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532: Excessive security is when your campsite defense are worth my gold than the surrounding area.
533: Adventuring is not a clever method to evade taxes.
534: Mindblank shall not be used in excess.
535: The bard is not a fusion between an ipod and a leatherman wave
536: Terry Goodkind's Rules of Wizardry are acceptable guidelines for wizards, but they do not give you the excess to fly around naked on animated objects.
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537: Not allowed to try stuff "I read in a book once". (note to self, don't tell others what books you read)
538: The "hard of hearing" flaw is no longer available for Whispering Way agents.
539: Detailed character background does NOT mean "list of previous flings".
540: Oh, and any character whose LOPF includes more than one deity is vetoed.
541: Even though inquisitors are supposed to be divine agents that get to ignore some of their church's rules, Loud Howard the Inquisitor of Norgorber just won't do.
542: Ditto for pacifist Gorumites.
543: Not allowed play a tongues oracle just so you won't understand enemies when they beg for mercy.
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544: Nex is NOT famous for saying: "I've had it. I'm going to make my OWN dimension! With blackjack! And hookers!"
545: Rogues aren't allowed to be all indignant if their "Brothers for the Completion of the Irespan" scam lands them jail time.
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546: Any of the spells in the Create Demiplane series cease to exist when I begin playing.
547: It is Sphere Walker of Desna, not Speared Walker of Desna
548: Ranger's may not not have favored enemy "wenches"
549: Barbarians can
550: Immune to Disease as a class feature does not count as contraception
551: Immune t poisin may not be used as an excuse to cover the body in poisin and then start putting ranks into "profession harlot/giggilo"
552: No that is not a variant on assassin.
553: Shadow Dancers do not have the "flashdancer" archetype.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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554: Not allowed to try stuff I saw in a cartoon once.
555: Using, "somebody get me a can opener," a a pick-up line on a paladin of Iomedea will get you killed.
556: Pharasma does not look perky, nor does she have an ankh, or bad eyeliner.
557: Or a Brush (Old PAD joke)
(aside, 'Flashdancer' sounds like a feat actually for shadowdancers/teleport)Flashdancer
You take darkness with you when you shadow jump.
Prerequesite: Shadowjump ability
Benefit When you shadow jump you take the pool of shadow with you. Anyone in an adjacent square must make a fortitude save (DC 10 + Sahdowdancer level + Cha modifier) or be dazzled for one round.
Your previous square is considered brightly lit for one round, after that the shadows return to normal. Unlike most feats, this is a supernatural ability.
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554: Not allowed to try stuff I saw in a cartoon once.
555: Using, "somebody get me a can opener," a a pick-up line on a paladin of Iomedea will get you killed.
556: Pharasma does not look perky, nor does she have an ankh, or bad eyeliner.
557: Or a Brush (Old PAD joke)
(aside, 'Flashdancer' sounds like a feat actually for shadowdancers/teleport)
** spoiler omitted **
Interesting...and here I thought I was making a bad eighties movie reference. I learned a new feat yay!
557: Or a Brush (Old PAD joke)
556: Pharasma does not look perky, nor does she have an ankh, or bad eyeliner.
558: She is neither Chaotic Good nor so cute that men are dying just to see her.
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559: I'm not a nerd, I'm a specialist.
560: Don't tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can't he come up with something more original?
561: I'll take a potato chip AND EAT IT!
562: Unless there something better then potato chips........
563: DO not in any way be Okay, here's the plan: We go in, start hitting people, and see where it takes us.
564: Do you have any idea how stupid we are? Don't underestimate us!!!
565: While not related, Pete's Evil Overlord list should be browsed by everyone at least once. That way, if the GM or Players try to do something that would violate one of the rules in it, the other side can try to exploit it.
566. Unless we are playing an evil campaign, players should not even have the opportunity to break rules on the Evil Overlord list. That's why it's the Evil Overlord list.
