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A novice birding guide was leading a boat trip to identify off-shore sea birds. He quickly realized he was in over his head, so he started making names up. "That's a Ring Gull. There's a Herring Gull. Oh, a Laughing Gull, those are rare." His tour group never questioned his veracity. They were all very gullible.

Edit: Of course I bird watch nekkid. Who doesn't?

Would a Greek dessert made from young insects by baklarva?

Hey, look! A naked gull!
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A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . . molasses."

What did the young porcupine say when he backed into a cactus at night? Is that you, Mother?

What kind of game do you play with a wombat? Wom.

You also need two womballs, of course.
gran rey de los mono wrote:

What kind of game do you play with a wombat? Wom.

You also need two womballs, of course.

Ok that one was just wombad.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

What do you call a pachyderm that jumps out of a tree and yells "BOO!"? The Elephant of Surprise.

What's the cheapest game meat? Deer testicles, they're under a buck.

How do fish get to school? By taxicrab.

Two farmers are standing in a field discussing their work. The first farmer says "I'm havin' trouble with ma flock o' cows." The second farmer corrects him "Herd o' cows." The first farmer says "O' course I've heard o' cows. I gots a whole flock o' them!"
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The parents of a little boy were concerned their son may be too optimistic, so they took him to a psychiatrist. In an attempt to dampen his outlook in life, the shrink told his parents to fill the boy's room with horse manure. The parents were skeptical, but followed the doctor's advice. When they let the boy into his room, they were surprised to see him excitedly start digging through the mounds of excrement. When they asked him how he could possible be so happy, he said "With all this manure, there's bound to be a pony here somewhere!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? She heard that some guys at the construction site across the street were laying bricks, and she thought "This I've gotta see!"

What kind of ship is used to transport spring onions across the ocean? A scallion galleon.

Anteaters rarely get sick because they're full of ant-ibodies.
1 person marked this as a favorite.

Can a 1 fly? No, but a toucan!
1 person marked this as a favorite.

I used to have a fine racing snail, but I took his shell off to try and reduce drag. Now he's just sluggish.
2 people marked this as a favorite.

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "Why the f@#$ are we sitting on fish?"

I saw a guy out walking a beautiful golden retriever. I asked where he got it. He said "Cosco." I said "Really? I didn't know Cosco sold dogs." He said "They just started. Got some real beauties too. Only problem is, you got buy them in a six-pack."

What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.

A traveling salesman stops at a farm, and talks to the farmer. While they're chatting, a three-legged pig walks over. The farmer says "That there is a special pig. A few weeks ago the house caught fire in the middle of the night, and that pig broke in and woke us all up. It saved our lives." "Wow," said the salesman. "That is a special pig. But why does it only have three legs?" The farmer said "A pig that special, you don't eat all at once."
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:

What kind of game do you play with a wombat? Wom.

You also need two womballs, of course.

Ok that one was just wombad.

That one was bad? Have you read the others I've posted over the last few weeks?

Yes some of them were quite bad but that was the only one that was Wombad.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll post some more later if you're good. Or bad. Depends on if you consider them a treat or torture.
1 person marked this as a favorite.
NobodysHome wrote:
Drejk wrote:

*yawn*

I want more sleep dammit.

Also, getting up early is more pointless today than usual.

** spoiler omitted **

You'll soon be getting even LESS sleep!

Impus Major is determined to have his necromancer create one of every undead in every Bestiary we own (1-4), and he keeps asking, "Dad, what do I need to create this?"

I finally said, "Hey, know that Drejk guy who posts on the thread? He does a LOT of Bestiary entries. You should ask HIM what HE thinks..."

You're welcome! :-P

You can create anything, all you need is a roll of duct tape, 3 paper clips, 2 AA batteries, an old cellphone, and a South American drug cartel that wants you dead.

Michael Westin, Ex-Spy wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Drejk wrote:

*yawn*

I want more sleep dammit.

Also, getting up early is more pointless today than usual.

** spoiler omitted **

You'll soon be getting even LESS sleep!

Impus Major is determined to have his necromancer create one of every undead in every Bestiary we own (1-4), and he keeps asking, "Dad, what do I need to create this?"

I finally said, "Hey, know that Drejk guy who posts on the thread? He does a LOT of Bestiary entries. You should ask HIM what HE thinks..."

You're welcome! :-P

You can create anything, all you need is a roll of duct tape, 3 paper clips, 2 AA batteries, an old cellphone, and a South American drug cartel that wants you dead.

I think some people on this thread have far more interesting lifes then me.

Some people (yo!) watch too much (not enough!) t.v. in the winter and growing up. :-)

Definitely!
*Yawns*
Today I woke up really tired.
Going out for a walk to get rid of the drowsiness...

Yay! It's Wednesday!
1 person marked this as a favorite.

Begins erecting more Easter Island inspired giant Captain Yesterday heads along the FaWtL coastlines.
1 person marked this as a favorite.
NobodysHome wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

Phones are federal level. Talk to a US attorney's office or federal marshal, not local police.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Interviewer: "What is your job title?"

Respondent: "Blablablabla"

Interviewer: {thinks} "H'mmm, yes. 'Glasgow City Centre'. That makes sense!"

{type type type}.

The nice thing about nice weather is we get ridiculously ahead of schedule. We walked to school and brought the dog with and we still got here twenty minutes early.

