Now, I'm no fancy big-city gardener like some of you, but I thought that radioactive waste wasn't an especially good fertilizer for... um... plants.
{shrugs} You're all a bunch of weirdos. I'm only here in the hopes I'll get bitten by a radioactive cucumber.
*squeak*
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:the seed opens with audible squelching noises. A tendril emerges from the ground, rising to a height of about eighteen inches.:
:the tendril forms a moist, purple bud. The bud swells to the size of an apple and opens.:
:revealing a beautiful maroon blossom:
:sniffs deeply:
Ahh...
:takes out small pouch, reaches in, takes out guinea pig:
The Flesh Flower, my friends.
:holds guinea pig over blossom, which spirals open, revealing a ring of teeth and engulfing the struggling rodent:
:the guinea pig sized bulge works its' way down the tendril, which expands and contracts with faint crunching noises:
:a second tendril emerges from the side of the first, and the biomass of the guinea pig shifts up the new tendril, forming a bud, and, ultimately, a second maroon blossom:
Horticulture? I dabble.
It's 11:30!
Diet Coke Break!
Snack Time.
* offers Bigger Shark some of my salmon *
From one predator to another - enjoy.
Keep it up boys, some amusing scry-tv here.
I still want my marshmallows roasted
Light brown, brown, or dark brown?
Surprise me.
Fuschia. Roast them until they turn fuschia.
* notices John the Rat getting too close to GoatToacher's plant *
Oh no, dear John, the garden is not a safe place for you.
* picks up John, gives him a cookie, and places him in a safe place far away from the garden *
Well, hello there, Pillbug Toenibbler. I have a present for you.
* hands Pillbug a jar of pickles and a radioactive cucumber *
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Alright, I've just finished baking the chocolate bases of the legendary "Hunter's Cake" now I need to make the blue raspberry icing and the gooey, creamy, red filling that goes in between the two bases.
*Consults the cookbook.*
Let's see here: three grams of caster sugar (plain, not magical), soft butter (two grams) and the final ingredient (for colour and flavour) is...
*Looks mortified.*
What!? Fresh werewolf blood!? Don't people know that you become a werewolf if you drink their blood!? I'm going to ask GW for help, maybe I can substitute the blood for strawberry juice instead.
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* looks ate The Big Bad Wolf's cookbook *
I see the issue here - this book is 100 years out of date and written by a werewolf hunter. You should use a mixture of two cups of strawberry puree and one cup of red raspberry juice.
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*Breathes a sigh of relief.*
Thanks,GW, much appreciated!
*Mixes the strawberry puree and the raspberry juice together, finishes the filling and completes the cake.*
There we are! One delicious "Hunter's Cake" all ready to go! Now I just need to check on the lilacs and find a suit (a nice, red one with a black shirt, matching shoes and a gold coloured tie).
*After checking that the lilacs are good, gets curious about the werewolf hunter who wrote the book. Only to pale upon reading the name.*
Romulus Alexandros Hood!? That's not good. I remember him all too well, he ruthlessly murdered several werewolves and my race (the worgen) - unjustly - until I managed to kill him. But not before my kind were extinct, with Romulus forcing me to watch him kill the only other worgen that was left - Sylvia Rageborn - right in front of my very eyes. On that day, I vowed to end his bloodline until the last female descendant (whom I would make my mate) in order to make him pay dearly! Only problem is, Lady Hood (the woman I intend to whoo) IS his last female descendant! What am I going to do!? Help me, GW, anyone help me!
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Psst, Master Wolf, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Lady Hood is also descended from GW on her mother's side (he's her great-grandfather actually). GW was quite happy Romulus bit the big one - the guy was always a bit of a jerk. As for Lady Red - when she learned the truth about Romulus she was quite angry.
Now if you're concerned about the whole "end the bloodline" thing well there's always resurrection magic - you kill the last descendant, thus fulfilling your vow, then she is restored to life. Though that is not something I would recommended unless she was willing to consent to being killed and then restored to life.
But seeing as she is related to GW I bet she would be crazy enough to try it.
I got werewolf blood drained out of me one time.
Don't ask.
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You know, Uncle Teddy, I thought Lady Hood was related to GW!
With my vow, the deal was, I would kill her parents (but not her grandmother, as she is old and - with the greatest of respect - doesn't have much time left) and then I would turn Lady Hood (through a bite) into a worgen like me and force her to have my pups. But, as you can expect, times change and so do attitudes. After a while, I gave up on my vow and left the forest hoping Lady Hood and her family have happy times thereafter. That's when I met Karazhan's stage manager, Barnes (who was still alive at the time), and my work in the Opera Event began. And that's where I stayed for many years until I decided to go on to pastures new.
