried or incorrectly worded wish.
The experience point usage cost prevents abuse and could save the party's from a TPK.
Still awfully pricey unless prorating down to 5,200 gp and usable once a week.
The original variant is probably a game breaking spell in the box for L20+ Epic campaigns using suggested wealth by level for those non spell casting BBEGs.
Helm of Power
Aura strong universal; CL 13th
Slot head slot; Price 332,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A simple elegant masterwork mithril circlet with the command phrase “I wish to duplicate, undo or produce [the described effect], usable a maximum of 5 times a day and only reduces the user’s experience by 300 experience points when the basic limited wish spell effect is exceeded which causes the wish to fail.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish; Cost 166,000 gp
Dreamsnare Shroud
Aura moderate illusion; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 9,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
To use the shroud, the bearer must be capable of sleep and dreaming, and must have covered herself with the shroud when last she slept. Once per day as a full-round action, the bearer can unfurl the shroud to summon forth a shadow creature drawn from her own dreams.
Upon activation, the bearer selects any creature or NPC she encountered the previous day. If her choice has 4 HD or fewer, the dream creature is a shadow conjuration of that creature; otherwise the dream creature is a shadow conjuration of a sandman, taking shapes reminiscent of the chosen creature. The dream creature disappears after one minute.
The dream creature, unpredictable both in appearance and in behavior, posesses one of the following eidolon evolutions (roll 1d6, reroll if inapplicable):
[1] Unnatural Aura
[2] Claws
[3] Pincers
[4] Tail
[5] Tentacle
[6] Bite
On every turn the creature there is a 10% chance the shroud’s bearer loses control; the creature attacks the nearest ally and is hostile until its next turn.
Once per week, sleeping under the Lucid Dream effect of polypurpose panacea with the shroud allows the bearer to select for the next summons any creature he is familiar with (rather than one encountered that day). This selection must be made before sleeping; this dream creature gains no evolution and never escapes the bearer’s control.
If a bearer summons the same creature twice within one week, this signifies the creature is weighing heavily on her mind. She receives morale modifications of +2 to attack, -2 to AC, and -2 to saves in encounters with that NPC or creature type until she goes one week without summoning it.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantasmal killer, shadow conjuration; Cost 4,750 gp
Then I googled some of the core terms, and found out that just last year, none other than the Sam Zeitlin, the Superstar himself, had as his item the book of night without moon, which was very different in flavor but was firmly based in the idea of creating shadow creatures out of recently-encountered monsters.
Scratch that. The takeaway, folks: don't forget to check if somebody's done the same thing before you.
Wish me luck with what I did wind up sending in :D
I had a few ideas that I ultimately abandoned.
...
2) An item that let you steal the shadow of someone or something, and could then mold the shadow into a tool. I still love this item concept, but when concretely defining a tool, I ran into a number of issues. Artifical gold limits, weight limits, is a weapon a tool?, etc. The shadows of objects would have lower limits than the shadows from creatures, and any creature who lost their shadow would be shaken if they failed their save. It's strange to be without your shadow. After a minute or so, you'd the tool would dissipate, and the shadow would return. The idea was a tool for breaking and entering, stealing a shadow (maybe your own!) and using it to silently create a tool necessary for the goal at hand.
EDIT: Ninjad by Standback. (sort of :)
I only had two good ideas this year and SAK meant breaking them into smaller parts. As such my auto rejects look a lot like my entry. I think you will have to wait to see them in the "judges please critique", but I am eager to see what everyone else created :)
This thread is a very good place to practice format with those voluntary rejects :)
Also a good place to practice the preview button. But dinnae forget to practice in the Blazing Items thread in 4 months :)
I never fully fleshed out this idea, but one that I rejected was an amulet that augmented a druid's wild shape to increase their size and give them the ability to grab and swallow whole.
Unfortunately, this was A. getting too close to the word count for comfort and B. too similar to an item submitted in 2009.
RPG Superstar 2013
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
|
I kept thinking this item was so unuqie, and with potential mojo, that I begged my imagination for ways to save it. Ultimately, I feared its mechanical issues might be never ending and submitted something else.
Aura strong necromancy; CL 15th
Slot head; Price 105,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
The wearer of this adamantine helmet is immune to vorpal effects, and enjoys a 25% chance to negate any sneak attack or critical hit. The helmet provides the benefits of the Blindfight feat for the wearer. Additionally, the wearer can remove his head as a swift action so long as the head remains secured inside the helmet. Generally, the wearer can simply drop his head without fear of being dislodged from the helm.
