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229. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot buy the BBEG's dungeon and evict him.
230. Even if my intelligence score is through the roof and I'm The Archbanker CEO of Abadar.
231. There is a reason the Core Rulebook doesn't contain STDs. And yes, that reason really is to prevent my Calistrian priest to "use his strengths" to destroy the enemy from within.
232. No longer allowed to use character concept ideas to make GMs have nervous breakdowns.
234. No longer allowed to use munchkinism to show the faults in GMs' houserules.
235. No longer allowed to make any jokes when GM is drinking.
236. Counts double when it's an isotonic sports drink.
237. And triple if it's cappuccino. Cappuccino is hard to breathe.
238. Not allowed to LARP any scene from Rise of the Runelords.
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239. Not allowed to create a magic item that shoots dimension doors.
240. Even if I get the GM to create said item, not allowed to use it to drown anyone in Black Blood.
241. On a related note, the name "Cavern, son of John" is automatically vetoed.
242. Even if that one game does it, can't make called shots to the head to get double XP.
243. No longer allowed to dare paladins to take the Test of the Starstone.
244. No longer allowed to trick strangers into signing up for the Shining Crusade by calling the Worldwound "The OTHER Disney Land."
245. Not allowed to give the priest of Cayden Cailean a dose of mutagen and say, "Here, try this!"
246. Mutagen does NOT act as a deterrent against chronic drunkenness.
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247. Not allowed to tell the Whispering Way acolyte to speak up already.
248. There aren't any sub-sub-races of wood elf. Especially not Teak or Mahogany.
249. Not allowed to claim the wood elf slaves I'm selling are from said sub-sub-races to get a better price.
250. Halflings are NOT fun-sized.
251. Not allowed to make people afraid of the mists in Ustalav.
252. You cant fly under an ogre magi!
253. Not even if youre a dwarf
254. Not even if youre a gnome
255. Never run into 'the forest that no-one shall enter'
256. ... Unless you have heard theres cookies in it!
257. Never try to steal a chef's food while hes cooking it... (did it, tried it and died for it!)
258. Never trick you GM to give you an OP race as pc race... He will get back at you, one way or another!
259. Dont make fun of karma in the game... It WILL remind the GM of Karma
260. Dont run up to the queen of Cheeliax and tell her shes a b%~*$
261. Dont ever summon the terrasque
262. Dont ever show your GM the 1001 rules of Galorian thread
263. Dont ever walk up to the terrasque
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264. You don't tug on Iomedae's cape
265. You don't spit in the wind elemental
265. You don't pull the mask off of Norgorber
266. And you don't mess around with Calistria
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267. Not peeing against the wind elemental, either.
268. No longer allowed to try to make water elementals out of any liquid other than water.
269. No matter how much Cayden Cailean would approve, there are no firewater para-elementals.
270. Not allowed to pout when Ymeri disapproves of my elder fire elemental bonfires.
271. Will not assume the savage non-humans cannot speak common just because they address me in a different language.
272. Definitely will not make funny mistranslations of what they say in their own language if I translate for the rest of the party.
273. No longer allowed to muse about badchamber preferences of centaurs. Especially not in their presence. (Also see 271)
Lets give this thread a ressurection!
274: Dont sail into glaciers.
275a: Alway remember to buy a pocket knife!
275b: Or a 'pocket sword' if youre a giant
276: Dont ever fire arrows of death while blinded
277: Dont ever throw fireballs on a an made island of wood
278: Dont ever trust a clown!
279: Look out what does natives are putting in youre 'toji'!
280: Pixies are evil and vile creatures that must be destroyed!
281: Dont ever play hide and seek with a 'Will-o-Wisp'
282. Katapesh is not governed by a philosophy called "The Rules of aquisition"
283. Khemet III will not pay me for putting down a zombie wrapped in banages
284. Especially not when I was the one who cast the animate dead spell
285. He wont pay for "artifacts" made by minor or major creation spells either
286. I am no longer allowed to polymorph a BBEG into a horse and sell them to the nearest stablemaster
287. I cant to it to strangers either.
288. Or the other party members.
289. Icepicks do not do double damage against Ice elementals
290: Never put on 'the amulet with an effect no-one knows'
291: Unless youve tricked a party member to do it first
292: Dont ever enter a dungeon if theres a 'Warning! Do not enter' sign on it
293: Unless someone promised you a cookie for it.