Of course our dog who feeds on the attention of children is on cloud nine.
King of Compost Cap'n Yesterday wrote:
Begins erecting more Easter Island inspired giant Captain Yesterday heads along the FaWtL coastlines.

*gasps for air*

I really need to find a new medium.
1 person marked this as a favorite.
NobodysHome wrote:

Impus Major, putting a pair of swim trunks and a swim shirt away. "Dad, you said it yourself. You have no fashion sense. But you called this combination appalling. Do you know how bad it has to be for that?"

It could work like combining two negatives into a positive...

Michael Westin, Ex-Spy wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Drejk wrote:

*yawn*

I want more sleep dammit.

Also, getting up early is more pointless today than usual.

** spoiler omitted **

You'll soon be getting even LESS sleep!

Impus Major is determined to have his necromancer create one of every undead in every Bestiary we own (1-4), and he keeps asking, "Dad, what do I need to create this?"

I finally said, "Hey, know that Drejk guy who posts on the thread? He does a LOT of Bestiary entries. You should ask HIM what HE thinks..."

You're welcome! :-P

You can create anything, all you need is a roll of duct tape, 3 paper clips, 2 AA batteries, an old cellphone, and a South American drug cartel that wants you dead.

Sounds like reboot of MacGyver...

Oh crap...

There is reboot of MacGyver from last year...
Quote:
(that's right Danny Boyle, you didn't have zombies in 28 Days Later, you just had decaying sprinters)
1 person marked this as a favorite.
Drejk wrote:
Michael Westin, Ex-Spy wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Drejk wrote:

*yawn*

I want more sleep dammit.

Also, getting up early is more pointless today than usual.

** spoiler omitted **

You'll soon be getting even LESS sleep!

Impus Major is determined to have his necromancer create one of every undead in every Bestiary we own (1-4), and he keeps asking, "Dad, what do I need to create this?"

I finally said, "Hey, know that Drejk guy who posts on the thread? He does a LOT of Bestiary entries. You should ask HIM what HE thinks..."

You're welcome! :-P

You can create anything, all you need is a roll of duct tape, 3 paper clips, 2 AA batteries, an old cellphone, and a South American drug cartel that wants you dead.
Sounds like reboot of MacGyver...

The show is called Burn Notice. About a burned spy trying to find out who framed him and trying to get back in.

So yes, pretty much.
3 people marked this as a favorite.

Needed more Bruce Campbell.

And, that, is a good show.

I watched the first two seasons or so, I thought it was good.
1 person marked this as a favorite.
NobodysHome wrote:
Drejk wrote:

*yawn*

I want more sleep dammit.

Also, getting up early is more pointless today than usual.

** spoiler omitted **

You'll soon be getting even LESS sleep!

Impus Major is determined to have his necromancer create one of every undead in every Bestiary we own (1-4), and he keeps asking, "Dad, what do I need to create this?"

I finally said, "Hey, know that Drejk guy who posts on the thread? He does a LOT of Bestiary entries. You should ask HIM what HE thinks..."

You're welcome! :-P

You know you are risking him bringing a ton of new undead to the table asking to raise them?

gran rey de los mono wrote:
I watched the first two seasons or so, I thought it was good.

The last couple of seasons got kind of ridiculous but yes, I agree, a pretty good show.

captain yesterday wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Michael Westin, Ex-Spy wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Drejk wrote:

*yawn*

I want more sleep dammit.

Also, getting up early is more pointless today than usual.

** spoiler omitted **

You'll soon be getting even LESS sleep!

Impus Major is determined to have his necromancer create one of every undead in every Bestiary we own (1-4), and he keeps asking, "Dad, what do I need to create this?"

I finally said, "Hey, know that Drejk guy who posts on the thread? He does a LOT of Bestiary entries. You should ask HIM what HE thinks..."

You're welcome! :-P

You can create anything, all you need is a roll of duct tape, 3 paper clips, 2 AA batteries, an old cellphone, and a South American drug cartel that wants you dead.
Sounds like reboot of MacGyver...

The show is called Burn Notice. About a burned spy trying to find out who framed him and trying to get back in.

So yes, pretty much.

..yeah, sorta kinda...

We watched the first couple of seasons of Burn Notice and thoroughly enjoyed it... especially Bruuuuuuuuuuuce...

Trouble was, there are so many better shows: Into the Badlands, Killjoys, Dark Matter, and heck, even RWBY, Seven Deadly Sins, and One Punch Man.

Our "TV time" is 2-3 hours per week. Not enough time to watch everything that's out there...

Picked up the RWBY DVD boxed set over the weekend. Will start watching it, probably today.
John Napier 698 wrote:
Picked up the RWBY DVD boxed set over the weekend. Will start watching it, probably today.

Oooh! I can throw money at them to make them make more? Where do I sign up?

We're getting flooded with those toys too.

Anime is VERY popular with the kids today and toy companies have caught on.

Speaking of "throwing money away", this week I'm spending more than twice the blue book value on my Celica to get it fixed up (new tires and front axle, plus 150k service including new timing belt, distributor cap, spark plugs, etc.).

But gods I loves me my Celica. And this "tune up" should give it another 150k miles. And I want the kids to learn to drive a stick shift.

But spending that kind of money on the engine, with no fixes to the body or the interior, both of which are degrading rapidly... ow!
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