Hi all!
I didn't post here since the late middle ages but now I'm back :)
I'm author of the D&D Kids tutorial series that was published on Wizards of the Coast this year and which now moved to geekcentricity. If anyone remembers, I'm also the author of Murder in Oakbrdige...
A lot of people told me that they liked the funny table talk quotes that came along with the articles on Wizards. To oblige them, I uploaded the best table talk I collected this year as well as some choice anecdotes from colleagues and friends to a new site - DNDkids. Gamers with quotes of their own are more than welcome to submit their funny (or scary) stories. "Funny D&D stories should not linger and rot inside one brain but entertain the whole community," is our motto (which I just made up).
There are also anecdotes from the table, tips on gaming with kids, adventures and creatures created by kids and so forth. Presently only mine, but I'd love to hear from teachers and gamers around the world about their experience of playing RPGs with kids.
Anyone interested in gaming with children, either because they want to share and improve their gaming experience or because they found the previous articles amusing, will hopefully enjoy DNDkids as well. Also, funny quotes - com'on, let's share!
P.S
A few nice memories from the table...
Kid 1: Can I make up my own God and worship him?
Kid 2: You won't be the first one to do so...
Kid: What's the difference between eladrin and elf?
DM: Eladrin is to Elf what British is to American.
Kid 1: Oh cruel world!
Kid 2: The world is not cruel, it's the DM who is cruel.
Kid 1 (playing a warforged): Why doesn't anybody love me!
Kid 2: Because you're running on Microsoft Vista. If you ran on Linux, everybody would have loved you.
Kid: Hephaestus is a smith, not a warrior. He only makes swords, he doesn't fight with them. It's the same like McDonald; they only make hamburgers, they don't fight with them.
Kid: What happens if you try to fail and then roll a 1?
Feel free to add your own!
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Some of them was funny, the last kid had a point though.
I have rarely played around kids, the last time I played around a kid was this 3ish year old boy and the only thing he did is snatch one of the players D20's and eat it. For those curious the kid was fine. I believe the parents offered to give the D20 back after a couple of days but was told it was ok they could keep it.
LOL. We had a similar incident with a dog once, although it eventually did spit out the die, which since then has been reserved exclusively for rolls made by disgusting slimy aberrations...
Youngest kid I ever played with was 6, which is a bit too young. 9's probably the minimum safe age.
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I taught my son to play Basic D&D when he was 4. I don't remember a lot of funny quotes, but I did have to teach him a lot of vocabulary, as he obviously hadn't known words like "Dexterity" "Constitution" and "Charisma."
When explaining the meaning of that last word, I gave an explanation like "Imagine you ask me for a cookie, I say no, you get mad and shout, and then I DEFINITELY won't give you the cookie. That shows a low charisma.
"Now imagine that I say no, and you say 'Oh, pretty please?' And I feel bad and give you the cookie. That shows that you have charisma."
A few days later, my son started making a character, rolled his six scores, and decided which score he wanted for which ability. He said "I want a high..." He then faltered, unable to remember the term. So he described it with the phrase "...oh pretty please."
Also, when he plays common board games with his friends, he speaks of "rolling initiative."
Glad to have you on board in here Uri!
The only chidren I've ever played with are my current gamin group, which haven't matured in all 20 years we've been playing... myself included :D
I taught my son to play Basic D&D when he was 4. I don't remember a lot of funny quotes, but I did have to teach him a lot of vocabulary, as he obviously hadn't known words like "Dexterity" "Constitution" and "Charisma."
When explaining the meaning of that last word, I gave an explanation like "Imagine you ask me for a cookie, I say no, you get mad and shout, and then I DEFINITELY won't give you the cookie. That shows a low charisma.
"Now imagine that I say no, and you say 'Oh, pretty please?' And I feel bad and give you the cookie. That shows that you have charisma."
A few days later, my son started making a character, rolled his six scores, and decided which score he wanted for which ability. He said "I want a high..." He then faltered, unable to remember the term. So he described it with the phrase "...oh pretty please."
Also, when he plays common board games with his friends, he speaks of "rolling initiative."
Great story! :)
Some favorites from the dndkids.com:
Kid: Are there females among the elves? I want to ask one out.
DM: Sorry, they are all zombies.
Kid: I'm willing to work hard for this relationship to succeed.
DM: She will eat your brains!
Kid: Love always requires sacrifices.
DM: In the alignment clause, you've written "to kill."
Kid: Yes, no alignment in the book was evil enough for me.