294: Dont ever attack youre party members
295: Dont ever attack nymphs!
296: Remember to forget that there is a council of druids!
297: Remember not to forget that there is a council of druids!
298: Dont be confused
299: Always be notorious in a pirate village!
300: Its allways good to have a low charisma score when being low leveled and encountering a green hag
301: Unless youre a sorcerer, then dont ever walk into the swamp!
Were 3/10 the way! Common people!
305. Elvis is not hiding in the elvish forest!
306. Neither is MJ, 2pac, some other random or any other dead celebrities!
307. With an exception for Ryan Dunn... He is indeed in the elvish forest.
308. Please ask why.
309. I shall not make any more 'Ryan Dunn' Tribute characters...
310. The Orc chieftain doesnt eat babies (too much colesteroll)
311. The Orc chieftain doesnt like such an accusion.
312. The Orc chieftain only eat 'Diet children'...
313. So does the Ogre lord...
315. There is no '314th rule'
329. The only question I ask of new party members will not be, "How much do you weigh full kit?"
(Think you all misunderstand -- I was checking their weight so I could be sure I could throw them with telekinesis at the enemy -- dead if need be, alive if possible *so they can full attack on their turn*)
(Think you all misunderstand -- I was checking their weight so I could be sure I could throw them with telekinesis at the enemy -- dead if need be, alive if possible *so they can full attack on their turn*)Not at all. It simply made me think of my gnome who rides around on the party elf so as not to slow them down again. And there's plenty of situations where physically weak party members will want someone else carrying their gear.
Fair enough
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332. The people in the Realm of the Mammoth Lords do not get all of your Thor references.
333. Especially since all your knowledge of the topic comes from Marvel comics.
334. Strangely, the Azlanti would have gotten Dr. Strange references, but since they are all dead it doesn't do you any good.
335. And before you even ask, no, you cannot play a shield fighter called Captain Andoran.
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336: Do not immitate monkies when utilizing "throw anything"
337: I shall not refer to Weapon Focus: Unarmed Strike as "Improved pimp slap"
338: I shall not refer Smiting as the "D#%&slap of God"
339: "because I'm a F&$@ing Dwarf" is not an acceptable reason
340: Nor is it an answer
341: Nor is it an occupation
342: or Religion
343: This is not a Halo reference
344: Nuetral Good is not reasonably justification to be mean to evil characters.
345: I am not allowed to have the following professions; Lawyer, wine-taster, or Bordello Inspector.
346: When playing an inquisitor....I cannot select; pompus nobles, common thieves, or clowns as targets of the Bane Weapon Ability.
347: It is unlawful as a monk to trip, grapple, and pin a wizard then to use Caught off gaurd on the wizards familiar whilest saying "quit hitting yourself"
348: The star knife is not the cross from castlevania.
349: You can't be a the "good lich"
350: I cannot have an animated stuffed tiger.
351: the wrench knife is not a gnomish weapon
352: a gnomish pyromancer specializing in transmutation and unarmed combat may not be named mario.
353: I may not describe in any detail every, a transformation sequence for my synthesyst summoner.
354: Stop playing "fanfare" after a combat ends
355. Do not moon the BBEG when he's a swirling torrent of lightning.
356. I may not sue the Pathfinder Society for "2 hours of my life back" for watching that movie.
357. I will not pester Paizo employees with questions about whether the Ultimate Races book will have a Nazi archetype.
358. No, pronouncing the name of the setting as Gol-Aryan does not make it okay.
359. Barbarians do not "need a hug."
400. I will not play the theme song from Deliverance every time an Ogre appears, even if the fluff encourages it.
401. I *will* play "Dueling Banjos" every time an Ogre or ogrekin "gets them some lurvin'" from a captured or grapple-pinned player's character.
(Renumbering for the doubling of 121, 155, and the loss of 360 through 399)
363. I will not make comparisons between ogres and any political party, or the members thereof.
364. The ogres deserve more respect than that.
365. Just because you are playing a cleric of Lamashtu, doesn't make it okay to gross out your party. I don't care how much you like hearing "Dueling Banjos".
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347: It is unlawful as a monk to trip, grapple, and pin a wizard then to use Caught off gaurd on the wizards familiar whilest saying "quit hitting yourself"
348: The star knife is not the cross from castlevania.
