Advice: Strengthen your writing by cutting back on the word "will"

[Sean K Reynolds]

I was going to include this in several monster submissions, but I thought it's better here and doesn't clutter up each submission so much.

.
.
.

A tip to gaming writers: try writing your sentences so they don't rely on the word "will."
Compare:

"The camp is so busy, the PCs will find it easy to move through it without harassment."
to
"The camp is so busy, the PCs find it easy to move through it without harassment."

or

"If a PC makes a DC 20 Perception check, he will notice a strange glyph on the wall."
to
"If a PC makes a DC 20 Perception check, he notices a strange glyph on the wall."

There's no real reason to have the word "will" in either of the above examples. Using "will" actually adds an element of future-temporal vagueness to the sentences ("When will you find it easy? When do they notice the glyph?"), removing it puts the action in the here and now.

It's especially common for this to crop up in game text, as game text tends to use many "if, then" statements where "will" likes to glom on like mold.

Do a search & replace for all instances of the word "will" (lower case, as you don't want to mess up mentions of Will saves) with red, bold will and try to rewrite those sentences so they don't use the word "will." And if for some reason you're using contractions, don't forget he'll, she'll, I'll, we'll, you'll, and they'll.

P.S.: And for RPG Superstar where word count limits are tight, this can save you a few words. ;)

[Jacob Trier]

I will make sure to use this advice in my future writing. :-)

[brock]

Is the 'SKR Guide to Punchy Game Writing' soon to grace my bookshelf next to Strunk and White?

In all seriousness, I'd love to see more tips like this one.

[Brian Hoffman]

Sean K Reynolds wrote:

A tip to gaming writers: try writing your sentences so they don't rely on the word "will."

That's pretty awesome. After writing stuff, I usually find I have to go back through and execute an ungawdly number of "that"s from the text. This gives me another word to throw on the kill file.

[Neil Spicer]

brock wrote:

Is the 'SKR Guide to Punchy Game Writing' soon to grace my bookshelf next to Strunk and White?

In all seriousness, I'd love to see more tips like this one.

Oh, believe me, once you pair up with Sean as a developer, you'll have a plethora of tips like this to draw upon. :-)

And they're all really, really useful stuff...

[Mark Moreland]

Neil Spicer wrote:

brock wrote:

Is the 'SKR Guide to Punchy Game Writing' soon to grace my bookshelf next to Strunk and White?

In all seriousness, I'd love to see more tips like this one.

Oh, believe me, once you pair up with Sean as a developer, you'll have a plethora of tips like this to draw upon. :-)

And they're all really, really useful stuff...

Sue Cook held a self-editing workshop at PaizoCon 2009. You can video of it here. I have found it very helpful in writing more clearly and concisely since attending, and even read a book she recommended ("Revising Prose" by Richard Lanham). Superstar contestants should really check this out.

[Nicolas Quimby]

Thanks, Sean. I feel like this is a mistake I've made in the past which will be easy to avoid now that I'm aware of it.

[Sean McGowan]

Thank you, Sean. This feels like the sort of thing that should have been obvious in retrospect and will [double checks to be sure this is an appropriate place to use the word] likely cause me to beat my head against my monitor in shame in a few days time.

[brock]

Neil Spicer wrote:

brock wrote:

Is the 'SKR Guide to Punchy Game Writing' soon to grace my bookshelf next to Strunk and White?

Oh, believe me, once you pair up with Sean as a developer, you'll have a plethora of tips like this to draw upon. :-)

'once'? I need to come up with something better than Namu's Claddaghs to get a chance to do that! :)

Maybe next year - I have my item written and cached.

[Scott Mcclintock]

Thanks Sean! Im actually a math professor and getting ready to submit a couple math articles for publication. Your 'will' advice helped me clean it up quite a bit, I think.

Gratuities,
--Scott

[Lief Clennon]

Hmm... one appropriate but unnecessary "will," two "will not" that* probably could have been a "do not" and a "does not." Hopefully not too bad. I think a bigger problem with my submission is Too Many Adverbs!

* On the flip side, though I'm still a bit sore over it, after long exposure to Paizo-standard English I've finally resigned myself to "that" absorbing "which."

[Trevor Gulliver]

My thesis supervisor advised me to remove the word "may" from a 340 page rough draft of my thesis. Doing a search and replace shortened the text by 4 pages.

Spoiler may contain exploding runes:

Spoiler:

may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may may 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[Nermal2097]

Looking back over my Round 1 entry (the rejected Palanquin of Glorious sightseeing) I slightly surprised myself with how many Wills there were. I have done another edit and it looks better now.

Next year I definately need to edit and edit (walk away and then edit again) and look out for those pesky Wills.

[Jason Schimmel]

Thanks Sean. It is a problem that I don't I would have noticed until someone else pointed it out to me.

Sean K Reynolds wrote:

I was going to include this in several monster submissions, but I thought it's better here and doesn't clutter up each submission so much.

.
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A tip to gaming writers: try writing your sentences so they don't rely on the word "will."
Compare:

"The camp is so busy, the PCs will find it easy to move through it without harassment."
to
"The camp is so busy, the PCs find it easy to move through it without harassment."

or

"If a PC makes a DC 20 Perception check, he will notice a strange glyph on the wall."
to
"If a PC makes a DC 20 Perception check, he notices a strange glyph on the wall."

There's no real reason to have the word "will" in either of the above examples. Using "will" actually adds an element of future-temporal vagueness to the sentences ("When will you find it easy? When do they notice the glyph?"), removing it puts the action in the here and now.

It's especially common for this to crop up in game text, as game text tends to use many "if, then" statements where "will" likes to glom on like mold.

Do a search & replace for all instances of the word "will" (lower case, as you don't want to mess up mentions of Will saves) with red, bold will and try to rewrite those sentences so they don't use the word "will." And if for some reason you're using contractions, don't forget he'll, she'll, I'll, we'll, you'll, and they'll.

P.S.: And for RPG Superstar where word count limits are tight, this can save you a few words. ;)

[Tobias Mullen]

Trevor Gulliver wrote:

My thesis supervisor advised me to remove the word "may" from a 340 page rough draft of my thesis. Doing a search and replace shortened the text by 4 pages.

I dropped this on a couple of friends who are in the process of writing theses. Their responses, "That's the first thing they told us." Good advice for every aspect of writing.

TM