While headless, the wearer's head can see and speak, but his body counts as being both blind and deaf. He is completely immune to critical hits and sneak attacks, and cannot be killed by hit point damage unless a coup de grace action is performed, though the body is not rendered helpless simply by the removal of its head. The body retains use of the Blindfight feat and can make attacks of opportunity against any who wish to perform a coup de grace or sunder attempt against the body, or the head if it is in range.
The wearer still takes only the normally allotted number of actions in a given combat round. A headless wearer must still satisfy material and somatic components when spellcasting, and the spell failure chance for being deaf must be observed. The magic of the helmet is ended by a successful sunder attempt, or by a successful dispel effect (DC 26). The helmet is AC 10 with a hardness of 20 and 40 hit points.
Construction
Requirements Blind Fight, Craft Wondrous Item, regeneration; Cost 52,500 gp
Well I think in my case the formatting issue comes from it not being an entirely complete item. :D
Still though it's good to see that the only issue with it proper is the drawback.
Fun fact: The snuff box had a much worse drawback.
EDIT: Ninjad by Standback. (sort of :)I had a few ideas that I ultimately abandoned.
...
2) An item that let you steal the shadow of someone or something, and could then mold the shadow into a tool. I still love this item concept, but when concretely defining a tool, I ran into a number of issues. Artifical gold limits, weight limits, is a weapon a tool?, etc. The shadows of objects would have lower limits than the shadows from creatures, and any creature who lost their shadow would be shaken if they failed their save. It's strange to be without your shadow. After a minute or so, you'd the tool would dissipate, and the shadow would return. The idea was a tool for breaking and entering, stealing a shadow (maybe your own!) and using it to silently create a tool necessary for the goal at hand.
I saw that as well, but felt it was sufficiently different to at least attempt.
2) An item that let you steal the shadow of someone or something, and could then mold the shadow into a tool.
Bummer it's an interesting idea. I look for a comparable spell, power or item.
FRCS has that Summon Instrument cantrip. Prestidigitation has some possibilities and 1 hour time limit. Psionics had the generalized minor creation power and the more specialized call armor and call weapon powers (including control shadow) or the generalized fourth level fabrication vice the fifth level arcane version. Conjuration has Summon Mount. Eberron had things like the Clothier's Closet spell which had the dragon mark temporary mechanic no material cost but the item was only temporary while the spell required a gem that was transformed.
Prestidigitation and or the clerical Make Whole or the arcane Fabricate in conjunction with Shadow Conjuration for a brief temporary shadow tool with a gp limit, possibly molding your own shadow.
Mirror of Many Images
So in the end it can mirror image an infinite amount of times per day?This seems OP to me. I’m thinking of suddenly having two casters at their full potential in an instant! Does the image caster have the same spells studied? Does he select his own? Does it have its own free will? (i.e. is there another PC at the table now?)
Yes, the mirror image effect would be unlimited.
And, yeah, I was very concerned it was too powerful, though I thought its limitations (i.e. the size and needing to be hung on something) balanced it a little. Also it's obviously a higher-level campaign item.
My thought would be the duplicate would have the same spells studied (as with the mirror of opposition, though obviously that uses clone as its base).
And, yes, I was thinking it would have free will, but that it would act in concert with the duplicated PC (under that player's control).
Yea, it would've been something like that.
The issue I ran into is how to thematically limit it to certain GP and weight limitations. I suppose based on the size of the object (diminutive is 5 gp / 1 lb, medium is 25 gp / 20 lb, etc) would've worked...
You could always steal your own shadow, but if you failed your Will save, your thievery skills would take a beating :)
I'm technically not eligible to enter (I work full time as a game designer). This is what I would've entered.
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **...
Personally, I like this item it's almost like a Hydra living in a Cloak! Innovative and has some cool flavour, I can see why you're a pro designer. This is something I may want to use in my own game.
|
|
So, I had this item idea after I submitted, but anyway I don't think it would have made it:
Bracers of the extra fingers
Aura: Faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot: Wrists; Price 800 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Each of these bracers is adorned with five wide metallic segmented rings, each of them closing with a clasp. When both bracers are worn and all clasps are closed, the wearer can animate the rings, bending them outwards and forming a shape not much different from a metallic hand.