Kid: I went to the dentist today so I can't feel half my face. Then I was chased by a dog through half the city. I ran straight into a road sign, now the other half of my face hurts. Every enemy who attacked me today scored a crit. If there's any justice in the universe, God, please let me roll well on this saving throw... he rolls a die and amazingly misses the table, sending it under a closet OH! FOR THE LOVE OF!
DM: Ravenloft is a world that sucks villains into it and creates special domains for them. There is a domain for Lord Soth, a Domain for Strahd, a--
Kid: Is there a domain for George Bush?
Kid 1: I cast sleep on the quicksand.
Kid 2: YES!!!
DM: What yes?
Kid 2: I can finally use my psychology skill... I mean... he is crazy, right?
DM: Oh yes, totally.
Some favorites from the dndkids.com:
Glad you liked those. Pelor willing, more will appear as soon as the school year starts.
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Kid: What happens if you try to fail and then roll a 1?
Something similar happened in my very first tabletop roleplaying experience, so I might as well put it down here because I was a kid then. Me and a friend were playing in a group of people that met in the Game Club of our school. The DM for the game was the popular Math Teacher who let all of the girls get away with things like being able to stop time or being half-dragon super witches but didn't really like any of the guys there that much. So, since there were a lot of people at the table, the DM shoehorned the guys into a situation where they'd die. And if they'd die, they'd have to stop playing.
It ended up that we were in a pass where a dragon or like a flaming rock fell on the party and engulfed them all in fireballs. The rest of the party, time-stopping witches included, made it, but me and a friend did not.
The GM talked about how we were instantly incinerated and went on and on about how badly we died to the point of asking us to "roll for dying" in a mocking tone.
Me and my friend both rolled 1s.
The ensuing conversation about 1s being auto-failures and us "rolling to die" meaning that we had failed at dying had us stay in the game for one more short session before the game died out.
Good times.
PS. Roughly eight years later, my death-failure buddy and I still play tabletops every weekend. The time-stopping witch is DMing Jade Regent. Good times continue!
Kid: What happens if you try to fail and then roll a 1?Something similar happened in my very first tabletop roleplaying experience, so I might as well put it down here because I was a kid then. Me and a friend were playing in a group of people that met in the Game Club of our school. The DM for the game was the popular Math Teacher who let all of the girls get away with things like being able to stop time or being half-dragon super witches but didn't really like any of the guys there that much. So, since there were a lot of people at the table, the DM shoehorned the guys into a situation where they'd die. And if they'd die, they'd have to stop playing.
It ended up that we were in a pass where a dragon or like a flaming rock fell on the party and engulfed them all in fireballs. The rest of the party, time-stopping witches included, made it, but me and a friend did not.
The GM talked about how we were instantly incinerated and went on and on about how badly we died to the point of asking us to "roll for dying" in a mocking tone.
Me and my friend both rolled 1s.
The ensuing conversation about 1s being auto-failures and us "rolling to die" meaning that we had failed at dying had us stay in the game for one more short session before the game died out.
Good times.
PS. Roughly eight years later, my death-failure buddy and I still play tabletops every weekend. The time-stopping witch is DMing Jade Regent. Good times continue!
Lovely teacher :)
Lovely teacher :)Kid: What happens if you try to fail and then roll a 1?Something similar happened in my very first tabletop roleplaying experience, so I might as well put it down here because I was a kid then. Me and a friend were playing in a group of people that met in the Game Club of our school. The DM for the game was the popular Math Teacher who let all of the girls get away with things like being able to stop time or being half-dragon super witches but didn't really like any of the guys there that much. So, since there were a lot of people at the table, the DM shoehorned the guys into a situation where they'd die. And if they'd die, they'd have to stop playing.
It ended up that we were in a pass where a dragon or like a flaming rock fell on the party and engulfed them all in fireballs. The rest of the party, time-stopping witches included, made it, but me and a friend did not.
The GM talked about how we were instantly incinerated and went on and on about how badly we died to the point of asking us to "roll for dying" in a mocking tone.
Me and my friend both rolled 1s.
The ensuing conversation about 1s being auto-failures and us "rolling to die" meaning that we had failed at dying had us stay in the game for one more short session before the game died out.
Good times.
PS. Roughly eight years later, my death-failure buddy and I still play tabletops every weekend. The time-stopping witch is DMing Jade Regent. Good times continue!
One of the best teachers I've ever had... but he had one of the worst problems with teacher's pets.