567. The fact that violating the Evil Overlord list will make your paladin fall does not mean it is actually good to follow the rules on it.|
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568: Combination is is not a Wizard specialization
569: Even if it's legit, you can not cast three spells in a round.
570: Don't get mad at the party who told you not to attack the unarmed man.
571: A limb is no longer considered an item you may cast invisibility on.
572: Monks can nolonger be the subject of your Explosive Runes.
573: You will adventure with your clothes on
574: Disguise self is no subsitute for the above.
575: If you build a castle/stronghold/fortress...expect to protect it.
576: Dwarven Transmuters are not allowed in an all wizard party
577: Whoever is crazy enough to run an all wizard game, deserves what they get.
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578. Angazhan is not "fluffy"
579. Neither is Deskari.
580. "Here birdy birdy!" Is not the proper invocation of Pazuzu.
581. Nor is "Here fishy fishy" for Dagon.
582. The Necronomicon and a printing press DO NOT go together.
583. The proper reaction to "you'll probably encounter succubi" is NOT to load up on death wards as "protection"
584. Trying to make erinyes lose their composure by telling sexist jokes, though effective, is being frowned upon by female party members.
585. Oversalting food and then standing in front of the well with an active anti-life shell is NOT a "harmless prank".
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585: A vengeful druid may not summon "Redneck Trees"
586: Just because the party beat a devil at it's own game does not mean the party gets away clean.
587: The party may not recreate "the devil went down to georgia"
588: A Party may not be comprised of an Enchanter named Venkman, a Diviner named Stantz, a Generalist Name Spengler and a Ranger named Zeddemore in Carrion Crown.
589: Jade Regent may not be renamed Cowboy, Ninja, Viking, and Wizard vs The World
590: Siege Equipment/ Eidolins may not combine to form Voltron: Defender of the Universe.
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Impressive.
But to be truly impressive it will eventually have to morph into an epic freeform comedy RP thread with completely insane characters.
When I'm posting, every thread is like that.
591. May not kill any lord of hell or demon lord on a dare.
592. When the party leader speaks, I will not speak.
593. That includes ventriloquism
594. Every character deities start to pray to must be retired immediately
595. All alliterations are abolished.
596. The counterspell to enchantment is not "That's what *she* said!"
597. I will NOT think with portals.
598. Not allowed to make the dragon cry. Again
599. When the GM greenlights "Advanced Firearms", that doesn't mean my character can get lascannons, railguns our starship-mounted phasers.
600. While sending a stripper to distract the guards, I will mind my non-evil alignment and not send a male, dwarven stripper.
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601: "Chaotic Stupid" is not a valid alignment.
602: Or "Lawful Idiot."
603: Or "Neutral Deficient"
604: It is not a good idea to tie the undead spellcaster to the meatshield's shield.
605: I will not induce international instability and world wars as a result of my skill checks.
606: "Red rover red rover send Treerazer right over" is NOT an elven battle cry.
607: I am no longer allowed to ask the grey gardeners if they grow scarlet pimpernels.
608: "Go to hell" is not a chelaxian term for running for office
609: i will not buy a map to find the lost plug of the maelstrom. again.
610: Mengkare does not want to read a copy of "Brave new world" OR "1984". He does however want to have a talk with "That Mendel fellow"
611: I am not allowed to cover gnomes in flour while they sleep.
612: Rovagug is NOT the snarl from the order of the stick. However, you should not taunt either god killing abomination.
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615: Even if I'm undisputed ruler of my own River Kingdom (or other demesne), I cannot tax d20 rolls.
616: I especially cannot then go and put really steep stairs everywhere in my capital so people have to make frequent climb checks just to get around.
617: Will not multiclass solely for tax purposes!
618: In fact, will not base any character creation and advancement choices on taxation laws
619: No matter my skill check result, tax rates cannot exceed 100%
620: Not even with the right prestige class
621: Nobody wants to know what I think "doing it Kyonin-style" means.