353: I may not describe in any detail every, a transformation sequence for my synthesyst summoner.
366: It is, as a result, completely kosher for a martial artist to beat a wizard with his own familiar and tell him to "quit hitting himself."
367: A +(1 or better) Mithral Flaming Ghost Touch Undead Bane Spiked chain, however, IS Vampire Killer from Castlevania.368: Daggers, Axes, and so forth can be used as their Castlevania counterpart
369: However, as your Pathfinder character has no "hearts," they may not be used as such, unless you make a system for hearts and/or petition your GM for its use
370: No making and/or petitioning a GM for a system of "hearts"
371: This includes Zelda hearts.
372: Also Kingdom Hearts.
373: No character may have "Belmont," "Morris," or "Lecarde" as a surname, should they model Castlevania characters.
374: "Berumondo," "Cruz," and "Graves," however, are acceptable, due to a legal loophole.
375: If you have a transformation sequence to describe, you may do so on the condition that the BBEG has been defeated only to reveal that he has a "true," more powerful, usually larger form and/or is not the biggest threat (provided the biggest threat immediately appears.) You must have completed this battle in an un-transformed state, and must have access to appropriate soundbytes from(choose one or more): Saint Seiya, Power Rangers (original series only), Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, Captain Planet, He:Man and the Masters of the Universe, Dragon Ball Z.
376: Other soundbytes (especially from video games) are acceptable based on a GM approval basis.
377: No "teabagging."
378: Furries are acceptable, however, must be chaotic. (This includes Tengus)
379: No referring to a sword/spell user as a "gish" type, as most people these days don't even know what a Githyanki is.
380: If you know what a Githyanki is, you do not know how to pronounce it.
381: Even if you do.
382: Githeresai are not excepted from these rules.
383: If you play a 3.x CoDZilla, Gorum will force you into single combat.
384: Gorum always goes first
385: Gorum will crush you
386: You cannot beat Gorum
387: In the event that you beat Gorum, you become Gorum.
388: This causes you to lose all spells/class features and become an NPC
389: No bragging about apotheosis.
390: Nobody beats the Hammer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueRvXdBCago
391: Unless you have a lot of masterwork furniture
392: Breaking off sharpened chair legs to stake vampires may result in death
393: Charging across a foreign nation's borders in full military gear, complete with indication of your home natio is allowed and encouraged.
394: C'mon, just do it.
395: Look both ways when crossing the street. No exceptions
396: No using magic to solve all real-world problems (world starvation, disease, war, etc.)
397: This includes creating a demiplane without any of those problems and spending the rest of your character's career there.
398: What you do as a character while playing a wizard has sort of a creepy uncanny valley feel, what with the character sitting around for hours at a time flipping through pages of a spellbook, trying to decide what to memorize or what to learn in a given day or for a given level and said character's player...sitting around for hours at a time flipping through pages of a spellbook, trying to decide what to memorize or what to learn in a given day or for a given level...It's creepy. Stop it.
399: No offering or giving sexual favors with the purpose (explicit, implicit, ulterior, or unintended) of changing the game-state. It makes couples and females overpowered in most metagames, and nerfs homosexuals and single males.
400: The first one to turn it into a donkey show is banned.
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401: Golarion does not have an Achievement system
402: Your exp is your gammerscore
403: If you break the game...fix it.
404: Rule not found
405: Just because a halfling and gnome SWAT team can exist mechanically...doesn't mean they should.
406: Control weather my not be used for ecoterrorism.
407: You may not use Phantasmal Killer for actual TERRORism.
408: TERRORism is not a good pun.
409: Making bad puns costs you 5 exp.
410: Souls may not be used as currency.
411: ...even if the rules and setting openly state it.
412: Maybe high level clown souls are ok.
413: You may not use profession mime, robot impersonator, or model while in full adventuring gear.
414: Prestidigitation is banned from any meal setting.
415: Necromancers are nolonger allowed to babysit.
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417. "Use Halflings as a Weapon" is not the official name of any rage power for the barbarian class.
417. "Use Halflings as a Weapon" is not the official name of any rage power for the barbarian class.
Wrong! Go read the UC -- you are now free to use halflings as weapons.
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418: There is no ethnic contex for spells. Only race, and by race we mean elf, human, dwarf ect.
419: There is no spell "Identify NPC"
420: Golarion does not have trade embargo's set against Ebberon.