The extra fingers allow the wearer to grasp and hold items on them, as if she had two more hands. Passing an item from the extra fingers to the wearer's hands (or vice versa) is a swift action that doesn't provoke attacks of opportunity.
The extra hands cannot be used to wield weapons or shields, nor can magic gauntlets or rings be worn on them. Dispel Magic or similar magic (DC 11) will cause the fingers to retract as rings and drop any items.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Mage Hand; Cost 400 gp
There were a couple of expansion options - throw in Cat's Grace as a requirement and you get a +5 bonus on Sleight of Hand checks, or throw in Bull's Strength and get +2 on grapple checks, or throw in Magic Fang and gain two claw attacks. Combine these and write a table with all the prices and random chances of each type of item, and all that. Get too carried away and you're above the 300 word count.
And it's an useful item for low-level adventurers - no more worries about why you make me carry the torch and have only one useful hand, or carry a couple primed acid vials or thunderstones or whatever. The low price is justified because it's basically a nerfed version of a permanent mage hand.
And there's where the problems begin - I feel the item is spell-in-a-can-ish. It doesn't do much more than mage hand.
The main problem I see is that the item is... bland. I focus on the item and cannot see wonderful adventures. I cannot imagine the bracers on top of a fireplace and an old man saying to his grandchildren «These are the bracers of the extra fingers back from my adventuring times I'm so proud of». I can only see a raggy adventurer carrying an extra torch. It doesn't spark my imagination. It's useful, but not enticing.
It lacks mojo.
And that's why I think this item wouldn't have made it to Superstar level.
This item was a lot of fun, but at the end of the day, its a conglomerate set of items that are already there, with a little SIAK/SAK thrown in to boot. Terrible superstar item, but entertaining to think up.
Liar's Mask
Aura never did full write up, feeling lazy; CL 12th
Slot belt; Price 10,000 to 15,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This unpolished brass buckle can be affixed to any belt or sash, and is always under the effects of a magic aura (to appear non-magical), while worn. A liar's mask grants a +3 competence bonus to all of its wearers charisma-based checks, except bluff, for which the bonus is +5.
At will, a creature wearing this buckle may change her appearance as per the spell disguise self.
Three times per day, the wearer may cause another creature to forget the events of the last round as per a memory lapse spell, by speaking the command word 'nevermind'. This ability has a saving throw DC of 14.
Once per day, after touching another creature of the same type (humanoid, etc.) the wearer becomes a perfect likeness of the touched target, gaining all the benefits of disguise self and misdirection, masking herself as the creature touched in both appearance and aura. Using this ability may require a touch attack in combat, or a slight of hand check to remain unnoticed, and lasts for one hour, or until the wearer uses the at will disguise self ability again.
Construction
Requirements stuff here, again, not finished, lazy
Ok, here's my entry that I didnt submit in half polished english and formatting.
I wasnt sure about the price but thought for the limited uses, it shouldnt be too high.
It's possibly a bit wordy still, but I thought it might be nicer for you to see a rougher draft.
Oh, and why did I reject it in the end? Simples. Spell in a Can.
Enjoy (hopefully)
Whispering Sandkeys
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot - Price 1,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A small box containing twenty parchement tubes filled with sand, the end of each plugged by a thin disc of bees wax.
Each tube is a one shot use item. Simply remove the disc from one end and insert this open end into a mechanical lock.
Unplug the other end and begin to gently slide the patchment tube back out of the lock whilst gently blowing down the tube whispering the name of the mechanical lock manufacturer.
As the parchment is withdrawn, the sand will loosen and fall into the lock creating a one use fragile key that can unlock or lock that specific lock and only that lock.
The key can be withdrawn and kept for later, with a maximum keep time of 24 hours, or be used immediately.
Once used, the key crumbles into the finest of sands and disperses into the air.
The tubes allow the unlocking of any mechanical lock but will not bypass magical locks or mechanical or magical traps within any lock.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Fabricate, Knock; Cost 850 gp
Master Of Ceremonies’ Hand Fan (a.k.a Fan of the Gypsy Queen; I’m curious if use of the word ‘gypsy’ is un-PC. Thoughts?)
Aura strong enchantment; CL 18th
Slot none; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 1 lb
Description
The possessor of this intricately painted silk hand fan gains a +2 competency bonus to all charisma based skill checks for as long as she holds or carries it.