622: Or Chelaxian. Or Taldane. And especially not "Five Kings Mountains"
623: Irori's "Unbinding the Fetters" is not a first-aid guide for fetishists.
624: "My mother was promiscuous" is not a valid excuse for slapping every half-X template you can find onto your character at character creation. Even if she's a priestess of Calistria.
625: There are no "dwarven beardomancers" that can deliver touch attacks through their beards.
626: After mentioning the above or anything like it, I'll be banned from submitting new PrCs, base classes, traits, feats, spells or other rules content for no less than 12 months.
627: A character concept where the "pet" is the actual character and the summoner is just a lackey is perfectly fine for summoners. Less so for druids. What Dave Gross did in his latest novel notwithstanding.
625: There are no "dwarven beardomancers" that can deliver touch attacks through their beards.
625a. Unless you have the Aberrant sorcerer bloodline.
628; It's impolite to ask for an aberrant blooded "working lady."
629: Even if they are the best at the more interesting positions
629: If you're into that sort of thing.
625 b: or a dwarven witch with prehensile hair.
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624: "My mother was promiscuous" is not a valid excuse for slapping every half-X template you can find onto your character at character creation. Even if she's a priestess of Calistria.
630: It is a valid excuse if she was a priestsess of Lamashtu, however.
145. Further nonexistent archetypes: Pokemon Summoner.
631. Preservationist Alchemist works for a Pokemon themed game.
632. Drinking from the "Decanter of the Damned" is not a good thing.633. Challenging your party members to a game of shots from the Decanter of the Damned is also not a good idea.
634. Do it anyway.
635. "I Need a Hero" is not the theme song for old guys in a tavern handing out quests.
635A: Neither is "Eye of the Tiger"
635B: Or anything by Bowie
640. Be careful when you sing "Pretty Woman" to the Calistrian walking down the street.
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Rules from Agartha that Apply to Golorian
641. A bored dragon is a dangerous dragon.
642. Half-Fiends might be using illusions to look human.
643. Slurks are more dangerous than you think.
645. No, you cannot become a dhampir if one bites you.
646. Gardens can be more dangerous than they seem.
647. Fear the mouse.
648. Kobolds are crazy. Do not give them siege weapons.
649. Do not dare the goblin to go attack the ice dragon with a torch. Because he's totally going to do it. And than everyone is going to die.
650. Do not dare the goblin to relief himself on the altar of any deity. Because he's totally going to do it. And then a herald or even avatar shows up. And he's not asking who might be innocent. And then everyone is going to die.
651. In fact, don't dare the goblin anything. Not even harmless stuff. They have a knack of misinterpreting things to be really crazy even if they're not. And then.... you know the rest
652. Clerics of Pharasma are not allowed to say "Kill'em all, let my goddess sort'em out". Pharasma is not going to be happy about the added workload, and might take steps.
653. No matter how much you min-max, your animal companion cannot be head of state.
654. Your hydra-like eidolon cannot be "multiple heads of state". It will not get to add multiples of its charisma modifier to kingdom rolls.
655. Neither will a hydra-like eidolon be able to fill several minister positions.
656. No using divninations worded "Is there any dangerous critter living in *this* hex?" "What about *this* one?" or anything like it to get out of actually exploring it.
657. No teaching the paladin wrong meanings for words in foreign languages to make him use his powers.
653. No matter how much you min-max, your animal companion cannot be head of state.
I disagree :)
Incitatus, Kitty Cat of the Senate.
Str 21
Dex 15
Con 17
Int 14 (2 +2 (human eye for talent) + 6 headband +4 stat increases)
Wis 21 (+6 headband)
Chr 10
Headband ranks in Diplomacy, Profession: Ruler, and Knowledge: History
feats: Skill focus knowledge: History, Skill focus Profession: ruler. Skill focus diplomacy, Cosmopolitan (Profession ruler &knowledge local) more than don't matter.