Some favorites from the dndkids.com:
Has the definition of 'kid' expanded to count 20ish years old? These do not sound like things children would say at all, or have been heavily edited.
Has the definition of 'kid' expanded to count 20ish years old? These do not sound like things children would say at all, or have been heavily edited.
The quotes are all translated, which makes the language sound more formal, but they had not been edited for content. They come from kids aged mostly 9-12 with few 13yo's, so you do get teens there as well.
Kid: What happens if you try to fail and then roll a 1?Something similar happened in my very first tabletop roleplaying experience, so I might as well put it down here because I was a kid then. Me and a friend were playing in a group of people that met in the Game Club of our school. The DM for the game was the popular Math Teacher who let all of the girls get away with things like being able to stop time or being half-dragon super witches but didn't really like any of the guys there that much. So, since there were a lot of people at the table, the DM shoehorned the guys into a situation where they'd die. And if they'd die, they'd have to stop playing.
It ended up that we were in a pass where a dragon or like a flaming rock fell on the party and engulfed them all in fireballs. The rest of the party, time-stopping witches included, made it, but me and a friend did not.
The GM talked about how we were instantly incinerated and went on and on about how badly we died to the point of asking us to "roll for dying" in a mocking tone.
Me and my friend both rolled 1s.
The ensuing conversation about 1s being auto-failures and us "rolling to die" meaning that we had failed at dying had us stay in the game for one more short session before the game died out.
Good times.
PS. Roughly eight years later, my death-failure buddy and I still play tabletops every weekend. The time-stopping witch is DMing Jade Regent. Good times continue!
My group was infiltrating the enemy camp and had to pretend to join them in an attack on what were really their own allies, so they were shooting to miss on purpose, to keep their cover without hurting their friends. Only then, of course, one of the PCs rolled a 1. "Roll for damage," I told him. "What? But a one always misses!" "Exactly. You missed the air just over that guy's shoulder you were aiming at and hit him in the torso."
My group was infiltrating the enemy camp and had to pretend to join them in an attack on what were really their own allies, so they were shooting to miss on purpose, to keep their cover without hurting their friends. Only then, of course, one of the PCs rolled a 1. "Roll for damage," I told him. "What? But a one always misses!" "Exactly. You missed the air just over that guy's shoulder you were aiming at and hit him in the torso."
I'd have them roll again and if they scored another 1, the PC would have taken the arrow between the eyes. But that might just be me. I'm mean you see :)
I'd have them roll again and if they scored another 1, the PC would have taken the arrow between the eyes. But that might just be me. I'm mean you see :)My group was infiltrating the enemy camp and had to pretend to join them in an attack on what were really their own allies, so they were shooting to miss on purpose, to keep their cover without hurting their friends. Only then, of course, one of the PCs rolled a 1. "Roll for damage," I told him. "What? But a one always misses!" "Exactly. You missed the air just over that guy's shoulder you were aiming at and hit him in the torso."
Clearly, one out of every 400 times someone swings a sword, they impale themselves with it.
Clearly, one out of every 400 times someone swings a sword, they impale themselves with it.
I wouldn't know, but from what I've heard, the odds are worse than that in Rolemaster.
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Clearly, one out of every 400 times someone swings a sword, they impale themselves with it.I wouldn't know, but from what I've heard, the odds are worse than that in Rolemaster.
Yeah, two times i played it, my characters died in ridiculous ways. My first character fell of the first step of a ladder and broke his neck and the second one was gutted with a little girl wielding a fork.
Yeah, two times i played it, my characters died in ridiculous ways. My first character fell of the first step of a ladder and broke his neck and the second one was gutted with a little girl wielding a fork.Clearly, one out of every 400 times someone swings a sword, they impale themselves with it.I wouldn't know, but from what I've heard, the odds are worse than that in Rolemaster.
How did someone possibly gut you with a little girl?
She should have used a spoon.
How did someone possibly gut you with a little girl?
Little girls are scary! Didn't you see ringu?
How did someone possibly gut you with a little girl?Little girls are scary! Didn't you see ringu?
Sure they are scary, but I don't think they are piercing weapons.
Wouldn't you "gut" with a slashing weapon? Like a fishknife?
Yeah, two times i played it, my characters died in ridiculous ways. My first character fell of the first step of a ladder and broke his neck and the second one was gutted with a little girl wielding a fork.How did someone possibly gut you with a little girl?
Maybe she had very sharp teeth... ;-)
Or a comically over-sized sword :)
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Hi Uri, just wanted to say first of all that I really liked Murder in Oakbridge.