I do wish to be with Lady Hood and even turn her into a worgen, but I don't want to force her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. I think I have to consult with GW to know what to do.
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Ah, that is a conundrum. That girl is a stubborn one - always doing her own thing and always thinking of multiple solutions to every - just like her great-grandmother. Oh how I do miss her. My only suggestion is to just ask her. She may agree or she may have her own solution - whatever she says will surprise you. I do know the one of the reasons the Hoods made such effective werewolf hunters is their natural immunity to lycanthropy but she also has my blood running through her veins.
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Thank you, for your advice, GW.
*Bows low and respectfully.*
I will ask her, to hear what she has to say, on the matter. And no doubt, she will surprise me. With the natural immunity to lycanthropy, worgen don't have a problem with that as we were originally created by the magic of elven demigods, so we can 'override' bloodlines.
*Yawn*
Psst...TFF...
Turn to channel 999. You're missing the annual Pudding Wrestling Championships between the Succubi and the Erinyes. This year they've added whipped cream and cherries.
I remember when they used to use to use fresh blood. It just seems too tame now-a-days.
Psst...TFF...
Turn to channel 999. You're missing the annual Pudding Wrestling Championships between the Succubi and the Erinyes. This year they've added whipped cream and cherries.
*Changes channel*
Oh, i should get Rysky to see this.
I hear that they're adding erodaemons as a third faction this year!
:can be seen on the television, toweling off the competitors:
:Is a Demonic Towel:
SOMEBODY FEED ME!!!!
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Sigh... Fine...
*Ahem*
Fighters should get more skill points.
Fighters should get less skill points. And they should add their STR modifier as a bonus to their hat size.
In return for less skill points, they get to allocate skill ranks for free, whenever they level up.
hit point rolls I would still see 1 2 3 2 1 5 (thrown d20 never to be found) 3 Frustration followed by duh ill just take average of 10!
Fighters should have skull points instead of skill points.
Barbarians should not be allowed any armour except for furry underskrutts / lamellar bikinis and a helmet with little horns on, otherwise they suffer the Curse of the My Little Pony.
Plaludlins must be well polished and smell nice at all times, by order of the Management.
#Pulgfinder.
I would wear a lamellar bikini ... now i kind of want too.
Sorry, the lamellar bikinis are reserved for the Succubi, Erinyes, and Erodaemons. You'll have to make due with a lamellar three-piece suit.
Or lamellar chaps 'n' nipple-tassles, if preferred
Sigh... Fine...
*Ahem*
Fighters should get more skill points.
NO WAY!!! THEY'D BE WAAAAYYYY OP WE ALREADY HAVE ONE OP CLASS IN THE ROGUE WHY MAKE ANOTHER!!!!
I do look good in a 3 piece suit.
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NO WAY!!! THEY'D BE WAAAAYYYY OP WE ALREADY HAVE ONE OP CLASS IN THE ROGUE WHY MAKE ANOTHER!!!!Sigh... Fine...
*Ahem*
Fighters should get more skill points.
You spelled "Rouge" wrong.
Oh... that might be a bit harder to pull off. strangely reminds me of the weird Alexander the great cartoon that looked like aeon fluxx.
Oh... that might be a bit harder to pull off.
Are you thinking about the genital sheath in particular?
Genital Sheath was the name of my first band.
I've got their first album - got it as a gag gift. Now I play it over the phone whenever a telemarketer calls - they never call back.
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And the band's songs are still popular today, my cousin Merl's friend - Big, Hungry Joe - still has the original vinyl records in pristine condition.
On a different note, I spoke to Lady Hood and she was more than happy to become a worgen. However, the way she surprised was unexpected. Basically, she no to going on a date with me and said that the two of us just get married - I promptly had a near fatal heart attack when she said this - and after recovering I thought "what the hell, let's do it!".
With my mission to court Lady Hood dealt with, I can turn my attention to giving the nation of Taldor over to Baron Braishe'Theron (who along with 80% of the city's population have signed a pact to join Cheliax and help the latter kingdom become an empire). However, I won't hand control over until I can come up with a new clan name for my followers and I and design a new banner using the colours red and black somehow.
Beyond that, I'm looking forward to my marriage with Lady Hood and becoming part of the Golarion-Wide Confederacy (the name others call GW's "faction" which includes the White claw Clan and the Grizzlepaw Clan amongst other groups).
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That's my girl. That does explain why she wanted that old platinum and jade ring of mine.
How about The Red Fury for your followers? I know Lady Hood would just love it. It was her godfather's nickname for her while he trained her in some unorthodox fighting styles.
I've got their first album - got it as a gag gift.
Gag Gift was the title of our album.
You should have seen the cover art.