421: A cowboy, ninja, and wizard can all walk into a bar.
422: They may also walk into a tavern.
423: Golorian does not have a "4th wall"
424: You may not attempt to sunder it.
425: Casting gate to access content from other IP's also has an out of game cost.
426: You may not scry on the "Iconics"
427: Play nice with factions...no matter how small.
428: The same goes for alchemists.
429: Do not hum any pokemon themesongs around summoners.
430: Do not make Disney references to a druid.
431: Do not tip the bard.
432: Under no circumstance should you tug on the Lord of Iron's cape.
433: Halfing parties should not be refered to as "boy bands"
434: Monty Python references need to be more obscure than the "quest for the Holy Grail"
435: Cliches in general are loooked down upon....after all we can only have some many orphaned swordsmen.
436 If the Whispering Tyrant asks you whether you're epic level, you say YES!
437 Cannot start the campaign as priest of another party member.
438 There is no such thing as a Jezelda Treat!
439 "Squeal! Squeal like a pig!" Is NOT the number one choice for suggestion cast by ogre spellcasters.
440 Just no!
441 No, you cannot voluntary fail madness saves in order to pick the type of insanity you get
442 If the party paladin gets amnesia, I will not bluff him into thinking he was a Pleasurebringer of Calistria.
443 You do NOT keep what you kill.
444 Sharpened chair legs need to be removed from the chair.
445 No, you cannot use a sharpened chair to impale four vampires at once
446 Not even if it was vampire gnome children.
447: "Squeal like a pig!" is the number one wording for suggestion by ogrekin spellcasters.
448 I will not point out sanity-destroying incidents to other party members
449 I will not make bets with the party cleric about who will go mad first.
450 Will not cast hold person/monster on a female ANYTHING when tentacled monsters are around.
451 When playing a character who plays someone in a theatre play, I will not make "metagaming" jokes
452 Neither will I announce that in the play my character plays in, he plays an actor
453 No matter how much I like a certain film by David Nolan, I will not make my plane of dreams stackable.
454 No matter how much I like Psionics Expanded: Find the Mark and the super-science nation of Numeria and certain video games for various Nintendo consoles, I will not have characters with names like Giga Guy, Stoneman or Nara Sumas
455 There is no such thing as Skill Focus (Kiting)
456 Like the Tien moving to Avistan, I will give up speaking in made-up metaphors
457 My monk does not get bonuses depending on how many fortune cookie sayings I can remember
458 Even if we're in Numeria, monks cannot use flurry of blows with Planetary Dissolvers.
459 No, not even Zen Archers.
460 It is not a Kelish custom to ask national rulers about their veneral diseases. Therefore, I will no longer do so or claim so.
461 During the whole Carrion Crown campaign, anything from HPLHS is off limits as background music.
462 Or to sing under my breath
463 Or even humming
464 I'm NOT dreaming of a dead city!
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465. "Planking" is not Treerazor's favorite hobby.
466. The Worldwound is not "The acne of Avistan"
467. Witchhazel does not come from Irrisen.
468. The above two rules inherently imply you cannot clear the Worldwound by teleporting all the witches of Irrisen there.
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469. no matter what relation my aasimaar has to Nualia, i am not allowed to affectionately address her as her Nu-Nu, even if she is my older sister or cousin
470. even if my Tian cleric is really a shrine maiden who goes by the name of Hakurei Reimu, i am not allowed to bare her armpits
471. even if i name my kleptomanic witch Marisa Kirisame, i am not allowed to call my fireball the 'master spark'.
472. i cannot call my dimwitted pixie water elemental bloodline sorcerer an ice fairy, even if i name her Cirno
473. even if i do name her Cirno, i am not allowed to freeze frogs for the sole sadistic purpose of watching them thaw
474. i am not allowed to name my Oni blooded alchoholic tiefling fiend totem barbarian Ibuki Suika
475. even if i do get permission to name her Ibuki Suika, i am not allowed to be perpetually wasted from a gourd of endless sake
476. nor is she allowed to freeload of any religious figure
477. not even the church of Cayden Cailien.
478. i am not allowed to name my bardic puppetteer Alice Margatroid
479. even if i am, i am not allowed to name her pair of combat marionettes, Shanghai and Hourai.