Diplomacy: +19 16 ranks +3 skill focus
Profession: Ruler +27 16 ranks +5 wisdom +3 class skilled +3 skill focus
Knowledge: Local +24 16 ranks +2 int +3 skilled +3 skill focus
Knowledge: History +21 16 ranks +2 int +3 skill focus
Caligula was just making a smart executive decision.
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654: It is odd to have inside jokes with your familiar.
655: Familiars cannot be insured.
656: The Ghost sounds must be kept PG13
657: Mage Hand and Unseen Servant are to only be used for questing purposes.
658: Don't feed the owlbears.
659: Don't Tempt the succubi.
670: Don't Animate beds
671: Do not legendlore cheap inns
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Let's get the numbering back on track. I blame BigNorseWolf for failing to use a quote for his quote.
666. LE characters cannot sell their souls for extra starting cash.
667. Zon-Kuthon is not "The neighbour of the beast".
Let's get the numbering back on track. I blame BigNorseWolf for failing to use a quote for his quote.
Oh sure. Blame the world ending monstrosity held on the end of an imaginary tether. Everyone else does.
Let's get the numbering back on track. I blame BigNorseWolf for failing to use a quote for his quote.Oh sure. Blame the world ending monstrosity held on the end of an imaginary tether. Everyone else does.
I thought we blame KaeYoss for everything, here on paizo messageboards?
I thought we blame KaeYoss for everything, here on paizo messageboards?Let's get the numbering back on track. I blame BigNorseWolf for failing to use a quote for his quote.Oh sure. Blame the world ending monstrosity held on the end of an imaginary tether. Everyone else does.
Well, I'll hardly blame myself. You won't get anywhere if you blame yourself for anything.
A recent addition from this very afternoon!
668. I won't give myself penalties to sense motive "because I don't give a f***".
669. No arrowheads of total destruction do not work that way!
669. No arrowheads of total destruction do not work that way!
*Carz cast resurrection... it is super effective!*
But seriously, I was enjoying reading through this thread again.
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671. There are no robots in Numeria named Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Starscream, Megatron, or Grimlock.
Or Voltron, or Megazorn, or Ultra Man
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673. Using Command to make a foe say "Pazuzu, Pazuzu, Pazuzu" isn't a clever trick unless your goal was for everyone to roll up new characters.
674. "Aroden incognito" is NOT a starting feat or trait. Neither is 'lost heir of Aroden', 'Like that guy in Planescape except Aroden', or 'Aroden's assassin'. So stop it. Really.
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675) do not smack Pharasmas rear as you're on you way back due to being resurrected.
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676) No, your tattooed sorcerer may not give Apollyon, Charon, Szuriel, and Trelmarixian 'cutie marks.'
677) Asmodeus does not care about extenuating circumstances when one has failed to live up to a contract.
678) Asmodeus, despite being lawful evil, refuses to accept the 'backsies' ruling in any case of dispute.
679) Nethys is not Sheogorath.
680) A character background with no education in morality or right and wrong does not make your character above/outside alignment and therefore have access to a paladin/antipaladin multiclass.
681) Hellknights are not Judge Dredd, as much as they may like to say "I am the Law" to their enemies.
682) Iomedae will not be wooed when you tell her your "sword" requires two hands to wield properly.
683) Colossal creatures are not followed by orchestra's playing the "Shadow of the Colossus" soundtrack, no matter how high you roll on perception.
684) No, Deepmar does not have a contract with Telus, and that isn't why there is no response from there.
685) Not all Nosferatu looking to cure vampirism are played by Ethan Hawke.
686) Not all Moroi are played by Gary Oldman.
689) A vetala, even one that came from a five year old child not being buried properly, is not bound to adhere to a 'pinkie promise'.
690) attending one AA meeting does NOT qualify as atonement.
691) Smite AA is not a boon from Cayden Cailean.
692) You do not get to treat the crab as an evil outsider because you thought is was 'some sort of cave demon.' (even if it did break your knife)