Once per day, the carrier can fascinate an audience by twirling the hand fan. This works as the hypnotism spell (Will DC 16) except as noted. 5d6 HD of creatures are affected. The casting time is 3 rounds. The duration is concentration.
In addition, the fan has a second special power, usable once per week. A carrier with at least 5 ranks in Perform (dance) can perform a fan dance that facilitates merriment and goodwill. The attitudes of creatures within 30ft who witness the performance are improved by 2 steps toward the dancer and 1 step toward all other creatures. This is a mind-affecting charm effect. Activating this power requires 10 minutes of uninterrupted performance. The duration is 2d4 hours (D).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hypnotism, mass charm monster; Cost 12,500 gp
|
|
This unpolished brass buckle can be affixed to any belt or sash [...] grants a +3 competence bonus to all of its wearers charisma-based checks, except bluff, for which the bonus is +5.
IIRC, the judges said something sometime about restricting int/wis/cha items to the head slot, and str/dex/con items to the belt slot. A hood would have been cooler IMHO.
Whispering Sandkeys
Unfortunately I think this would fall into the "didn't do his homework looking if the idea has been executed before" pile:
http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/wondrous-items/wondrous-items/c-d/chime -of-opening
Whispering SandkeysUnfortunately I think this would fall into the "didn't do his homework looking if the idea has been executed before" pile:
http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/wondrous-items/wondrous-items/c-d/chime -of-opening
Yeah, it probably would have gotten voluntary rejected for that too but I rejected it as soon as I realised it was just a non spell users knock spell, not as powerful as knock but basically knock none the less.
Good spot though.
|
|
(a.k.a Fan of the Gypsy Queen; I’m curious if use of the word ‘gypsy’ is un-PC. Thoughts?)
Don't think Gypsy. Think Varisian. As in "Fan of the Varisian Dancer". Much more Golarion-ish.
This might be nitpicking, but I would also change:
This works as the hypnotism spell (Will DC 16) except as noted. 5d6 HD of creatures are affected. The casting time is 3 rounds. The duration is concentration.
This works as hypnotism, except that 5d6 HD of creatures are affected, the casting time is 3 rounds, and the effects last as long as the user is waving the fan in sight of the affected cratures.
A carrier with at least 5 ranks in
You're not just carrying the item, you're using the item. You're not a carrier, you're a user.
I'll try my hand at this. It's my first time critiquing for anything but me, but I promise, I'm nothing if not thorough.
I like, or want to like, this item, but some things about it significantly bother me, other than the power level, which has been mentioned.
Mirror imof many ages
I'm not sure I'm liking that name, but it does tell me what the item does, though it's probably less than Superstar-creative.
Aura strong illusion; CL 13th
Slot --; Price 92,000 gp; Weight 45 lbs.
The aura and CL seems to make sense for the effect. I'm not even going to check them against the crafting requirements though, as one of my real issues with the item has to do with those. Also, even though this is a powerful item, I don't much like the price. Honestly, if I were a PC 90,000+ gold would probably go to something more handy, more frequently useful or what not. It's price is the same as the mirror of opposition, which incidentally uses necromancy and clone, but nonetheless has the same theme. Clone however, is fairly high-powered spell, and while I can see your item being similar in power level, I can help but saying that noticing the other mirror actually takes some of the neatness out of this for me.
Description
This item is typically an oval about 4 feet long and 3 feet wide in a wood or metal frame inset with seven small, decorative mirrors.
Fine, descriptive, gives the size, which may be needful in combat if hardly evocative. I am at this point still feeling indifferent to the item. "Typically" is an awful waste of word. if they want it different, it's not all that hard to change. Give me just a little more magic here. Remove "typically" and give me "oval of clear class overlaying silver" or something like that. Make me want to look into the mirror :)
When the mirror is hung or placed on a surface, someone reflected in it can command it to cast mirror image on himself, though only one person may benefit from the mirror's ability at a time.
A target of the mirror's effect can command it to merge the images it has created into an exact duplicate of the user. The mirror can do this once a day.
"is hung or placed" ... I can't recall where, but I'm positive I've seen one or more judges talk about a dislike for passives. I know I challenge myself only to use them, when it clarifies my intend. The language here just doesn't seem all that clear. "A target of the mirrors effect" is another example of a phrase I might like differently. I realise this is probably not a final or polished version, but I'll mention it just because the language seems neat other than some few, small issue, which could easily sound better.
