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OK, in another thread, we got the following suggestion;
Just for fun i think i'd make a list of embarassing items to be pulled out if the halfling rolls a 1 on the check :)
Ooh! Ooh! I got one!
d%.....Result
01.....Kender wedgies himself (1d3 non-lethal, plus 25% nauseated).
02.....Kender pulls hard, and pulls out his own skiddy undercrackers.
03.....A pair of an ally's skiddy undercrackers ("Hey! I was looking for those!")
04.....A stranger's pair of skiddy undercrackers.
05.....A portrait of the kender as a child, with gappy teeth, pudding bowl haircut (think Dwayne Dibbley from Red Dwarf...).
Help me get to 00!
Now this makes a Kender useful!
06....An alchemist's time bomb, going off next round!
07....A badge from the town guard.
08....The seal ring from a Noble who was found dead a few days ago.
09....10 foot silk rope that brakes if more than 10 pounds is put on it.
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Just to remind everyone; these are to be awful items, pulled out when the Kender totally botches the 'Well Prepared' trait check.
10...A winning lottery ticket (timescale for collection expired).
11...A rotten fruit, that bursts all over the Kender's arm (save DC 12 or sickened until cleaned).
12...A dead rat, which bursts over the Kender's arm (save vs filth fever).
13...Hand is coated with a tarry substance. Very hard to remove.
14...a to-go carton of curry
14...a to-go carton of curry
Gone bad. It stinks.
14...a to-go carton of curryGone bad. It stinks.
how can you tell?
15...burberry check print bucket hat
that smells like gin
16....solid 14 kt gold plated mudflap girl necklace
See, that's something you could pay your bar tab with.
no way, Jose.....it's got sentnimentnul value.
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16....solid 14 kt gold plated mudflap girl necklace
"Big Bottom, Big Bottom,
Talk about mudflaps, my girl's gottem.Big Bottom drive me outa my miiind;
How can I leave this be-hiiiind...."
17 ... A Treasure Map! With a Kids' Menu on the back!
17 ... A Treasure Map! With a Kids' Menu on the back!
Over hamburger hill, through the fry forest, and sail across milkshake lake...WTF?
19...a string of beads
yeeeeeeesh
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20. a naked picture of the local regent's daughter (tasteful naked, though! she's covered by something in the image but obviously not clothed).
21. A spoon with a bit of dried jam stuck to the inside. The kender becomes unbelievably fascinated with this and will attempt to use this as a magic item at least once per session.
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20. a naked picture of the local regent's daughter (tasteful naked, though! she's covered by something in the image but obviously not clothed).
22...A naked picture of the regent's son, in all his (morning) glory.
23...A naked picture of the mother of whichever person last spoke (or is still speaking) to the Kender.
25...A piece of paper with "Time to pick platinum rosebuds" in common written on it. The Kender will rush to try to rob the nearest bank.
(I always loved The Greatest American Hero. Funniest Show Ever!)
26… A piece of yarn – that is a trailing end of a passing barbarian’s knitted loincloth/kilt, and the more you pull the less loincloth/kilt there is, and the greater the chance the barbarian notices who is unravelling it.
27… The pommel cap of the party’s fighter’s primary sword, and a 50% chance on drawing and on each attack roll of the blade flying out of the hilt if the fighter doesn’t re-attach it with a DC15 craft weapon check.
28… The key to the last treasure chest the party ended up destroying to get in (and damaging the contents in the process)
Promise me, when you guys are done, you will post all of this together on one page (:
In Homebrew, as a Cleaves file.
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Promise me, when you guys are done, you will post all of this together on one page (:It did cross my mind to offer it to dingo, or link that group to the thread, yes.
check here a few times there are some good ones
check here a few times there are some good onesPromise me, when you guys are done, you will post all of this together on one page (:It did cross my mind to offer it to dingo, or link that group to the thread, yes.
They are too good. We want "OMG, what is that!" fumble stuff.
29...A human ribbone carved with scenes of Kobolds stealing babies in bas relief.|
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The following is (sadly) an item that appeared in one campaign I played...
30. What appears to be a broken-off table leg that has been carved to portray a naked dwarven female (of humble appearance, even for a dwarf) on the background of a room filled with broken furniture, including what may or may not have been a bed. As horrifying as the scene is to a non-dwarf, it is actually quite beautifully carved. Too bad the female featured is the wife of the dwarf male standing next to you, and he remembers no such incident.
In our game the dwarf party member that inspired the item ended up with an anvil thrown at his head by the lady's husband. The item was made with about a 30 as the skill check result.