480. even then, her marionettes are not allowed to be used to spy on her beloved Marisa Kirisame.
481. i am not allowed to build a maid that stops reality, throws daggers, and works for a vampiric child mistress.
482. even if the maid is named Izayoi Sakuya and the mistress is named Remilia Scarlet.
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483. I will not make tell dryad about my wood.
484. My fey-blooded sorcerer will refrain from calling himself a nymphomancer
485. The factions in Carrion Crown do not include Team Edward or Team Jacob
486. Even if that paladin's low wis score is due to shameless powergaming, I'm not allowed to bluff him by telling him the Sphere of Annihilation is really the entry to the Super Secret Bonus Stage.
487. Spell Research concerning a "Save Game" spell will automatically fail.
488. If not, Spell Research for "Load Game" will.
489. Even if this isn't WoW, going to the toilet on statues depicting any belowed/fanatically worshipped leaders/deities/prophets/saints will draw aggro.
490. May not create an overtwink bard/monk with no weaknesses and devastating battle prowess just to show the weaknesses inherent in the GM's house rules.
491. If modern smartphones are not powerful enough to add up all the bonuses my character gets, he's vetoed.
492. If modern high-end desktop PCs with multi-core processors and more RAM than would fit onto a DVD fail at the task, *I* am vetoed.
493. If anything about my character makes me laugh uncontrollably for more than 5 minutes, I may not play him.
494. Fire elemental bloodline sorcerers are okay. Sonic elemental bloodline sorcerers are borderline cheesy. Uranium elemental bloodline sorcerers are RIGHT OUT!
495. My character's religion does NOT require me to make the teen-aged or married players blush. Even if that religion is a dualistic Nocticula/Socothbenoth
496. Said dualistic faith is outright banned if I even as much as mention "LARP"
493. If anything about my character makes me laugh uncontrollably for more than 5 minutes, I may not play him.
493a. The same applies to GM plots or NPCs.
493b. Rule 493a is more of a guideline.(I actually have done this as a GM...)
497. In light of some of the earlier rules or implications of said rules, I may not play a character with any ogre blood whatsoever, no matter how much of a level adjustment I am willing to get.
498. I will not make the BBEG look like an idiot until after he has finished giving his speech.
499. The Free Spirit trait does NOT grant a bonus to saves against plot hooks or railroads.
500. No matter how good my character is at rhetoric, I won't convince the Red Mantis to take out a hit on himself. Or each other.
501. I will not insist that the Kalistrocrat shake hands to seal a deal.
502. Will not place deliberately low bets on Sun Orchid Elixir in the name of party members.
503. Flinching away from mirrors and garlic in Ustalav is more than just a harmless prank.
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504: "Weapon Focus: Bodypart" is not an acceptable use of the feat.
505: Throw anything does not equal "Lethal Cream Pies"
506: I may not describe a dirty trick in detail excessing 5 words.
507: These words must be PG rated.
508: Scalping is and other such trophies are frowned upon.
509: Even if that is tame compared to orges.
510: Just because Paizo pays homage, doesn't mean the players have to take it to the next level.
511: There are no "Tactic-Cool" Feats
512: There is no language "pantamime"
513: Schitzophrenia may not be used to play more than one sterotype.
514: The Master chymst may not be a pc and the BBEG...ever again.
515: Any class feature or ability with the name "tentacle" must be used responsibly.
516: Charging admission is not "Responsibly"
517: Even if the profits are going to an orphanage.
518: Just because Cayden Cailean approves, doesn't mean even else does.
519: A political statement is not a valid arguement, excuse, or reason.
520: The military has a chain of command, The gamemaster has rocks that fall and everybody dies.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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521: Nor is 'Pant-a-mime' a valid Dirty Trick.
522: No matter how much he deserves it.
523: I may not cast Wall of Force to frak with the mime's head.
524: Or Forcecage
525: The airtight Forcecube varient however is encouraged.
526: A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
527: Bad-mouthing a hated enemy in his own home village is a valid form of revenge. Burning down that village might be a bit cliché. Mindseeding everyone in the village shortly before his homecoming is discouraged as it is as cruel to other party members as it is to the enemy.
528: Mindseeding will not get rid of multiple personalities.
529: Any suggestion that will make a succubus blush for real is forever vetoed from the table.
530: No impersonating deities. Again
531. If I can't play nice with ventriloquism, I may not have it.