The duplicate, which has all the original's possessions and powers (including magic), appears in a random available space 5 feet from the original (if no space is available within 5 feet, it appears in the closest available spot). It acts immediately on the original's turn, at the original's command. The duplicate lasts for a number of rounds equal to the number of images that were merged to create it.
Any item taken from the duplicate disappears immediately. Upon the duplicate’s death, the end of its duration or the mirror’s destruction (hardness 1, 5 hit points), the duplicate and its possessions immediately fade away.
Okay, here's the part I like. This effect is neat, and simple, while useful to most characters (who can't use another combatant?). However, see comments on spells once again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, greater shadow conjuration, mirror image; Cost 46,000 gp
Here's my issue. My real issuel. Because if it wasn't for this, I'd say this item was submitable. It's as simple as the fact that the Mirror of Opposition with clone has a similar effect, and that the spell project image - an illusion spell even - actually does something of the same too. First, that makes me worry a little about it being slightly siac-ish, but more importantly at this point it makes me wonder, if you are aware of the spell and it's effect. Choosing greater shadow conjuration just strikes me as off for this item. It doesn't seem like we're working with some sinister shadowy double, and greater shadow conjuration is more for an illusion-duplicate of conjuration spells.
Anyway, I really liked the idea, until confirming some of the issues I had with it. I really hope for you that you chose your very best item for the contest - if it's better than this by far, it's got to be good. Formatting looks good, by the way.
I'll stop my overly wordy go through here.
Sincerely, and trying to be constructive - best wishes in the contest
Siv
I had an idea I vetoed before I got to the write up stage as I kept seeing it as combination of two different items boots of the winterlands and boots of springing and striding. THe item was a set of skis that provided a slipstream effect and allowed the user to move over snow.
Master Of Ceremonies’ Hand Fan (a.k.a Fan of the Gypsy Queen; I’m curious if use of the word ‘gypsy’ is un-PC. Thoughts?)
...
In addition, the fan has a second special power, usable once per week. A carrier with at least 5 ranks in Perform (dance) can perform a fan dance that facilitates merriment and goodwill. The attitudes of creatures within 30ft who witness the performance are improved by 2 steps toward the dancer and 1 step toward all other creatures. This is a mind-affecting charm effect. Activating this power requires 10 minutes of uninterrupted performance. The duration is 2d4 hours (D).
My understanding is that the word 'gypsy' is fine in the states, but non-PC in Europe. (I had never heard of the term 'Roma' until I moved out of the US.) Personally I wouldn't have risked it, especially since there are probably better names that don't reference real-world ethnic groups.
I think the last power has some potential--it might be a good starting point for a pretty sweet low-level item.
Thanks for the thoughtful critique, Siv. Most of my creations for my campaigns tend to just be SIACs so this was one of my first times trying to do something along more Superstar lines.
I definitely try to avoid passive writing (I'm a newspaper editor by trade, so I'm very aware of going for active verbs when I can); I think much of the verbiage you're objecting to is actually pretty much copied directly from the mirrors(of opposition and life trapping) in the core rulebook. Perhaps still should have kicked it up a notch. A target of the mirror's effect was trying to deal with concerns that someone else could cause the mirror images to merge -- one of the thoughts I had to lower the potential power level was that it would take a round to merge, so someone could potentially ping off a few of the mirror images and reduce the duration.
I hear where you're coming from with the spell concerns, and considered clone (the mirror of opposition certainly influenced a lot of my thoughts on this item) and even twin form from the alchemist's list.
In the end, I decided I liked the idea of having the multiple images coalesce into a single solid one, and felt like shadow conjuration, as an illusion spell, worked better for that regard. I considered trying to work in some effect about a save or 60 percent damage to make it a little more like the spell, but felt like A) that made it a little to SIAC/SAK and B) got away from the idea of it being a solid duplicate.
Price was also really tricky. I think the item is potentially *very* powerful but also *very* limited. I agree that players would be unlikely to buy buy this item, but I also felt like any adventurer that had an HQ and spent any time there would keep it if they recovered it*. Now how many have that? I don't know. My RL group does (and I could see it in a Kingmaker campaign, which are obviously popular), but do others? I guess my experience is too limited to say.
* I could also see if I had it buying a portably hole so I could carry it around with me.