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check here a few times there are some good onesPromise me, when you guys are done, you will post all of this together on one page (:It did cross my mind to offer it to dingo, or link that group to the thread, yes.They are too good. We want "OMG, what is that!" fumble stuff.
29...A human ribbone carved with scenes of Kobolds stealing babies in bas relief.
Some of them are interesting on e time I got a "stone the size of your head that magically switches your gender until you put it in someone else's bag without them noticing" or soemthing like that from this
183. A six inch tall alabaster statuette of a prima donna, which immediately begins to sing "Le Aria De Mezzo Caterre"... at 120 decibels! donated by Jorin...Is pretty bad, but it could be a statue of Yanni. I've got one.
30...Action figure of Justin Beiber. The action is singing and any jolt sets it off for 1-6 minutes. It drowns out any talking and angers wandering monsters.
31. A dreidel.
32. A sheaf of papers that has printed on it, over and over and over again: "All work and no play make Johnny a dull boy."
33. A talisman with the truename of a random demon carved into it.
34. A jar of formaldahyde filled with (roll 1d6):
1. a fetus
2. eyeballs
3. fingers
4. doll heads
5. an undead beating heart
6. frog
35. a voodoo doll.
36. a random wand with 1 charge left.
37. a toupee.
38. a chunk of skeezy cheese
39. a fake nose, mustache, and spectacles set.
40. a hot pepper.
41. a scratched monocle.
42. a tin of biscuits.
43. a pair of fishnet stockings.
44. a brace of coney.
45. a chisel.
46. a honeycomb.
47. a dishrag.
48. a pretty leaf.
49. a big dead beetle.
50. a feather.
51. a cracked whetstone.
52. a pennywhistle.
53. a broken pencil.
54. LEECHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
55. a broken egg.
56. an ancient recipe using extinct ingredients.
57. a piece yellow cake.
58. a rib bone.
59. a giant double handful of cotton candy.
60. lye.
61. A baby skunk, which sprays the kender, before running away (chance of attracting guards at GM's option).
Last year, I actually drove by a skunk that was in the process of spraying its weapon. It must have shot a good 25 feet, and lasted for at least 20 seconds; the stream wavering back and forth; it was one of the most horrible things I ever saw.
64. A Nyogoth qlippoth (Bestiary 2, for reference), who proceeds to tentacle hentai the kender, much to amusement and cheers of everybody around.No doubt the kender enjoys it too, being 'a creature of insatiable curiosity, always eager for new experiences'?
Yes, but there's also the cry of "Kender are not evil!"
This of course leads to a paradox, which removes the kender from reality so that it never was.
And there was much rejoicing.
There's nothing evil about being a submissive shota uke.
Sad, yes. Pathetic, certainly. Perverted, of course.
But not evil.
I believe the kender definition of "evil" is "anything that violates a G-rating."
Ergo, evil.
Sweet thread. Just for posterity I wanted to let you guys know there is an official list serving this purpose already in print, its in the 3.5 Dragonlance sourcebook Races of Ansalon on pgs 160-161.
Now is it anywhere near as awesome as this thread...thats a big negative, keep up the good work.
There's nothing evil about being a submissive shota uke.
Sad, yes. Pathetic, certainly. Perverted, of course.
But not evil.
Let's not start insulting other's sexual preferences.
66. A personal hygiene product that was in use until the kender "borrowed" it.
67. A parasite that attached to its host until the kender removed it. It now attaches to the kender.
68. A medical device which prevented the wearer from suffering an agonizing death.
69. Some form of marital aid. The Kender, suffering from delusions of innocence, will be unable to comprehend any object falling outside a G-rating and will ask what it is. If the use of the object is explained properly, he will promptly forget it, as Kender minds have been shown to be unable to process any non-innocent thought. He will then proceed to invent an "innocent" delusion which he will firmly believe, misusing the marital aid as whatever "innocent" thing he claims it to be.
70. Broken glass vile. Ouch! 1 damage.
71. A lollipop complete with hairs and lint.
72. The family heirloom now in 1d6+1 pieces.
73. Apparently the Kender kept the contents of the chamber pot and threw out the chamber pot...
74. Like a magician he keeps pulling out bright colored hankies. As an added bonus they are all used.
75. Intelligent Ring of Truth becomes stuck on the Kender’s ring finger. If the Kender tries to call taking someone else’s property anything else than stealing, the ring shouts drowning them out. The Kender can try to obtain a remove curse, cut their finger off, or just learn the difference.
76. A grand piano, no strings
76. A grand piano, no strings
Why not, Kender are such cartoons!