I have a few gaming related quotes by kids, although they weren’t actually said by kids playing the game at the time ...
When I was in high school, my gaming group used to play at my home, and my little brother (who I think was about 6 or 7 at the time of this incident) would often hang around listening to us play. In one particular session our party had defeated a fortress of duergar in the underdark, and the party was debating what to do with the non-combatant women and children they had captured. My young brother piped up with, “Why don’t you set them on fire and make them run down the tunnels ahead of you, to save on torches?” .... Yes, he did go on to play morally ambiguous characters.
My son is 5, although he doesn’t play, he likes to look at my RPG books and hear stories of our games. Recently, when I was re-telling the a battle that took place in one of our games, which features a gunslinger, he looked at my quizzically and asked, “But why was Marcus using a gun in Dungeons and Dragons?”
Another time we were talking about creating characters, and I asked my son what he wanted his character to be good at. His honest answer: “Everything!”
Hi Uri, just wanted to say first of all that I really liked Murder in Oakbridge.
I have a few gaming related quotes by kids, although they weren’t actually said by kids playing the game at the time ...
When I was in high school, my gaming group used to play at my home, and my little brother (who I think was about 6 or 7 at the time of this incident) would often hang around listening to us play. In one particular session our party had defeated a fortress of duergar in the underdark, and the party was debating what to do with the non-combatant women and children they had captured. My young brother piped up with, “Why don’t you set them on fire and make them run down the tunnels ahead of you, to save on torches?” .... Yes, he did go on to play morally ambiguous characters.
My son is 5, although he doesn’t play, he likes to look at my RPG books and hear stories of our games. Recently, when I was re-telling the a battle that took place in one of our games, which features a gunslinger, he looked at my quizzically and asked, “But why was Marcus using a gun in Dungeons and Dragons?”
Another time we were talking about creating characters, and I asked my son what he wanted his character to be good at. His honest answer: “Everything!”
Thank you for your kind words and very cool stories. The last one is something I hear very often from kids. Come to think of it, it's the most sensible answer :)
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Maybe she had very sharp teeth... ;-)Yeah, two times i played it, my characters died in ridiculous ways. My first character fell of the first step of a ladder and broke his neck and the second one was gutted with a little girl wielding a fork.How did someone possibly gut you with a little girl?
I kinda forgot how RM mechanics go, but she rolled some awesome rolls and several criticals or something. I was dead on the spot.
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I don't think anyone got my joke -_-
I don't think anyone got my joke -_-
And if you can't make grammar jokes here on nerd-filled messageboards, where can you?
When a friend and his three-year-old were visiting, I let the boy play with a d20. He called it my "number-ball". It was requested often enough later that my friend had to get him his own d20.
I kinda forgot how RM mechanics go, but she rolled some awesome rolls and several criticals or something. I was dead on the spot.
Was your GM a female version of GRR Martin or something? :/
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I kinda forgot how RM mechanics go, but she rolled some awesome rolls and several criticals or something. I was dead on the spot.Was your GM a female version of GRR Martin or something? :/
Nah, he's a dude, and it was really dumb. We were fighting in a village where half the residents were some kind of cultists, and i was looking for the entrance to their lair. So i enter this house, and there is a terrified little girl brandishing a steel fork looking at me. I try yo tell her that i don't want to hurt her, but she calls me names and starts screaming. Since half the cultists are still alive, i go forward to shut her mouth, but she stabs me with a fork.
The GM rolls several dice, looks at me, rolls some more and then announces that i am dead. We actually had a good laugh about that.
I suppose that in real life a person could get killed from a fork stab. Then again, in real life, people die from infections contracted from stepping on nails or drown in puddles due to sudden queasiness. Taken to extreme, this could turn any RPG into a game version of a 1,000 ways to die...
...turn any RPG into a game version of a 1,000 ways to die...
1,000 Ways to Die, the RPG! Didn't they publish that as Paranoia back in the '80's? ;-)
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One of my favorite gaming memories was of when I *was* a kid.
Our PCs were on a remote island, and ended up captured by cannibals. The DM annouced he would flip a coin: Heads we'd be sacrificed to their gods, tails we'd be eaten.
I insisted there'd be a chance the coin would end up on its side, and badgered the DM into saying what would happen in that event. I was more trying to delay the inevitable in any way I could, but the DM finally agreed we'd be revered as new gods in that event.
He flipped..
And it stopped spinning still upright ON ITS SIDE! :D
No joke!